Laughing Gnome, The

I was walking down the High Street
When I heard footsteps behind me
And there was a little old man
Hello
In scarlet and grey, shuffling away
Well he trotted back to my house
And he sat beside the telly
With his tiny hands on his tummy
Chuckling away, laughing all day

Oh, I ought to report you to the Gnome office
Gnome Office
Yes

CHORUS Ha ha ha, hee hee hee
"I'm a laughing Gnome and you can't catch me"
Ha ha ha, hee hee hee
"I'm a laughing Gnome and you can't catch me"
Said the laughing Gnome

Well I gave him roasted toadstools and a glass of dandelion wine
Burp, pardon
Then I put him on a train to Eastbourne
Carried his bag and gave him a fag
Haven't you got a light boy?
"Here, where do you come from?"
Gnome-man's land
"Oh, really?"

In the morning when I woke up
He was sitting on the edge of my bed
With his brother whose name was Fred
He'd bought him along to sing me a song

Right, let's hear it
Here, what's that clicking noise?
That's Fred, he's a "metrognome"

CHORUS

Own up, I'm a gnome, ain't I right
"Haven't you got an 'ome to go to?"
No, we're gnomads
"Didn't they teach you to get your hair cut at school?
You look like a rolling gnome."
No, not at the London School of Ecognomics

Now they're staying up the chimney
And we're living on caviar and honey
Cause they're earning me lots of money
Writing comedy prose for radio shows
It's the-er
It's the Gnome service of course

Ha ha ha, hee hee hee
"I'm a laughing Gnome and you don't catch me"
Ha ha ha, oh, dear me

CHORUS

Let Me Sleep Beside You

Baby, baby, brush the dust of youth from your shoulder
Because the years of fretting days are right behind you now
Don't return to fields of green where rainbow secrets were told
Place your ragged doll with all the toys and things and deeds
I will show you a game where the winner never wins

CHORUS:
Let your hair hang down
Wear the dress your mother wore
Let me sleep beside you

Lock away your childhood and throw away the key
For now the streets and city sounds will burn your eyes as coals
We shall drink the oldest wine and velvet skies will linger
Child, you're a woman now, your heart and soul are free
I will boldly light that lamp and we shall walk together

CHORUS

Your darkened eyes throw mystery
But your lips are void of history
You could not imagine that it could happen this way, could you
I will give you dreams and I'll tell you things you'll like to hear

CHORUS

Let me sleep beside you

Lightning Frightening

I'll give you back my farm and I'll give you back my house
I'll give you back my right to be free
I've got moon, I've got sun
Lightning, lightning, lightning
I've got me, I've got you
Frightening, frightening, frightening

I'll give you back my farm and I'll give you back my house
I'll give you back my right to be free
I'll give you back my farm and I'll give you back my house
I'll give you back my right to be free
I've got moon, I've got sun
I've got Lightning, lightning, lightning
I've got me, I've got you
It's Frightening, frightening, frightening

Liza Jane

Well, I got a girl that's so good to me
Oh, little Liza
Well, now she ain't more than five foot three
Oh, little Liza
Well, this little girl is so good to me
Oh, little Liza
Yeah, this little girl's nearly half of me
Oh, little Liza

Little Liza Jane

I got a girl, duh-duh-goo-to-duh
Oh, little Liza
Yeah, this little girl turn me upside down
Oh, little Liza
Well, all of the little girls that I had
Oh, little Liza
You know this little girl drives me to despair
Oh, little Liza

Little Liza Jane

Yeah, I got a girl who loves me true
Oh, little Liza
Now she ain't more than five foot two, yeah
Oh, little Liza
You know this little girl is so good for me, yeah
Oh, little Liza
You know this little girl's nearly half of me
Oh, little Liza

Little Liza Jane

Oh yeah, I love her
Little Liza Jane
Well, I'm coming back to me love
'Cause she's driving insane
When will I meet her

London Boys, The

Cow bell strikes another night
Your eyes are heavy and your limbs all ache
You've bought some coffee, butter and bread
You can't make a thing cause the meter's dead
You moved away
Hold your folks you're gonna stay away

Bright lights, Soho, Wardour street
You hope you make friends with the guys that you meet
Somebody shows you round
Now you've met the London boys
Things seem good again, someone cares about you

Oh, the first time that you tried a pill
You feel a little queasy, decidedly ill
You're gonna be sick, but you mustn't lose faith
To let yourself down would be a big disgrace
With the London boys, with the London boys

You're only seventeen, but you think you've grown
In the month you've been away from your parents' home
You take the pills too much
You don't give a damn about that jobs you've got
So long as you're with the London boys

A London boy, oh a London boy
Your flashy clothes are your pride and joy
A London boy, a London boy
You're crying out loud that you're a London boy
You think you've had a lot of fun
But you ain't got nothing, you're on the run
It's too late now, cause you're out there boy
You've got it made with the rest of the toys
Now you wish you'd never left your home
You've got what you wanted but you're on your own
With the London boys
Now you've met the London boys

Looking for a Friend

Gather round all you people
Watch me while you can
I've been trawling too long
I've been losing out strong
For the strength of another man

I've been hasty, wasty
Sitting on the backstep
Waiting for the phone to ring
This semi-acoustic love affair
Is driving me to the brink

I'm just looking for a friend
I'm just looking for a friend
You don't have to be a big wheel
You don't have to be the end
I'm just looking for
Looking for a friend

God help all you ladies
May the devil take all you men
You're far too busy having babies
To help yourselves to a friend

You're lazy, crazy
Hung upon the insane
Standing with your back to the wall
My pretty has a picture, oh-so nice
Hoping that you might call

I'm just looking for a friend
I'm just looking for a friend
You don't have to be a big wheel
You don't have to be the end
I'm just looking for
Looking for a friend

Hey
Hey looking

I'm just looking for a friend
I'm just looking for a friend
Oh, you don't have to be a big wheel
You don't have to be the end
I'm just looking for
Looking for a friend

Looking
Just a-cruising
Vulgar
Just looking

Don't have to be a big wheel
Don't have to be the end
I'm just looking for
Looking for a friend

Louie, Louie Go Home

Well, I- well, I left my wife and child
Louie, go back home
Yeah, my conscience is about to drive me wild, yeah
Louie, go back home
A little voice inside my head goes on and on
Louie, go back home
It says "Louie, Louie, Louie
You better come back home"

Well I, well I thought "I make it by myself", yeah
Louie, go back home
Oh, but my baby, she's got my heart a-upon the shelve
Louie, go back home
Well I, well I can still hear her moaning
Louie, go back home
They're crying "Louie, Louie, Louie
You better go back home"

You better go back home, yeah
You better go back home, yeah
You better go back home
Oh yeah, you better go back home

You better go back a-ho a-ho a-home, a-home yeah yeah
Home-a-home-a-home
Just a-go back a-home a-home a-home
Driving home, yeah, home

Just a little bit louder now
Just a little bit louder
Just a little bit louder now
Just a little bit louder
Just a little bit louder
Just a little bit louder
Well, I'm going home
Just a little bit louder
Well, I'm a-going home, yeah
Ooh, I'm a-gonna back, back, back, back, back to my home
Yeah home
Home sweet home
I'm a-gonna back home, ooh

I'm going home, yeah
I'm going home, yeah
I'm going home, yeah
I'm going home, yeah
Back to my baby
Back to where they need me

Man In the Middle

Like an inventor
He is a symbol of a new age
He glides above the realms
Of you and me
He flows through your life
And makes you feel quite small
You may sit up in your chair
He doesn't care at all

He's the man in the middle
You can tell which way he lays
He's the man in the middle
And he realises
And he realises
And he realises
Beauty pays

His gowns come from Paris
Occasionally from Rome
He can go anywhere
Say back to his home
He flows through your life
And makes you feel quite small
Flashing to the white collars
Ha, he doesn't care at all

He's the man in the middle
You can tell which way he lays
He's the man in the middle
And he realises
And he realises
And he realises
Beauty pays
Please

He's the man in the middle
You can tell which way he lays
He's the man in the middle
And he realises
And he realises
And he realises
Beauty pays

He's the man in the middle
You can tell which way he lays
He's the man in the middle
And he realises
And he realises
And he realises
Beauty pays
Please

My Death