Xavier Domingo, Francisco SanClemente and Chris Melzer .

New York, June 14, 1953

Dear mom and dad and dearest Cliff,

I don’t want you to feel guilty or responsible for my decision to take my life.

Two weeks ago I found out that I am expecting a child, a fruit of our love, Cliff. I didn’t want to tell you, Cliff, so you wouldn’t give up the idea of becoming a member of Battalion 24 in Korea, which has given the Americans so much honor. I know you oppose this war, but I also know that you would be ready to give your life for our country.

I don’t know whether I did right in telling the priest about my situation. He told me that I had committed and unforgivable sin, and that there was no salvation for my soul and it would be damned for the rest of my life and eternity.

Cliff, when we discussed the possibility of having a son, you thought it would be wonderful, but impossible, since no one in the whole world would accept our child. He would be despised by all, by your people and mine. Children would shun him and that would have pained you a lot, far more than you are now, knowing that your native country of which you are so proud despises you. Not one or two, or may wars would be enough to defend our country.

I didn’t want to abort our child as so many other women have done because I couldn’t stand the idea of having killed my own child. That is why, I would rather die with him.

Cliff, since this act of mine is without honor, I wish that when your time comes, you will have fought bravely for our country and earned the Honor Medal awarded to those who die for their country

And to you, dear parents, I wish to say I am convinced that, even if I would have graduated as a teacher, I am not ready to teach the children of Rising Sun. How can I make them understand that they must start by not hating my own son, and that they must tread him as if he were one of them?

I beg all of you to pray for the eternal rest of may soul. Wherever I go, and if God wills, I shall be watching over you to be sure you are happy and leading peaceful lives.

Laura

Rising Sun, April 2, 1953

Dear Laura,

Although your home-coming is still two months away, everything is ready for that moment. All the folks in town long to see you. Remember Tommy? He also graduates this year, like you. You don’t know how happy it makes me to think of you as full-fledged teacher! It will be a wonderful day! Your father and I will be there for the occasion, and also to bring you back with us to where you belong: the town where you were born and grew up. I am sure that will please you very much.

I can imagine how difficult it must have been to become a geography and history teacher. It will be lovely to see you teaching American History to the children of Rising Sun. Now that you are History teacher, I have to tell you what happened to a nigger they trapped in Loretta’s house. He had stolen staples, a piece of meat and some fruit. Thanks God they caught him and executed him. It does not surprise me that it was Loretta who hid him at her house in Colora. All the white men who used to visit her, stopped doing so when they found out that she also accepted visits from niggers. They refuse to have anything to do with her ever again, and brought charges against her with the police. But, instead of leaving town, and perhaps the State also, Loretta kept on living in Colora.

They dragged the Negro by force from her house. He fought and struggled, and when they put him on the stake to burn him, he kept screaming that he was innocent. It was unpleasant to hear him hollering like an animal, like a wild beast. It’s outrageous to hear a Negro scream that he is innocent. How can anybody think that a nigger is not to blame for anything…? But God is merciful; he died slowly and painfully. I am sure that he suffered because he couldn’t stop screaming while the flames licked him. The smell was terrible. We couldn’t stay to end because we couldn’t stand the sight. But, I think that by the time we left, he had already died since he was silent.

It’s hideous to see a nigger die because, naturally, one would want him to die quickly and, at the same time, that he would never die, so he could continue suffering for ever. But, what’s the purpose of a nigger’s life? If it’s been declared that they are free men, death is their best fate. I think it was stupid to give freedom to the niggers.

Now, I must tell you about your father. He’s doing fine, but he has been behaving strangely lately, and I don’t know what it is. All of a sudden, his face goes blank and rigid. And, he stares, as if he was thinking of something he doesn’t want to tell me. I guess he is worried about retiring. I don’t think it has anything to do with his health because he has always been very healthy.

Your father sends his blessings, and so do I and Aunt Carolina,

Love, Mom

Rising Sun, April 20, 1953

Dear Laura,

I am counting the days until your return: every day brings you closer to us. Your Dad is very happy. By the time he gets his pension, you will already be teaching at the Parochial School. He insists that he will continue setting the alarm clock for 5:00 a.m. He says it would be impossible for him to go on living without the sound of the alarm and not having to get up early the rest of his life, which will be long. Even if they are retiring him, your father is still very hearty. The only thing wrong with him is that his hands tremble and it has gotten worse. Sometimes he has trouble walking.

In the beginning, he used to drop things. That really nagged me, because he dropped the coffee on the rug. His staining the rug so often upset me very much. I hate dirty rugs! That’s when I thought it was time to pay a visit to the doctor. I think he is very nervous thinking about your homecoming and the fact that retirement is getting near.

Uncle Ignacio says that Dad will have to visit a shrink so he can learn how to live on retirement. They say there are many shrinks over there in New York, but we don’t need them here because there are no crazy people here. Ignacio says that shrinks are adequate for the modern times we’re living. I don’t see anything modern abut them. The only novelty is that now niggers think they have a right to make demands. We have a nigger preaching that they have the same rights as the white folk. If that were true, I am sure it would mean the world is close to its end.

The business with the nigger at Loretta’s house was awful. It was Tommy who managed to solve the problem. I will tell you all about it later because your father is calling me. He began writing you a letter, but had to stop because his right hand, his writing hand, was shaking. If it had been his left hand he would have finished writing it. However, now that I think about it, I believe his left hand also shakes. He made me promise that I would not tell you anything. He must never find out that I told you.

He is calling me again! I think he will manage to upset my nervous too.

Kisses. I will tell you all about Loretta later.

Your loving mother.

Rising Sun, May 5, 1953

Dear Laura,

Let me finish telling you what happened to the nigger in Loretta’s house. Tommy behaved like a hero. You won’t believe where they found that filthy nigger… He was hiding in the bedroom’s closet. He didn’t want to come out because he knew what was in store for him. But they grabbed him by force. He screamed while they poured gasoline over him. They should have started by cutting off his tongue.

We won’t be inviting Lucy to your party. We don’t approve of her behavior, although it didn’t surprise us. Your Dad and I, and everybody in town were not surprised by how she got married. Her condition was showing. She says the baby was premature, that’s common. We all know that it happens to decent girls, but not to girls who marry in haste.

Tommy is coming to your party. Tommy has turned into a very formal and serious young man. We are very proud of him. He did not need to leave town to study law, not like you who had to abandon us for five long years. That must have made you very sad!

I have many other things to tell you, daughter, but I’ll have to leave them for later because it seems that your father just dropped something. I feel so sorry for him, because he just can’t stop shaking. He must keep his hands in his pockets so that people won’t notice. I will talk to the doctor, even if he is against it.

I had planned to go yesterday, but I changed my mind. Carolina heard the rumor that two niggers had been seen getting out the bus in Colora. It’s likely they may have gone to Rising Sun. Father John says he agrees that Negroes must be stopped and killed. He really didn’t say that regarding niggers, but he referred to murderers and criminals, but, we all know it’s the same thing. Last Sunday in his sermon he said that Our Lord Jesus Christ had spoken about equality but, I say, to Him, I mean, Christ, it was easy to talk about equality in a place where there were no niggers. If Jesus had lived in America, I am sure he wouldn’t have said anything about people being equal. God, in the Bible, didn’t mention niggers, but human beings.

Your Dad is calling me, I’ll see what he wants. I’ll continue later with other things I have to tell you.

With our blessings,

Your mother.

Rising Sun, May 30, 11953

My dear child,

I must tell you what Tommy asked me a couple of days ago. He asked me whether you had a boyfriend in New York! He blushed with shame, and I told him the truth: I said no, that you were only interested in your school work so you would finish as soon as possible to be able to return to Rising Sun. I don’t know how he could think such a thing about our little Laura. If you are still a child, even if you are 23 already. You will be the youngest teacher in parochial school. Father John is very happy that you will be starting your teaching career at the parochial school.

The graduation dress is ready. It may require some alterations, but I think they will be very few. I will take my sewing kit with me.

We will have time for many things. I’ll be leaving for New York next Tuesday. I’ll take the 2 o’clock train. I wanted to leave in the morning, but your father protested. He says I can’t leave him alone so long. He only got permission from the lab to take Thursdays afternoon off, and all of Friday. He is taking the car. I didn’t want him driving for so long. He also gets the shakes when he is driving, but he argues that the trip just takes four hours. Maybe he is right. But, he will have trouble driving in New York. It’s truly very complicated there. Remember when we drove you five years ago? We swore that we’d never take the car to New York again. Those foreigners, half black, driving taxis, act like mad. Is it true that blacks walk freely on the streets over there? I think they need a Major like the one we have here. You’ll soon be leaving that noisy city and coming back to live with us.

Esther and Rachel are coming to your party also. I am not too keen about them because they are not Catholics, but just the same, it’s as if they were, they have lots of money. Just like Marianne, Susanne, Margaret, Helene, and, specially, somebody they all swoon over: Tommy! All the girls fight over him! I don’t know how long he will stay single, because he is very handsome and has already started his law practice.

I’ll write you again day after tomorrow, dearest. Our prayers and all our love are with you.

Your dad and mom who love you dearly.

Rising Sun, June 10, 1953

Dear child,

I have been very busy making the arrangements for your party. We have not wanted to invite too many people, because we’ll be back Sunday, and you will probably be very tired. It’s unbelievable, but although New York is so close to Rising Sun, very few of our folk have been there. I wouldn’t have gone to New York, if it not had been because we had to take you to college. Some people are awaiting your return. Guess why? So you can tell them all about New York, particularly Susanne and Margaret. They say they would never want to go to New York because they are afraid of losing themselves, and I don’t mean getting lost in the city, but of losing their virtue. Lucy will not be coming to the party because she is not invited. All the folk of Rising Sun have decided to cross the street when they see her walking on the same sidewalk. But, since she’s so brazen, she keeps on walking. I am telling you all this because I want you to be ready for your return so that when you get here you will be aware of all that has happened in your absence.

I think this will be the last letter that I’ll write you, we’ll be talking very soon. You don’t know how excited we are about your homecoming!

Aunt Carolina is very happy with Robespierre. I had not mentioned Robespierre before because your father was against my telling you what happened to Dubby. He fattened a lot after they did that horrible thing they do so cats won’t have kitten. We were very sorry when the vet said he had to be put to sleep, but God is merciful, and Samantha, who is so generous, gave your Aunt Caroline a new kitten of Marbella. She had three kittens, and Samantha gave one of them to our Aunt Caroline. You’ll soon meet it. Caroline says he resembles Robespierre, and I laugh trying to find out who that Robespierre can be. As long as he is not black, everything is fine! But I don’t think he’s black because your Aunt Caroline is a very sensible woman and she would not name give such a pretty a name like Robespierre. Some day she will tell me where she got that weird name.

Well, darling, we can’t wait for the day when we’ll see you again and, most of all, getting your teacher’s certificate. I will be arriving next Wednesday. The train leaves Havre de Grace at 1 and the trip only last three hours. Even if they say the weather is warm, I will take my winter coats. In such a strange city as New York, one never knows what may happen.

With all the blessings from your parents who love you with all their hearts,

Your mom and dad, who love you and wish to see you soon.

New York, June 14, 1953

Dear mom and dad and dearest Cliff,

I don’t want you to feel guilty or responsible for my decision to take my life.

Two weeks ago I found out that I am expecting a child, a fruit of our love, Cliff. I didn’t want to tell you, Cliff, so you wouldn’t give up the idea of becoming a member of Battalion 24 in Korea, which has given the Americans so much honor. I know you oppose this war, but I also know that you would be ready to give your life for our country.

I don’t know whether I did right in telling the priest about my situation. He told me that I had committed and unforgivable sin, and that there was no salvation for my soul and it would be damned for the rest of my life and eternity.

Cliff, when we discussed the possibility of having a son, you thought it would be wonderful, but impossible, since no one in the whole world would accept our child. He would be despised by all, by your people and mine. Children would shun him and that would have pained you a lot, far more than you are now, knowing that your native country of which you are so proud despises you. Not one or two, or may wars would be enough to defend our country.

I didn’t want to abort our child as so many other women have done because I couldn’t stand the idea of having killed my own child. That is why, I would rather die with him.

Cliff, since this act of mine is without honor, I wish that when your time comes, you will have fought bravely for our country and earned the Honor Medal awarded to those who die for their country

And to you, dear parents, I wish to say I am convinced that, even if I would have graduated as a teacher, I am not ready to teach the children of Rising Sun. How can I make them understand that they must start by not hating my own son, and that they must tread him as if he were one of them?

I beg all of you to pray for the eternal rest of may soul. Wherever I go, and if God wills, I shall be watching over you to be sure you are happy and leading peaceful lives.

Laura

The End.