New face of heroism

Watch out, Captain America, American Jingo will kick your balls, and juggle it, too.

Asshole's Fables: The Delivery Man and the Dog

A delivery man knocks on the front door of a fancy house and a fat, bald-headed, hairy-chest white man opens it, sweating and panting, butt naked. The naked man seems hurried and quickly signs for the package. As the delivery man turns to leave, he hears a dog bark from inside the house. The dog struts across the living room in full S&M latex girdle, high heel boots on each leg, a blonde wig and lipstick, has a big smile and is smoking a cigarette. The naked guy barks at the delivery man for staring, "My bitch of a wife is calling me. Jealous?!"

Info to access on the Internet:

*FACT: The main reason the Internet thrived as a mass communication device was because of consumers' need for porn. The main staples of the American Diet consists of: milk, corn, beef, pork, and porn. Jeez, nowhere in that diet do I see any laxative green vegetables.

How to tell if someone is lying to you

The liar looks like a "dog sniffing around for shit, but has a glop of shit dripping from the side of its mouth." Imagine that person like that, but then throw a business suit on the dog, or put some lipstick and a wig on the dog. OR, imagine drawing a big smile with a fat black marker on that same dog's face. Doesn't look convincing does it? Specifications don't descriminate. Don't matter if the liar is an old geezer, honest Abe, or slutty two-shoes girl, catches them everytime. Works best on Christians.

Why Feminazis are lower than scum

Pink power sucks. Extremist feminists are terrorists just like any of the other monsters all over the world, thus the appropriate label of FemiNazi. Providing more horror stories for suffering fathers, brothers, husbands and boyfriends (and some girlfriends) than the Holocaust. If you're a man, stay clear of these freaks (you'll know right away when you see one). Cup your balls with your hands and RUN.

How to enjoy a pastrami sandwich

First, you gotta get the pastrami sliced thin with a fair amount of that seasoning rubdown on it. Then evenly toast two slices of rye or Italian sour bread about medium. The theme here is sour and salty. I never mix salty foods with sugary foods if its on the same plate. Shows you don't have a discriminating palate to enjoy having taste buds. The philosophy is that when you EAT, you either do so out of sustenance ("eat to live") or do so to enjoy it, out of hedony ("live to eat"). When you can enjoy it, why not? Make a simple meal like a pastrami sandwich into a feast of ecstasy. Next, get some Cheddar, Muenster, or Swiss cheese slices. Lettuce and tomato is optional because it competes with the tangy sourness we're trying to achieve. Then mustard it up. NO MAYO whatsoever. Mayo is a sad excuse, created as a starvation condiment, maybe a step-up from gruel. Then, cut that sandwich in half diagonally. Pour yourself a chilling glass of V8® Spicy Hot vegetable juice and enjoy the feast. Damn, it's good!

Drinking V8® vegetable juice

If you're lazy like me and not eating your daily intake of veggies, then drink V8® vegetable juice or find another way of meeting that requirement. You don't have to follow that shite, it's just important to get your vitamins and proteins and nutrients and stuff. You can get those from many types of foods, but common folk aren't exactly learn-ed in that trade (like I am). That's why the easy way out is drinking at least two glasses of V8® vegetable juice, which is about 2 tomatoes and other purees of vegetables. See, I would get myself a Juiceman juicer, but I guess I'm not that health-conscious serious about it. V8® vegetable juice just tastes that good.

Color Politics Theory (aka Discrimination Theory)

There's this thing floating about, a magical "colour" meter that will put you in your political place. Feminazis thrive on this "artistic" shite. It seems they were the first frootloops to utilize it and practically live and die by it (haven't seen any FemiNazis actually suffer for their cause). So fair warning in advance for any edumacated Asian men out there: if you wear red, watch out for loonytoons, hairy-pussied dykes to come after you for no reason other than to justify their own lunacy. Other than that, everyone should wear rainbow-colored clothes to be like these clit-pinchers so that they can get more in touch with their penis-envying side. What a strong foundation for culture to put unquestionable faith into the hands of lunatics that twitch like Jekyll/Hyde at the sight of colors they saturated with symbolism themselves. Like mad bulls consciously choosing to wear red shades but not knowing why they're mad all the time... Mooooooooo-ah!

Go, Go, Power Rangers!

How to ward off bullies and their goons

Easy. If they come a-chargin' at you relentlessly, kick them where it hurts. And then you ask: what if this freak, this stalker is a female, or a group of freaks? So I says, the worst kinds of monsters hide their ugly nature behind the prettiest petals (or some are just plain ugly thinking their petals are pretty). Even those monstrosities need the sun, water, and care. Take those away. If bullies don't start behaving, they get worst, and they are active in their terrorism. Ask the psychotic women in Wisconsin how they get away with it, or that nuthole Letterman or even Dr. Phil. You'll be surprised, and maybe vindicated, when you realize these bigshots with all their money and muscle are nothing but petty bullies in the end. And that's justice you can't buy.