Most Delicious Villainess Award: Faith & Helena (Though their scenes - in particularly Helena's - were woefully brief, both were...smooth & sly. Smart & Sensual. Wickedly witty. Delightfully devious and simply divine.)

The Days of Whine and Poses Villain Award: Ric (Is he good? Is he bad? WTF?!? Pick One! No one likes a whiny psychotic.)

The Swedish Bikini Team Took Out A Restraining Order Against Me Award: Brian Frons

Money For Nuthin' Award: Guza, Pratt, Korte and Price

Genie Francis Was Kicked To The Curb ForThis? Award: Tamara Braun & Alicia Leigh Willis (Hey Frons - what else you got? Leading Actress material my ***!)

Potential Oasis in GH's Lead Actress Desert Award: Cynthia Preston (Though her character was spackled with stupidity and dreck - nevertheless, this gem of an actress sparkled and shined. Attention Brian Frons: this is what true Lead Actress material looks like!)

Least Annoying Award:Those beautiful and bouncy baby sibs - Master Morgan and Special K

But You're River dancing On My Last Nerve Award: Carly & Courtney

Most Improved Character Award: Skye (Jax's doormat no more, mixing it up with Luke and sober to boot! Hippety hop ya don't stop!)

Least Improved Character Award: Anyone who's left - even the dead ones.

Best Fade To Black Award: Stefan (Who was rewarded with a quick & relatively painless death - unlike GH fans.)

That's A @!$#^&! Up! Exit Award: (Say it ain't so) Johnny Angel (sob - say it ain't so...)

Best Payoff Award: Comatose Carly

Worst Payoff Award: Conscious Carly

Ultimate Payoff Award: Dead Carly

Domo arigato, Mr. Roboto Award: Jason

"Every Girl's Crazy 'Bout A Sharp Dressed Man" Award: Sonny

Now That Just Reeks(!) Plot Twist Award: Johnny The Rat Bastard!

I'm Gellin' Like A Future Felon Award: Dillon

It Was Good While It Lasted Plot Twist Award: Faith shackin' up with Sonny (heavy sigh)

The Twisted Sister Award: Carly's nauseating lust for (and mind-boggling protection of) that drug pushing/wannabee killer of husbands/murderer of "best friends" babies/kidnaping stalker extraordinaire - Lorenzo Alcazar.

Snazziest Scene Stealer Award: Faith

Most Shameful & Clueless Waste of a Character Award: Faith (with a big shout out to Stefan - Wassup!!)

Most Sickening Pimping of A Character Award: Courtney, Carly & Jason

Despite All The Nauseating Hype, We Still Tanked Like The Titanic Award: Jax & Sam

"And They Called It Puppy Love" Award : Dillon & Georgie

Now - That Wasn't Even Necessary Award: Georgie finds Dillon doing the slippery slide with Sage

Great Start But A Lousy Dismount Award: Nikolas & Emily

We Sure Gave Those Serta Sheep A Run For Their Money!! Award: Jason & Courtney

"I Coulda Been A Contenda, Charlie" Non-Romantic Pairing Award: Sonny & Faith

Why-Oh-Why-Won't-It-Just-Die!!! Pairing Award: Sonny & Carly

Hmmm...This Could Be The Start Of Something Big Award: Sonny & Sam

I'm All Verklempt Award: Sonny finally holds one of his newborn children in his arms; Jason's and Emily's hospital goodbye; Sonny's downward spiral

"Who Let The Dogs Out?" Award: The Alcazar Bros, Jax, Scott & Ric

Attack Of The Killer Bee-yotches Award: Tracy & Helena

Best Hombre Award: Maurice Benard, Stephen Nichols and Tony Geary

"I've Been Waitin' For A Girl Like You" Award: Cynthia Preston

Best Smear Award: Luis Alcazar (SPLAT! well - ouch)

And It's About Damn Time Too!!! Award: Brenda finally sees Jax for the funky cheese-filled wanker he actually is.

The Joy Yuck Club: Jason & Brenda's wedding and honeymoon night

Because Ted Bundy Never Returned My Call! Award: Liz & Carly's new "wuvs "

The Groundhog's Day Award: Sonny forgiving Carly's 9745th lie and betrayal

The Night Of The Creeps Award: Alternate reality Carly bumping uglies and swappin' spit with Alcazar in scary-o-phonic retchy-color. (shriek...my eyes!...sob...oh god my eyes!!!...sob...)

Most Ungrateful, Disrespectful and (ultimately) Very Short-Sighted Trend Award: ABC for the mass firings of longtime vets (now that ABC has some extra cabbage to throw around - you think maybe they'll actually buy a clue?)

Dude - What's With the Hair? Award: Alcazar

Worst Story Award: Pick one - any one!

Best Story Award: Get real.

Favorite Heroine: BWA-HA-HA...made ya blink...teeheeteehee..!

You Two Look So Damned Hot, I Need New Corneas Award: Sonny & Faith

Put Your Ear Next To Mine And You Can Hear The Ocean Award: Carly, Liz & Courtney

"You've Been Hit By-You've Been Touched By A Smooth Criminal " Award: Faith

They Eat Their Young, Don't They? Award: Tracy & Helena

Accept No Substitutes Award: NuEmily & NuLucky Number...er...which one is it now?

Where Exactly Did You Say You Got Your Medical License From? Award: Emily's cancer story

Sooo, Olive Oyl Turned Ya Down Huh, Big Guy? Award: Alcazar inexplicably jonesing after Carly

The Chi-Lites "Have You Seen Her?" Award: LuLu, Monica, Bobbie, Alexis, Maxie, Lilah, Leticia, Lesley...

respond to this article