Home Directory Framed?

Good Questions

Is it true there's not a square inch of dirt anywhere on Earth that did not at some time pass through an earthworm?

You know that little indestructible black box on airplanes, why can't they make the whole plane from the same material?

After you peel an orange, why is it sliced ready to eat? Whose idea was it? Why is a carrot more orange than an orange?

Many people are surnamed Brown, Black, White, Gray, Green. Why not Red, Orange, Yellow, Purple, Pink or other colors?

Why is lemon juice made with artificial flavor and dishsoap made with real lemons?

If a tree falls in the forest and no one's around to see it do other trees make fun of it?

Why when driving and looking for an address you turn down the radio? 

Why are fat chances and slim chances the same? How are chances figured?

Why do people find other people's golf balls in the woods but not theirs? 

Are lobster tails really separate creatures? 

Is Pop Goes the Weasel the song most often played backward? 

Is there a time limit on fortune cookie predictions? If so, how long? 

Asking George Washington for ID he shows you a quarter?

Why do bubbles stream from fixed spots in beer or soda?

What do tweetie birdies see when knocked unconscious? 

Why is the time of day with the slowest traffic called rush hour?

Why no headline "Psychic Wins Lottery!"? 

Why is the clock's 3rd hand called a second hand?

If cats and dogs were furless would we still pet them?

When dog food is new and improved tasting, who tests it?

Why is it called tourist season if we can't shoot them?

If tin whistles are made of tin what are fog horns made of? 

Why is it rush hour when cars barely move? 

Did anyone ever forget how to ride a bicycle? 

What would chairs look like if your knees bent backwards? 

What WAS the best thing before sliced bread? 

Why isn't phonetic spelled the way it sounds? 

Why are there interstate highways in Hawaii? 

Are part-time bandleaders semi-conductors?

Do stars clean themselves with meteor showers?

Why do irons have a permanent press setting?

Why didn't Noah swat the two mosquitoes?

If you choke a Smurf, what color does it turn?

Do cats and dogs have regional accents? 

When I erase a word with a pencil, where does it go? 

If a dictionary word is misspelled, how would we know? 

If Barbie's so popular why do you have to buy her friends? 

Does the reverse side have a reverse side? 

Why doesn't glue stick to the inside of the bottle? 

Why are there 5 syllables in monosyllabic?

How do Don't Walk on the Grass signs get there? 

Why are wrong numbers never busy?

OK to say AM radio after noon?

Why is "abbreviated" such a long word? 

Why is it that night falls but day breaks?

How can there be self-help "groups"?

Does killing time damage eternity?

What do you call a male ladybug?

Why is a boxing ring square? 

** ANSWERS, Anyone?

PLANTATION PROVERBS

They miss you? Stick your finger in water, pull it out, see the hole.

If your coat's on fire don't wait to see it before you put it out.

Steel hoe laughing at iron hoe is like man laughing at grandfather.

Christmas without holiday is like a candle without a wick.

Mighty poor bee who don't make more honey than he want.

Worry when you get all you want. Fattening hogs aren't lucky.

Hogs don't know which part of them go with salad.

Roosters keep more noise than hens laying eggs.

Hungry roosters don't crow when they find a worm.

Corn makes more at the mill than in the crib.

You can hide the fire but what about the smoke?

Tomorrow maybe the coachman's day to plow.

Mighty deaf field hand can't hear the dinner bell.

Crow and corn don't grow in the same field.

Rails split before breakfast season dinner.

It's hard to make clothes for an unhappy man.

Stopper gets the longest rest in the empty jug.

Church bells sometimes better than the sermon.

The price of your hat doesn't measure your brain.

Cemeteries are the cheapest boarding houses.

Buying on credit robs next year's crop.

Crawfish in a hurry try to get there yesterday.

Lean hound leads the pack after a rabbit.

Little hole in pocket worse than big one at knee.

Drinks so much whiskey he staggers in his sleep.

Little flakes make deepest snow.

Knots in planks show through whitewash.

Dirt show fastest on clean cotton.

Old Man Know-All died last year.

Lazy people's stomachs don't get tired.

It don't rain every time a pig squeals.

Don't throw away your empty wallet.

Empty smokehouse make chickens worry.

Setting hens don't need fresh eggs.

Vines grow while you sleep.

Big possum climb little tree.

Those who eat can say grace.

Moon shines but a lamp is handy.

Liquor talks loud when out of the jug.

Cowbells don't keep secrets.

Ripe apples make trees look taller.

Last year's hot spell cools off fast.

Appetite don't regulate time of day.

Quagmires don't put up signs.

Points of pins are the easiest end to find.

Muzzled yard dog opens the smokehouse.

Hard to get along without good luck.

Howling dogs know what they see.

Takes two birds to make a nest.

Jaybird don't rob his own nest.

MORE PROVERBS

From someone else's cart you have to get off halfway. Polish
The wolf will hire himself out very cheaply as a shepherd. Russian 
They will be hushed by a good deed who laugh at a wise speech. French
If you don't drive in sleet to the woods singing, you drive crying. Czech 
Boasting is not courage. African 
He who speaks the truth must have one foot in the stirrup. Armenian 
He who hunts two hares leaves one and loses the other. Japanese 
The town is new every day. Estonian 
Great consolation may grow from the smallest saying. Swiss-German 
Censure pardons ravens but rebukes doves. Latin 

Hindu
When a camel is at the foot of a mountain then judge of his height. 
He who can't dance blames the floor.

Spanish
Three helping each other do as much as 6 singly. 
If you would be Pope you must think of nothing else.  
A wise delay makes the road safe.

Arab
You hear a mountain moved, believe. 
You hear a man changed his character, believe not. 

Better a happy handful of dry dates than to own the 
Gate of Peacocks and be kicked by a broody camel. 

The discontented child cries for toasted snow. 

Chinese
A book is like a garden in your pocket. 
After 3 days without reading, talk becomes flavorless. 

Yiddish
If you're bitter at heart, sugar in the mouth will not help you. 
Many complain of their looks, but none of their brains. 
A man should live if only to satisfy his curiosity.

German
"But" is a fence over which few leap. 
A bad cause requires many words. 
To change and to improve are two different things. 
Great things are done more through courage than through wisdom. 
He who likes cherries soon learns to climb.

Dutch
Men can bear all things except good days. 
One sprinkles the most sugar where the tart is burnt.

FULLDECKISMS

Sets low personal standards and consistently fails to achieve them. 

Gross ignoramus 144 times worse than an ordinary ignoramus.

Some drink from the fountain of knowledge. He only gargled

Not so much of has-been but more of definite won't be.

Got a full 6-pack but lacks the plastic holding it together. 

2 people talking and one's bored, he's the other one.

Photographic memory with the lens cover glued on.

Donated his brain to science before he was done using it.

Any more stupid he'd have to be watered twice a week.

Give him a penny for his thoughts you'd get change.

Gates down, lights flashing, train isn't coming.

2 brains. One's lost. The other's out looking for it.

Can't find the remote control to the remote control.

Follow him anywhere out of curiosity. 

Out of his depth in a car park puddle. 

Technically sound, socially impossible. 

Gyroscope - spins frantically, going nowhere. 

Reached rock bottom and started to dig. 

Wisdom of youth, energy of old age. 

Depriving a village somewhere of an idiot. 

Wets himself under pressure.

Not allow this employee to breed.

Working with glue too much.

Brings joy when he leaves the room.

When his IQ reaches 50 he should sell.

Stand close to him, you hear the ocean.

Opens mouth to change feet

Typewriter types in pencil.

One neuron short of a synapse.

Takes 2 hours to watch 60 Minutes.

Wheel turns but the hamster's dead.

Argue with a signpost.

Delusions of adequacy. 

IQ test results were negative.

Lights on, no one home

Sharp as a beach ball

Stupidity doesn't qualify as a handicap. Park elsewhere!

Not playing with a full deck

Elevator won't go to the top

A few fries short of a happy meal

Wheel spinning, hamster dead

If brains were taxed, he'd get a rebate

People follow him anywhere out of morbid curiosity

Depriving a village somewhere of an idiot

Slow as a turtle in peanut butter

Some people leave a mark on the world, you'll leave a stain

Narrow minded see through a keyhole with both eyes

Always late, ancestors arrived on the JuneFlower

Your troubles are as great as my own. 
Mine happen to me while yours merely happen to you.

Engine running, nobody at the wheel

Everyone has a photographic memory, some don't have film

Post card photo of Earth seen from space: Wish you were here.

Don't go away mad, just go away!

We've Upped Our Quality, So Up Yours!

Just because your head is pointed doesn't mean you're sharp

Live like toilet paper - long and useful

Bright as a burned out light bulb in a dark room

Exciting as a wall

Nice people go to heaven, so be nice or go to hell

You give superficial a bad name 

Antenna won't pick up all the channels

All foam, no beer

Brains by Mattel

People skills of a belt sander

Here's a Quarter, call somebody who cares

Why are you here? What can I do to change that?

IQ is 2 (it takes 3 to grunt)

Belt won't go through all the loops

Slinky's kinked

I think, therefore, I am... not related to you

Part your hair different, no one would see.

If he had another brain it would be lonely.

A few clowns short of a circus

A few beers short of a 6-pack

A few peas short of a casserole

Doesn't have all his cornflakes in one box

One Fruit Loop shy of a full bowl

One taco short of a combo plate

A few feathers short of a whole duck

Warning: Objects in mirror are dumber than they appear

Smart as bait

Chimney's clogged

Sewing machine's out of thread

No grain in the silo

Receiver off the hook

Skylight leaks

Surfs in Nebraska

Too much yardage between the goal posts

Famous Last Words

"We told Atari: 'Hey, we've got this amazing thing, even built with some of your parts, what do you think about funding us? Or we'll give it to you. We just want to do it. Pay our salary, we'll come work for you.' Atari said No. Hewlett-Packard said, 'Hey, we don't need you. You haven't got through college yet.'" - Apple Computer founder Steve Jobs trying to get Atari and HP interested in his and Steve Wozniak's personal computer.

"Professor Goddard doesn't know the relation between action and reaction and needing something better than a vacuum against which to react. He lacks basic knowledge ladled out daily in high schools." - 1921 NY Times editorial about Robert Goddard's revolutionary rocket work

"The concept is interesting and well-formed but to earn better than a C the idea must be feasible." - Yale management professor in response to Fred Smith's paper proposing reliable overnight delivery service. Smith went on to found Federal Express.

"Wireless music box has no imaginable commercial value. Who would pay for a message sent to nobody in particular?" - David Sarnoff's associates in response to his urgings for investment in radio in the 1920s

"I traveled the whole country and talked with the best people. I assure you data processing is a fad that won't last out the year." 1957 Prentice Hall business books editor

"This telephone has too many shortcomings to be seriously considered a means of communication. The device is inherently of no value to us." - Western Union internal memo, 1876.

"What's it good for?" - Engineer at the Advanced Computing Systems Division of IBM, 1968, commenting on the microchip.

"Future computers future may weigh no more than 1.5 tons." - Popular Mechanics forecasting science's relentless march, 1949

"I'm glad it'll be Clark Gable falling on his face and not Gary Cooper." - Gary Cooper on his decision not to take the leading role in "Gone With The Wind."

"Drill into the ground for oil? You're crazy." - Drillers Edwin L Drake tried to enlist to his project to drill for oil in 1859

"Airplanes are interesting toys but of no military value." - Marechal Ferdinand Foch, Professor of Strategy, Ecole Superieure de Guerre

"No reason anyone would want a computer in their home." - Ken Olson, president, chairman and founder of Digital Equipment Corp, 1977

"Everything that can be invented has been invented." - Charles H. Duell, Commissioner, U S Office of Patents, 1899

"We don't like their sound. Guitars are on the way out." - Decca Recording Co rejecting the Beatles, 1962

"Louis Pasteur's theory of germs is ridiculous fiction." - Pierre Pachet, Physiology Professor at Toulouse, 1872

"There's a world market for maybe 5 computers." - Thomas Watson, IBM chairman, 1943

"Who the hell wants to hear actors talk?" - HM Warner, Warner Brothers, 1927

"Heavier-than-air flying machines are impossible." - Lord Kelvin, president, Royal Society, 1895

"640K should be enough for anybody." - Bill Gates, 1981

Funny how. . .

You won't forward this message to many on your address list because you're not sure what they believe or what they'll think of you for sending it.

Lewd, crude, vulgar and obscene pass freely through cyberspace but public discussion of God is suppressed in schools and workplaces.

1000 jokes spread like wildfire but messages about God people think twice about sharing.

Someone fired up for Christ on Sunday is an invisible Christian the rest of the week.

I worry more what people think of me than what God thinks of me.

Simple it is to trash God and wonder why the world's going to hell.

We believe in God but follow Satan (who, BTW, also believes in God)

We believe newspapers but question the Bible.