March 3rd
The weekend came real fast. It seemed barely a minute ago I was getting ready for Monday. It's dark out, and as I cycled back to my dorm from the basketball courts the sky turned a dark azure, with shades of deep turquoise where the sun was a moment ago. It gets lonely on the weekends, and it's funny how I actually wait for it during the week, and when it does come, I find myself alone yet again.
I tried to call Faith over the Internet Phone, and somehow the Internet connection here in my room is not working. It's so frustrating. It's so close yet so far. I normally speak to her in the mornings but we've switched to using text based chat so I wouldn't disturb Kieron as much. I've always known that her voice meant a lot to me, but only now do I know how much. It soothes me and keeps me company, a wonderful ring in my ear that touches my soul. Well I believe that God has a reason for everything, and I feel guilty that so many times I don't seek His voice for company, choosing rather to look around at the things and people around me. I guess that's the lesson I have to learn.
I received an email from the young girl I mentioned about in my journals on the 29th of February. She told me that she was thinking during class that if we spent too much time looking at the sky, we'd get knocked down by cars. Reality kinda hits us when we want to dream. It's sad fact, but true. The best answer I can give to that would be let's keep our eye on the horizon, where we can see the enormous magnitude of wondrous possibility that lie before us, and yet keep an eye out for passing cars. She doesn't stop amazing me. We so often think that young people have little to say, but I remember clearly of myself as a kid. I had so many questions and concocted so many answers that would be relevant even today.
I have nothing much to say today, except a deep aching lies inside of me as I sit here in my dorm. I miss home, yet it is so unlike me. I've always thought of myself as one who was able to put that behind me. Maybe I'm not as strong as I thought. Who said it took a strong character to avoid these feelings anyway? In my opinion, it would probably be an unfeeling person, or one who felt little for anything. In so many ways, I have found my voice here in Arizona. It's so much easier to bomb your feelings and thoughts when you don't face people. It gave me a good chance to come clean and honest with people who have known me for the longest time, and indeed, this is who I am, and what goes through my mind. And I have found the most beautiful people because I voiced it out.
God bless you all.
Go
Back to Home
Go
Back to Journals