Did El Físico Nuclear visit the land of Wisconsin 5000 years ago? This is the question we must ask ourselves, in light of new evidence recently found in the Cheesehead state.
Archeologist Dr. Rufus Von Damen recently found petroglyphs which purportedly show Bucky, a humanoid in the form of a man sized badger whose current employment is to cheer players in college football games. "Here in the rocks is a clear depiction of a man-sized badger carrying several human figures through the air to safety from a flood," Dr. Von Damen is quoted in MOOS 1:1,µ the local journal for Cheeseheads. Dr. VD also points out that while the figure appears to be only scratches in normal daylight, they in fact reveal the action scene described above when exposed to ultraviolet light.
Dr. Van Damen suggests that the figure is an ancient astronaut. In this suggestion he is correct. To his suggestion that the astronaut is in fact a humanoid badger, I would suggest another theory. A man sized badger is ludicrous, regardless of how important the figure might be to the region. There has never been such a being outside of the imagination of college students. However, there is strong evidence that the figure in the rock drawing is in fact El Físico Nuclear. There is much evidence pointing to this. First, El Físico Nuclear is known to have eyesight which is capable beyond the human spectrum. It would not be unlikely then that the artist would chisel, for El Físico's benefit, a depiction which would be visible only under ultraviolet light.µµ And of course, El Físico Nuclear always wears violet, which would show up best in ultraviolet light. Furthermore, the image of The Physicist could easily be mistaken for a badger by those inclined to see a badger.
Further, the image revealed shows the figure of El Físico carrying figures away from a flood. This rescuing of humans is something that El Físico does on a regular basis. Also, as we now know, former theories of the earth's age have been greatly exaggerated. The earth is in fact only 6000 years old, in keeping with Archbishop Ussher's geological investigations. The Indians were expelled from Eden here on the American continent, followed by the Great Flood a few years after. Dr. Van Damen's suggestion that the pictures were 5000 years old fits perfectly with this--the flood, according to Archbishop Ussher, took place on December 22, 3378 BC.µµµ It would not be illogical to believe that El Físico Nuclear might very well want to save his creations from destruction from what was apparently the result of the Velikovskian collision of earth with a comet.
Furthermore, as the Marathon Eden Society has shown, the Garden of Eden was actually located in Marathon, Wisconsin. So it would be very likely that El Físico would be near the place where the human race was created, and would want to save his friends from such a disaster as the flood.
Furthermore, using dowsing techniques, I have discovered the place where the images are located. These impressive glyphs are 200 feet above today's ground level, indicating that they were scratched into the rock when the soil was much higher or when the artists were riding in a boat on the waters of the flood! The back and forth motion of the boat would explain why the drawing is so amateur and hard to see, even in ultraviolet light.
This puts an absolutely different spin on the way history has been represented, historically. It would appear that the Indians here also escaped the flood, that there was an Indian Noah as well as a Mediterranean one. Can we any longer discount any story of the flood any where? We must count them all equally valid. And look for El Físico in all of them! So too must we look for the Indian ark. Surely it cannot be far, buried on some Wisconsin Mt. Ararat close by.
And further, I agree with Dr. Van Damen that we should watch all Buckies closely, since it could very well be El Físico Nuclear in one of those costumes. His test to try to confuse El Físico with quantum mechanical concepts in casual conversation probably will not work, however. I fail to see how the confusion of a college student in a badger outfit could be discerned from El Físico's cool calm demeanor in reaction to concepts which are not only familiar to him, but quite possibly disproven as parts of worn out paradigms from earlier on in his race's development in the physical sciences. The best way is indeed to videotape them, try to catch them levitating, and so discover the El Físico Nuclear in the badger. My only caution is that we should not bother him too much--if there is a reason that El Físico has donned a badger costume, it must be for a very good reason indeed. El Físico Nuclear has always been a force for good on our world--we must not interfere with his plans for our planet, and our race!
µ. MOOS is a treasuretrove of information for historical and geological revisionists: recently an article was printed that demonstrated that Wisconsin is in fact a separate continent (1:2, 1).
µµ. I see no reason to stop here: there may be art which is visible only to ultraviolet or infrared, which has not been investigated yet. What would the Pyramids of Cheops reveal if exposed to the farther parts of the spectrum? What graffiti would we find at Stonehenge? At Teotihuacán? The possibilities are endless.
µµµ. This is as close to the actual date as I have come, since most of the books available at UCLA use a much more scattered time frame than that developed and proven by Archbishop Ussher. As this article goes to press, those books containing the true geological history of the earth are unavailable to all of us, for reasons I can not fathom.
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