Maria

SISTER BERTHE
She climbs a tree and scrapes her knee
Her dress has got a tear

SISTER SOPHIA
She waltzes on her way to mass and whistles in the stair

BERTHE
And underneath her wimple she has curlers in her hair

SOPHIA
I've even heard her singing in the abbey

BERTHE
She's always late for chapel

SISTER MARGARETTA
But her penitence is real

BERTHE
She's always late to everything
Except for every meal

MOTHER ABBESS
I hate to have to say it but I very firmly feel

BERTHE AND SOPHIA
Maria's not an asset to the abbey

MARGARETTA
I'd like to say a word on her behalf
Maria makes me laugh

SOPHIA
How do you solve a problem like Maria?

MOTHER ABBESS
How do you catch a cloud and pin it down?

MARGARETTA
How do you find a word that means Maria?

BERTHE
A flibbertigibbet

SOPHIA
A willo-the-wisp

MARGARETTA
A clown

MOTHER ABBESS
Many a thing you know you'd like to tell her
Many a thing she ought to understand

MARGARETTA
But how do you make her stay
And listen to all you say?

MOTHER ABBESS
How do you keep a wave upon the sand?

MARGARETTA
Oh, how do you solve a problem like Maria?

MOTHER ABBESS
How do you hold a moonbeam in your hand?

MARGARETTA
When I'm with her I'm confused
Out of focus and bemused
And I never know exactly where I am

BERTHE
Unpredictable as weather
She's as flighty as a feather

MARGARETTA
She's a darling

BERTHE
She's a demon

MARGARETTA
She's a lamb

SOPHIA
She'd outpester any pest
Drive a hornet from its nest

BERTHE
She can throw a whirling dervish out of whirl

MARGARETTA
She is gentle
She is wild

SOPHIA
She's a riddle

MARGARETTA
She's a child

BERTHE
She's a headache

MARGARETTA
She's an angel

MOTHER ABBESS
She's a girl

ALL
How do you solve a problem like Maria?
How do you catch a cloud and pin it down?
How do you find a word that means Maria?
A flibbertigibbet
A willo-the-wisp
A clown
Many a thing you know you'd like to tell her
Many a thing she ought to understand
But how do you make her stay
And listen to all you say?
How do you keep a wave upon the sand?
How do you solve a problem like Maria?
How do you hold a moonbeam in your hand?

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