Adelaide's Lament

ADELAIDE
(reading)
The average unmarried female
Basically insecure
Due to some long frustration may react
With psychosomatoc symptoms
Difficult to endure
Affecting the upper respiratory tract
(puts book down)
In other words, just from waiting around for that plain little band of gold
A person can develop a cold

You can spray her wherever you figure the streptococci lurk
You can give her a shot for whatever she's got but it just won't work
When she's tired of getting the fish-eye from the hotel clerk
A person can develop a cold

(reading)
The female remaining single
Just in the legal sense
Shows a neurotic tendency : see note
(reading footnote)
Chronic organic syndromes
Toxic or hypertense
Affecting the eye, the ear, the nose and throat
(puts book down)
In other words, just from worying whether the wedding is on or off
A person can develop a cough

You can feed her all day with the vitamin A and the bromo fizz
But the medicine never gets anywhere near where the trouble is
If she's gettin' a kind of a name for herself and the name ain't his
A person can develop a cough

And furthermore, just from stalling and stalling and stalling the wedding trip
A person can develop la grippe

When they get on the train for Niagra and she can hear church bells chime
The compartment is air-conditioned and the mood sublime
Then they get off at Saratoga for the fourteenth time
A person can develop la grippe

La grippe, la grippe
La post nasal drip
With the wheezes and the sneezes and a sinus that's really a pip
From a lack of community property and a feeling she's getting too old
A person can develop a bad, bad cold
(sneezes)

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