Could You Be ... a
Wannabe?
Author Unknown
(note: this article is
written to address Dommes... but the concepts apply equally well to either gender.)
One of the areas of greatest concern to submissives is attempting to
determine whether a Domme who approaches them is real. These are some of the hints I offer
for their consideration in determining how "real" a potential Domme might be. I
suggest that You, as a potential new Domme, review this list with an honest
self-examination in mind. If You see Yourself even slightly described in any of these
characteristics, You owe it to Yourself, and to Your potential future submissive, to
analyze what causes You to maintain these characteristics. Please note that none of the
following characteristics refer to individual choices of "kink" or styles of
play. These refer, all of them, strictly to the characteristics, personality traits, that
I consider imperative in a Domme personality.
You are a Wannabe if . . .
* You demand to be addressed as "Ma'am" or "m'Lady" as a supposed sign
of "respect" by any submissive, before even investing a modicum of time in
getting to know the submissive. As a Domme, You have no rights over submissives in
general, "just because" You are a Domme.. If You feel the need to have to demand
an exhibition of respect from all who approach You, You may want to review the source of
Your own self-esteem and self-confidence.
* If You feel it is imperative that a potential submissive receive information from no One
but You regarding the varieties and aspects of this spectrum, You may want to focus on the
reasons for not feeling that You are equal to outside comparisons.
* If You feel that You have no responsibility for expressing Your needs, wants, and
desires as honestly, clearly, and directly as possible to a potential submissive, could it
be that You have not put in the necessary time required to know Yourself and Your own
needs well enough?
* If You "insist" on hearing what a potential submissive's needs and desires are
first with a view of adjusting Your needs and desires to match hers, You may require a
re-thinking of the essence of Dominance and the measure of Your own need.
* If You feel a need to "rush" into a relationship, and get an immediate
commitment of any sort from a submissive whom You have barely gotten to know as a person,
it would be advisable for You to determine why You require an immediate commitment. Keep
in mind, it is just as important for the submissive to know You both as a woman and as a
Domme as it is for You to know her both as a woman and as a submissive before making a
commitment to You.
* If You, as the Domme, exhibit jealousy or feel "hurt" by inconsequential
actions of Your submissive, for example, her speaking with other Dominants or even
"flirting" with other Dominants, You are allowing insecurities in both Yourself
and in Your potential relationship. Keep in mind those insecurities may prove quite as
detrimental to a budding relationship as they would be to an established relationship.
* If You feel that a submissive, any submissive, must obey Your every "command",
then You lack a fundamental understanding of Dominance. No submissive owes You immediate
obedience just because she is submissive. Nor, for that matter, is blind, immediate
"obedience" to all and sundry an indicator of a "level" submission,
i.e., whether the submissive is "submissive enough".
* Your view of a "Dominant" character may include maintaining an aspect of
stoicism ... trying to be the "strong, silent type". This characteristic may
seem on the surface as indicating solidity and strength, but if carried too far, it may
become a very real barrier in establishing the free and easy flow of communication that is
essential to this type of relationship. If it requires an immense, constant effort on Your
potential submissive's part to "drag" information from You about Yourself, Your
past, Your requirements and needs, You may be in the process of establishing future blocks
to communication. If Your submissive feels that it will be a production to get any type of
answer from You, will she be able to establish towards You the level of trust and openness
You will require? Keep in mind, always, the fundamentals of this type of relationship must
be a two way street.
* One of the most common misconceptions of new Dominants is the thinking that a submissive
does not "have the right" to question a potential Mistress. Communication and
trust are the most important building blocks that will uphold Your relationship.
Prohibiting even a potential submissive from questioning You as a woman and as Domme will
only establish strong barriers to possible trust. Questions from each side of the
developing partnership are the only concrete manner for both potential partners to get to
know each other as people. Exhibiting a desire for "secrecy", even under the
vanilla guise of maintaining that so-called "mystery" does not apply in the
process of establishing a potential relationship.