Property of Paramount, yada yada yada.  Not mine, just playing, no money here.  Look.  None at all.  Dammit.

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3rd place, Best Challenge Story of 2000

They met outside their usual restaurant, in an out-of-the-way corner of the city. Chakotay greeted her with an affectionate kiss and took her by the hand as they went inside.

They spoke easily for an hour, catching up on each other's lives since they had last seen each other.  Kathryn was the godmother of his eldest daughter, now almost ten.

Chakotay noticed and recognised the omission in her conversation.  "So," he asked casually over coffee, "how's Joshua?"

Kathryn looked up suddenly.  "He's fine.  He's at a conference on Vulcan."

"Oh yes?"  The days when he might have skirted around the topic, fearing that his concern would be misconstrued, were long gone.

Kathryn sighed and took another sip of her coffee before answering.  "It ended about two months ago.  His decision."

"Sorry."

Kathryn shrugged.  "We weren't right for each other. I should have recognised that."

"Isn't that what you said about Robert?"

Kathryn frowned, trying to remember.  "I think so," she said.

"And Sevek?"

"I may have said something along those lines."  She poured herself a second cup of coffee.  "Are you keeping track of my failed relationships?  Is there some ulterior motive that I should know about?"

Chakotay laughed.  "There's nothing ulterior about it.  I just worry about you."

"Don't.  I can take care of myself."

"Yeah, that's what you said just before you were taken hostage on Relias Tertia.  *I* was the one who had to cut short my leave to negotiate the rescue, if I recall correctly."

Kathryn smirked.  "Only because Tuvok wouldn't come out of retirement for you.  Very nasty, that, demanding that he leave his family just because you didn't want to deal with it.  And the Relian diplomat trusted you for some reason."  She wrinkled her nose impishly.  "Personally, I can't imagine what she saw in you.  And that whole incident was because of an uncharacteristic lapse in judgement, anyway."

"Well, at least you don't beat yourself up over your mistakes anymore."

"No, I had you to do that for me.  Admit it, you were pretty pissed off."

"I was in a very awkward position.  It's not easy, negotiating with one former lover to rescue another, all the while trying to convince your fiancée that both relationships are over."

They left the table and got their coats.  Together, they through the city streets.

"So," Chakotay probed, "are you sorry about Joshua?"

Kathryn took his hand and leaned against his shoulder as they looked out over the river.  "A little.  Although I'm starting to think that I should just accept that I'll be alone for the rest of my life."

"That's very bleak, especially since you're only fifty-seven."

"It's not bleak.  It's acceptance.  Something you used to give me incessant lectures about."

"Even so…"

Kathryn turned to face him.  "Chakotay.  How many successful relationships have I had since we got back to the alpha quadrant?

He paused.  "You were happy with Tellas, weren't you?"

Kathryn sighed.  "Yes.  And maybe I'd still be happy with Tellas if he weren't dead.  Anyone else come to mind?"

The silence stretched between them.  "Well, we're still on speaking terms.  But that seems to be in spite of, rather than because of, our relationship."

"You're such a sensitive man, Chakotay, how is it that you always know what to say?"

"Sorry."

Kathryn hugged him.  "Don't be.  But I can't keep going like this.  I'm sick of picking up the pieces and moving on, only to have the same thing happening all over again.  It's not healthy."  She smiled up at him.  "Anyway, I seem almost incapable of mastering the amicable break-up and I keep becoming involved with scientists.  If this keeps up, I won't be able to go to *any* conferences for fear of encountering them."

"That bad, huh?"

Kathryn kissed his cheek.  "You're the only one I'm still friends with, you know that?"

"Yeah.  Strange, since we managed to make each other utterly miserable for two years."

Kathryn shrugged and they walked on.

"Are you afraid?" he asked.

"Excuse me?"

"Of being alone."

Kathryn considered that.  "Not anymore.  I used to be, but … it seems silly to fear the inevitable.  Right now, my main regret is that I've wasted so many years trying to avoid it."

They walked in companionable silence to the shuttleport.  Chakotay checked that his luggage had arrived, and they sat in the small café for one more cup of coffee.

"Are you okay?" Chakotay asked.

"I'm fine."  She caught the look in his eye.  "Really.  I don' t live in isolation any more, Chakotay.  I have friends, I have a job.  I'm happy.  Usually."

"Usually."

She smiled and took his hand.  "I'm fine.  Don’t worry about me."

As she walked him to his shuttle, she gave him some last minute orders.  "Bring your family out here sometime.  I never see them.  And call B'Elanna more often, she worries about you.  And tell Telana that she can stay with me over summer if she wants."

"She'll like that."

"And give my love to your wife."

"I will, I promise.  And Kathryn?"

"Yes?"

"Take care."

She smiled and touched his arm the way she used to.  "I will.  I promise."

"Good."  He turned to board his transport, then turned around suddenly.  "I love you," he said.

"I know. I love you too."

Chakotay kissed her forehead, touched her hair, and left.

END

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Copyright © 2000 Elizabeth M. Barr