More of this little something... blame my muse, Katie. She's a real bitch... making me write all the time until me hand cramps up. Damn ya! *laughs* 5.35 am - Hesitating Duo was waiting anxiously inside a small cafe called simply 'The Coffee'. He was supposed to meet Heero Yuy here at 5 o'clock, and it was already 4.45. Duo's panicking mind tried to supply different reasons and excuses that he could use to run away, because unless he invented a couple of really good ideas, he couldn't make himself leave the cosy cafe. There was a happy scent lingering in the dim air, smelling of coffee and cream. He could see people around him sipping their hot drinks carefully, chatting happily and telling each others about what had recently happened in their life. But Duo couldn't concentrate on anything else than trying to calm down his cowering soul, tapping his fingers against the smooth wooden surface of the table in front of him, the movements revealing how really nervous he actually was. It had been a long time since he had last been on a date with someone; actually, it was before Hilde's tragic death two years ago, when both he and Solo had been only fifteen years old. Duo grabbed his head desperately, trying to squeeze out the unpleasant thoughts that brought only pain to him. "Solo?" At first Duo didn't react in any way since Solo wasn't his name, but when the name was repeated in a soft nasal tenor, Duo looked up from the table he had been intently staring at, drowning in his memories and misery. But what he saw when he looked up was something that immediately made his heart jump from both excitement and primal fear. There stood a young boy his age, dressed nicely in fitting dark blue jeans and white simple T-shirt, that wasn't too tight, but not too loose either. The boy was also wearing a pair of black shoes, which suited his way of dressing perfectly. But the clothes weren't the only thing that impressed Duo. The boy was almost glaring at him, his fine Asian features unsmiling. With a start Duo realized that the boy's eyes were an amazing shade of deep cobalt and not brown or black as he would have thought. The boy had messy, unruly mop of hair, stumbling over his eyes, revealing just enough for Duo to make out the almond shape of them as well as the extraordinary colour, but still managing to cover something and leave something for imagination.  "Heero." Duo felt an embarrassed flush raising to his cheeks. He had no idea how Solo used to call Heero while he was talking to him. "I'm very glad you were able to come today..." Heero's voice was melodious and it made Duo smile a bit, though involuntarily. Maybe this wouldn't be so bad after all. All he had to do was to act like Solo did, pretend to like all that smiling and laughing he was supposed to do and forget himself for a little while. He was Solo now. "Of course!" Duo's expression was the one of sheer faked joy as he let the words fall from his mouth. However, when he felt his expression cracking, he quickly summoned up a sunny smile to greet his date, biting his lips nervously when raising his eyes to meet the ones of Heero Yuy. Suddenly, when Heero grinned back slightly, smiling felt more natural to him and not as forced anymore. "I'm glad you asked me." At that comment Heero only nodded, a small movement of his head, and sat down across Duo on the other side of the table. "So, anything special you'd like to do today?" "I don't know... you decide." Though Duo kept his expression in control, inside he was scared as hell, his heart pounding against his chest forcefully. He hoped and wished that Heero would choose to go to movies or something similar to that so that Duo wouldn't have to speak and keep up with a conversation. He wasn't sure if he could keep his own opinions inside and talk like Solo would. So he let his timid gaze fell from the blue eyes to the brown table again, wringing his hands nervously on top of it and waiting for Heero to answer. At the same time he kept thinking about the boy sitting close to him. In a way he understood Solo: there was no denying that Yuy was nice to look at, almost as if a real delicious masterpiece of a sculpture with his oriental features and shining eyes. And it was obvious that Heero really wanted to get to know Solo since he was trying to make a conversation all the time, smile and be polite. But this all was something Duo hadn't really expected because Solo had always described Heero as a mysterious and cold person, not a smiling and outgoing one.  "I was thinking about getting to know you better... Maybe we could walk for a little bit and then eat something...? What do you think?" Heero's tentative, cool words raised a cold sweat on Duo's forehead. He unconsciously wiped it off with his hand, then letting them rest on the table again. Heero's baby blues widened a bit and he frowned slightly, his forehead creasing. Then he grabbed Duo's hand tightly but gently, pulling him up and leading him towards the door of the cafe with determined steps and expression. "Come on, I know a nice park near this place and a bus ride away from your house." Duo didn't have any time to protest before he was forced to follow Heero's lead. He absently wondered how Heero knew where Solo lived, but maybe it was nothing special; Solo had most likely told him. But what scared Duo the most at the moment was that he almost liked the feeling of Heero's hand linked with him, their slightly damp palms touching each other, their fingers gently entwined, linked to form only one big hand instead of two. This innocent act of friendship was filled with such promises, which made Duo's blood run cold and hot, to boil and freeze. He was so deeply in thoughts that he didn't realize they had reached the park already, their small forms suddenly surrounded by huge and old trees with trunks as thick as the ancient Roman pillars of purest marble. Duo's eyes widened with barely hidden surprise and awe, his huge violet irises shining. He hadn't realized there was something as beautiful as this park in the same town he lived in; a park filled with blossoming flowers of all sizes, shapes and colours as well as small singing birds, living in the massive trees. It was almost as if there was a huge roof of green leaves above them, letting the sun peek happily from between those big and small leaves, reflecting on the colourful flowers under them, making them shine and glimmer in the golden sunlight that was only slightly disturbed by the deep green shade of forest. Duo couldn't stop his eyes from trying to take everything in at once, flying wildly from one sight to another. Only when there was a soft squeeze in his hand did he come out of his trance-like state and turned to face Heero with a small smile on his lips. "Thinking how pretty it is?" It was more like a mere statement and so Duo didn't bother to answer, just nodded his head as an affirmative sign. He heard a soft laugh coming out of Heero's throat, a sound so rare in the world now floating in the air. Duo felt a pang of guilt when Heero laughed, feeling as if he was robbing something important away from his brother, stealing it without any mercy. But though he felt bad for Solo in the back of his awakened and curious mind, the interest towards the mysterious boy next to him and towards this heavenly park won out and he didn't do anything to try to separate their hands from each other and create some space between their bodies. "Yeah... I think I'm in love." His comment was rewarded with a lopsided smile and a tug in his hand. "I know the feeling... I'm in love, too." Something in Heero's voice made Duo turn his gazing eyes away from Heero's: maybe it was the intensity of the comment of the madly burning fire in his blue depths, but somehow it made Duo feel so very uneasy. He knew Solo wouldn't behave like that, appreciate the beauty of the nature and stop just to wonder how it could be so pure. "But anyway, I'm glad you liked it. I thought you would." "Why...?" "I don't know... maybe it was the way you looked so scared today, as if something was about to happen if you didn't see something marvellous soon. Or maybe it was the way you looked at me with those violet amethyst eyes of yours and smiled so softly, so hesitantly, your eyes begging to be understood." Duo's eyes widened visibly to an impossible size as Heero continued with his small speech of appreciation. "I always thought you were kinda talkative and all, being one of the leaders of your class... always showing off at school and trying to make everyone notice you. I felt drawn to you because of your will of life... but now I think I like this calmer and in a way, cooler and more calculating side of you. It's something totally different from what I have ever seen... so different..." Heero's eyes took on a dreaming and almost obsessed expression, looking deeply into Duo's guilty but awed ones. He reached out his hand to touch Duo's cheek gently, but this time Duo was fast enough and managed to avoid the caress, tumbling hastily away from Heero's lean form. "No you don't!" The words itself sounded so childish, but when spoken in the flat and cool tone Duo said them, the meaning of the phrase was almost threatening. But the calmness in Duo's voice and actions was only a mask; inside he was feeling like a small child again. His only thought at the moment was again, how he had almost betrayed his brother, blown up his cover just because he saw something pretty and nice. He knew Solo would never forgive him if Heero discovered he wasn't dating Solo in the first place. All the lies that left Duo's mouth stole away a small piece of his broken soul, making it even more ragged and disturbed, eating a black hole in his spirit of life. He had never liked lying and therefore was quite bad at it. But Heero obviously didn't see or feel any of the raging battle in Duo's mind. "Yes, I do, believe it or not... I think you should stop pretending at school and just be yourself. But what amazes me the most is the way your voice is somehow deeper and more throaty... almost hoarse in a sexy way." Heero's truthful statement made Duo blush furiously, all the time inwardly cursing his brother for making him to do this, for making him to love him so much that he had never even considered this ridiculous masquerade of souls in the first place. "And I'm so happy you wanted to go out with me as well... Solo..." Heero's voice vanished into the thin and sharp summer air as his eyes searched for Duo's. But Duo only stood there, feeling nothing and feeling everything at the same time, feeling insecure and feeling selfish. This was definitely stealing now: all the compliments meant for Solo were now told to him in that weird nasal tone so sincerely. And they were compliments of Duo's own behaviour, not Solo's. "Sorry... I think I gotta go." "Why so soon? We just arrived." "It's one of the great mysteries of life." Duo tried to make his voice sound lighter and happier, as if it was all just a joke, his legs wanting to turn into jelly. Where was all the confidence he had once felt with the people? Where was all the laughter he had once shared so openly with anyone who had needed cheering up? For the first time Duo understood how much he had changed, how truly lonely he had become. And for the first time in two years Duo realized that this wasn't what he wanted to be in the future. Maybe it really was time to change and break the frames again.  But not with Heero Yuy, though Duo had to admit that he was attractive in a weird way he couldn't quite put his finger on. "I'm sorry... but I think..." "That you'll stay for a little while?" Heero's voice was pleading and the way his eyes formed a perfect copy of a the eyes of a kicked puppy made Duo's heart melt. Maybe it wouldn't be so bad to spend just a couple of more hours with Heero; at least Solo would be happy Duo had tried to make an effort of pretending to be Solo and try to make Heero fall in love with him, The only problem was that he wasn't being Solo. He was being purely Duo and nobody else. "Ok... a little while more." "That's my Solo!" The way Heero's eyes lit up with inner blue fire made butterflies play tag in Duo's stomach. But though Heero was being nice and cheerful and trying to make a conversation with his date and all, Duo couldn't shake off the feeling that his whole spirit wasn't really into all of this 'being friends' stuff. Sometimes there was an expression way too calculating and cruel in his eyes for Duo to wholly believe this possible act he was putting on. Maybe Solo had been more than right: there was a lot more to discover in Heero Yuy than his polite exterior let on. But though Duo would have been more than happy to try to find the bottom of Heero's endless mind, it was soon to be Solo's problem and not his. But it seemed destiny had reserved another fate for the younger one of the twins, a fate he had absolutely no idea of and a fate he never even considered in the first place. "Can I walk you home?" They had been walking around the park, quickly gulping down a snack and then continued to walk, all the time keeping up a light conversation about everyday subjects. Duo hadn't let Heero to ask any personal or private questions or if he had, Duo had skillfully avoided answering truthfully. Or, he had answered truthfully but he hadn't told Heero everything. But he couldn't deny the fact that he had ended up with having lots of fun with Heero despite all of his doubts. Now he even relished the feeling of another hand in his when he had first been afraid of such an act. "Yeah... I guess..." Duo's voice was hesitant, but Heero looked like he wanted to absorb every single word that left Duo's once sealed lips, grabbing them and cherishing them, saving them either into his heart or mind. Which one, Duo didn't know. But it felt so good when someone was really so totally interested in what you had to say, listening patiently though he never said anything intelligent or paticularly wise. Duo was intrigued by the fact that he still had the true power of speaking and conversation though he hadn't used it for so long. But now that great, long forgotten talent had burst into lively flames of words and opinions. Duo felt how the small bonfires of words burned inside his body, demanding to be released. But now he had to choose from two options, the one being a more pleasurable one while the other one was a wiser one with no buts. He could let Heero walk him home and talk to him some more and try to rescue his former personality, but there was always the risk that Heero could accidentally catch a glimpse of Solo. And were that to happen, Duo would probably be as good as a mute person, not having any smart explanation for the trick they had pulled on Heero. But in the end the more selfish part of Duo's mind won, giving in for the natural desire to share his thoughts with someone. So Duo just flashed out a slightly bitter and even surprised smile of acceptance, aiming it at Heero. "Yeah... I think I'd be happy if you did that." Heero's only answer was that now-so-familiar gentle tug in his hand as he was being led towards the nearest bus stop sternly, not given any time or space to protest.  The bus ride was over quickly and Duo found himself walking slower and slower, not really wanting to separate from Heero so soon. When he saw his house, he stopped fully, making Heero to stop walking, too. "So, did you enjoy this evening?" Duoi had only one truthful answer to the question asked so sincerely. "Yeah, I did. Thanks, man." "I'm glad... I'm really intrigued by this new side of you, ya know... like really intrigued... very interested in it..." When saying those words Heero looked straight into Duo's eyes, his own expression serious. But if Heero was feeling serious, Duo didn't exactly feel like laughing either. Heero's words and the tone they were spoken in reminded him of the terrible crime he was about to commit. The person standing in front of Heero was nothing close to the hyper person Solo usually was, just as Heero had said himself. Duo hadn't meant this to go so far, but he simply hadn't been able to resist the desire to just speak with someone. It wasn't that he didn't have any friends, no, but he just preferred to spend his time after school alone, listening to music or even composing himself, letting his mind to truly calm down and almost like fall into a weird state of trance. Solo had never understood that strange hobby of Duo's because to him, things he could touch were more important. Of course he was proud of his brother and his musical gifts, but he had never really understood, or even tried to understand. He always said that music was an art too fine for him, that he needed something real, something he could touch to feel he was alive. Duo didn't answer anything to Heero's innocent comment of the differences of their personalities, just resumed looking at the nightly sky, filled with stars.  "You are terribly silent now all of sudden... thinking about something in particular?" The tone of Heero's voice was dangerously piercing, nasal poison for Duo, who once again couldn't resist the cruel temptation lingering inside his mind. "Yeah... thinking about life and all that stuff... Why we're really here and so on... ya know." There was an uncomfortable silence when neither one said a word. Duo wished he could take his words back; they were a too good subject for a deep conversation. And he knew that Heero wasn't going to let the chance to share his innermost feelings to just vanish away. "We're here simply because otherwise there wouldn't be anything. Just the great void of black." "You're wrong... human beings aren't the only living things in the world. There would be lots of plants and animals even though we weren't here. But still... now we're here and I want to know where did we actually come from? How did everything inside and even outside see the daylight for the first time, so to speak?" Heero was quiet only for a little while before answering calmly and with a sure voice. "It was the will of the world itself. It wanted to be born because it wanted to be able to give life as well as take it away. " At this point there was a strange glow in Heero's eyes, revealing how interested he was in the subject at hand. Duo on the other hand started to feel a little bit uncomfortable, not liking the inner light in Heero's blue orbs of eyes. He raised his eyebrow sarcastically, wondering how Heero could come up with such a crazy explanation. "You say the world wanted to be born even though it didn't exist in the first place. But what was the real spirit that wanted to control and rule? Just simply... why?" "Atoms and electrons... they want power just because they love the feeling of control. They have always wanted to control everything the way they are now."  Duo looked at Heero with expressionless face as those words left Heero's mouth, leaning against the gate that led to their garden and turned to face Heero completely, looking at him with eyes devoid of all emotions and thoughts. "But instead we try to control them..." His voice was strained, filled with pain and pity. "We try to control them by making atombombs and such, because we want the power to control life and death. We want to kill and slay other innocent beings that live with us and share their life with us." A surprisingly cold hand grasped his wrist tightly, another coming up to caress his face with cool fingers, rubbing against his soft cheeks and flushed lips. "Yes... that's what we want to do..." Heero's voice was way too intimate and his eyes were now fully glimmering like stars in a way Duo could only describe as predatory and lustful. Then he went on. "Atoms control everything... and the atoms in my body really want to do something now..." While saying that, Heero was leaning closer and closer to Duo, his hands holding the slender body in his arms immobile while it was subtly trying to inch away from the cobalt eyes of passion. It wasn't hard to quess what Heero wanted at the moment: a kiss. And not just a friendly little peck on the cheeks, but a real burning kiss of ripe passion. But that was something Duo couldn't give because then he would really cross the thin line between really cheating on his brother and just straching the truth a little bit. "Heero... stop, stop!" The panicked note in Duo's voice was enough to stop Heero's movement. But he wasn't moving away from Duo, only stayed still, holding Duo gently. Blue met violet, searching for a reason why his perfect plan of seduction had been disturbed and interrupted. "Solo, are you ok? You've been more than a little jumpy since we got out of the bus. And your voice has been so different the whole day... much darker. Maybe you've caught the cold?" "Maybe..." It was the only coherent answer Duo's confused brain provided, being torn between the nice feeling of Heero close to him and the sense of danger that had followed him everywhere he had gone today like a stalker. He vaguely understood that now he had unconsciously done it, had been himself way too much. He had no idea how he was going to explain that Heero Yuy was visibly more interested in this thoughtful "Solo" than the old loudmouthed one to his sick brother, who wanted nothing else than spend some time with the person he loved and get to know him. And now this one chance had been ripped away from him because of Duo. Solo was not blind, he would realize Heero wasn't really interested in him were they to meet again. Neither was Solo stupid: if Heero started to ask questions about his strange behaviour, Solo would count one plus one and get the right answer, the reason why his love didn't like him anymore. He would realize that Heero had become more infatuated with Duo than he had ever been with Solo.  "I really gotta go now!" Duo tried to break free from the steely but at the same time silky grasp, but found himself being pulled forwards, until Heero's arms came to embrace him tightly and almost lovingly, which Duo found odd. Their bodies were as entwined as they possibly could be with their clothes on and without actually making love or having sex. They were pressed together from knees to shoulders, creating an intimate feeling of danger in Duo's mind and on his skin. A hot breath washed over his ear as a wet and cool tongue came to lick his earlobe suggestingly. "Not even a small kiss?" Duo swallowed nervously, the sound too loud to his ears. "Not tonight... I really think I'm sick." "I think so, too. You're almost burning... in flames." Heero's voice gave away the real meaning behind his words. He knew that Duo wasn't feeling hot because he was sick. "Maybe you really need to go now." Suddenly he was free and almost running away from Heero, his feet carrying his light weight easily. When he reached the front door of their house, he turned around only to face Heero's at the moment almost evil features. Before Duo's mind had the time to register the fact that Heero had followed him so silently that he hadn't heard it, hot lips were placed on his. The kiss lasted only a few seconds and there were no tongues involved, but still it was enough to make Duo's mind go merry-go-round in dizzying circles, his legs not being able to carry his weight anymore as he sank to his knees on the doorsteps. His startled eyes searched for Heero's but his eyes were covered by his hair. The only thing Duo could see well was his mouth, which was smiling a soft smile with a tinge of bitterness lurking in it, maybe because of the shortness of the kiss. "Let's hope I won't get sick, shall we?" Then Heero grinned and started to walk away from the sunken figure on the doorsteps, his black shadowy form contrasting highly against the white wall. When Heero had already opened the narrow gate, he turned to look at Duo for the last time. Duo could hear the words that were spoken softly, but still were loud enough for Duo to understand the meaning and finality of them. "See ya, Solo." Minutes passed by and he couldn't move. And when his mind had finally cleared itself from the pinky haze that had been covering it, Duo realized what had happened. And he started to cry desperately and uncontrollably. -> Back to "Trusting" -> To "Hurting" -> Back to Leena's fanfiction