Carolynn's Story, Continued...
Wow, my story rambled on a bit didn't it?
Sorry for that... However, to understand my life now and
the things Carolynn and I have been through, it helps to
understand what I went through and the lessons I've
learned over the years...
To finally close the chapter on my life
with my Father, I will tell you that he died in August of
1986. Against his last wishes, my Brothers held a Funeral
Service for him. I was invited to go to Southern Illinois
at this time and, at the same time, discouraged from
going by the same brother. However, it was never
mentioned to me that there was to be a Service of any
kind at that point. Needless to say, I didn't go as I had
no interest in going back to Southern Illionois. I even
said on the phone that 'since there isn't going to be a
Service as per Dad's wishes, there was no point in me
going'. At no time was I contradicted or informed
otherwise.... My Brothers went ahead and had a Wake and
Funeral for our Father against his wishes. It is also
worthy of noting at this point that as of my Father's
death, he was still legally married to my Mom. As a
courtesy to her, as his Widow, wouldn't one assume that
she would be notified of the Service arrangements so that
if she had wanted, she would be able to attend? Well my
Brothers apparently didn't feel that way. My Mom and I
found out about the Funeral over a year later when my
Brother sent me one of those little funeral pamphlet
things they pass out. Nice again eh?
Alright, as promised... moving on:
I spent the next few years in various
Nanny jobs in the Chicago area. I had made friends with a
great couple and their son as well. They were a US Navy
family and when Nate got his transfer to California, they
asked me to come with them. I had no reason to stay in
Chicago so I packed up and went on a wonderful cross
country adventure. I was 25 at that point. I stayed in
California for 8 months or so and the opportunity to go
to Charleston, SC became available so I took it. I was
finally getting to see this great country of ours! From
Charleston, an invitation to come spend some time in
Norfolk, VA and then Newport, RI came up so I took those
as well. After about a year and a half of seeing
different Naval towns, I was ready to go Home again. I
moved back in with Marguerite and Bill for a time and
began saving up to move back to the Chicago area.
In April of 1993 I did just that. I found
a great little apartment in Waukegan, IL and started my
new life there. In November of that year I met the man
who would become Carolynn's Biological Father. I had
heard that girls tend to marry someone just like their
own Fathers, but I didn't believe it at that time. I do
now. This guy is a nightmare. The only thing positive
that came from ever meeting him was that I have a
wonderful, loving, happy, and healthy daughter who is my
whole world.
Instead of going into specifics about this
person, I will just say that he completely misrepresented
himself upon our meeting. When I learned I was pregnant
with Carolynn, some of these misrepresentations had
become a bit more clear. I had decided at that point that
I would be a single Mother and raise my child the best
way I could. Then I called to tell my eldest Brother that
I was expecting. The first words out of his wife's mouth
were, 'When is the wedding?' I tried to explain that
there wasn't going to be a wedding, that I didn't love
this person and that I wanted to be a single Mother. The
disappointment and disgust was obvious in her voice over
the phone. Suddenly there I was, this little kid who
wanted to make her Brothers happy so she would try to do
what they said was the right thing to do.
Rather than stand up on my own two feet
and be strong, I instead changed my course of action
entirely and fought tooth and nail to marry Carolynn's
Biological Father. I call this the biggest mistake I have
ever made in my entire life...
My pregnancy was not going well. From
almost the moment I found out I was expecting, I had
morning sickness. The problem was that it was more like
'morning, noon and night sickness'. I was constantly
nauseated and couldn't keep much of anything down. I was
getting prenatal care basically from the day after I got
the positive EPT result, but I was still SO sick... bleh.
I was also trying to continue working though all this. I
found myself going through being light headed, to
becoming violently ill, to being worn out tired all at
once it seemed. At one of my earliest prenatal check ups,
the Doctor told me I had very high blood pressure. He
wanted me on bed rest, no exceptions. I had explained to
him that Polycystic Kidney
Disease ran in my family and was actually the
official cause of my Father's Death. My eldest Brother
had it as well, but by that time I believe he had gotten
his transplant and was doing very well. I had never been
diagnosed with it, but odds were not in my favor to avoid
it at this point.
I was put on Bed Rest in March of 1994. In
April of 1994 I had to be hospitalized for a weekend due
to my blood pressure. I had now fully developed Preeclampsia and both myself
and Carolynn (who was just 'the baby' at that point) were
in very real danger. After a weekend in the hospital my
blood pressure was back down to a managable level again
so I was allowed to go home. I did everything I was
supposed to do for almost a month. I didn't go anywhere
or do anything. It SUCKED. Pardon my language there, but
I can't think of a more fitting description of forced bed
rest. So, on May 23rd, my friend offered to loan me her
car to run to the local Target because I was out of
toilet paper or whatever and I figured a quick trip to
Target wouldn't do anyone any harm. I was mistaken I
guess... While I was at Target, I saw one of those blood
pressure machines that they have in the pharmacy area of
most discount stores. I figured I would check my bp just
to be safe. It was 180/140! In a panic I called my Doctor
who told me to come right in. When I got to his office he
told me to choose Evanston, IL or Park Ridge, IL.
He was admitting me to a hospital with a
N.I.C.U. and my baby was going to be born early. That was
the way it was. Period. I chose Lutheran General
Hospital in Park Ridge, IL. I arrived on May 23rd
and was told I wasn't leaving until my baby was
delivered. I still had the thought that since her due
date was mid-August that I was going to be there for a
LONG time... I was wrong. The next day, May 24th, we did
some ultrasounds to see how far along and how much the
baby weighed and so forth. While we were doing that, I
asked the Tech if they could just swing around back and
get a couple of shots of my kidneys too. I explained that
PKD ran in my family and I was suspicious. The Tech did
as I requested but of course wouldn't explain what they
were seeing on the monitor.
Later that day my Doctor came in and told
me that he confirmed the PKD diagnosis and that my baby
was doing as well as she should be for that point in
gestation. I felt really positive, my kidney disease had
been confirmed so now we could more aggressively treat it
(there is no treatment...sigh), my baby was as healthy as
she could be at this point and my blood pressure was
under control! I was going to keep her safe in the 'oven'
as long as possible.
The next day was a completely different
story. May 25th came and sometime after breakfast a nurse
came in and started checking the monitors and so forth...
she didn't say much at that point, but left again. A
short time later she came back and told me that it was
time. Apparently they were losing my baby's heartbeat. It
would be strong and regular and then it would be weak and
variable and then strong and then weak... This worried
them and they had no choice but to do an emergency
C-Section or risk losing her for good.
My beautiful Carolynn Marguerite was born
at 2:36 in the afternoon on May 25, 1994. She was a
whopping 15" long and weighed just over 2 lbs 6 ozs.
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