2bhumour2

These are from test papers and essays submitted to science and health teachers by junior high, high school, and college students around the world.

"When you breath, you inspire. When you do not breath, you expire."

"H2O is hot water, and CO2 is cold water"

"When you smell an oderless gas, it is probably carbon monoxide"

"The moon is a planet just like the earth, only it is even deader."

"Mushrooms always grow in damp places and so they look like umbrellas."

"A fossil is an extinct animal. The older it is, the more extinct it is."

"Liter: A nest of young puppies."

"Magnet: Something you find crawling all over a dead cat."

"Momentum: What you give a person when they are going away."

"Planet: A body of Earth surrounded by sky." "Rhubarb: A kind of celery gone bloodshot."

"For dog bite: put the dog away for several days. If he has not recovered, then kill it."

"For head cold: use an agonizer to spray the nose untill it drops in your throat."

"To keep milk from turning sour: Keep it in the cow."

Submitted by Ahmet Karan

At Sunday School they were teaching how God created everything, including human beings. Little Johnny a child in the kindergarten class, seemed especially intent when they told him how Eve was created out of one of Adam's ribs.
Later in the week his mother noticed him lying down as though he were ill, and said, "Johnny what is the matter?" Little Johnny responded, "I have a pain in my side. I think I'm going to have a wife.

Submitted by Kübra Buldur

A Letter to Dad

                         Letter home from school...

                         Dear Dad,

                         $chool i$ really great. I am making lot$ of friend$ and $tudying very hard. With all
                         my $tuff, I $imply can't think of anything I need, $o if you would like, you can ju$t
                         $end me a card, a$ I would love to hear from you.

                         Love,
                         Your $on.

                      A week later..... a letter from "home"

                         Dear Son,

                         I kNOw that astroNOmy, ecoNOmics, and oceaNOgraphy are eNOugh to keep even an
                         hoNOr student busy. Do NOt forget that the pursuit of kNOwledge is a NOble task,
                         and you can never study eNOugh.

                         Love,
                         Dad

Submitted by Meral Han

BOOK

Introducing the new Bio-Optic Organized Knowledge device, trade-named -- BOOK.

BOOK is a revolutionary breakthrough in technology: no wires, no electric circuits, no batteries, nothing to be connected or switched on. It's so easy
to use, even a child can operate it.

Compact and portable, it can be used anywhere -- even sitting in an armchair by the fire -- yet it is powerful enough to hold as much information as a
CD-ROM disc.

Here's how it works:

BOOK is constructed of sequentially numbered sheets of paper (recyclable), each capable of holding thousands of bits of information. The pages are
locked together with a custom-fit device called a binder which keeps the sheets in their correct sequence. BOOKS with more information simply use more pages. Each sheet is scanned optically, registering information directly into your brain. A flickof the finger takes you to the next sheet.

BOOK may be taken up at any time and used merely by opening it.

BOOK never crashes or requires rebooting, though, like other devices, it can become damaged if coffee is spilled on it and it becomes unusable if dropped too many times on a hard surface.

Portable, durable, and affordable, BOOK is being hailed as a precursor of a new entertainment wave. BOOK's appeal seems so certain that thousands of content creators have committed to the platform and investors are reportedly flocking to invest. Look for a flood of new titles soon.

MAHMUT AL 2/B

The Blind Man
There once was a blind man who decided to visit Texas. When he arrived on the plane, he felt the seats and said, "Wow, these seats are big!" The person next to him answered, "Everything is big in Texas."

When he finally arrived in Texas, he decided to visit a bar. Upon arriving in the bar, he ordered a beer and got a mug placed between his hands. He exclaimed, "Wow these mugs are big!" The bartender replied, "Everything is big in Texas."

After a couple of beers, the blind man asked the bartender where the bathroom was located. The bartender replied, "Second door to the right."

The blind man headed for the bathroom, but accidentally tripped over and skipped the second door. Instead, he entered the third door, which lead to the swimming pool and fell into the pool by accident. Scared to death, the blind man started shouting, "Don't flush,don't flush!"

WE CAN USE THIS TEXT IN GRAMMAR TEACHING TO TEACH SIMPLE PAST TENSE.

GÜNES ÇINKIR 2/B

Three rich brothers each wanted to do something special for their elderly mother on Mother's Day. The first brother bought her a huge house. The second brother gave her a limousine, with a driver. The third brother remembered that his mother used to love to read the Bible, but couldn't see well anymore, so he got her a specially trained parrot that could recite any verse from the Bible on demand. Soon, the brothers received thank-you notes from their mother. The first son's note said, "The house you bought me is much too big! I only live in a small part of it, but I have to clean the whole thing!" The second son got a note that said, "I rarely leave the house anymore, so I hardly use the limo you gave me. And when I do use it, the driver is so rude!" The third son's note said, "My darling baby boy, you know just what your mother loves! The chicken was delicious!"

We can use this humor text as a part of reading activity by previewing some of the vocabulary such as 'limousine,trained,delicious.And we can adapt the humor by substituting new words for some words which would be inappropriate for our class like'bible'.We should substitute 'the classics'instead of that word.Then we should gave a printed copy of the humor to the students.

Submitted by Yeliz Nur