GOLD

I've always believed that living every day like it's your last is a good way to get yourself killed.

I like to think of myself as a "people watcher." However, most just say I'm a "pervert."

If I "had to be there" but never wound up going, does that mean I did something wrong?

"Thanks for everything" is just something to say when you don't really have anything specific to thank someone for.

They say that the best gift is given for no reason at all. They of course being- jewelers.

I think I'm prejudiced against fat people.

My therapist told me that I was an egomaniac with an impoverished ego.

I was having phone sex the other night, then it started ringing.

You never hear of a clown doing something good. It's always, "today a clown was arrested for selling crack."

SILVER

"People are like Eli you're fat- I'm just like no, I'm just husky."

I love watching someone in a position of authority trip over their own shoelace and awkwardly fall down a flight of stairs.

What ever happened to "We are the World?"

My news year's resolution was to focus on what I needed to do- what I needed to do was focus better.

I think I have a drug solution- and it's taking more drugs.

Is it possible to fall in love while in a crackhouse?

Ass-grabbing in public turns me off. Unless someone is grabbing my ass.

What I liked most about Britney Spear's latest album were her knockers.

I blame society- for everything.

I don't think the French really invented French Fries.

Cell phones are just like the internet- I fought them for awhile but now I really enjoy looking at porn on them-.

I always thought that Ice- T was onto something with that "CopKiller" song.

PLATINUM

Is Bob Hope dead? Then again, who is Bob Hope?

Whatever happened to Kriss Kross?

What good do sharks bring to our world?

I've only gotten two hours of sleep- in the last ten hours.

During a hit and run accident, what's the point of sticking around? What are you going to say? "Sorry that you're dead."

It's not love if her real name is Jack.

I like to think of myself as jaded and thick-skinned but despite all that, bitter, alcoholic, midgets, living in Florenza still disturb me.

I'm Jewish, so I guess I should make some self-deprecating Jew jokes- nah.

I shot a massive amount of heroin during the movie Traffic cuz I wanted to make it real.

I think it would be a really cool job to blow-up buildings.

I enjoy picking my nose. It's fun.

THINGS WRITTEN DURING SPRING BREAK, CANCUN 1998

Do you believe in nothing just to make reality more bearable?

Being alone just so someone will witness it.
Being alone just so someone will come to you.

POETRY

I just typed your fucking name
and you can't see it
all american fuck up
all american fuck
what's left to do
when everything's been done
nothing
nothing is what you are
nothing is what you wish you could be
doesn't count
when you don't know
realize
it will never be clear
blurry mess of everything
the picture is near
but you can't see it
lyrics to a dead end
which you sit inside
drinking a soda
what color is it?
doesn't matter