Narrator: Our story begins on the planet Omega, where a young man by the name of Sh-Ane-Helms is trapped in the jobber-zone for becoming too popular amongst his fellow citizens. A powerful politician by the name of Hel-M-Sley has forced this cruel and unfair punishment upon Sh-Ane

As Sh-Ane-Helms laments his lot in life, Earthquakes ravage the planet Omega. This is nothing new, for Omega had been slowly falling apart for a long time now

While the current inhabitants of Omega desperately make their way off-planet, those in the jobber-zone are forgotten.

As fear and paranoia increase, a struggle ensues between the Jobbers. They are desperate to escape. They do not care how.

The earthquakes grow increasingly violent and several jobbers are lost. Others are lucky, as they are able to find a way out of the Jobber-zone.

Looking for his own way off world, Sh-Ane happens upon a deserted shuttle, its escape pod seemingly intact. He quickly climbs onboard.

Unsure how to control the machine, he desperately punches buttons and pulls levers. Finally, the pod lifts off mere seconds before the planet explodes into dust.

The momentum from the explosion causes Sh-Ane's pod to get caught up in what is called a lance-storm -- a void of serious anticharisma -- and thrown violently off-course.

After spinning uncontrollably through space - his screams going unheard - the pod is finally caught up in the gravitational pull of a beautiful blue planet.

This planet is known as Terra to several off-worlders, but its inhabitants affectionately refer to it as Earth.

And so, dear reader, our story begins.

***

Narrator: Sh-Ane-Helms slowly crawls to his feet, unsteady as a fierce pain pounds at his head. He is wearing a tattered jobber-zone uniform made of green body-hugging material.

He turns around and sees what is left of his pod. He slowly steps towards it, hoping to find something that will tell him where he is. He reaches into the pod and pulls a green mask out of the equipment box. It is an Omegan mask that provides the wearer a computerized readout of all objects the wearer focuses on.

(Sh-Ane pulls on the mask and stares up at the bright yellow star that illuminates his new home)

Sh-Ane feels a warmth coming from this star. It's a warmth that fills him with an unexplainable power. A power he has never felt before.

(The mask analyzes the yellow ball of fire Sh-Ane is currently fixated on)

(Seen in the mask:)
Size: 1.4 million km
Temperature: 5800K
Commonly known as: The Sun

(Sh-Ane turns back to the escape pod to see what other useful tools he can find. The pod suddenly bursts into flames)

(Sh-Ane lets out a shout and jumps away, putting his hands up in an attempt to protect himself from the explosion)

Narrator: Sh-Ane doesn't know how or why, but the slightest bit of concentration pulls forth a gust of wind and a wall of rain focused directly at the flaming shuttle. The flames are quickly vanquished, and the wind and rain disappear. Everything else remains dry and untouched

The pod is destroyed, but the odd storm has stirred something up -- a long piece of shimmering material that had been tucked behind the pilot seat. Sh-Ane slowly picks the material up. It is undamaged, and Sh-Ane remembers that it had been a recent addition to the Omegan escape pod survival kits. The material is strong and durable, able to protect the wearer from harsh weather and other elements. In some cases, it has even proved to be a useful piece of armor.

(Sh-Ane quickly wraps the material around his shoulders, unsure what forms of violence await him on this alien planet)

Molly Holly (from far away): Hello? (Sh-Ane sees a female a blond-haired alien currently running towards him) Are you ok? (Sh-Ane studies the girl before him. Oddly enough, she looks very much like an Omega female) I saw an explosion. I thought there was an accident or something--- (she stops when she notices the smoking escape pod) Um, ok... that doesn't look like it belongs here. (She takes in his appearance and offers a small smile) Is there a costume party somewhere?

Narrator: The Omegan mask takes a moment to analyze the female's voice patterns and speech. It is quite similar to Sh-Ane's own language, and he is able to pick it up easily.

Sh-Ane: Costume party? I don't know about any costume party. I simply found this mask and cape in my Omegan escape pod.

Molly: Omegan escape pod?

Sh-Ane: Yes. My planet ... Omega ... exploded. I escaped and came here to--- (he stops, unsure what to call this planet)

Molly: Earth (she bites her lip nervously) Are you sure you're ok. Maybe you hit your head.

Sh-Ane: No. I'm fine. This is Earth, you say? Wassupwitdat? How did I get to Earth?

Molly: Gosh, I don't know (she slowly backs away from the oddly dressed, oddly behaved green-haired man)

Sh-Ane (confused at her reaction): You seem frightened. Tell me, is this an Omega colony planet? You look so much like us that I---

Spike Dudley: Molly? (A small male comes up beside the blonde) What's going on here? The explosion---

Molly: I don't know, Spike. This guy is all I found, but, um, I think he hurt his head or something.

Sh-Ane: No. I told you I'm fine, Citizen.... Molly, did he call you? My name is Sh-Ane-Helms from the Planet Omega.

(Spike puts an arm around Molly's waist as the two slowly inch away)

Spike: Ok, nice to meet you, Sh-Ane-Helms from planet Omega. We were having a picnic when we saw your---uh---um, alien space ship. We thought you were hurt. But you seem fine, so we'll just go now. Besides, Molly needs to make a call. Right Molly?

Molly: Yes. A special call. Goodbye...

(The two quickly rush off)

Sh-Ane: Thank you, Earth Citizens (Sh-Ane waves happily, but the couple is long gone. Sh-Ane sits beside the wreckage, contemplating his next move) Maybe I shouldn't have mentioned Omega. It seemed to create an uneasiness in these Earthlings. (Off to the left, he hears a sound. Even from this distance, the readouts in his mask inform him of the road). It's strange how similar things are on Earth and Omega.

Narrator: Sh-Ane felt a pang in his chest at the thought of Omega. His beloved planet was gone. He suddenly found himself feeling very lost ...

(The high-piercing sounds of sirens interrupt Sh-Ane's thoughts. They are coming closer) <B

Sh-Ane: They wouldn't be coming for me, would they? I haven't done anything wrong.

Narrator: Sh-Ane jumps to his feet and begins to run. He feels himself move faster and faster. Faster then he has ever run before. It even feels as if the ground itself is disappearing under his feet. Whatever powers Earth's ball of fire is giving him, he is enjoying them. Sh-Ane soon finds himself airborne, increasing the distance between himself and the sirens.

Sh-Ane: Perhaps landing on this planet won't be so bad after all!

***

Chief Eric Bishoff: Excellent story on the flying alien, Gregory!

Narrator: Editor-in-Chief of 'The Daily SMACKDOWN', Eric Bishoff, has employed a young mild-mannered reporter by the name of Gregory Helms. A boy who bears a striking resemblance to our hero.

(Bishoff clasps Gregory on the back, almost knocking the boy out of his chair)

Gregory: Thank you, sir... but, um... I never reported he was an alien.  If we start referring to him like that, people may get scared!

Bishoff: Come on now, Gregory. How many humans do YOU know that can fly? Of COURSE he's an alien! People SHOULD be scared.

Gregory: But he means no harm, sir.

(Bishoff ignores Helms and rubs his chin, deep in thought)

Bishoff: He needs a name. A name to strike fear into the hearts of men!

Gregory: He doesn't want to strike fear into anyone's heart, Mr. Bishoff

Bishoff: And how do you know this? Did you interview him? No. We have this alien vigilante running around in tights and a cape, attacking criminals. Are you saying we should treat him with kid gloves? What if he attacks innocents next!

Gregory: But... but he WON'T, sir! I know he won't---

Bishoff: You seem rather confident, Greg. Care to explain to me WHY?

Gregory: He... just doesn't seem the type. I mean, you're right. He attacks criminals... but he wants to HELP people! He wants to---

Bishoff: You get me a legit interview with this alien and I'll decide if he's dangerous or not!  Or better yet, team up with that new chick reporter and get it!

(A curly-haired, scantily clad woman saunters up to Gregory. This is Nidia)

Nidia: Oh, I'd be HONOURED, Mr. Bishoff sir! I'm sure I can find a way to PUMP information out of him!

(Bishoff nods and heads back into his office).

(Nidia slides onto Gregory's desk and crosses her legs, showing off JUST how high-cut her shorts are)

Nidia: So... what should I ask him? Maybe how he came here? Or maybe about his love life? Oooooh, better yet -- if he broke any young woman's heart back on his home planet and if he plans on doing the same here! (she seems lost in thought) I wonder if aliens are any ... DIFFERENT... then humans. I should find that out too (a sly smile appears on her bright red lips)

Gregory (angrily getting to his feet): If you're just going to bombard him with gossip and sexual innuendoes...

Nidia: Bombard him? You make it sound so NEGATIVE! I have nothing but his best interests at heart, Gregory!

(Gregory doesn't believe her)

Gregory: But--

Nidia: Yes, you DO have a nice butt (Nidia jumps of his desk and blows him a kiss) I WILL get that interview... with or without your help, Greg! (Nidia heads off)

(Gregory sinks back into his chair and buries his face in his hands)

(A young photographer comes up to Gregory. This is Gregory's best friend, Shannon Moore)

Shannon Moore: You ok, man?

Gregory: Hey, Shannon. Yeah, I'm fine. I just think Nidia will scare away my interviewee BEFORE the interview!

Shannon: She DOES seem kind of scary. Hey! Maybe you can sneak an interview with the alien WITHOUT her! And I can take pictures? Whaddya think?

Gregory: Come to think of it, that's not a bad idea! I'll get Hurricane's interview in tomorrow's edition, BEFORE Nidia can track him down.

Shannon: Hurricane? When did he get a name?

Gregory: Uh... I just gave it to him now.

Shannon: Cool. I like it!

Gregory: So do I, Shan. So do I!

***

Shannon (snapping a picture of The Hurricane): Man I can't belive Greg set this shoot up for me. It's just too bad I can't make today's edition and match it up with his article. Ah well, pics like this will sell just as well tomorrow!

(The Hurricane signs an autograph for a SMACKDOWN reporter)

Narrator: The Hurricane finds his sudden celebrity rather amusing and it seems he has  gained several fans in a relatively short time.

Shannon (to Hurricane): So... uh... how did Greg get a hold of you?

Nidia (slinking up to Hurricane): Yes, Hurricane.... DO tell us how Greg got a hold of you! (Nidia is followed by a man clad in flannel shirt and ripped jeans) Oh, let me introduce you to my boyfriend, Jamie Noble. Now, suppose you tell me how Greg got the scoop and I didn't when our boss wanted BOTH of us on this interview?

Hurricane: Uh... he has my cell phone?

Nidia: Where is that weasel? Jamie wants a word with him for sneaking around behind my back!

Shannon: I think he called in sick. Said he couldn't come in today.

Nidia: Probably knew I'd get Jamie to kick his ass for stealing MY story!

Hurricane: YOUR story? I believe it was BOTH our----your stories (no one notices the slip up) Gregory was telling me that all YOU were planning on doing was raking me over the coals and asking about my love life! Wassupwitdat?

Nidia: Rake you over the coals? I'd NEVER do that! I was just interested in taking a more personal angle with my interview

Hurricane (eyeing her cut-off shorts and too-tight shirt): Yes, you seem like one who WOULD get personal

(Nidia scowls and signals to Jamie)

Jamie Noble: Are you insinuating something about my woman, boy?

Hurricane: Why? Is there something to insinuate?

Narrator: Hurricane suddenly freezes, his newly tweaked mask picking up a call for help some five blocks away.

Hurricane (to Nidia): You want a story, then head to the 'New Wave Salon' on 5th and Jane!

(Hurricane flys out an open window)

***

(Several young ladies are currently tied to barber chairs and are struggling to get free. Two platinum blond men in bright orange tights stand at the door, allowing no entry and no exit. They are Chuck and Billy)

Rico (ignoring the girls as he goes through the Salon's stylebook): I just cannot believe people pay MONEY for these styles! (throws his hands in the air) What am I going to do? How am I going to bring my own version of style to this poor pathetic world?

Narrator: We have come upon the evil fashion mastermind known as Rico the Stylist! His Evil vision is to turn the world into a beautiful place. Some might think it is a good vision, but these people do not quite understand Rico's interpretation of 'beautiful'.

Rico: Vidal Sassoon thinks he knows what style is, but we showed him, didn't we fellas?

(Chuck and Billy snicker in agreement)

Chuck: You got that right, boss!

Billy: Damn straight!

Rico (cringes): Please... don't use the "S" word in front of me!

Billy: Sorry boss...

Rico: And as for that fool, Alberto... we'll, we won't be hearing too much from him either! Oooooh, Alberto---you're GONE! (signals to Billy). Bring the girl to me.

(Billy nods and heads into the back room of the salon. He pulls out a young beautiful French woman with incredibly shiny blonde hair)

(Rico smiles coldly)

Rico: Ah, Ms. L'Oréal. How are we today?

Ms. L'Oréal: What have you done to my girls? Release them, right now!

Rico: Ah ah... I can't do that. Not until I teach them the PROPER way to style!

Ms. L'Oréal: And how do you plan to teach them if they are tied up?

Rico: Boys, show her the MACHINE. (Billy and Chuck unveil a large television set). You see, I will bombard them with images from my own school of fashion, RICO STYLES, and burn it into their brains until they produce the way I want! (Rico begins to laugh maniacally).

  (A sudden gust of wind fills the salon, causing Rico's hair to be wind-whipped)

Rico (desperately trying to tame his hair with his emergency can of spray): Who did that? Who messed up my perfect hair?

Unseen voice: STAND BACK! There's a HURRICANE comin' through!

(The Hurricane has arrived on the scene, followed by all the employees of The Daily Smackdown. He grabs Billy and Chuck around the neck, hurri-choking both men to the cement, where they remain unconscious. Ms. L'Oréal is free)

Hurricane (hands on hips): Tell me, Citizen Rico, when was the last time you shaved your sideburns? Wassupwitdat? (turns to Shannon) Get Ms. L'Oréal to safety.

Shannon: Yessir! (Shannon gladly leads Ms. L'Oréal outside)

Rico: WAIT! She's my hostage! Bring her back! (turns to Hurricane) How DARE you show such disrespect towards a master of style like myself! (he stands up and shows off his tiger print suit). Do you think just ANYONE can look like this?

Hurricane: I don't think anyone wants to. Now how about you let the rest of these lovely ladies go and we can settle this like---uh---(he pauses, seeing as how 'men' isn't quite the appropriate word to use here)... like---hero and villain.

(Rico suddenly grabs Nidia, who is writing everything down furiously)

Rico: If you want to save the female reporter, you will leave right now and allow me to continue my plans! (Hurricane raises his eyebrows, then checks out his nails, not in any rush to jump into action). Did you hear me? I will shave off all her hair if you do not comply!

Hurricane: And I'm supposed to care what you do to her?

Nidia (insulted): I thought you were a superhero!

Hurricane: As much as you're a super-bitch, yes. Free yourSELF.

(Rico seems confused)

Rico: What kind of hero are you, keeping a maiden in distress?

Hurricane: YOU'D leave her in distress too if you knew her.

Nidia: You just wait, Hurricane! I will rip you apart in my next article! You will be considered public enemy number ONE!

Hurricane: Do as you will, Citizen Nidia. But there are several eyewitnesses here that will report your article was written on a personal bias. (The Smackdown reporters nod in agreement)

(Nidia fumes, angry that the Hurricane squashed her plans for slander)

Rico (shoving Nidia away): Well you're no use to me if the Hurri-hero won't even rescue you! (He quickly grabs a barber's blade) I won't go down without a fight!

(Rico flicks the blade towards Hurricane. Hurricane quickly wraps his cape around himself, deflecting the blade. The fight begins!)

Narrator (in commentator form): Rico with a dropkick to Hurricane! And The Hurricane jumps right back to his feet. Hurricane now retaliates with a flying headscissors on Rico the Evil Stylist. The Hurricane pins Rico... 1...2... almost got him. This is a slobber-knocker ladies and gentlemen!

Now Rico is back to his feet. A neckbreaker on The Hurricane, and a pin! 1...2... and he's up again! You can't keep a good superhero down! Mah gawd, how much punishment can one man take?

Hurricane attacks with a spinning heel kick, a clothesline and a Tornado DDT. Is this it? No... Rico kicks out of yet ANOTHER pin attempt! Damn him! Damn him!

The Hurricane has had enough! What's this? Yes... it's the Hurri-choke! Rico the Evil Stylist is out cold, ladies and gentlemen! Rico is out cold! Mah gawd, the intestinal fortitude this young Hurricane must have had to finally defeat the enemy!

Now the authorities have arrived on the scene... and Rico is being hauled to the New McMahonopolis maximum-security prison! Once again, our hero has saved the day!

(The Salon girls are freed, and thank Hurricane with tokens of affection... which he gladly accepts as Shannon snaps picture after picture. The Smackdown reporters write it all down for tomorrow's edition)

(Nidia turns her back on Jamie and heads towards Hurricane, who is busy hugging one of the Salon girls. Nidia grabs the Salon girl by the hair and flings her away from Hurricane, glaring up at him with murder in her eyes)

Nidia: You just wait, Hurricane! You haven't heard the last of me. I will RUIN you, you hear. RUIN YOU! One day, I'll find something that you don't want people to know, and I'll report it, and make sure the entire WORLD finds out!

(Nidia tries to slap Hurricane, who quickly grabs her wrist and shoves her away. Jamie runs up to Nidia and grabs her around the waist, pulling his girlfriend away from The Hurricane before she tries to attack him once again).

Nidia: I HATE YOU, HURRICANE! YOU WILL PAY FOR NOT SAVING ME! YOU WILL PAY!

Hurricane (watching Jamie pull Nidia out of the Salon): Wassupwitdat? It's not like she was HURT!

Shannon (coming up beside Hurricane): I don't know, man... but that is ONE reporter you don't want on your bad side! (He shakes Hurricane's hand) It was great to meet you... and take it easy. My buddy Gregory will make sure Nidia doesn't spew too much crap about you.

Hurricane: Thanks, Shannon (Hurricane then turns to everyone in the Salon). Now, Citizens, I must take my leave and return to my Hurri-fortress! But I shall be around should anyone need me! Remember, this -- through howling winds and pouring rain, all evil shall fear the Hurricane!

(Without another word, the Hurricane flys off, gaining an even larger fan base then when he first arrived)

Narrator: And so, a legend is born... and our hero vows to watch over New McMahonopolis -- his city -- until he is needed no longer.

(The scene closes on The Hurricane, his cape blowing in the wind as he sits atop Titan Towers and contemplates the long road that lay before him)