According to my flatmate, who's trying to give up chocolate (heh … yeah, right), it takes 25 days to get over an addiction.

Voyager belongs to Paramount, etc etc etc

Day 1

The doctor, in his infinite wisdom (note to self: talk to Seven and B'Elanna about reprogramming), has suggested that I give up coffee for 25 days.

When did he become immune to my death glare?

He thinks I won't make it.  In fact, Paris has opened a betting pool.  He's running the odds against me.

The Doctor also suggested that a diary might make it easier.  Then he said he'd monitor me 24 hours a day if I refused.

Note to self: start recruiting new *live* doctors. The kind which crumble under a death glare.

Day 2

Neelix was *cheerful* this morning.  Tom was cheerful.  The Doctor was cheerful.

They're all betting against me, I can *feel* it.

Chakotay was sympathetic.  *He* believes in me.

Day 3

According to Tuvok's security report, Chakotay's number in the betting pool came up this morning.

Note to self: avoid physical contact with Chakotay for at least a month.  No late night dinners and lingering cups of coffee … oh, right.  Huh.  He deserves it.

Day 4

When I took the bridge this morning, Harry had left a half-empty cup of coffee next to my chair.

Note to self: death glare is just as effective without caffeine.

Chakotay says that cold, stale coffee still counts.

He also says that Seven said I'd last 4 days.

I never liked cold coffee anyway.

Day 5

Neelix wants to broadcast this diary on "A Briefing with Neelix".  He says it'll be inspirational.

Spoke to the Doctor this afternoon.

Neelix called this evening to let me know that the Doctor commandeered his show to present a visual essay on Klingon forehead ridges.

I feel almost … less homicidal.

Almost.

Day 6

Time seems to have slowed down without my eight coffee breaks.

I never noticed before how quickly Chakotay's grey hair disappeared.  I overheard Tom describing him as a 'middle-aged, overweight Elvis impersonator'.  Not completely sure what he meant, but it didn't sound flattering.

Day 7

Principate Legellos beamed aboard to negotiate a trade agreement. I swear, the man *looks* like a latte.  But the smell was more of a double espresso.  Wanted to ask if that was usual for the species.  I'm sure he's edible.

Sometimes I'm glad that we don't have many telepaths on board.

Day 8

The senior staff attended a formal dinner on the Terani homeworld.

They *all* smell like coffee.

Tuvok reports that Principate Legellos made an advance towards Seven. She pushed him off, no physical damage was incurred by either party.

She says he kissed her.

Half her luck.  She doesn't even *like* coffee.

Day 9

The Terani gave me a parting gift: a ceremonial robe.  It's too big to wear, but I spent an hour inhaling the scent.  I'm thinking of turning it into a bedspread.

Day 10

Attended the Doctor's latest slideshow.

Tom thought it would be funny to insert dancing coffee beans into the pictures.  I'm pretty sure Harry helped.

Note to self: postpone Harry's promotion again.

Day 11

Caved in to dimples, had dinner with Chakotay.  He lay me down, rubbed my back …

I fell asleep.

I *need* caffeine.

Day 12

Chakotay thinks it's funny.  He brought me coffee ice cream this evening.  No caffeine.  I feel cheated.

Day 13

Neelix trapped me into tasting his latest breakfast beverage.  It was nice.  Had a pleasant taste, like a strawberry with lemon.

Note to self: apologise to Neelix.  The drink was fine without caffeine.

Day 14

Keep falling asleep before midnight.

My hair looks better than it has for years.

Chakotay keeps sneaking me funny looks on the bridge.

Feeling quite bad about the Elvis impersonator crack.  Should speak to Tom about obscure, unflattering historical references.  Which reminds me, who is Margaret Thatcher and what did her hair look like?

Day 15

Picnic on the holodeck with Chakotay. We usually go to a certain little coffee bar in Italy, but he'd recreated a waterfall on Betazed.

I hope he hadn't been planning to eat any of that coffee ice cream himself.

Day 16

I could *kill* for a coffee.  Better yet, I could kill the Doctor.

Naomi Wildman's number came up yesterday.  Hers was the most flattering bet of all, dear girl.

Day 17

Eight days to go…

Apparently, the point of this exercise was to help me give up coffee.  Which is funny, because I'm only participating to prove the doctor and Tom wrong.

Feel aggressive.  Wonder if there are any Borg cubes in the area?

Day 18

Chakotay won't let me chase Borg cubes.

He won't even let me play tag with spheres.

Death glaring Seven just doesn't have the same thrill.

Day 19

Lattes, cappuccinos, short blacks, long whites, double espressos, machiattos, raktajinos … I miss them all.

Irish coffee…

I wonder if I could bribe Neelix into slipping me an espresso shot?

Day 20

Chakotay had a cup of coffee.

He was drinking it *right* *in* *front* of me.

When he took the cup away, there was a trace of coffee on his lip.

At least I had the presence of mind to call him into my ready room before licking it off.

I've lost my mind.

Day 21

Still craving coffee.

Craving Chakotay more, though.

I keep thinking about soft latte foam.  And him.

I could *really* go for a cappuccino.

Day 22

The Doctor made some smart aleck remark about my hormone levels.  He's still immune to the death glare.

Dinner with Chakotay in half an hour.

He promised me coffee ice cream.

It's really rather cute, the way he gets goosebumps from cold foods.  Especially when they're being licked off his chest.

Day 23

No time to write – I have better things to do.  For one thing, I promised Chakotay that I'd help wash the ice cream out of his hair.

Day 25

Tomorrow, I will drink coffee.

Chakotay thinks that I'm too wrapped up in him to think about coffee.  Men are so cute that way.

He has no *idea* of the things I can do with a latte…

END

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Copyright © 2000 Elizabeth M. Barr

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