altsong

Jakarta Hash House Harriers

Other Songs revised 5/1/99 by WW Return to Home Page

A is for ar--hole all covered in sh--,
Heigh-ho says Rowley
B is the bugger who revels in it,
Singing roly, poly up-em & stuff-em
Heigh-ho says Anthony Rowley.

C is for c--t all dripping with piss,
D is the drunkard who gave it a kiss.

E is the eunuch with only one ball,
F is the f----er with no balls at all.

G is for goitre, gonorrhoea and gout,
H is the harlot who spreads it about.

I is for insertion, injection and itch,
J is the jerk of a dog on a bitch.

K is the knight who thought f---ing a bore,
L is the lesbian who came back for more.

M is the maidenhead all tattered and torn,
N is the noble who died on his horn.

O is the orifice all cunningly concealed,
P is the penis all pranged up and peeled.

Q is the Quaker who shat in his hat,
R is the Rajah who rogered the cat.

S is the shitpot all filled to the brim,
T are the turds which are floating within.

U is the usher who taught us at school,
V is the virgin who played with his tool.

W is the whore who thought f---ing a farce,
And X, Y and Z you can shove up your a--e.

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NEW HAW

Tune: New York, New York From: Elephant Man

Start spreading your legs, I'm coming tonight,
I want to see a whole new part of you,
New Haw, New Haw.

This little brown Haw, She's asking for more,
Right through the night of it,
New Haw, New Haw.

I want to wake up, with a girl that never sleeps,
And find I'm coming again, top of that girl.

That little brown haw, she's coming again,
I'll make a brand new start on it,
New Haw, New Haw.

If I can make it with her, I can make with anyone
I'm up it again, New Haw, New Haw.

I want to wake up, with a girl that never sleeps,
I find I'm coming again, top of that girl.

That little brown haw, she's coming again,
Right through the night with it,
New Haw, New Haw.

If I can make it with her, I can make with any cunt,
I'm up it again, New Haw, New Haw

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HEY MASTURBATA
Tune: Macaraina From: Clumpy

Sitting in my house I know that I'm alona
Feeling kinda horny, gotta jingle in my bona
Go and get a Penthouse,
it's the one with Sharon Stona
Hey Masturbata

I go a little faster and it's feeling kinda nice-a
One aint enough so I have to do it twice-a
If you want to spank the monkey,
I can give you good advice-a
Hey Masturbata

I use some baby oil or a little Vaselina
Laying down a towel, so I keep my carpet cleana
Never shake my hand,
'cos you don't know where it's beena
Hey Masturbata

I do it in the car while I'm driving down the streeta
One hand on the wheel, the other on my meata
I can't get out the car
'cos I'm sticking to the seata
Hey Masturbata

Since I was a kid I have been a masturbata
Choke the chicken, numb the knob, squeezing the tomata
I've looked at Miss November,
Now I'm going to decorate her
Hey Masturbata

Buffing the banana, Mr Lizard shaking bacon-a
Pounding on the flounder,
and it's mayonnaise I'm makin-a
Spank the frank, wax the carrot,
God my hand is aching-a
Hey Masturbata

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HARDCASE WHERE'S YER TROOSERS

Tune: Donald where's ... From: Hardcase

Chorus: Let the wind blow high, let the wind blow low
Through Blok M in my kilt I go
And all the hookers say "Hello"
"Hardcase where's yer troosers."

I've just come down from the old sixth floor
Where I spent some time with my favourite whore
And she called out as I went oot the door
"Hardcase you've forgot yer troosers."

Now Oscar's bar I often frequent
I stay quite late 'till my moneys spent
I'm sure that they think I'm a little bent
'cause I don't wear any troosers

The Tambora pub it is no more
It was there I met my first whore
She screwed me there upon the floor
And then she stole my troosers

The Club is a place that I know well
It's a pity about the awful smell
There are many stories, but I won't tell
About the night I lost my troosers

The Top Gun is not my favourite place
I get quite pissed and fall flat on my face
The hookers say it's only Hardcase
Showing off without his troosers

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DAMN JAKARTA

Tune: Making Whoopee From: The Rope (apologies to "Bloody Lagos")

This bloody town's, a damn disgrace
Can't they see, the loss of face
Is there no hope, for this place?
In damn Jakarta

The streets are jammed, too many trucks
The roads are broke, shortage of bucks
The taxi's lost, it really sucks
In damn Jakarta

To get from here, the planes are late
That's if they ever come to the gate
One thing you learn is how to wait
In damn Jakarta

There is no food in the shops
And the prices, they are tops
Now you need lots of cash
In damn Jakarta

The work has gone, the jobs are few
You're so lucky if they pay you (cont. above)

Even more if it's dollars too
In damn Jakarta

And now your friends have all gone
And you know it won't be long
Before you are the only one
In damn Jakarta

There's consolation in the bars
Anker bir or Margaritas
You'll find new friends in Oscars
In damn Jakarta

When it's all done and time to go
It's only then you really know
Whilst it seemed bad, it isn't so
In damn Jakarta

This bloody town's, a damn disgrace
Can't they see, the loss of face
Is there no hope, for this place?
In damn Jakarta

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DOWN TANAMOUR YOU PRATT

Tune: Ilkley Moor baht'at From: Lickaclit

Where 'as tha bin since ah saw thee?
Down Tanamour you pratt.
Where 'as tha bin since ah saw thee?
An' why does 'ta cry out when you pee?
Down Tanamour you pratt
Chasin' all that twat
Down Tanamour, you pratt.

Tha's bin a courtin' dirty tarts
Don't tha know thi'll cover tha wi warts
DTYP, Chasin' all that twat, DTYP

Tha'll catch thi sen tha death o' Aids
An likely pass it on to tha's maids
DTYP, Chasin' all that twat, DTYP

Then banci boys can bugger thee
A red raw arse wi bruisin' to the knee
Though tha may say "That's not my cuppa tea"
DTYP, I'd rather shag a cat, DTYP

An' after bancis, comes the ecstacy
Tha' greedy bastard, takin' thirty three
DTYP, You stupid fuckin' twat, DTYP

Then't' Polis'll come and beat up thee
They'll lock tha up an' throw away the key
DTYP, Smacked wi a baseball bat, DTYP

(but iu your moment of need)
Now where's tha mates from Jakarta Hash

Gettin' pissed and nobbin' all tha's cash
DTYP, Laughed, I nearly shat, DTYP.

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The Five Plus One

Tune: House of the Rising Sun From: Luvablonde

(Chorus): There is a place in old Blok M,
We call the 5+1,
And it's been the saviour of many a hashing lad.
'By God, I know I'm one.

When I first started hashing,
I used to go home to the wife,.
But after drinking Anker beer,
I'd soon get into strife.

So now I give the wife a miss,
For after hashing fun,.
Instead I head off to Blok M,
And visit 5+1.

The girls don't care if you are pissed,
They wash you down and lead you to bed.
And quite unlike the wife these days,
They all give fantastic head.

So fathers tell your young sons,
To do just what you've done.
Spend the odd hour in sin and ecstasy,
In the place called the 5+1.

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MARY, THE LITTLE SOLDIER
Tune: Eton boating song. by: Froggy Park (D-Day run, June 1990)

Twas at an old war reunion, I felt her stand close to me.
In fact, I almost missed her. She was only 4 foot 3.
I asked with the deepest concern,
"Where were your legs blown off"
So she hitched up her skirt to show me,
She was only a fucking dwarf.

Chorus : This was Mary the little soldier,
A hunchback with consumptive cough.
This was Mary the little soldier,
She was only a fucking dwarf.

I met her whilst fighting at Dunkirk,
She was up to her neck in the sea.
I asked, "Are you queuing for this boat."
She said, "NO, I'm just having a pee."
I said, " Sister, you must be crazy,
This is an evacuation."
"I know" she said, and pressed harder,
And expelled an enormous brown one.

I saw her fight in the trenches,
With bayonet and Bren gun,
Over who should have first pickings,
Of dead men's poss-ess-ions.
She once touched a dead mans hot willie,
And rubbed it against her knee.
For no living creature would fuck her
So gro-tesque & ug-il-ee

Once crapping in front of the trenches,
With her knickers at half mast.
A German soldier - whilst smoking,
Rushed to grab her arse.
But he died before he could reach her,
Consumed by an almighty flash.
As his fag ignited the gasses,
That she rasped out from her arse.

She was caught by 20 Gestapo,
In Notre Dame by the font.
But she said she was Quasimodo,
With 2 extra lumps on the front.
They said they could only free her,
"If you vuck wiv each vone of us"
She did, and she got her freedom,
And they died of syphillus.

When the King heard of her exploits,
He said "That is mighty grand."
I'm going to bestow upon her,
The highest honour in the land.
But when he actually saw her,
She looked like a dishevelled goat.
So he said "I hereby appoint you,
The regimental mascot."

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MY FAVOURITE THINGS

Tune: My Favourite Things
From: Hardcase

Chorus:
When the dog bites, on the hash nights
When I'm feeling sad
I simply remember my favourite things
And then I don't feel so bad

Love bites on noses and organ stop nipples
Saucy young virgins and raspberry ripples
Tight little fannies that welcome you in
These are a few of my favourite things.

Small nut brown arseholes in transparent knickers
Multiple orgasms and closeted vicars
Taking my shorts down and flashing my ring
These are a few of my favourite things.

Having a crap first thing in the morning
Scratching my bollocks when everyone's yawning
Farting in bed, oh how the smell clings
These are a few of my favourite things.

A wank in the evening when I'm feeling randy
Using my left hand, pretending it'd Mandy
Her show with the donkey, the thrill that it brings
These are a few of my favourite things.

Stockings, suspenders and freshly shaved pussies
Downing the big one and flashing on buses
Sitting on my face whilst trying to sing
These are a few of my favourite things.

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