Part 3

*****
Daydreams indicated by italics
 

He headed back to bed. 
 

Angel had listened to him force the cold, thick liquid down his throat. Gulping mouthful after mouthful, not stopping until the bag was drained. He was grateful for the fact that vampires can't choke. He swallowed a sigh of frustration. Well, what did he really expect? That Spike would come into the kitchen, heat up some blood, sit down with him and discuss the weather? It only took him five minutes to feed and leave. Then he smiled in amusement. It seemed that a little bit of the old Spike had just reared his head. He did follow orders, in his own way. As usual, he managed to get around the rules without actually breaking them. He just hoped that a little more of him would come out. He'd let him have this little victory for now. He needed that more then he needed for his Sire to come down harder on him for actually following the rules. So, Angel finished his blood, trying to come up with other ways to bring more of the old Spike back.

Spike made his way back to bed. He didn't plan on moving again unless it was to shower or to feed. The blood wasn't sitting right in his stomach. He really wanted to throw up, but knew that the Great Poof would have something to say about that if he found out. He willed his stomach to settle as he retrieved the picture and crawled into bed. Maybe the bags of blood got to him, but he finally noticed the sheets. Bloody Hell! What were those two bints thinking about when they put those horrid sheets on a Master Vampire's bed? Why the hell hadn't he noticed before?

Then he dismissed all that when he touched the picture. What did it matter what the sheets looked like? He didn't care, not really. He had what he wanted. Solitude, for now. Picture in his arms. And hopefully, good dreams about his Xander. He'd be glad when Angel gave up on him. He knew that it was just a matter of time before that happened. After all, it didn't take long for him to abandon him and Dru after he got his soul. Left without a 'by your leave' he did. And when that happened, he'd be free to go home to Xander. He just had to stick it out a little longer. Follow orders and give no cause to rock the boat. It wouldn't be long now and he'd be free. With that thought going through his head he went back to sleep, praying that the nightmares would stay away. Just for a little while, that's all he was asking. That wasn't too much to ask for, was it?

Another three weeks passed. Three weeks of Spike wandering downstairs in his bare feet, grabbing three bags of blood, gulping them down and going back upstairs. He still rarely spoke a word to anyone. 'Yes', 'no', 'thank you' and 'Sire' were just about the only things he said. Occasionally though, he did get up to three syllables with 'Whatever'. As in 'Whatever you say, Sire.' Hey, at least it was a sentence. 

Angel was beginning to feel frustrated again. Yes, he was feeding but it didn't seem to be enough. Physically he was getting better; slowly, but getting better. But, mentally, he wasn't making any headway with the younger vampire. It was just pure luck that he was following Spike though the lobby when the phone rang. Cordy answered it, voice suspiciously loud and bright when she greeted the caller.

"Hi, Dawn! How are you doing? Oh, Spike? I'll see if he's awake. Hold on."

Spike had frozen when Dawn's name was mentioned. He stood motionless during the conversation and flinched when Cordy came near him. 

Gently reaching out to him, she softly asked him, "Are you awake today?"

Spike refused to answer her. His lower lip trembled for a second and he hung his head. He moved out of her grasp and started to head back upstairs. Angel made another decision. Hopefully by forcing this, it would bring him out of his shell a little more. Sure, he was showing up to feed, but that was about all. Angel felt that he didn't stay down long enough for it to be doing any good. He'd been there for almost two months and was still withdrawing from everybody. Still walking and existing in the shadows. It was time to push him out into the light a little bit more. 

Picking up the phone he told the waiting teen, "Hold on, Dawn. I think that he's coming downstairs now. He's just woken up, so he might not say much, okay? You know that he's not much for conversation when he first rolls out of bed. God, I didn't mean that you would know how he is when he first gets out of bed! Not that I really know how he is getting out of bed. I mean ... never mind. I'll go get him for you."

Putting down the handset before he embarrassed himself further, he reached Spike before he got to the stairs. Grabbing his arm, he forced the sad-faced blond to stop.

"Dawn wants to talk to you. She's been calling here every week and you haven't so much as said hello to her. Talk to her."

"Please don't do this to me, Sire. I really don't want to talk to anyone right now. Maybe later, yeah?"

Angel swallowed a sigh. He sounded so damn depressed. Maybe talking to Dawn would help some. Lift his spirits a little, if it doesn't drive him deeper into himself. Hell, desperation was driving him to try anything right about now. He knew that he could order his grandChilde to do it. But he really didn't want to do that because he knew that Spike would only talk to Dawn under orders. He didn't want him to later resent talking to her because he had no choice. However, maybe guilt would work better this time. 

"She's been calling here every week, just hoping to hear the sound of your voice. She misses you very much. All she's asking for is a few minutes of your time. Just a few. I already told her that you've just woken up and that you're not much for talking just after you get up. She's only asking for a few minutes. Can you really deny her that? Even if you do nothing more then say hello, that'll be enough for her. Try for her. Please?" 

Spike looked up with a flash of anger in his dull blue eyes. Angel experienced a glimmer of hope. Spike was finally going to lose his temper. He was going to lose it and start yelling at him, calling him names and throwing punches. He eagerly awaited the explosion. It never came. The anger quickly left, replaced again by the pain that had been occupying them lately.

Halfway back to the phone, Spike whispered over his shoulder, knowing that Angel could hear him with his vampire hearing.

"I'll always hate you for this."

Angel watched him as he reached the desk, took a deep, unnecessary breath and reached out for the handset with a shaking hand.

"Hello, Nibblet."

Angel heard the squeal of delight from the teen all the way across the room. He briefly wondered how Spike kept his hearing. He heard his grandChilde mutter an occasional 'yeah', or 'sounds great, pet', but he refrained from making further conversation. He knew that Dawn didn't mind that. To her, talking was talking; even if only one person was doing most of it. He moved closer to the desk. Now, he had a better view.

Spike's eyes were slightly glazed. He knew then that he wasn't really paying attention to what Dawn was saying. She could've told him that she was dying her hair purple and getting her tongue pierced and his reactions would've been, 'Yeah, sounds great, pet.' He knew that if he questioned the younger vampire about what they talked about, he wouldn't even remember talking on the phone, much less the topic.

He finally intervened when Spike began to hunch his shoulders, his hands trembling, pulling into himself once again. He knew that it wouldn't be long before he completely shut down. He didn't want that to happen while he was on the phone with Dawn.

Gently taking the phone from the suddenly slack hand, Angel interrupted Dawn in the middle of a story about her first cooking lesson from Buffy, of all people.

" ... and I told Buffy that Mom never had to use a fire extinguisher to make toast. But then she said ..."

"Uumm, Dawn?"

"Angel? Where's Spike? I was talking to him. Are you listening in on another phone? This is a private conversation. Butt out!"

"Uh, Dawn, I need to borrow Spike. Cordy's just had a vision and he's gone up against this type of demon before. I really need his help. It's very important. Why don't you call later this week? In fact, instead of calling once a week, why don't you call twice a week, okay?"

"Oh, okay. If it's that important. Tell him I'll call him on Friday at the same time, okay? Oh, Buffy wants to talk to you."

"Angel?"

"Hi, Buffy. Everything going alright?"

"Yeah, thanks for asking. Can you talk freely?"

He glanced at the motionless Spike. He was more or less completely withdrawn again. He wouldn't have heard a fog horn blast from two feet away. Yeah, he could talk freely.

"Yeah, you?"

"Dawn just went upstairs to do her homework. Thanks, by the way. For getting him to talk on the phone. It really helped to lift her spirits. She's been kinda in the dumps since he's left. Nothing worse then a moping teenager. Believe me, Mom said that about me plenty of times. I knew that he couldn't have always been sleeping whenever she called. How did you do it?"

"Don't ask."

"How's he doing by the way? I mean, really doing? Don't pull any punches."

"Physically he's doing better. He's been feeding more so he's filled out some."

"How about emotionally? Mentally? C'mon Angel, talk to me. It's no time to go all silent broody on me."

"About the same. Maybe a little worse. You have to believe me, I'm doing the best I can."

"I know. We've tried for eight months. We, or at least I, didn't expect any miracles so soon. I need to check on Dawn. Make sure she's doing her homework and not listening to her cd player. Keep me updated, huh? He's still our friend and please, tell him that we love him."

"Sure. Talk to you later."

Hanging up the phone, he took a long look at Spike. He was still standing there, motionless. Only now, he was breathing. He only did that when he was in the midst of passion or severely stressed. And, since he still had his clothes on, an orgasm wasn't the cause of his condition. Cordy went to make a move towards them but he shook his head. Gently turning them both around, he led Spike back to his room. He didn't resist and that worried him. Did he push too much, too soon? Gone too far, too fast? Shit, he didn't know what he was doing. Not really. He knew how to drive someone around the bend; Dru was proof of that. What did he know about navigating around someone else's broken mind? Too bad that he couldn't have turned Sigmund Freud because of his soul. He could really use a psychologist right now. He could have laughed about that if he wasn't so concerned about Spike. A vampire needing a head shrink.

Reaching the room, he led Spike over to his bed and rearranged the pillows. Picking up the picture, he handed it to Spike. He didn't move to take it. Angel looked deep into his eyes. Still blank. Taking the limp arms, he wrapped them around the picture and prodded him into bed. Again, Spike made no resistance, staring up at him with blank, blue eyes. And because he knew that Spike wouldn't remember it, he leaned down and kissed his forehead. His hand gently caressed the curls. It had gotten even longer. A vampire's hair does grow. Slower then a human's, but it does grow.

"I love you, Spike."

He didn't expect an answer and he wasn't disappointed. Tucking him in, he left the room. He hoped that Spike had pleasant dreams that night. He hoped they both would, but he knew that was wishful thinking on Spike's part. Reaching his own room, he quickly stripped and climbed into his own cold bed. He drifted off to sleep, visions of lustful blue eyes, moaning passion, and the screams of 'Take me harder, Sire' ringing in his ears. On the edge of sleep, he realized that he'd have cum soaked sheets when he woke up. And a small part of his mind didn't care.

Spike came to himself with a blink and a jerk. He was in bed. How the hell did he get there? The last thing he remembered was saying hello to the 'Bit. What happened? How did he get back there? Turning onto his side, he pulled his legs up to his chest and found that he didn't care how he got there. He was here, back in bed with Xander. That was all that mattered. Here with his Xander.

*****

It was Friday and Spike did his customary feed and leave. Just as he entered the lobby, Angel held him up.

"Spike, Dawn's going to call soon. I promised her that you'll talk to her again."

He just looked at his Sire for a long moment. Then moving slowly, he sat in one of the desk chairs and waited for the phone to ring. He said nothing and refused to look at Angel. As soon as the phone rang once, he picked it up and greeted Dawn.

That conversation went just about the same as the first one. As soon as his hand started to tremble, Angel interrupted them, gave an excuse, hung up and led the silent blond back to bed. He repeated the same bed ritual as before. The only thing that he was grateful for was that Spike gave no resistance to the kiss and caress. As much as he loved that little bit of comfort that he could give, even though one of them had no idea what was going on, he wished that he had the old Spike back.

Another week and a half passed. The only difference now was that Spike took to sitting by the phone at the same time each day, waiting for Dawn's call. When the time passed the usual hour that she called, he went back to bed. On the days that she did call, it took longer and longer for the tremor to start. Angel always hovered nearby, ready with an excuse and the bedtime ritual.

Spike was sitting at his usual place by the phone, Angel hovering nearby again, when Cordelia came down the stairs, towing Fred behind her. 

"We're off on our shopping trip. Can I get you guys anything?"

Angel shook his head and Spike just ignored them both; his concentration was focused on the phone. Angel studied him. The bleach had grown out even more. His hair was once again more honey blond then white, softly curling around his ears. His nails were devoid of the customary black polish that he'd gotten used to seeing when he was Angelus and Spike was stuck in the wheelchair. Yes, he'd filled out more, but Xander's clothes were still hanging off him. They were also beginning to tatter around the edges. He hadn't been smoking, Angel knew that. He hadn't smelled nicotine anywhere near him. His liquor cabinet hadn't been touched. He'd checked. In short, Spike wasn't looking or acting like Spike. Maybe he could help remedy that.

"Spike."

No reaction. He tried again.

"Spike, answer your Sire."

He kept his head down but did as he was told.

"Yes, Sire?"

"The girls are going shopping. Do you need anything? Bleach, booze, smokes? Hair gel, nail polish? When's the last time you painted your nails?"

Spike looked down at his nude nails. He studied them. His voice had that same depressed tone he had whenever he talked to anyone. Only now, it had pain lancing though it.

"The last time I painted them was the morning that Xander went to work and never came back."

Angel felt like kicking himself. He hadn't meant to bring up a bad memory. Hell, he was just trying to help.

"How about some new clothes? The ones you have are kinda falling apart. We can get you new clothes that'll fit. On me."

The mostly silent figure flinched. New clothes? Give up his clothes? Give up Xander's clothes? He couldn't do that! Spike finally looked up at him. The pain that was in his voice was now showing on his face. His lower lip quivered. Hurt filled his eyes.

"The clothes I have are fine, Sire. They really are! I-I don't need a new wardrobe. I really don't. Excuse me, please."

He withdrew back into himself and left the desk, not even bothering to wait to see if today was the day that Dawn would call. He hurried back upstairs to bed.

They watched him scurry up the stairs, not bothering to look back. Cordy was the one to break the silence.

"Ohhhkayyy. Not the usual reaction to the offer of free clothes. I've never heard of anyone turning down free stuff."

"Cordy, get the clothes anyway. Something black, something ... I don't know ... something Spike-like. I'm not sure what size but get them a few sizes bigger. He's still filling out. He'll wear them."

"Maybe you shouldn't force this. Maybe you should just let this one go."

Angel gave her a hard stare.

"I'm not letting anything go. I'm trying to help him. It's not helping him for him to go around in a dead man's clothes. Don't force this issue with me. I know what's best for him."

"You'd better not be wrong about this."

Cordy and Fred left for the stores, not bothering to comment that any clothes that vampires wore were for dead men the minute they put them on. The Seer had already visually picked out the clothes, mentally sizing the slim blond in her head. Hey, it was a gift.

Three hours later, they returned and thrust the bags at Angel. They silently gave him a look that said, 'Don't fuck this up.' Grabbing them, he made his way to his grandChilde's room. Not bothering to knock, he entered the half lit room. Spike was in his usual place on the bed. Huddled up and covered up.

"Spike, sit up. Now."

There was a slight movement as the slim vampire did as he was told. He wouldn't look at him though. Angel dropped the bags on the bed, right in the line of his sight. He flinched and made no move to pick them up.

"Spike, I want you to look at me."

His miserable face looked up to him. Angel suppressed a flinch. He'd almost given in, looking into those big blue eyes, but he resisted. 'This is for his own good,' he told himself. And, if he kept repeating that to himself, maybe he'd even believe it.

"Spike, I want you to listen to me and I want you to obey me. Sire's rights, remember? You have to obey me. I want you to wear these clothes. Do you understand? And before you get any ideas, tying them around your waist or wearing them as a cape doesn't count. And don't even think of destroying them. I want you to wear your pants on your legs and your shirt on your back. The next time you go down to the kitchen, you'll be wearing them. You will not be hiding out up here. Do you understand?"

His whisper soft voice was shaky, near tears.

"Yes, Sire. I understand."

Angel fled before he could give into the urge to wrap his grandChilde in his arms and kiss his troubles away. 

Spike stared at the packages like they were about to bite him. Reaching out with a shaky hand, he pulled the bags closer to him. Upending them, he studied the clothes. All black. Black jeans, black t-shirts, black boxers and black socks. Wait, there was a little bit of color added. One dark red and one navy blue button down shirt were near the bottom. The fabric was soft, cotton. He hated them on sight. He wanted to tear them into itty bitty pieces.

His brain kicked into high gear. He had to figure out a way out of this. A way to obey the rules and still do what he wanted to do. And he had until the next day to think of it.

*****

Angel was waiting in the kitchen when Spike walked in to feed. He secretly grinned. Well, it seemed that the old Spike had reared his head once again. Oh, Spike was wearing his new clothes alright. He was wearing them over Xander's. 

The sweatpants were stuffed down the legs of the too large black pants. Although the zipper was too stuffed to be closed; gaping open to expose the black boxers over the gray sweats. The black t-shirt was pulled tight over the loud print of the large shirt; puffing out in places. He completely ignored the socks, still going barefoot. Yes, he was certainly wearing his new clothes and only so he could still wear his old ones next to his skin. 

Yet, Angel said nothing about Spike's ensemble. He was wearing them for now, that was what mattered. He'd address the bending of the rules and the missing socks later. He followed Spike out of the kitchen and caught the looks that the rest of the A.I. crew gave the slim blond. They said nothing either, but they sent looks of amusement to Angel. Yep, Spike got one over him again. And he liked it. 

Spike had been living at the Hyperion for a little under three months. Dawn was calling every day now and, against his will, conversations with her began to filter though his numbness. Slowly, he was able to make sense of what his Nibblet was saying. One call had her excited about a concert that she was going to with her friends. Downside was that Buffy was chaperoning. Upside, she was way cooler then the other girls' mothers and at least she knew who 3 Doors Down were. Another call came after the concert. The music was great, the guys were hot, and Buffy only had to stake three vampires. Third call had her in near tears over a fight with Janice. It seemed that they both liked the new guy in school. Fourth call had her making up with her best friend. Guys come and go, but best buds are forever. Besides, the new guy was going out with a girl named Kim, a total skank who'd sleep with anybody. Who wants a guy who'd date her? 

He missed the next seven calls. He spent that week in bed. Refusing to move or eat, regardless of Sire's orders. Angel had almost dragged him downstairs before Cordy stopped him. Xander's birthday was that week. At least, he reflected later, Spike had enough self-awareness to realize what month it was. The date of Xander's death was getting closer and he dreaded what would happen. 

The birthday week passed and Spike rejoined the living, so to speak. After his first conversation with Dawn after the missed week, Angel again escorted him back to bed as usual. Although he seemed to be more 'there' when he talked to his friend, he was still out of it enough to allowed Angel to lead him to bed. Angel was secretly happy about that. It was the only time that he knew that he'd be allowed to touch him like this. Love him like this. This night however, Spike was more aware than he let on. Just as the older vamp caressed the curls and leaned down to kiss him, he finally spoke without being prodded.

"Don't ever touch me like that again." 

And with that, he curled up to his customary position, effectively shutting Angel out of the little corner of his world. The dark haired vampire felt the loss. 

"Spike, I didn't mean ..."

"Go away."

"Just let me explain ... "

"Please, go away. I don't want you here."

Spike sounded broken again. Just like he did when he forced him to talk to Dawn for the first time. Angel backed out of the room. He made it to his own room before the tears finally began to stream down his face. His boy didn't love him. Didn't want him. Didn't even want the small bit of comfort that he could give him. Angel quickly stripped and got in bed. This time, instead of hot, wet dreams, he dreamed of an enraged face screaming at him to leave him alone. He hated him. Never ever wanted his vile hands on him again. He didn't get much sleep that night. 

Angel decided to push again the next day. He might not want him, but he still needed him. He just didn't want to admit it yet. As Spike grabbed the three bags at once, he made his move. Okay, so he was still desperate.

"Heat the blood, Spike and sit at the table."

The blond vamp said nothing, but did as he was told. Pulling out a chair across from Angel, he quickly drained one bag. Just as he reached for the second, Angel stopped him by trying to get him to talk.

"Tonight's weather is mild for this time of year. Don't you think so?"

Spike said nothing. He just reached for the second bag again.

"It's only polite to answer someone when they're talking to you."

A long silence and then a softly spoken voice filled the kitchen.

"Yes Sire, nice weather."

Ooh, very polite. He reached again.

"You really think so? You haven't stepped outside since you've been here. How do you know what the weather's like?"

"You just told me that it was a mild night. I trust my Sire's judgement."

That last sentence smacked of sarcasm. Angel felt a surge of hope again. Sarcasm was Spike's middle name. Well, one of them. He reached again.

"Feel like taking a walk outside, later?"

Spike completely froze in mid reach. Leave the hotel? Leave Xander? Coming down to the kitchen was one thing. So was talking to the 'Bit. But, leave the hotel? He couldn't. He'd be too far away from Xander. He began to shake in fear. Fear that Angel would take him away for good. He could do that, he realized. He'd already done it once. Picked him up like a sack of potatoes and dragged him here. He could do the same thing again. The only thing he had left was the picture and clothes. Angel could make sure that he never saw any of it ever again. He was already being forced to wear clothes he hadn't asked for. Angel could take everything away from him. He hated him enough to do it. Hated that he loved Xander so much. He'd always been a jealous bastard, either as Angel or Angelus. Never could stand to see anybody else happy. 

Angel stared at him in shock. It had been an innocent question. He thought that it might do Spike some good to get out of the hotel. Take a walk around the block, get some fresh air. He hadn't expected this. This sudden choking wave of fear coming from the opposite side of the table. He didn't understand it, but knew that he'd somehow caused it. And it was up to him to make it better. 

Reaching out to the trembling blond, he tried to comfort him. As soon as he touched him, Spike reacted. Badly. He violently flinched back and stood up so suddenly the chair crashed to the floor. He backed away so quickly he crashed into the wall. Big blue eyes looked at Angel in horror and he began to breathe heavily. His whole body began to shake and a whispered plea came forth. Becoming louder and louder with each repetition.

"No. No. No. NonononononononononoNO!!!"

With the idea of offering comfort running though his head, the dark haired vampire slowly and carefully made his way to his distressed grandChilde, hoping not to spook him further. Spike stood with his back to the wall, trembling, still with the look of horror and fear on his face.

Stepping an arm's length away, trying not to crowd him, Angel reached out and gently touched the stricken face in front of him. That seemed to snap Spike out of his paralysis.

Bringing up a clenched fist, he slugged Angel. He hadn't been expecting it and he dropped like a stone. Spike screamed "No!" again and raced out of the kitchen.

Pure panic drove him though the lobby, pushing past the startled humans and running to his room as fast as he could. He ignored the concerned voices behind him. His one and only thought was of Xander.

Reaching his sanctuary for the past three months, he slammed the door behind him. His still shaking hands made locking the door more difficult then it should have been. And then, for good measure, he shoved the bed in front of it. He stripped off the new clothes, tore them and the rest of Angel's generosity into tatters with his vampire strength and flung the remains into the waste basket in the bathroom. Gathering up the rest of his old clothes and the picture, he huddled in a darkened corner, still shaking. He couldn't leave Xander again. Not again. He just couldn't.

Angel picked himself up off the floor. He tested his sore jaw. Spike might still be underweight, but he packed a mean punch. He would've been happy about the physical contact, if it hadn't been made in fear. He didn't know what went wrong. One minute he was having a conversation with him, well, trying to have a conversation, and the next minute, Spike had freaked out on him. He had to find him. Now, before he did something stupid.

Reaching the lobby, he faced two of his hostile crew, Fred and Gunn. Even Fred was pissed at him, and she was the most even tempered of the bunch.

"Whatcha do to 'em, man?" Gunn wanted to know. He kinda liked the little dude. He knew a lot of different ways to kill demons without a lot of dancing around. Of course, he also knew how to draw out the pain if they needed information from one of them.

Angel just stood there, still rubbing his jaw. He tried to defend himself.

"I didn't do anything to him. I was just talking to him and he hit me. Where is he?"

"Why should we tell you? Just so you can scare him again? I saw his face, Angel. He was terrified. What did you do!?"

This was from his sweet little Fred. Sweet little angry Fred.

"I told you, nothing. Where is he?"

Wesley came down the stairs. Folding his arms in front of him, he addressed the room.

"He's locked himself into his room. Cordelia's trying to get though to him. What did you do to him?"

Not bothering to defend himself yet again, he brushed past them and made his way up to his grandChilde's room. He racked his brain, trying to figure out what had happened. When did everything get out of his control? The dark vibes on the floor was pressing down on him once again. Only now, there was an underlying feeling of fear. He heard Cordy's frantic knocking before he reached the door.

"C'mon out, sweetie. Please, open the door. It's Cordelia. Whatever Angel did, he didn't mean it. You know that he can be a big idiot sometimes. Let me in. Open this door right now! Please?"

She whirled on Angel as soon as he came up behind her. Anger written all over her face. Anger and concern.

"What did you do to him? He won't answer me."

"Like I told everybody else, nothing. We were talking and then he panicked for some reason. He hit me and ran out of the kitchen. Now he's locked in his room. I. Didn't. Do. Anything!"

"It must have been something. He wouldn't have locked his room for nothing! He's never locked his room before."

Heaving a deep sigh, Angel decided to end this. Moving the Seer aside, he used his strength to rip the knob off the door, rendering the lock useless. He started to push open the door and hit an obstacle. Spike had pushed his bed in front of the door. Cordy gave him a look that said, 'Great going Doofus.' Pushing harder again, he cleared a small opening.

Just as he was about to give another shove, Cordy restrained him by placing her hand on his arm. He looked at her, questions in his eyes.

"Let me go to him. He's scared of you. You'll just make a bigger mess and make him worse."

Angel started to say something but changed his mind. Let Cordy deal with him. Maybe she really can handle this fiasco that he'd created, however unknowingly.

Cordelia squeezed through the narrow opening and crawled onto the bed. It took a minute for her eyes to adjust to the gloom of the room. It took her another minute to spot Spike. He was huddled in the furthest corner, rocking and shaking. She climbed off and made her way slowly across the room, hoping that she wouldn't spook him. 

"Spike? It's Cordelia. I'm alone and I'm not gonna hurt you. Do you understand me?"

He flinched at the sound of her voice and stopped rocking. He was still trembling though. Cordy crouched in front of him, being very careful not to touch him. He wouldn't look at her and Cordy bent her head until she was in his line of sight.

"Spike, look at me, please? Nobody's going to hurt you. I promise."

Slowly, very slowly, he lifted his head until he looked her full in the face. His eyes, oh God, his eyes were so tortured. Full of pain and fear. She wasn't sure what was going though that blond head of his, but she grieved for the light and hope that had died in his eyes the day that Xander had. She'd seen the picture that he now had clutched in his arms in a death grip. She hadn't seen that look in his eyes since he'd been here. One day, she hoped to see even a tenth of that look in those baby blues.

"Spike, tell me what's wrong. Please? Nothing's bad gonna happen. I promise."

Spike had disappeared into himself soon after he had crawled into the corner. All he felt was fear and panic. He wished for the numbness again. Wanted the numbness. He never wanted to feel anything again. All of this feeling hurt. He didn't want anything to do with it. At all. He drove deep into his mind, trying to find a pleasant memory of Xander. But every time he tried, all he could remember was the day that the Slayer and Red came to the door and told him that Xander was gone. For good. He couldn't get away from that memory.

He didn't hear anything but the phase 'There's been an accident' for a long time. Nothing until Cordy spoke his name. Then she was here. In his sight. He didn't really want to see her. Hear her. But, he couldn't help it. Maybe he could get her to understand. Get her to make Angel leave him here. Keep him here. Near Xander.

"He ... he was trying to make me leave. He was ... was going to t-take me away. For good."

His voice was soft and quivered from fear. Cordy shot a hateful look over her shoulder at the sight of Angel leaning as best as he could though the blocked door. Addressing him she asked, "What did you say to him?"

Angel just gave her a helpless look. He didn't understand what was going on.

"All I asked was if he wanted to go for a walk outside and get some air. That's it. I swear!"

Turning back to the still shaking blond, she gently rubbed his arms, trying to soothe him. It didn't really help.

"See? He just asked if you wanted to go for a walk. That's all. Just a walk."

"No. No, he was going to make me leave. For good."

"No, sweetie. That's not it at all. What makes you think he was going to make you leave?"

"He ... he made me leave before. Made me leave Xander." 
 

"No, honey. He wouldn't have made you leave. Not if you didn't want to. Do you understand that?"

"No. No, he would've made me leave. Go far away."

"Why do you thank that, huh? Believe me, if you didn't want to go for a walk, all you had to do was say no. That's not so hard, is it honey?"

"No, he would've made me go with him. Sire's rights. I would've had to go with him. I would've had to obey him. He made me feed, made me talk to Nibblet and wear those fucking clothes that I didn't want. Sire's rights. I'd have to leave if he said so."

Spike was close to tears and Angel felt like he'd been kicked hard in the stomach. Was this how Spike saw him? As some heartless monster whose sole purpose was to punish him? He wasn't punishing him. He only did those things to try to help him. Honestly. But, Spike thought that he was trying to hurt him and that crushed him. He never wanted to hurt his boy. He was only trying to make him better.

He forced his way into the rest of the room and Spike saw him and cringed back. Now, that really hurt. Cordy shot him another look. He knew that look. He should, she'd given it to him a lot in the past few months. The look that said, 'Fix him and don't fuck up'.

Crouching down behind her, he tried to reassure his upset boy.

"Spike, I honesty thought that you would've liked to take a walk. You haven't been outside of the hotel since you got here. I thought you might like to take just a short walk around the block. And then we'll come back here. To the hotel. I wasn't trying to make you leave. I truly wasn't. And you can say no. I know that I made you do things before that you didn't want to do, but that was for your own good. I was trying to do what I thought was best. If you didn't want to go outside, all you had to do was say no. I wouldn't have forced you. Now, I'll ask you again, do you want to go for a walk? Nothing bad will happen if you're honest."

Almost sure that it was a trap, Spike quickly shook his head, and fearfully said, "No. I don't want to go outside, Sire."

Angel smiled at him. Hoping that it brought some comfort to him.

"See? That's all you had to say. I'm not mad at all. If you don't want to go outside, then you don't have to go. Now, do you want to come downstairs and finish your blood, or do you want to go back to bed? I won't punish you if you want to stay here."

Spike chewed his bottom lip and Angel so badly wanted to suck and soothe that plump bottom lip. He willed his arousal down. Spike didn't need to smell that right now. Now, he needed understanding and comfort. Not his Sire wanting to fuck him though the bed. Though the floor. Though several floors. Damn, he needed to concentrate here.

"No, I'd rather stay here, if it's alright with you, Sire."

He cringed again, waiting for Angel to come down hard on him. Angel smiled at him instead. It didn't really help make him feel better.

"Okay. If that's what you want. But, you will have to eat tomorrow, okay? You can't afford to lose any weight. I'll put your bed back in place and you can ... do whatever you do in here when you're alone. Okay?"

He waited for the nod and pulled the bed back into its original place in the room. Cordy helped him straighten up the covers and they both left the room without a backward glance.

Spike crawled into bed, wishing again that Xander was here. The numbness began to creep in and he welcomed it like an old friend. As long as he could block everything out, nothing could hurt. No loneliness. No fear. No panic. No heartache. Nothing at all could hurt him.

Angel and Cordy strode down the hall, each one lost in their own thoughts. Angel finally stopped her. There was something he had to get off his chest. Something that he needed Cordelia to know.

"Cordy, I wasn't trying to make him leave. I honestly thought that it might do him some good if he got out of here for a while. Get some fresh air. Everything I did was for him. You believe me, don't you? I'm trying my best here."

"I believe you. I know that you're trying hard to help him. I know you care about him. And you've helped him, believe me when I tell you that you've helped a lot. It's just that he might never get past losing Xander. Can you cope with that? I know that you love him, don't try to deny it. I can feel it. Do you think that you can handle it if he never loves you?"

"As long as he heals, I'll deal with anything he wants to throw at me. Even if he hates my guts for eternity, I'll take that."

"You love him, alright. Only a sap like you could still push him when you know that he'll probably resent you for the rest of his eternally long life. Now, let's get cracking on the next case. You need to pound something into the ground."

"Thanks, I think. I can always count on you to cheer me up. Oh, by the way, could you buy him some more clothes? Don't worry, I won't push anything. I'll keep them in my room until he's really ready for them."

"Anything you say, bossman."

*****

Spike made his appearance the next day. No one mentioned the missing new clothes. No one mentioned the deeper circles under his eyes. And no one dared to mention the fact that he drank only two bags of blood. He felt a little of the sadness lift a bit at this small show of rebellion.

He was even able to pay more attention to the 'Bit. After another week or two, he even contributed a little more to the conversations than 'sure, sounds great pet'. She filled him in on everything that was happening back at Sunnydale. It seems that Tara moved back in and they had to hire an accountant for the shop. Everyone else was tired of trying to untangle each other's bookkeeping methods. His name was Harold, of all things. Nibblet giggled at the name until he told her that Harold was a popular name in his day. That just sent her off on a tangent of old folk jokes. He nearly smiled at them. Harold was average. Average height, average eyes, average hair, a little overweight but not too much. Someone who you wouldn't look twice at. Great sense of humor and smart. Sounded like a nice guy in his opinion. 

Angel had seen the near smile and felt real hope for the first time since he'd arrived. But still, the dark vibes poured off him. He worried about the coming weeks. Xander's death date was getting closer and closer. He hoped that this wasn't the high before the fall. And he had a long fall to make.

*****

Cordy had taken Fred with her to Sunnydale. The Slayerettes were throwing a weekend slumber party and wanted the female A.I. team to join in. Cordy thought that it would do Fred some good to bond with women other than herself. Willow was a former geek, so she thought that the girl genius would feel totally at home. The others wouldn't see her as a total dork and she would feel more comfortable around normal people. Well, normal for people who lived on the Hellmouth. All they told others was that they were going to be gone for the weekend. They refused to say where, not wanting Spike to be upset and want to go with them. Cordy assured Angel that if she had a vision, she'd call right away. Otherwise, don't bother them, they were going to do some serious girl bonding. 

It was quiet in the hotel that night. No cases, no predictions, no stress. Gunn and Wesley went home after returning with Angel after a quick patrol though the nearby parks. It seemed as if even evil took the occasional night off.

Spike was in the shower. Letting the hot water wash over his cool alabaster skin he remembered all of the showers that he and his beloved had taken. He let the memories come to him, just like they did every time he showered.

^^^^^

Xander comes though the door. Hot, tired and sweaty. He loves the smell of his boy; all maleness and sunshine. He sits him down at the table to eat, knowing that they'll both want to patrol with Buffy later and also knowing that if he wants hot food to eat, it had to be now. Once he makes sure that he's licked his plate clean, he strips him slowly while he lets the shower water heat up. Kissing each exposed inch, he makes his way down, avoiding the cock and making his boy groan with frustration. This was one of his favorite times of the night with his lover. Stripping himself quickly, he manouvers them both under the hot steamy water. Lathering up his hands with the sandalwood soap that they both love, it was the only scent that didn't overwhelm his sensitive nose, he skips the bathcloth and the sponge. He wants to use his hands. Wants nothing between the hot human and his cool hands. Pushing Xander over to the corner of the tub, he has him place his hands on the tiled walls. He always starts at the nape of the neck, massaging his hands on the neck. His Dark Prince groans in pleasure as he works the knots out of the tense neck. Slowly making his way down the strong neck, made broader with the heavy work that he does. More muscle looks good on him. The shoulders relax under the same attention that he gave the neck. Pressing hard into him, swollen cock trapped in the crease of his ass, he massages the long arms. Working his strong hands down to the wrists, caressing the back of the hands, paying special attention to the fingers. He firmly pushes the hands back to the tiled walls when he takes them off to grab him. Kissing him right below the earlobe, he works his way back up the arms and to the back once again. Lower and lower he works his magic on his human. Lathering up his hands again, he reaches around him, enveloping him into a hug again as he washes the pecs, grinding his cock against the hard ass, both moaning in tormented pleasure. Playing with the harden nipples, Xander moans again in appreciation. Slowly, oh so slowly, his circling hands creeps downward to the washboard abs. Xander's cock is so hard, it lies flush with the taut stomach. Just brushing the tip, he backs off, earning a groan of frustration. Ending the hug, he works the strong back. There was this knot, just about there, yes! The knees are now jelly. He kneels down when he reaches the small of the back. It gave him a perfect view of that lovely ass. All soft and full under his hands. He always loved that ass. Especially with those tight jeans he wore just for him. Palming the full globes, he parts them, licking down the crease and teasing the tight rosebud buried there. There was a gasp of desire. With his tongue still buried in his hidden treasure, he runs his hands down the long, muscular legs. He smiles when he feels the slight tremors and the beginnings of light panting. His pet was trying to hold off on cumming. Well, he'll soon fix that. Leaving one of his favorite spots, he tugs the human around and hands the bottle of shampoo up to him. Xander always washes his hair while he sucks him off. It's one of their favorite water activities. He teases him just under the head, hearing the gasp again above him. Tracing the large vein underneath with a finger nail, he swoops down and attacks the heavy balls, sucking them both into his cool mouth. Xander's reduced to incoherent mumbling. He loves that he can do this to him. Reaching up and nudging his hand, he finally gets Xander to pour the shampoo onto his wet head. Xander's nails rake a bit hard when he licks off the bubble of pre-cum, just before it rolls down the flared head. The gentle massage turns into grasping hands when he engulfs the head. The hands tighten even more when he teases the slit with his tongue and teeth. Slowly, so slowly, he swallows him inch by inch; resisting the way the hands on his head pull him toward the final goal. Reaching up, he stills the warm hips, preventing him from fucking his mouth full on. That'll come later. Xander's heaving now, trying to catch his breath. Slow. Slow. Slow. Finally, he reaches the base. Xander's trying hard not to cum, trying to make it last. Taking one hand off the hips, he grips the base just under his full pouty lips, helping to hold off the orgasm. The other hand sneaks around to tease the tight rosebud; circling but not entering, fingernail softly scraping the greedy hole. His love doesn't know whether to push towards the mouth or finger. Nails are now digging painfully into his scalp, trying to pull him closer. It's a pleasure/pain that he enjoys, encourages. Still moving slowly, he pulls away from the base, teeth lightly scraping the throbbing cock. Reaching the head, he swirls his tongue around the mushroom shape, teases the slit, slides down to the base again and swallows. Over and over and over, the slow torture goes on. Finally, there's a broken plea from above him, 'Yes, Please, Yes, Please, Yes, Please, Yes!!!!' And with that, he inserts his slippery middle finger into the tight channel, hits the prostate on the first try, and hums around the engorged cock deep in his mouth. All restraint gone, hands tighten even harder in wet hair and his mouth is fucked hard. He lets him slam his still sucking mouth up and down that hard hot length. He's still teasing the hot spot in his ass, crooking his finger, scraping that nub of bliss with a sharp fingernail. The other hand reaches up, pinching and tweaking a nipple; first one and then the other. Balls slapping him under his chin, still humming. There was an animalistic yell above him; hands shoving his head until his face is pressed hard into the dark, wet, curly nest of hair, and a hot stream of cum flows down his throat. He swallows it all, not losing a drop. He looks up after he carefully licks him clean and removes his finger from the still clinging and greedy hole. He stares into brown eyes made darker by desire. Standing up on suddenly shaky legs, he leans up and .....

^^^^^

Water streamed down his upturned face. Blinking back the water, Spike stared down at his hard cock. Just like every night in his shower, he willed it away. A hard-on was wasted without Xander. Half way though thinking of the way a Keffletric demon eats, he stopped the gruesome image. Who said it had to be wasted? He had an active imagination. He could pretend that Angel was Xander. He does resemble him a little. Both tall and dark haired. Both wanted him. He could smell the desire and want rolling off of Angel every time he's near him. He'd wanted him ever since that time he woke up and found him in his room, watching him sleep. And what the hell was that all about? He never did find that out. Maybe it was time he gave his Sire what he wanted. What they both wanted. 

After all, he did get hard just thinking about his Xan. If that didn't take imagination, what did? He could do this. He could have his Xan back. All he had to do was think of Xander. If he kept that image in his head and didn't call out his name, this should work. It could work. All he had to do was think of Xander. Think of Xander.

With that thought running though his mind, he left the shower, still wet. Making his wet, naked way though the halls, he made good time to Angel's room. On the way, he managed to get in the right mind set. Occasionally he and Xander role played. Stalk the Prey, Shiver Me Timbers, Repair Man, Delivery Man, Master and Slave, Sire and Childe. At first, Xan had trouble with that last one. He'd been hurt and even accused Spike of thinking about Dru or Angel. He hadn't and he had to have a long talk with his love. It wasn't about Dru or Angel or any desire to have sex with them again. It was about control. Him giving Xander complete control over him. It wasn't easy for a vampire to do that. No Master vampire can give complete and absolute control over to anyone but his or her Sire. 

Usually, their lovemaking was gentle, sweet, give and take. He loved it, but sometimes he needed more. Needed it rough and hard. Needed to be taken. And that's where Sire and Childe came in. With Xander as the Sire, he could give all control over to him. Do anything that was commanded of him. And most of the time when they played, Xander got off on it. Having a vampire, a horny vampire, at his beck and call, to tease and torment and then take him rough, got him hot and hard. The first time they played though, he'd been sick with tears because he damaged him, caused his ass to bleed so badly. He kept telling him that he was sorry and he'll never do that again. It took Spike the better part of the night to tell Xander that he was alright, that nothing was wrong. Bleeding from there was part of the appeal, part of what he craved. There was nothing wrong with him losing control like that. He was a vampire and he'd heal. Besides, now he was marked by him. Loved like a vampire should be. Xander had gotten more comfortable with that role, although, just so he wouldn't push anything, they never played like that as often as he wanted. He was more then satisfied with the gentleness that they shared. His heart filled with love at the memories.

He was dry by the time he reached Angel's room, but that didn't really matter. His still hard cock bobbing up and down as he opened the door and walked in. The shower was going and he knelt down by the bed, arms loosely hanging down by his sides, knowing the picture he presented. All he had to do was think of his true love and this would work. It had to.

Angel stepped out of his bathroom door, half dried off with a towel slung low around his hips when he stopped and stared. Spike was kneeling by his bed, shyly looking up at him.

He was naked.

He was hard.

The smell of want smacked him straight in the face.

If he had a heart beat, it would've stopped right there. He rubbed his eyes hard, thinking that maybe he had fallen asleep in the shower and was just dreaming this. 

Stared again. 

Nope. Still there. 

He came close to him, not exactly touching him yet. Frankly he was afraid to. Afraid that the fact that he had wanted Spike so much just made his mind snap. Spike hadn't moved. He just sat there, staring up at him with a soft look in his blue eyes. He lightly sniffed. All he smelled was Spike's desire, pouring towards him in waves. No grief. No anger. No hate. Just desire and want. He couldn't understand what caused this one-eighty turn. Still half afraid, he decided to touch the kneeling figure, knowing that he could then decide if he was real or not.

Reaching out with one finger, he lightly touched the delicate jaw in front of him. Spike turned into the touch, letting the finger caress him. Looking up at the dark naked man, he saw Xander. Xander was in front of him, touching him with his warm human finger. He slowly blinked and smiled at his love.

Yeah, Angel decided, he was real alright. Against his will, his cock hardened at the slow blink and smile. Spike was looking up at him with desire in his eyes and a promise in his smile. Spike hadn't looked at him like that since just after he'd been turned and Angelus started 'tutoring' him in ways to please him. Before he started to torture and twist that love.

"Spike?"

Shit! Was that his voice? He sounded shaky and uncertain to his own ears. Hell, he was shaky and uncertain. What the fuck was going on? Spike was real, so he knew that he wasn't dreaming. Was Spike dreaming? Sleepwalking? Had he been dreaming of Xander and sleepwalked here? Did he think that he was Xander? He'd thought it before. And he had to know. He couldn't have stood it if Spike thought that he was him.

Clearing his voice, he tried again.

"Spike? What are you doing?"

Shaky and uncertain was gone. Now he just sounded scared. And he was scared. What if Spike was sleepwalking and dreaming? What if he woke up and rejected him once more? He didn't think that he could take that again. He still had nightmares about when Spike threw him out of his room. They got worse after he had frightened him when he wanted him to go for a simple walk. 

Spike didn't answer. He just looked up at him and reached up with his hands. Still not moving from his kneeling position, he slowly and lightly ran his nails down the long torso in front of him. From just under the suddenly tight nipples down to the hipbones above the towel, he ran his sharp nails down the smooth skin, creating chills down the still figure. His cock hardened further when Spike ran his hands down him again, smoothing the scratches with the pads of his fingers. 

He captured the wondering hands on his third pass, nails scratching lightly again. He held the hands tightly, unfortunately at his hipbones, framing the tenting towel. He asked him again, louder this time.

"Spike! What are you doing?"

Looking submissively at the floor, he finally spoke. His voice was soft and low. Seduction at its peak.

"Trying to please you." 

Angel started to pant lightly. God, that tone of voice alone could make him cum. And it had in the past. Closing his eyes, he tried to keep a handle on his libido. 

"I mean, why are you here? In my room dressed ... not dressed ... Here! Why are you here? Like this?"

Nuzzling his face in the strong, cloth covered thighs, creating a pleasant scratchy feeling, Spike said in the same voice,

"You want me. I know you do. I can smell you whenever you come near me. I want you, too."

Clutching the smaller hands tighter, he tried to pull himself together again. The fact was, he did want him. Very much. He just had to make sure that Spike wanted him and not Xander.

"You want me? Since when? The last time I touched you, you told me not to ever lay my hands on you again. What changed?"

"A man can't change his mind?"

"Yes, but usually when you change yours, it takes years. What changed now?"

There was a soft sigh that made pre-cum leak out of his cock, dampening the towel further.

"I'm tired of being alone. I want to be touched again. Held again. Loved again. I need love. Is that so bad?"

He sounded so heartbroken. As Angel tugged him upright, Spike took the opportunity to slide his body against him, knocking the towel off. Now they were both naked. Standing up, he nuzzled his head in the crook of the taller man's neck. Angel had to know for sure. He had to know who Spike thought he was before this went any further.

Taking the blond's chin in his hands, he lifted the head until brown eyes were looking into wide blue eyes.

"Are you dreaming? Because I know I'm not."

"No. I'm not dreaming. You can pinch me if you want."

Angel chose not to take that enticing suggestion. So, if neither of them were dreaming, that meant that this was real. But, he had to know for sure.

"Who am I?" He softly asked.

Long lashes swept down and then he shyly looked up again. 

"Sire. You're my Sire."

Spike softly kissed the hot neck in front of him. He knew how to get Xander to respond to him. Knew how to get him to take him like he wanted him to. Like he needed to be taken. Sliding down, making sure that he made full contact with the hard cock, he was once again kneeling. Holding his arms meekly by his side, he nuzzled the left hipbone, the still jutting cock poking and rubbing his neck. The panting speeded up and more pre-cum leaked out, decorating his ear and hair with his love juice. Slipping into gameface, he lightly pierced the warm skin in front of him. The chip never fired when Xander wanted to be bitten during love play. Sucking hard, he let the hot blood slowly slide down his throat. He took only a little, just a mouthful. He would never take the risk of accidentally taking too much and possibly draining him; no matter how good his blood tasted. As he went back into human face and was licking the wound closed, his arms were grabbed and he was hauled up. A hot mouth was crushed against his, tongue desperately exploring his cool mouth. Sucking greedily at the twisting appendage, he smiled. He had him right where he wanted him.

Angel had almost held out. He could have resisted him. He was doing a pretty good job, even when Spike whispered 'Sire' into his neck and kissed him there. He was doing real good until Spike had knelt in front of him and bitten him ... where he'd bitten him. That was one of the most erotic zones for a vampire. All thoughts of resistance fled and any reason about why Spike was doing this left his mind. All he could think of was 'Mine!'. He pulled the slim figure up and crushed his mouth to his. Sucking on his Childe's tongue, pressing the naked body to him, he rubbed the trapped cocks between them with their bodies, making them both harder.

Tossing the pale body onto the bed, he roughly told him, "Into position, now Childe!"

Turning onto his stomach, he raised one pale leg up almost to his shoulder, leaving the other one straight, opening himself up to his Sire. He kept his elbows in and his hands framing his face. He looked over his shoulder to his Sire, still looking shy.

Desire flooded Angel at that look. Shaking hands made opening the bedside table drawer a little difficult until he just ripped it out. He managed to find the half used tube of lube among the mess and coated his fingers with it. He looked at the pale figure, spread out among his blood red silk sheets.

He was beautiful. And his. All his. 

Reaching out with his now steady hands, he ran the unlubed one softly down the thin pale back. Spike arched into the touch, practically purring. Angel parted the full globes and teased the opening hidden there with his slick finger. Spike pushed himself towards the finger.

"Stay still."

His voice was stronger now. No longer uncertain or unsteady. No longer scared. He was in full control now. In command. He was Sire, now.

The squirming figure immediately settled.

Going back to his exploration of his Childe's body, he inserted a thick finger into the tight, tight hole. He let the spasming hole close around the knuckle of his finger and ran the other hand down the long back again. Spike didn't move. He was following Sire's Orders. Pleased with his boy, he leaned down and kissed his way down the spine, sucking a bit to leave temporary marks down the thin back.

Spike was in heaven. The minute that Xander ran his hand down his back and touched his back entrance, all he wanted to do was throw his boy down and ravish him. He stopped when he was commanded by the Sire Voice. He forced himself to not move when that hot finger invaded him and the sucking kisses were trailed down his back. It had been so long since his love had touched him and it was hard for him to just lay there and take it. But take it he did. He had his Dark Prince back and he wouldn't do anything to spoil it.

Angel moved the finger, in and out and then inserted a second one. His boy beneath him swallowed a gasp of delight. Good boy. For that, he nibbled an ear and scissored his fingers, loosening the tight ring of muscles protecting the tunnel of joy. God, it had been so long. He forced himself to take his time, to slow down. He really wanted to take him hard, and he would, but no way would he damage his property unnecessarily. 

Moving to nibble on the other ear, he inserted a third finger. He could feel his boy trembling with need and want. Soon, soon he'd give them both what they wanted. When the hole relaxed enough to take a fourth finger, he leaned back and slicked up his rock hard cock. He couldn't wait a minute longer. 

Withdrawing the fingers from the greedy clasping hole, and ignoring the mewling sound of loss, he quickly slammed his cock home. 

Spike reared up when the hot length invaded him. He had moved but he couldn't help it. His Sire enveloped him in his strong arms and hissed in his ear.

"I told you not to move. You'll have to be punished for that."

He gasped again at that. Xander reared back, pulling almost out and pulled him up onto his knees. He then brought his palm down hard on one ass cheek. He forced himself not to move. Not that he didn't want to. If he did, he'd be punished again and that thought made his cock harder. But, he didn't move because he was told not too. And he was trying hard to make this good for him. Good for them both. Besides, he might be spanked for being good. It was all up to Xander.

Angel studied the red mark on the full globe. The color looked good on him. So good, he decided to do it again; this time as a reward. Over and over his hand rose and fell, painting one cheek in blood red. He soothed the fiery red cheek, enjoying the warmth. He compared it to the white one next to it. Deciding that they both needed to be the same color, his hand fell again and again on the other one. Stopping again, he soothed that one. He loved the heat of those ass cheeks clutching his hard cool cock. Digging his fingers into the slim hips under him, he began to move, loving the heat of the cheeks as they nestled him as he brought his Childe flush towards his body.

"Don't cum."

Spike filed that information away, although, how could he think with the pleasure flooding his body? It took everything he had to not move when the spanking began. It hurt, but the hurt went away when the strong hand began to soothe the pain away. Then the spanking began again, this time on the other side. Again, the soothing. Then hands dug hard into his hips and that big beautiful hot cock began to move in him. Slowly, he was pulled onto that cock. Slowly pulled until he was against the hard body behind him, the flare of pain as his red cheeks made contact. And then he was told not to cum. God, could he hold on? Especially when it nudged that spot of bliss inside of him? He let his mind float on the love pouring around him.

Angel knew he wouldn't last long. He never did the first time. Oh, God he was so, so tight and it felt so damn good! He speeded up. Pounding harder and harder into the slender body under him. Pushing and pulling the pliant body he finally came hard. He roared his pleasure, his cum flooding the hole, his cock still throbbing. Not pulling out, he rested his weary head on the bent back of his Childe.

Gasping for unnecessary breath, he reared up, pulling Spike hard onto his lap. He was still buried in the cum slicked hole. He started to get hard again. Reaching around, he grabbed the blond man's cock. Still hard and the balls were heavy with unspent cum. Spike's head lolled on his shoulder, breathing heavy from the effort of holding off on not cumming. The blue eyes were glazed with desire. Angel nuzzled the smooth neck. With one hand gripping the hard cock, he circled his other on the hard belly. The hard belly that was still gasping for breath. He purred into his ear.

"You've been a good boy for me. A good boy for your Sire. Now, I want you to ride me. Ride me Childe and don't cum."

He heard his voice filter in through the peaceful place he was in. He was a good boy. He was. And now Xander wanted him to ride him. He could do that. Not cumming may take some concentration. Concentration that he might not possess right now, but he'll do anything for his Xan.

Spreading his knees slightly and reaching around him to hold on to the thighs supporting him, he began to move up and down. The hot clenched fist around his already hard cock tormented him, making him want to cum. But remembering his instructions, he tried not to think about that, tried to concentrate on pleasing his Sire. He speeded up a little, hitting the sweet spot buried deep within him. He began to moan in bliss again when he felt the hot hand on his stomach begin to roam.

Angel let his other hand wonder around the heaving body riding him. His hard cock was being gripped by the cool greedy hole and he knew that he wouldn't last much longer then the last time. The hand pinched and tweaked erect nipples, causing the breathing to hitch more. His boy always had sensitive nipples. It wandered again, lightly scratching the smooth stomach, tracing the hard abs and ribs, making its way down to where its mate held the trapped cock tightly. It began to fondle the heavy balls below while the other hand made its slow way up and down the ridged shaft. But he still didn't cum. 

Leaving the balls alone, registering the moan of loss, Angel made his way up to the soft hair tickling his neck. Winding his hands though the stands, he pulled back hard, exposing the creamy white neck. Licking it, he whispered into Spike's ear,

"Faster."

The riding body speeded up even faster.

"Faster."

Now his Childe was slamming harder down on him. Rising up until his cock almost popped free and then ramming himself home. His hard cock was being gripped in a tight velvet sheath. He was going to cum soon and he wanted his Childe with him. He tightened both hands; one around the throbbing cock and one in the blond curls.

"Stop."

Spike stopped. Now they were both pressed so tightly to each other that not so much as a piece of paper could be passed between them. Both of them were sweaty and breathing in rhythm. The hand on the cock began to move again. Up and down. Slow, so slow. And then he stopped and gripped the base.

"Who am I?"

"Sire."

The hand moved slowly again. Stopped again.

"Who do you belong to?"

"To my Sire."

The hand moved again. Stopped again.

"What would you do for me?"

"Anything."

Hand moved. Hand stopped. Angel tighten his grip on the pale cock.

"What's this?"

"My Sire's property. My body does not belong to me. It belongs to my Sire. He can do whatever he wishes with it."

Hand moved. Hand stopped.

"What do I mean to you?"

"Everything. You mean everything to me. I don't exist without you. You are my everything."

And with that answer, he speeded up his hand. Pulling harder and harder, rougher and rougher. The hole spasmed around the cock once again. He began to move again. In and out. Faster and faster. Moving deeper and deeper and hitting the sweet spot on every pass. He felt the pressure build more and more. Then, just when he couldn't hold off any longer, he vamped out and yelled.

"Now! Now! Cum Now!!!!!" 

He held his boy tightly to him and flooded the tight hole with his cool seed again at the same time that he felt the cool stream of cum from his Childe spill over his hand. Still vamped out, he turned his head and sank his fangs deep into the exposed neck of his Childe.

It was like Spike had been doused with a bucket of holy water. And that was when it hit home for him. Hit him that it wasn't a warm body gripping him tight. Wasn't warm sperm filling him. Hit him really hard that it wasn't Xander filling him. The body holding him and filling him was cool. Too cool to be his Xander. It was Angel. Angel's fangs in his neck. 

Oh, Xander had bitten him before. But with his hard blunt human teeth. Even drawn blood when he really bit hard enough. But he didn't have fangs. Angel had fangs. He didn't want it to be Angel fucking him. Filling him. Bringing him to sexual peak. Cumming for him. He wanted it to be Xander. But Xander was gone. He'd just lost the love of his heart forever. The last thing that went though his mind as a scream of anguish locked his throat tight and he lost consciousness from the shock of his ultimate betrayal was, 'Dear God! What have I done?' 

*****

T.B.C 
 
 

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