WRESTLING ISLAND - OPENING THEME:

Just sit right back
And you'll hear a tale
A tale of two wrestling shows
They started out really small
Now one stars lots of 'hos

Bishoff was a silly man
Vince was brave and sure
Millions of fans sat on their butts
For a 3 hour Pay per view
(a 3 hour pay per view)

WCW started getting rough
Their mighty ship was tossed
If not for the courage of Vince and friends
All of Wrestling would be lost
(all of wrestling would be lost)

Both shows set ground on Monday Night
On major network TV

With Shane McMahon
The Vin-man too
Ted the billionare
And his wife

Too many movie stars

The talent and
The booker-men

Here on Wrestling Isle!
 
 

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(Benoit, Jericho, Edge, and Christian sit under a palm tree drinking Molson Canadian from coconut shells)
 

BENOIT: Think we’ll ever get off this island, Chris?
 

JERICHO: I don’t know, Chris (a pause as Jericho remembers the last time he saw Benoit)
 

(We see a clip from last Wrestling Island, where a drunk and depressed Benoit was dragged back to the WCW camp by Dean Malenko).
 

JERICHO: Wait… when, exactly, did you join our camp, Chris?
 

BENOIT: Well, Chris… Bishoff disappeared the other day. We didn’t know what to do, so the guys and I made our way here…
 

(Shane McMahon runs out of his hut. He seems to be very happy)
 

SHANE: (Holding a piece of birch bark with writing on it) It’s mine! It’s all mine!
 

EDGE: What’s yours, dude?
 

CHRISTIAN: Do we even want to know?
 

SHANE: WCW is mine! Billionaire Ted sold it to me!
 

(Vince McMahon jumps out of his luxury lay-z-bamboo-boy chair)
 

VINCE: WHAT? But why?!
 

SHANE: Well, Bishoff disappeared, and Ted decided he wanted early retirement here on this island. We struck a deal.
 

JERICHO: Shane-o… I don’t think our camp is big enough for Nash and Hogan’s egos.
 

SHANE: Well, part of my deal with Ted is that Nash and Hogan are to stay in a cave far, far away. I don’t think we’ll see them for a very, very long time!

(In a cave far, far away, three shadowy figures huddle together)
 

HOGAN: So, brother… how are we gonna get our jobs back?
 

NASH: I don’t know, man… I know one of the WWF guys. The one married to that Stephanie chick. Maybe…
 

BISHOFF: No no… we don’t ASK for our jobs back. We TAKE them back! (Bishoff hugs himself and rocks back and forth). Yes. Vince will pay for taking my company from me!
 

HOGAN: Brother, it wasn’t YOUR company. It was Billionaire Ted’s!
 

NASH: Yeah, and Billionaire Ted made that deal with the McMahon kid… which put US out of a job too!
 

BISHOFF: It was ALMOST mine though! ALMOST! I was working out a deal with one of the headhunter tribes to help me take over… but noooooo, that little McMahon snot had to run in and do it first! He will pay. Oh yes he will…
 

NASH: (to Hogan) I think he’s snapped, man…
 

HOGAN: If HE isn’t able to plot this takeover… then it falls to me, brother…
 

NASH: WHAT? No way, man! No FREAKIN’ way! I’m not letting YOU book this! Look how crappy your booking was LAST TIME.
 

HOGAN: Hey, NWO ruled, brother!
 

NASH: Yeah… the FIRST time… and even then, it was MY idea… but then you and your ego had to go and make about twenty more reincarnations of it
 

HOGAN: You did too, big lazy!
 

NASH: Excuse me, orange goblin… but YOU’RE the one who stuck your nose into it and---
 

BISHOFF: (Finally having enough) STOP IT! STOP IT STOP IT… or I will go insane!
 

NASH: I think you already went insane when you decided to give the belt to David Arquette.
 

BISHOFF: Shut up! Who asked your opinion! Now… we have to find a way to break into McMahon’s camp, and take back what’s ours!
 

(The three huddle together, and begin plotting)

(Back at the WWF camp)
 

STEPHANIE: (lying on the sand by the lagoon in a one-piece bathing suit) It’s so nice just to lay here and relax!
 

(Jericho walks to the lagoon, with Christian, Edge, and Test)
 

JERICHO: (shouting and getting the attention of the various other WWF superstars milling about) LOOK OUT! It’s a filthy, dirty, disgusting, skanky, bottomfeeding, trashbag shark! (a pause) Oh wait… it’s just Stephanie. False alarm, everyone.
 

STEPHANIE: LOOK OUT! It’s a big, dumb, blonde Canadian!
 

(Edge, Christian, Test, and Jericho all stare at one another)
 

EDGE: (looking at Christian) Is she’s talking about YOU, bro?
 

CHRISTIAN: (looking at Edge) I think it was YOU, dude…
 

TEST: (confused) Was it ME, Steph?
 

STEPHANIE: (standing up, annoyed) NO! You idiots… it was HIM! (points to Jericho)
 

JERICHO: Like that’s supposed to hurt me coming from a skanky ho like you. Really, Steph… you need to work on your insults.
 

(Jericho and Stephanie glare at each other. Suddenly, a streak of lightning races across the sky followed by a clap of thunder)
 

EDGE: (cowering beside Christian, staring at Jericho and Stephanie). YOU did that!
 

CHRISTIAN: Dudes… take your totally whacko crush somewhere else! Getting hit by lighting would just reek of suckitude right now!
 

STEPHANIE/JERICHO: (shouting in sync) Like I would ever have a crush on THAT!
 

TEST: Jericho would know better then to take my sloppy seconds.
 

JERICHO: Too bad Hunter didn’t!
 

STEPHANIE: Shut up!
 

(Jericho and Stephanie glare at each other again. And once again, thunder rumbles, and lightning strikes the palm tree behind Edge)
 

EDGE: (screams and runs away from the burnt tree) They’re gonna totally kill us all!
 

(The Rock sticks his head out of his hut)
 

ROCKY: Hey jabronies! Debra’s coconut radio just informed us that there’s a big roody poo storm heading our way! Get your candy asses inside!
 

EDGE: (pointing to Jericho and Stephanie) It’s their fault! It’s all THEIR fault! We’re gonna die in the storm, and it’s SO their fault!
 

JERICHO: (to Edge) Would you please SHUT the HELL up!
 

CHRISTIAN: (turning to The Rock) Rocky, dude… where have you been? We haven’t seen you all day…!
 

ROCKY: The Rock’s been busy going over a movie script he just received!
 

JERICHO: Script? How did you get a script?
 

ROCKY: The Rock got his script from the boat that passed by here last night, Y2Jabroni! Now if you don’t mind, The Rock has too---
 

(Jericho runs up to Rocky and grabs him)
 

JERICHO: There was a boat here last night AND YOU DIDN’T TELL THEM WE WERE STRANDED?!
 

ROCKY: (raising an eyebrow) Let go of The Rock’s $500 palm leaf shirt before he sticks his script up your candy ass! (Jericho reluctantly lets go). (Rocky fixes his shirt then turns back to Jericho) The Rock doesn’t have time to worry about your little ‘stranded on a deserted island’ problem! He has movie contracts to negotiate!
 

JERICHO: Rocky… YOU’RE stranded here too!
 

ROCKY: The Rock says--- (he stops, and realizes the situation). Damn… now The Rock has no way to get to Hollywood (Rocky heads dejectedly back into his hut and indulges in some roody poo candy palm leaves).
 

(Thunder and lightning fill the sky, and a sudden downpour starts)
 

TEST: (standing in the downpour) So… uh… should we head inside?
 

JERICHO: (holding a large palm leaf over his head as he runs for cover) Tell you what, Test… you keep an eye out here and tell us how bad the storm gets. Ok?
 

TEST: Ok. Cool.
 

JERICHO: Great. See you later then.
 

(Jericho, Stephanie, Edge, and Christian quickly head to the nearest shelter)
 

TEST: (still standing in the rain). I’m getting kinda wet, guys… guys?? (looks around and sees that he is alone)
 

FOLEY: (coming out from his hut) Yo, Test. Get your ass inside already!
 

TEST: I told Chris I’d keep tabs on the storm for him!
 

FOLEY: Right. Ok. You do that then. (Foley ducks back into his hut)

(A soggy Nash, Hogan, and Bishoff arrive at the WWF camp)
 

HOGAN: (seeing Test) Hey brothers… What’s with Nash Jr standing in the rain?
 

NASH: Maybe he’s an idiot? Which leads me to wonder why the hell we are out in the rain.
 

BISHOFF: Because we have a mission, and our mission is more important then finding shelter! (Bishoff looks at Test) And I think we may have found an unlikely ally…

WRESTLING ISLE - ENDING THEME

So this is the tale of our Wrestling friends
They'll feud for a long long time
They'll have to make the best of things
Because bookers are hard to find

Shane McMahon and Vin-mac too
will do their very best
To make Bishoff uncomfortable
in this tropic island mess

No pyro, no titantron, no Coors Light Beer
Not a single luxury
Like Bishoff's main eventers
It's primitive as can be

So join us here each week, my friends
You're sure to get a smile
From several stranded Wrestling stars
Here on Wrestling Isle