Narsus had no idea how he could have forgotten such an important fact, Prince Arislan must leave in the morning, and Darun must accompany him. Well, really, with all that had just happened to him, Narsus knew very well how he'd forgotten, but that didn't solve his dilemma. His mind flew into high speed, whirling in countless directions at once. He'd never decided what he was going to do. He realized he had stiffened in alarm, and made a conscious effort to relax. Focusing back on the wide, very worried blue eyes above him and attempting a smile, he murmured, "I forgot you're leaving in the morning."

You're leaving. Not we're leaving, but you're leaving. Oh no, Ashe, no. He has to come. Meant it when I said I couldn't go on as I had. Darun had been moving through his life, just existing, not really living. Here, in this bed with this man in his arms, he felt more alive than he had since Narsus had left. He couldn't return to such emptiness. "Narsus, I thought... I assumed... After tonight... Narsus, we need you, you have to come with us."

For only a moment, the old bitter ache resurfaced in Narsus, and before he could stop them, sharp words spilled from his tongue, "We need? Still need your strategist, eh?" He instantly regretted them as he saw the hurt flash over the face and in the eyes of the man still holding him. Damn his tongue! Narsus knew that Darun hadn't meant that the way it had sounded.

How could he think that? Though the words hurt, Darun accepted them as his due. He'd hurt his love so badly, and once again, his words had twisted somewhere between his brain and his mouth, had come out all wrong. He bit back the instinctive, angry denial that leapt to his lips, and turned his words into something more gentle instead. "You know that wasn't what tonight was all about. I should have said I need you, Narsus."

Narsus looked away from those earnest blue eyes. He could feel a flush of shame creeping up over his torso into his cheeks. Very softly he murmured, "I'm very sorry, Darun. That was very unfair of me. I know what you meant, it's just..." He trailed off, for once very much at a loss on how to phrase what he was feeling.

"What's wrong, Narsus?" Darun felt as if his world was slipping away as he gazed at the shadowed lines of that elegant face. "I thought... I thought that I would be the main hindrance to you accompanying us. I thought that since we're all right now, you'd be coming. I-, are we all right?"

Those words, the wrenching uncertainty in them, brought Narsus' head around with a snap. There was an uncertainty to match the words in deep blue, and just a trace of fear. The need to reassure Darun was suddenly so strong, much stronger than any misgivings he still had about accompanying his Prince. Reaching up to trace a fine cheekbone, he quietly assured, "Yes, Dar, we're all right. I love you."

"Then what..." Darun reached to grasp those trailing fingers, holding them tightly. Taking a deep breath, he met and held his love's eyes, quietly stating what was in his heart. "I love you too, Narsus, but I have to leave with Prince Arislan in the morning. I have no choice, for I am sworn to protect him, but I don't want to be without you. Please, Narsus, please say you'll come."

"I want to Darun, but it's just not that easy." Narsus sighed heavily, then scooted out from under the body still covering his so that he could sit up against the headboard of the bed. His eyes followed the lean lines of Darun's body as his love echoed his movements until they ended up seated across from each other, their knees touching. Reaching out to twine the fingers of his right hand with Darun's left, Narsus tried to explain. "You were correct when you said that you were the main hindrance to my accompanying Prince Arislan. I could not have come, could not have withstood the pain of being so close to you, however, you've eliminated that problem, here, tonight, when you said you love me." He couldn't stop his smile, feeling anew the wonder of his dream fulfilled. He loves me.

Narsus focused back on his love as Darun drew breath to speak, and held up his left hand to stop him. "That is no longer a problem, it's true, but I am still uneasy about two things. One concerns our Prince, and the other-, the other concerns you, Darun." He controlled a flinch as the fingers grasping his tightened painfully.

"Me?" He's still uneasy about me? Darun realized he was squeezing the fingers he held and shook them loose, pulling his hand back into his lap. He hadn't expected that, and it unaccountably hurt.

"Damn it, Darun." Narsus sighed heavily. "Now, I'm the one who's not saying things right." He held out his right hand, inviting Darun to clasp it again, and smiled when his love tentatively did so. He brought those strong fingers to his lips, and, staring into wide, hurt blue, he delicately licked, then kissed the tip of Darun's index finger. "Tonight you healed me of three years of hurt, Darun. I feel whole and complete." He moved on and repeated his actions on Darun's middle finger, gratified that the hurt blue had deepened and darkened back to love and desire. "For the first time in longer than I care to remember, I feel good. I love you, you love me, and we are together. For the first time in a long time, I *like* the way I feel." He moved to suckle at the third finger. "I will not trade away these feelings if accompanying our Prince means losing you. If this makes me guilty of being selfish and possessive, then so be it. I cannot go back to being just your friend, Darun. If we cannot continue as we've started tonight, then I'd rather not have you at all."

"But why would..." Darun trailed off faintly when Narsus turned his attention to his smallest finger. Goddess, the man had a way of driving the doubt that he was truly wanted right out of his mind along with all other coherent thought.

"Have you considered anything beyond these four walls, Dar?" With one last lick, Narsus lowered Darun's hand to his lap, bringing his other hand to it so he held it between both of his. "If I accompany you in the morning, are you prepared to acknowledge me as your love, your partner and your mate? I will not settle for less." He gazed upon dawning comprehension, squeezed Darun's hand, then lowered his head, suddenly afraid of seeing the answer to the question he must ask. "You've made a completely life-altering choice tonight, Darun. Can you live with it? Can you live as the man you've become by loving me?"

Could he? It was a question that Darun had been trying to answer for over a year. Could he live as a man who loved another man? Could he handle potential ridicule and cruelty if it were publicly known that he was half of a same gender pair? Those same shield-mates Narsus and he knew and respected did not enjoy the same tolerance and approval from every person they came in contact with.

But... this was Narsus. This man's love was a gift. That love was a palpable force that made him feel just as whole and complete as Narsus said he did. It didn't matter to him that the source of that love was a man instead of a woman. This was Narsus, and he would do anything, give anything, to always have this love at his side.

He focused back at the man so gently clasping his hand, so uncertainly keeping his head lowered, and smiled. It seemed as if he was doing it a lot this night, but once again, Darun reached within the curtain of hair that blocked his love's face from view and urged Narsus to look at him with gentle fingers beneath his chin. When their eyes met, he whispered, "I love you, Narsus, and if it meant that I would always have you beside me, then I would arrange a commitment ceremony for us and invite the entire court." The smile bestowed on him was one that he vowed to bring more often to his love's lips. He shadowed Narsus' movements as his love rose to his knees. Facing one another, Darun took Narsus' willing body into his arms, reveling in the feel of those arms gripping his waist tightly. The feeling of their lips touching was as close to heaven as he'd ever come.

"You have no idea how that makes me feel," Narsus murmured as their kiss ended. Instead of returning to sitting across from him, Darun moved with him as he leaned back, until he was nestled in his arms and they were both laying back amidst the pillows that lined the headboard.

From the sanctuary of Narsus' arms, Darun murmured in reply, "I don't want to lose you, Narsus. Not when I've finally found you again. I want the entire world to know that you're mine." He smiled at the tightening of the arms about his shoulders and tightened his grip around Narsus' torso in response.

Narsus could imagine how his solid and so proper love would likely feel about public displays of affection and marveled at the change in Darun's attitude once his love had settled the conflict within himself. But, then again, it was Darun all over, once a decision was made, he never looked back. He pressed a light kiss on the top of the sable head nestled against his shoulder, and quietly stated, "I can't hide what you are to me, Darun. I have no intention of groping you or kissing you senseless in public, but..., but I would like the freedom of being able to touch you in some small way if I wish."

With no warning, an image of Narsus fondling him beneath a table during a council meeting popped into Darun's mind, filling him with a strange mixture of unease, and fear, and... anticipation, excitement, and desire. He closed his eyes with a smile and snuggled a little closer to the man who was holding him so tenderly. He was hardly that adventurous, knew he could be much too stiff at times. He wouldn't let that happen even if it was with a woman, but maybe... someday. "Mmmm, when we're alone, you can touch me in any way you wish." He smiled anew at the soft chuckle that came from above, at the increase in pressure from the arms wrapped so securely around him.

Darun felt such a sense of well-being, knowing that things between he and Narsus were settled, that he did not present a problem with Narsus accompanying them. But, Narsus had mentioned that he was uneasy about two things. "Narsus? You said two things made you uneasy. What is the other?" His concern grew once more as he felt the torso he embraced move in a sigh.

"The other." Darun's question dragged Narsus from the peace he felt holding the man he loved back into uneasy contemplation of his future. "The other concerns our Prince."

"Arislan? Narsus, if there is anyone who will support us in our relationship, it's Prince Arislan." Darun pulled away slightly and raised himself up on one elbow so he could see Narsus' face. His reassurance had done little to ease away the frown on those elegant lips or in those emerald eyes.

"That's good to know, Dar, but that wasn't my concern." That Darun could sound so sure of their Prince's reaction to their new relationship led Narsus to wonder just how well his love knew Arislan. While he'd still been at court, Arislan had been too young to be involved in any political maneuverings. While Narsus had been impressed with the Prince that night, he could not be sure of Arislan's views, nor of how the youth would react to guidance or criticism. Arislan had grown up in the shadow of the King, and Narsus couldn't help but wonder how much the young Prince had been influenced by his Father. He had no desire to return to performing the acrobatics required to appease Andragoras and protect himself from the King's wrath. He focused on puzzled blue and softly asked, "I don't know our Prince at all, love. I need to know how much Prince Arislan is like his Father."

Darun thought he was beginning to understand, and hastened to ease the wariness from the eyes that stared at him so intently. "Prince Arislan is about as unlike the King as a person can get, Narsus. He is highly intelligent, even tempered, very compassionate, very open to new ideas, and shares many of your views. Why?"

"I have a very sharp tongue, Dar, and can be very opinionated." Narsus couldn't help but smile as he saw one sable brow arch.

"No, really?" Darun couldn't resist the tease. Anything to lighten his love's seriousness. He thought he finally knew where all this was leading. It was the expression of those opinions that had resulted in Narsus losing his post three years ago.

Narsus felt his slight smile grow wider as he lightly slapped the side of his love's teasing head. "Stop it, Dar. Yes, really." His smile slipped somewhat as he tried to explain. "Darun, while at court, I wore so many masks and played so many roles trying to appease everyone and trying to be who I was expected to be. Who I was depended on the circumstances and who I was with. It seemed that it was only with you that I could be myself, and even then, it was hard to remember just who Narsus really was. The real Narsus emerged at the wrong time, and I argued with the King over the slavery issue. I let the mask I was to wear with the King slip, expressed my views openly, and was punished for it."

Narsus could see the comprehension in the compassionate blue eyes of his love. He couldn't hold that gaze as he admitted, "At the time, losing my post was a relief. It allowed me to escape from the mess I'd made of my life." He looked back only to find his lips engaged as he was pulled forward into a kiss. Reassured, he was able to continue when the kiss ended and Darun returned to reclining on his elbow. "I know this sounds like a cliché, but here, alone but for Elam, I was able to re-discover who I was. I don't want to lose myself again, Darun. I'm unwilling to don the masks and play the roles anymore. I won't go back to being that facade of a person. Can Prince Arislan accept me as I am, sharp tongue, strong views, and all?"

His friend had always rigidly controlled himself while at court. Darun had always been aware of that, and had always suspected that he was one of the few allowed to glimpse the man behind all that control. To have that confirmed, to know that Narsus had felt so comfortable with him that he'd been able to be himself warmed him. At the same time, Darun understood his love's concern and his reluctance to return to such a life. Indeed, he didn't want Narsus to feel the need to return to such acting either. "He truly meant it when he told you that you could speak openly to him, Narsus. He will be open to your guidance, love. He may not like what he hears at times, but he'll listen. I'm sure of it." He gazed deep into emerald as he whispered, "And even if I'm wrong, Narsus, I'll anchor you. I'll not allow you to lose yourself again."

"You anchored me back then, Darun, even if you were unaware of it." They leaned towards each other at the same time, their lips meeting in a gentle kiss that contained a wealth of promise.

Darun sighed as they parted again. He could kiss this man for hours on end. As he focused back on warm emerald, no longer containing that wary uneasiness, he felt his heart lifting. Almost sure of the answer now, Darun asked again, "Please, Narsus, say you'll come with us."

To be a part of re-shaping their country, to have the love and support of this man. Again, it almost seemed to be too much, but Narsus, ever pragmatic, was not about to let such an opportunity slip away. "I think I will." He couldn't help an answering grin as his love's lips stretched in an enormous smile that was relieved, excited, and joyous all at the same time. He held up one finger and cautioned, "I value and trust your opinion above all others, Dar, but I still need to speak with Prince Arislan in the morning myself before I can be sure of him."

Feeling more sure and confident than he'd felt that entire night, Darun gently brushed Narsus' hair back over his shoulder again, murmuring, "You can be sure of him, Narsus. He won't disappoint you."

"I don't think he will, but we'll see in the morning." The shadows had grown longer, and Narsus glanced over Darun's shoulder to see that the time candle had burned very low. As reluctant as he was to let this man out of his sight, there was much to be done if he and Elam were to leave in the morning. At the tail end of a sigh, he murmured, "And speaking of the morning, it'll be here sooner than we think. Why don't you go get some sleep, love."

Something in that sigh alerted Darun to the possibility that Narsus wouldn't be joining him, but he asked anyway, "Here, Narsus, with you?"

Narsus ran one hand up Darun's flank in a promise of nights to come and softly answered, "We'll have many more nights to spend with each other, Dar, but there's much I need to do if I'm to close up the house and leave in a few hours." And besides, there was a nearly complete painting that he hoped to have the time to put the finishing touches on before they left, for goddess knew when he'd next have the chance. Knowing how Darun felt about his paintings, Narsus just smiled to himself and didn't mention that. "Catch a few hours of sleep, love. You-, you can stay here if you wish, and if there's time, I'll join you."

As Narsus made motions as if he were about to get up, Darun tightened his hold and pulled him into another kiss instead. "I hope there's time, love," he breathed into Narsus' slightly parted lips.

With that incentive... Narsus gave himself a mental shake, and his love a rueful grin even as he pulled reluctantly away. "If I don't get out of this bed right now, I never will," he murmured as he climbed over Darun's warm body and out of the bed into the chill air.

"And that's a bad thing?" Darun asked, admiring the long, lean lines of his lover's body as Narsus began to search for his discarded trousers. He wasn't prepared for the tunic that came flying out of the shadows to hit him in the face.

"Don't even tempt me, Dar," Narsus grumbled, bending as he finally spotted his pants where they'd been nearly kicked under the bed. Pulling them on, he muttered, "You two are fugitives, and if you want to get out of here anytime soon..." He trailed off as he made the mistake of looking back at the bed. Heaven on earth, such beauty in his bed. Darun had rolled to his other side so that he could watch him as he dressed. He was propped on an elbow again, one leg outstretched, one curled up towards his chest. The dimness and shadows of the room did nothing to hide the long, hard lines of his body, nor the smoky glint in his eyes. Don't pounce, don't pounce. It became his litany as Narsus gave himself another mental shake and moved off to find a clean tunic.

Binding his hair in its usual tail, Narsus was drawn back to the bed as a moth is to a flame. He was unable to leave without one more kiss. Leaning down as Darun looked up, his love's lips opened to him, and he plundered their depths as if he could take enough of Darun with him to sustain him until they were together again. As the kiss ended, and Darun relaxed back amidst the pillows, Narsus softly said, "Sleep well, love." It was very difficult to walk away from the smile his words provoked, from the sight of Darun snuggling down in his bed.