©Copy[left] 2001-2003 Mike...or Astro Mike?

Out Of Touch - 07 Jan 20023 | 02:11 CT

I haven't updated in like...forever. That's how much you good people mean to me. Without any segue whatsoever, I'm going to derail this train and share with you the following:

MARKED TREE, Ark. (AP) - A suspect's love for Dum-Dum lollipops led police right to his front door. Michael Brown, 33, pleaded innocent Friday in Poinsett County Circuit Court to burglary charges involving break-ins at the Marked Tree Bank and Crafts Jewelry.

A trail of Dum-Dum wrappers led police to his home.

Brown allegedly broke into the downtown bank after hours on Nov. 16, police said. The bank's security cameras showed the intruder got away with a clock radio, a compact disc player and a handful of Dum-Dums, the hard candy the bank gives to patrons' children.

(From CNews)

If you're like me - a black-hearted capitalist monster - you're probably asking yourself, "He goes to all the trouble to break into a bank, and he doesn't steal any money?" He's in a bank! If he wanted candy, he could've knocked over one of the quarter-machines at the door of any grocery store! I'm glad he got caught, and I hope the other inmates make fun of him in the mess hall.

But speaking of criminals (See? I'm capable of making of transitions!), I went to see Catch Me If You Can. I always suspected, but never confirmed, that weeknights are officially "Parent" nights at the theatre. Apparantly, parents find it convenient to drag their toddlers to movies that won't hold their two-second attention spans and let the little creeps run up and down the stairs. This serves to give me a frame of reference to rate the movie, however. I was so caught up in the performance I couldn't find time to get up and kick the little brat in the head.

Had this been a lesser movie, you can bet I would've booted her to the bottom of the staircase. This movie gets 4 Out Of 5 Preventions Of Violent Behavior.

Confused? Exxxxxccccellent! - 28 Dec 2002 | 00:47 CT

If you've been visiting this page over the past few days, you might have noticed that it looks different each time you arrive. Throws you for a bit of a loop, does it?

I apologize for any of the mess. As with most new layouts, there are plenty of bugs and kinks to be worked out. Plus, I seem to get a new idea every time I open up the page. I think professional web designers usually do all of these kind of modifications before completely changing the layout, but I think that professional web designers have too much patience.

I want action! I want change! I demand it immediately!

And then I want to spend hours each night trying to clean up the disaster zone. Hopefully, this will be one of the last big changes. I'm beginning to run out of room on the page and my CSS script has been plunged into utter chaos.

You might also note that I've added a GuestBook, accessible by the Comments reference to your right. If you have trouble locating said comments reference, I also provide you another link, available here.

I haven't had much luck in the past with guestbooks, and I wonder if it's perhaps that some of you feel shy about writing to a one such as I. While you're probably justified in your assumption that I won't value your opinion, I would still like to encourage you to leave a note or two anyway.

If they don't start popping up soon, I'll have to resort to insulting you with another controversial Top 10 list. However; I think we all know that doesn't produce the caliber responses I'd like to see on the guestbook. I leave the decision up to you good people.

Promoting Family Values Through Absurd Methods - 27 Dec 2002 | 21:28 CT

Barbie's long-time pal, Midge -- now married and pregnant -- was yanked from Wal-Mart Stores Inc. shelves earlier this month after customers complained about the doll, a company spokeswoman said.

(From Yahoo! News)

You might be asking yourself, "What's so offensive about a pregnant Barbie friend?" The problem was apparantly not with the doll itself, but with the fact that the girl's husband was sold separately. In the land of Barbie, this somehow means the baby was conceived out of wedlock. You're probably quaking in rage, yourself.

Wal-Marts thick, black heart may be in the right place, but their action was utterly ridiculous. Midge's husband - named Alan, for anyone who keeps up with such trivia - is sold separately for one vitally important reason. Mattel can make more money that way. Instead of buying one doll, you are now forced to buy two.

It's not some sinister, liberal conspriacy to promote teen pregnancy. It's a smart economic move. To be perfectly honest, the fact that they went out of their way just to give Midge a wedding ring should cancel out any qualms with the company. They did everything they could to give the impression that Midge and Alan are enjoying a life of marital, non-fornicating happiness.

If you are troubled by the fact that a fictional doll and her fictional husband are kept in separate containers, you have some very serious issues, and I recommend that you cut yourself off from all forms of media. It gets much worse than that.

Fight Them Early, Fight Them Quick - 27 Dec 2002 | 01:37 CT

In what is no doubt the first step to win the inevitable doomsday war against the machines, researchers are refining technology that will seperate the men from the toys:

One [program] from Carnegie Mellon called Gimpy selects a word from an 850-word dictionary and converts it to a mangled image of itself, warping letters and adding distracting ink spots, colors and backgrounds.

To pass the test, a user has to type in the correct word. It's simple enough for a 5-year-old, but computer programs - even ones that can read - have difficulty with the distortions and distractions.

(From CBS News)

Sure, they're only talking about trying to stop spambots and similarly malicious webcrawlers. But when thousands of terminators march to your doorstep and demand your surrender, you can feel safe knowing you'll easily defeat them with a picture your child drew in preschool.

When In Doubt...Redecorate! - 26 Dec 2002 | 21:25 CT

That title probably couldn't sound any fruitier. Wait, yes it could. I could have called it, "When In Doubt...Redecorate! Does This Update Highlight My Thighs? Oh, I'm So Terribly, Terribly Fat!"

As I said last time you might have read this page, I've been very disappointed with the quality of my web site. Even though the quality was related solely to the site's lack of content, I've opted to forego adding said content and simply spruce up the place. It won't help, of course, but it makes me feel productive. It's Code and Load, and I helped!

Alright, so I do intend to start adding actual content. But since I tell you that everytime I change the layout, you probably can't believe me. Maybe this time will be different! You should probably keep visiting...just in case.

P.S. - I named this layout "The Snot Skin." Makes those background pictures a little less tasty, huh?