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What Is Wrong With Them?
Michael Jackson becomes a popular topic to talk about because of his child molestation case. Things such as sexual abuse, child molester have caught my attention when people have conversation about Michael. I am personally not interested in the case against Michael, but every time people mention his name, I cannot help thinking about his appearance, especially his face. He becomes so obsessed with plastic surgery because he wants to have an appearance that he thinks it is better. However, things did not work his way. His face becomes uglier as time goes by. By looking at his face makes me wonder, "Does appearance really matter?". I found that people nowadays are so obsessed with appearance. Girls always have their make-ups on, and guys always have their hair done before they go out. Obsession with appearance becomes a trend in our everyday life. What causes this trend? What makes people so obsess with their appearance?
Before we go on discussing the cause of obsession with appearance, let's sit back and have a little experiment first. Assume that you are one of the people who are obsessed with appearance. Before you go anywhere, you have to make yourself look perfect. You think that you are attractive with your perfect appearance. Now, I want you to put some imagination into this experiment. I want you to imagine that you cannot have anything done to your appearance anymore. Do you think you will as attractive as before? The answer is no. You will not only think that you are not attractive but also feel anxious because you are not being attractive as you suppose to, and feel scared because you are afraid people might make jokes about your appearance. Although you appear perfect fine physically, you will think that you are still imperfect because you are missing your ideal appearance.
In Carl Rogers's theory of personality, he emphasized the importance of congruence between the self and experience. If a person views oneself as a kind person and feels warm toward others then the person would consider congruence. On the other hand, if a person views oneself as a kind person but feels cruel toward others, then the person would consider incongruence. In addition, the condition where experiences are incongruent with the self structure is known as self-experience discrepancy. A psychologist named Tory Higgins has proposed a general theory relating self and affect. Instead of focus on discrepancies between self and experience, Higgins extends Rogers's thinking by differentiating discrepancies between an ideal self and ought self. The ideal self-concept captures the individual's hopes, ambitions, and desires. The ought self-concept consists of the individual's beliefs about duties, responsibilities, and obligations. Discrepancies between self and ought self is leading toward agitation-related emotions. For example, if a person has an ought self of being an attractive person but end up not attractive at all in reality, the person would most likely feel fearful, threatened, or anxious.
Because of the agitation-related emotions, the person will be anxious about how he or she looks. This will lead toward to obsession with appearance. The person will try everything to shorten the gap between self and ought self by making himself or herself to look as attractive as possible. Michael Jackson is a perfect example. His anxiety of not being attractive is the cause of being obsessed with his appearance. Michael is well-known because of his incredible moonwalk skill and his wonderful voice. However, he pays more attention on his appearance instead of music. He does not satisfy with his music career because he wants to have a more attractive appearance. He becomes addicted to plastic surgery. From his nose to his eye brow, from his eye brow to his cheek, from black skin to white skin, from a decent looking man to an ugly scary looking person.
Obsession with appearance is just a mask to cover up the discrepancies between self and ought self, but what is the cause behind this action? Why are people so anxious whether they are attractive or not? There are so many possibilities. However, there is one possibility that I think could fit those who are obsessed with appearance. They are so anxious about their appearance or attractiveness for only one purpose; they do not want to be rejected by people. For example, if the school only allows the A and B students to stay, there is no way you could stay if you are a C student. You will be rejected if you do not meet the school's standard. In other word, people are anxious about their appearance because they think they do not meet the world's standard. They continuously think that they are not good enough. Let's go back to the example of Michael Jackson. He has what most artist wants; talent of singing and dancing. The only one thing that he dissatisfies is his appearance. He is so anxious about his appearance because he does not want to be rejected by people.
However, there is no such thing as rejection. People's fears of rejection are created by their discrepancies between ideal self and ought self. What they actually fear is unable to attach with people. To understand this better, we will look at the attachment theory by Mary Ainsworth. Ainsworth classified infants into different attachment types in parent-child relationship. There are secure type, anxious-ambivalent type, and avoidance type. Secure type is when infant is sensitive to the departure of the mother but greets her upon her return. Anxious-ambivalent type is when infant has difficulty separating from the mother and reunites with her upon her return. Avoidant style is when infant protests over separation from the mother and avoidance from the mother when she returns. According to research, about 70 percent of infants were classified as secure attachment type. There are two psychologists named Hazan and Shaver used Ainsworth's attachment theory to research on romantic relationships in adulthood. In the adult attachment styles, secure attachment style is associated with experiences of happiness, friendship, and trust; anxious-ambivalent attachment styles is associated with obsessive preoccupation with the loved person, a desire for union, extreme sexual attraction, emotional extremes, and jealousy; avoidant attachment style is associated with fears of closeness, emotional highs and lows, and jealousy. Hazan and Shaver found that attachment style is very similar to infants. There are about 60 percent of adults were classified as secure attachment type, which is close to the percentage of secure type infants.
My purpose is not to show you the correlation between infants and adults but to show you that majority of adults are secure attachment type. They want relationship with people, trust from people. More importantly, they want an intensive attachment with people which will last forever. They want a close relationship with people just like a parent-child relationship. However, their fear of rejection has blinded them. They did not realize there is a discrepancy between their self and ought self. Moreover, they did not realize that their appearance has nothing to do with their discrepancies.
You might begin to wonder, "What causes their discrepancies between their self and ought self then?". They are not lacking anything physically and mentally, but one thing they are lacking which causes their discrepancies is self-esteem. According to Crocker and Wolfe's research on self-esteem, they found that a person's self-esteem depends on positive and negative events. In their research, participants' self esteem level is higher when they score higher grades but lower when they score lower grades. People who are obsessed with appearance often have a lower self esteem level because they consistently think that they are not good enough. They think that they will be "dethroned" in the society without a perfect appearance. However, there is not such thing as dethrone or rejection in reality. People often think that appearance is everything, but it is not the main fact. Although people have perfect appearance, that does not mean they are making congruence between self and ought self. In contrast, obsession with appearance will increase the level of discrepancy and make self and ought self become more incongruent.
Obsession with appearance is a product of self esteem. Everything will seem dark when one's self esteem is low. A good appearance makes one look better externally, but nothing is changed internally. Appearance is a mask to cover up whatever is lacking in the actual self. People often think that appearance is the only way to improve. Are their talents, abilities less important than their appearance? Everyone has an appearance, but not everyone has the same talents and abilities as one another. Why do they not focus more on the priceless things that they have in them instead of their appearance? What is wrong with them?
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