To whom it may concern:

I know the true origin of your soft drink Mountain Dew: how Prometheus, when he had brought fire to humanity, plunged the flaming narthex into a spring in the Caucasus mountains; from that time the fountain luminesces. Certain alchemists consider it essential to the elixir vitae. One researcher drank of the undiluted source and did not sleep for thirty years, and still lives, 1004 years later. Another, following his example, burst into green flame and was consumed. The properties of this spring cannot be overstated.

I realize that it is official policy to deny all of this, and claim instead that the ingredients are listed on the container, and so I shall limit myself to inquiry which your official policy permits. In the public history of the world, when was Mountain Dew first marketed? Who created the name and to appeal to what section of the public? Why the choice of colour? Why such an innocuous looking beverage to deliver so passionate a dose of "caffeine" and "sugar"? and does it truly contain more caffeine than Pepsi--is the rumor that it is second in caffeine content only to Jolt Cola true? What percentage of total sales of your beverages does it comprise? Is there a danger that you will stop selling it in the future--has there been a decrease in sale over the years, and should I start stockpiling it?

May the pelican soon be envisioned,


Philip

Dear Ms. Karner:
Hello again! I have written to you before in order to discover the public version of the origin of Mountain Dew, and thank you very much for the information. Have you ever considered holding a contest for the best advertising campaign to reveal the secret origin of Mountain Dew? I know that you have not announced such a contest, but if you were to ever do so, I would like to be the first to submit my entry. Here it is:


Ode to Mountain Dew

Oh, thou green can of fire,
Joy of th' alchemist's art,
Come and lift me higher,
And purify my heart.

On earth by the Titan's craft,
The fire he stole from Heaven!
Then drained from his flaming shaft,
And shipped to 7-11,

To flow you to my hand,
and impart your powers to me!
So that of our end
We may always be free.

The time has never been better to tell the world of the facts of the mythological influences on our daily lives, and what better way to begin than with an "exposé" of the contents of Mountain Dew? Your soft drink could be the first to be distinguished by a revelation of its origins, to be followed, to be sure, by other, more popular, products, but your would be the first! the Greek myths have been relegated to the back burner long enough! Let your campaign beverage set them free!

If none of this is possible, could you send me information on the public origin of diet Mountain Dew--when it was first marketed, who buys it, all of that stuff. Thank you very much!


Philip