Home Directory Framed?

Bend a coat hanger like a box handle. Put a rubber band through a button and twist it. Mail or deliver it as "rattlesnake eggs, keep refrigerated."

Dip your hand into a drinking fountain water stream. Fake an enormous sneeze, sprinkle water on people, say "Bless me."

Hum songs that lodge in people's brains like "Feliz Navidad", the Archies' "Sugar" or Mr Rogers' theme.

Add no inflection sentence ends, producing awkward silences with the impression you'll say more any moment.

Insert nonsense computer jargon in conversations. See if people play along to avoid appearing ignorant.

Learn Morse code. Converse with friends publicly consisting entirely of "Beeeep Bip Bip Beeeep Bip..."

Ask mysterious questions. Copy the answers in a notebook, mutter about "psychological profiles".

Play 33rpm records at 45rpm speed, necessary because of your "superior mental processing".

Sit in your front yard pointing a hair dryer at passing cars, they slow down?

Talk about your JFK assasination/UFO/OJ Simpson conspiracy theories.

Repeatedly: "You hear that?" "What?" "Never mind, it's gone now."

Incessantly recite annoying phrases such as "sticky wicket isn't cricket."

Adjust TV tint so people are green. Insist you like it that way.

Produce a rental video consisting entirely of dire FBI copy warnings.

Decline restaurant seating. Eat the free mints by the cash register.

Lick Oreo filling out. Replace the parts in the tray.

Forget a long joke's punchline. Assure listeners it was a real hoot.

Tie yourself to furniture so you won't fall off if the big one comes.

Follow someone, spray everything they touch with Lysol.

Leave printers in compressed-italic-cyrillic-landscape mode.

Use a laundromat dryer for each of your socks.

Wear your pants backwards.

Sew anti-theft detector strips into people's backpacks.

Run your windshield wipers in all weather to keep them tuned up.

Wear only Hunter's Orange.

Copy a novel's surprise ending on its first page.

Tie jingle bells to your clothes.

Staple papers in the middle of the page.

Write "X - BURIED TREASURE" in random spots on roadmaps.

Leave your Nine Inch Nails tape in Uncle Ed's stereo, full volume.

Drum on every available surface.

Specify your drive-through order as "to go".

Blow hot breath into a spoon, hang it from your nose.

Publicly investigate how slowly you can make a croaking noise.

Set alarms for random times.

No whoopie cushion handy? Use a balloon.

Sing the Batman theme incessantly.

List yourself as John Aaaaasmith, first in the phone book.

Ask 800 operators for dates.

Order a side of pork rinds with your filet mignon.

Honk and wave to strangers.

Begin sentences with "ooh la la!"

Change channels 5 minutes before a show ends.

Reroute whole streets with orange traffic cones.

Pay for your dinner with pennies.

Repeat everything someone says, as a question.

Light road flares on a birthday cake.

Wander around restaurants asking diners for their parsley.

Leave tips in Bolivian currency.

Demand that people address you as Conquistador.

Push flat Lego pieces together tightly.

Christmas caroling, sing "Jingle Bells, Batman smells."

Wear a cape that says "Magnificent One".

Skip rather than walk.

Stand over someone's shoulder mumbling as they read.

Finish the 99 bottles of beer song.

Leave your turn signal on for 50 miles.

Pretend your mouse is a CB radio and talk to it.

Tell people they exist only in your imagination.

Sculpt your hedges into suggestive shapes.

Making presentations, occasionally bob your head like a parakeet.

Lie obviously about trivial things such as the time of day.

Make beeping noises when a large person backs up.

At a golf tournament chant "swing-batatatatatata-suhWING-batter!"

Finish sentences with "in accordance with prophesy".

Ask the waitress for an extra seat for your imaginary friend.

At a poetry recital ask why each poem doesn't rhyme.

Stare at TV static and claim you see a magic picture.

Select the same song on the jukebox 50 times.

Ask to interface with someone.

Scuff your feet on a dry, shaggy carpet and seek out victims.

Signal a conversation is over by clamping your hands over your ears.

Leave your Christmas lights up and lit until September.

Invite people to other people's parties.

Construct elaborate crop circles in your front lawn.

Construct a tricorder. Scan people with it, announcing the results.

Stomp on little plastic ketchup packets. 

Leave the copier set to 99 copies, reduce 200%, extra dark, 17" paper. 

Sing along at the opera.

Make appointments for Sept 31.

Wear LOTS of cologne.

Mow your lawn with scissors.

Name your dog "Dog".

TYPE ONLY IN UPPER CASE.

type only in lower case. 

dont use punctuation

Never make eye contact.

Never break eye contact.

Drive half a block.

Annoy People in Elevators

On the top floor hold the door open. Demand it stay open until you hear the penny you dropped down the shaft go "plink" at the bottom.

Arriving at your floor, grunt and strain to yank the doors open. Act embarrassed when they open themselves.

Stare at another passenger. Announce "You're one of THEM!" and move to the elevator's far corner.

Grimace painfully. Smack your forehead. Mutter "Shut up dammit, all of you shut UP!"

Stare grinning at another passenger awhile. Announce: "I've got new socks on!"

Stand silent and motionless in the corner facing the wall without getting off.

Peering inside your briefcase or purse, ask "Got enough air in there?"

Blow your nose. Show people the contents of your Kleenex.

On long rides sway side to side at the elevator's natural frequency.

Offer name tags to people getting on. Wear yours upside-down.

Draw a chalk square on the floor. Say it's your personal space.

Bite a sandwich. Ask another passenger: "Wanna see wha in muh mouf?"

Announce demonically: "I must find a more suitable host body."

After at least 8 people board, moan from the back you're carsick.

Bet you can fit a quarter in your nose.

Frown and mutter "gotta go, gotta go" then sigh and say "oops!"

Show other passengers a wound and ask if it looks infected.

Sing "Mary had a little lamb" while continually pushing buttons.

Holler "Chutes away!" when the elevator descends.

Greet people getting on with a warm handshake. Ask they call you Admiral.

Carry a cooler that says "human head" on the side.

Whistle the first 7 notes of "It's a Small World" incessantly.

When the elevator is silent, look around and ask "is that your beeper?"

Lean over to another passenger and whisper: "Noogie patrol!"

Listen to elevator walls with a stethoscope.

If anyone brushes against you, recoil and holler "Bad touch!"

Wear X-Ray Specs. Leer suggestively at other passengers.

Play a harmonica.

Carry a blanket and clutch it protectively.

Make explosion noises when anyone presses a button.

Sell Girl Scout cookies.

Stare at your thumb and say "It's getting larger."

Say "I wonder what these do" and push the red buttons.

Say "Ding!" at each floor.

Meow occasionally.

Pull your gum out of your mouth in long strings.

Ask people getting on if you can push the button for them.

Burp, then say "mmmm...tasty!"

Start a sing-along.

Wear a puppet on your hand. Talk to other passengers through it.

Leave a box between the doors.

Hand out religious tracts.

Make race car noises when anyone gets on or off.

One word: Flatulence!

Lean against the button panel.

Do Tai Chi.

Shadow box.

Bring a chair.

Blow spit bubbles.

Shave.

ANNOY PEOPLE ON PLANES

After the safety presentation, when your flight attendant says they'll answer questions ask questions no one can answer, like what you say to God when He sneezes. Even better, act like you have a short attention span and ask them to repeat parts of it.

When the captain asks "is there anything we can do to make your flight more comfortable" ask them to remove the row of seats in front of you.

Select a flight attendant. Every time she walks by, make a face like something smells really bad.

Caption airline magazine pictures and footnote articles. Be as creative and vulgar as possible. Leave the magazine for the next person.

Ring your call button. When the flight attendant responds speak in gibberish. Become more agitated and animated as she becomes more frustrated trying to understand you.

Ask if you can put on your oxygen mask now, just in case.

Quiet chatty people:

* take out notebook and pen and write obscenities and satanic slogans. Draw pentagrams and other satanic objects. Especially effective with a smelly magic marker.

* pull out a pornographic magazine and make graphic comments.

* assume the lotus position and chant.

* fall asleep with your head on their shoulder.

ANNOY PEOPLE AT RESTAURANTS

Move things around on the table like they're chess pieces. If the server tries to take something off the table, slap their hand and tell them "THAT'S IN PLAY!"

If your hotel's restaurant is fancy arrive in jeans and t-shirt. If they require coat and tie return in jacket, tie and boxer shorts.

During the meal ask for another knife. Say "this one's so dull you can't cut a fart with it."

ANNOY PEOPLE IN HOTELS

Replace the room's pens with pens from another hotel chain.

Leave your "do not disturb" sign on the door all the time, even when you're out for the day.

Write notes to the maid in soap on the bathroom mirror.

ANNOY THE IRS

Write a letter of appreciation. Any letter received must be read and stamped regardless of what it is or is on. Use something misshapen and unconventional e g the back of a Kroger sack. Mail it in a big envelope even if it's just a single EZ form. Big envelopes are torn and sorted differently than regular business size ones. They take priority over other mail so workers hurry up and deal with your mess.

Pay with a 2nd or 3rd party check. On top of paying with a 3rd party check pay one of the dollars you owe in cash. Extractors receiving cash, no matter how small an amount, have to take it to a special desk and fill out nasty forms.

Arrange paperwork in the wrong order or facing the wrong way. Put a few upside down and backwards. They'll have to remove the staples, rearrange your paperwork and restaple it on the left.

Line the bottom of your envelope with Elmer's glue, let dry before you put in your forms so the automated opener doesn't open it and the extractor has to open it by hand.

Put extra paper clips on your forms. Foreign fasteners or the like have to be removed and put away. They'll thank you for the free paper clips ~ ~ ~

If you send 2 checks they'll have to staple your unsightly envelope to your half destroyed form.

Staple the right hand corner. Staple the whole right side. Extractors removing mail from envelopes have to take out staples on the right side.

Sign your name in ink on every page. Any signature has to be verified and date stamped.

ANNOY PEOPLE AT WAL-MART

Drag a display lounge chair over to Magazines and relax. If there's a food court buy a soft drink. Ask them to put a little umbrella in it. Explain you don't get out much.

While handling guns in the hunting department, ask the clerk where the anti-depressants are.

When an announcement comes over the loudspeaker assume the fetal position and scream, "No, no! It's those voices again!"

Set up a tent in the camping department. Tell people you'll only invite them in if they bring pillows from Bed and Bath.

Hide in clothes racks. When people browse say things like "pick me!! pick me!!" and scare them into believing the clothes are talking to them.

Tell an employee in an official tone, "I think we've got a Code 3 in housewares."

Fill an entire Toys aisle setting up a full scale battlefield with G I Joes vs X-Men.

Contaminate the auto dept: Sample spray air fresheners.

Tune radios to a polka station. Turn them off and turn them up full.

Make an orange juice trail leading to the restrooms.

Set alarm clocks for 10 minute intervals all day.

Walk around the store singing loudly "I smell sex and candy!"

Hide dairy products in inaccessible places.

Put boxes of condoms randomly in people's carts when they aren't looking.

Dart around suspiciously, humming the "Mission: Impossible" theme.

Move Caution: Wet Floor signs to carpeted areas.

Fill shopping carts and strand them at strategic locations.

At an empty checkout stand check people out. 

Using the security camera as a mirror, pick your nose.

Challenge other customers to duels with tubes of gift wrap. 

Test fishing rods. See what you can catch from other aisles.

Switch men's and women's restroom signs.

Put a Valet Parking sign in front of the store.

Put M&Ms on layaway.

Test brushes and combs in Cosmetics.

Redress mannequins as you see fit.

ANNOY PEOPLE IN CARS

Occasionally wave a stuffed animal/troll doll/Barbie out your window or sunroof. Make it dance.

Lob burning things in windows of smokers who throw butts out the window.

Hang numerous car-fresheners in the rear-view mirror. Talk to them, stroking them lovingly.

Write "Help me" on your back window in red paint. The more it looks like blood, the better.

At stop lights eye the person in the next car suspiciously. With a look of fear lock your doors.

Driving alone converse, looking periodically at the passenger seat.

Pass cars, then drive very slow. 

Two words: Chicken suit. 

Have passengers in back who are having a wild noisy time. 

In the fast lane gradually slow to a stop. Get out and watch the cars.

Vary your speed inversely with the speed limit. 

Sing with the radio off. 

Stop at green lights. Go at red ones. 

Stopped at a light, piss out the window/sunroof onto other cars. 

Paint your car with occult symbols. 

Look behind you frequently with a very paranoid look. 

Honk frequently without motivation. 

Eat food that requires silverware. 

Roll down your windows and blast talk radio and headbang. 

Laugh a lot. A whole lot. 

Stop and collect/ pray to roadkill. 

Restart your car at every stop light. 

Cheer for firetrucks. 

First day of class

Watch the professor through binoculars.

Start a wave in a large lecture hall.

Ask to introduce your invisible friend in the empty seat beside you. Ask for extra copies of handouts.

When the professor turns on his laser pointer, scream "AAAGH! MY EYES!"

Correct the professor at least 10 times on the pronunciation of your name, even it's Smith. Claim that the 'i' is silent.

Sit in the front row reading the professor's graduate thesis and snickering.

As soon as the first bell rings, volunteer to put a problem on the board. Ignore the professor's reply and do it anyway.

Claim you wrote the class text book.

Claim to be the teaching assistant. If the real one objects, jump up and scream "IMPOSTER!"

During lecture blow kisses to classmates.

Confuse, Worry, Scare People In Computer Labs

Log on, wait a sec, look frightened and scream "NO! They found me!" and bolt.

Laugh uncontrollably for 3 minutes. Suddenly stop and look suspiciously at everyone who looks at you.

Type frantically, often stopping to look evilly at the person next to you.

Arrive early. Connect each computer to a different screen than the one it's set up with.

Bring a chainsaw but don't use it. If anyone asks, say "Just in case...."

Try to stick a Nintendo cartridge into the floppy drive. When it doesn't work call the supervisor.

Assign a musical note to every key (e g Delete is A Flat, B is F sharp, etc) Whenever you hit a key, hum its note loudly. Write an entire paper this way.

Borrow someone else's keyboard. Reach over, say "Excuse me, mind if I borrow this for a sec?" Unplug the keyboard and take it.

Run into the lab, shout "Armageddon is here!" and calmly sit down and type.

Change the caller ID on a co-worker's phone to read "Mr. Kitten" every time he called someone.

Place random objects from people's desks in the vending machine.

Place a live goldfish in an IV bag in a clinic.

Sneak onto someone else's computer and sent out an "I love you" e-mail to the entire office.

Wall paper someone's entire cube with headshots of his co-workers.

Convince a colleague that a co-worker was in love with him.

Sit on the copier and place the copies back in the paper bin. Anytime co-workers make copies they have the image of the prankster's backside in the background.

Turn all the clocks in the office one hour back to make the work day seem longer.

Locke all the doors, shut off the lights and put a "Closed" sign in the window when the boss goes out for lunch.

Place fake rubber chocolates in the break room and watch co-workers try to chew them.