Or ... Are You a
Dominant?
Author Unknown
(note: this article is
written to address Dommes... but the concepts apply equally well to either gender.)
In contrast to the possibly "negative" view of a potential new
Dominant above, I offer the following as what I consider to be fundamental characteristics
of a Dominant. It is important to remember that the characteristics of the Dominant are
based in, and created by the characteristics of the woman.
* A Domme is One Who has the understanding that She is not perfect (nope, sorry, not
perfect). A Domme has taken the time to accept Her flaws as an individual, has come to
terms with them, and determined how best to control and deal with them effectively.
* A Domme has come to realize that "proof" of Her Dominance does not come from
the person who calls Her "Mistress", but rather from within Herself, by dint of
Her personality, Her ethics, standards, and values, combined with Her particular needs
within this spectrum.
* A Domme has realized that She has the responsibility to Herself to inform Herself as
thoroughly as possible regarding the wide ranging aspects of the BDSM spectrum. She will
have taken the time to consider for Herself what Her own needs are within each aspect and
will be fully capable of clearly articulating those needs to a potential submissive.
* Life experience will have taught Her the importance of trust and respect in any
relationship, and She will have come to recognize that a woman will only be able to submit
to another Woman with character, making Her worthy of her trust and respect.
* A Dominant Woman will understand and accept that before expecting a submissive to give
over control of herself and her life, She must first have complete control over Herself,
and Her life.
* Even though it is somewhat a given in some circles of the BDSM spectrum that a Mistress
is free to have a multiplicity of sub/slaves, understand that most women wish for an
exclusive relationship where she is exclusive to her Mistress, as She is to her. If the
original commitment with Your sub/slave calls for exclusivity from You both, You have the
responsibility as a Domme to be up front, direct, and honest should You decide to include
others in Your relationship on any level. Realize that taking responsibility for honesty
in Your needs makes You stronger as a Domme, not weaker.
* Understand the value of character in the most "old-fashioned" sense, if You
will. Understand, and take responsibility for the fact that You must have within Your
character and Your actions the "proof" of Your worthiness of the submissive's
trust and respect.
* Understand that the value of Your submissive will not only be based in the level of her
submissiveness to You, but also in herself, as an individual: the whole person. she will
be intelligent, have a mind of her own and will be eager to use all her abilities to
Y/your mutual advantage, if the environment is conducive to such.
* As a Dominant Woman, you understand that being Dominant is merely who and what You are.
Your Dominance is such that it need not be constantly and actively
"demonstrated", but because it comes from within, Your Dominance will be readily
apparent through Your self-control and Your responsible actions.
* A Dominant Woman will understand that words such as integrity, character, honesty,
fairness and consistency represent concepts that are apparent throughout all areas of a
Dominant's life. They are not mere words to be used and applied selectively when they may
be to Your advantage. Not only are those words representative of the character of a Woman,
they are hallmarks of the character of a Dominant Woman, and imperative in one who would
be called a Mistress.