THE QUOTABLE MARK TWAIN
Mark Twain defined a literary classic as "a book
which people praise and don't read."
Alas, by that standard much of Twain's own work has
achieved classic status. Certainly, if you listen to the
noisy debate over The Adventures of Huckleberry Finn it
seems obvious that those with the loudest opinions could
never have read the book.
Be that as it may, it is likely that most people today
know Mark Twain from his sparkling, dead-on,
humbug-piercing epigrams rather than his more extended
writing. Mark Twain said, "The difference between
the right word and the almost-right word is the difference
between the lightning and the lightning-bug," and
he knew that finding just the "right" word could be a
mighty struggle. In a notebook page from the 1890s, we see
him laboring to breathe life into a new wisecrack:
"The man that invented the cuckoo clock is no
more."
Then come several attempts -- all heavily XXX-ed out -- to
construct a suitable punch line:
"This is old news but good."
"As news, this is a little stale, but some news is
better old than not at all."
"As news, this is a little old, but better late than
never." "As news, this is a little old, for it happened 64
years ago, but it is not always the newest news that is
the best." "It is old news, but there is nothing else the
matter with it." Finally, he must have concluded
that no amount of polishing was going to make that
particular material shine, for at the foot of the page he
wrote, resignedly, "It is more trouble to make a
maxim than it is to do right."
But he did take the trouble, and most of the time he got
it right -- which is why we still quote Twain today, 86
years after his death. In fact, to get a respectful
hearing for just about any statement, you need only
preface it with the magic words, "As Mark Twain said . . .
. "
Here are some of the best things Mark Twain said, some
familiar, some perhaps new to you.
"I am the entire human race compacted together. I have
found that there is no ingredient of the race which I do
not possess in either a small way or a large way."
* * *
"It is agreed, in this country, that if a man can arrange
his religion so that it perfectly satisfies his
conscience, it is not incumbent on him to care whether the
arrangement is satisfactory to anyone else or not."
* * *
"All you need is ignorance and confidence; then success is
sure."
* * *
"Often it does seem a pity that Noah and his party did not
miss the boat."
* * *
"Power, money, persuasion, supplication, persecution --
these can lift at a colossal humbug -- push it a little --
weaken it a little over the course of a century; but only
laughter can blow it to rags and atoms at a blast. Against
the assault of laughter nothing can stand."
* * *
"The holy passion of Friendship is of so sweet and steady
and loyal and enduring a nature that it will last through
a whole lifetime, if not asked to lend money."
* * *
"Love seems the swiftest, but it is the slowest of all
growths. No man or woman really knows what perfect love is
until they have been married a quarter of a century."
* * *
"It is by the goodness of God that in our country we have
those three unspeakably precious things: freedom of
speech, freedom of conscience, and the prudence never to
practice either of them."
* * *
"Every one is a moon, and has a dark side which he never
shows to anybody."
* * *
"Man will do many things to get himself loved; he will do
all things to get himself envied."
* * *
"Don't part with your illusions. When they are gone you
may still exist, but you have ceased to live."
* * *
"It is better to keep your mouth shut and appear stupid
than to open it and remove all doubt."
* * *
"Let us endeavor so to live that when we come to die even
the undertaker will be sorry."
* * *
"I thoroughly disapprove of duels. I consider them unwise
and I know they are dangerous. Also, sinful. If a man
should challenge me now I would go to that man and take
him kindly and forgivingly by the hand and lead him to a
quiet retired spot and kill him."
* * *
"When in doubt, tell the truth."
* * *
"By trying we can easily learn to endure adversity.
Another man's, I mean."
* * *
"We all do no end of feeling, and we mistake it for
thinking."
* * *
"I think a compliment ought always to precede a complaint,
where one is possible, because it softens resentment and
insures for the complaint a courteous and gentle
reception."
* * *
"Good breeding consists in concealing how much we think of
ourselves and how little we think of the other person."
* * *
"Always do right. That will gratify some of the people,
and astonish the rest."
* * *
"Grief can take care of itself, but to get the full value
of a joy you must have somebody to divide it with."
* * *
"It is not worth while to try to keep history from
repeating itself, for man's character will always make the
preventing of the repetitions impossible."
* * *
"Courage is resistance to fear, mastery of fear -- not
absence of fear."
* * *
"It is noble to be good; it is still nobler to teach
others to be good -- and less trouble."
* * *
"The political and commercial morals of the United States
are not merely food for laughter, they are an entire
banquet."
* * *
"It could probably be shown by facts and figures that
there is no distinctly native American criminal class
except Congress."
* * *
"I have no color prejudices nor caste prejudices nor creed
prejudices. All I care to know is that a man is a human
being, and that is enough for me; he can't be any worse."
* * *
"The New York papers have long known that no large
question is ever really settled until I have been
consulted."
* * *
"Of all the animals, man is the only one that is cruel. He
is the only one that inflicts pain for the pleasure of
doing it."
* * *
"In religion and politics people's beliefs and convictions
are in almost every case gotten at second-hand, and
without examination."
* * *
"The man who does not read good books has no advantage
over the man who can't read them."
* * *
"There comes a time in every rightly constructed boy's
life that he has a raging desire to go somewhere and dig
for hidden treasure."
* * *
"Let your secret sympathies and your compassion be always
with the under dog in the fight -- this is magnanimity;
but bet on the other one -- this is business."
* * *
"Where prejudice exists it always discolors our thoughts."
* * *
"If you invent two or three people and turn them loose in
your manuscript, something is bound to happen to them --
you can't help it; and then it will take you the rest of
the book to get them out of the natural consequences of
that occurrence, and so first thing you know, there's your
book all finished up and never cost you an idea."
* * *
"Supposing is good, but finding out is better."
* * *
Return to Misc Links
htmlGEAR is everywhere, including here!
Sign My Guestbook
View My Guestbook
* * *
"It is agreed, in this country, that if a man can arrange his religion so that it perfectly satisfies his conscience, it is not incumbent on him to care whether the arrangement is satisfactory to anyone else or not."
* * *
"All you need is ignorance and confidence; then success is sure."
* * *
"Often it does seem a pity that Noah and his party did not miss the boat."
* * *
"Power, money, persuasion, supplication, persecution -- these can lift at a colossal humbug -- push it a little -- weaken it a little over the course of a century; but only laughter can blow it to rags and atoms at a blast. Against the assault of laughter nothing can stand."
* * *
"The holy passion of Friendship is of so sweet and steady and loyal and enduring a nature that it will last through a whole lifetime, if not asked to lend money."
* * *
"Love seems the swiftest, but it is the slowest of all growths. No man or woman really knows what perfect love is until they have been married a quarter of a century."
* * *
"It is by the goodness of God that in our country we have those three unspeakably precious things: freedom of speech, freedom of conscience, and the prudence never to practice either of them."
* * *
"Every one is a moon, and has a dark side which he never shows to anybody."
* * *
"Man will do many things to get himself loved; he will do all things to get himself envied."
* * *
"Don't part with your illusions. When they are gone you may still exist, but you have ceased to live."
* * *
"It is better to keep your mouth shut and appear stupid than to open it and remove all doubt."
* * *
"Let us endeavor so to live that when we come to die even the undertaker will be sorry."
* * *
"I thoroughly disapprove of duels. I consider them unwise and I know they are dangerous. Also, sinful. If a man should challenge me now I would go to that man and take him kindly and forgivingly by the hand and lead him to a quiet retired spot and kill him."
* * *
"When in doubt, tell the truth."
* * *
"By trying we can easily learn to endure adversity. Another man's, I mean."
* * *
"We all do no end of feeling, and we mistake it for thinking."
* * *
"I think a compliment ought always to precede a complaint, where one is possible, because it softens resentment and insures for the complaint a courteous and gentle reception."
* * *
"Good breeding consists in concealing how much we think of ourselves and how little we think of the other person."
* * *
"Always do right. That will gratify some of the people, and astonish the rest."
* * *
"Grief can take care of itself, but to get the full value of a joy you must have somebody to divide it with."
* * *
"It is not worth while to try to keep history from repeating itself, for man's character will always make the preventing of the repetitions impossible."
* * *
"Courage is resistance to fear, mastery of fear -- not absence of fear."
* * *
"It is noble to be good; it is still nobler to teach others to be good -- and less trouble."
* * *
"The political and commercial morals of the United States are not merely food for laughter, they are an entire banquet."
* * *
"It could probably be shown by facts and figures that there is no distinctly native American criminal class except Congress."
* * *
"I have no color prejudices nor caste prejudices nor creed prejudices. All I care to know is that a man is a human being, and that is enough for me; he can't be any worse."
* * *
"The New York papers have long known that no large question is ever really settled until I have been consulted."
* * *
"Of all the animals, man is the only one that is cruel. He is the only one that inflicts pain for the pleasure of doing it."
* * *
"In religion and politics people's beliefs and convictions are in almost every case gotten at second-hand, and without examination."
* * *
"The man who does not read good books has no advantage over the man who can't read them."
* * *
"There comes a time in every rightly constructed boy's life that he has a raging desire to go somewhere and dig for hidden treasure."
* * *
"Let your secret sympathies and your compassion be always with the under dog in the fight -- this is magnanimity; but bet on the other one -- this is business."
* * *
"Where prejudice exists it always discolors our thoughts."
* * *
"If you invent two or three people and turn them loose in your manuscript, something is bound to happen to them -- you can't help it; and then it will take you the rest of the book to get them out of the natural consequences of that occurrence, and so first thing you know, there's your book all finished up and never cost you an idea."
* * *
"Supposing is good, but finding out is better."
* * *
Return to Misc Links
htmlGEAR is everywhere, including here!
Sign My Guestbook
View My Guestbook
