Subject: woman?!
>> > Little Johnny watched, fascinated, as his mother
>> > smoothed
>> > cold cream on her face.
>> >
>> > "Why do you do that, mommy?" he asked.
>> >
>> > "To make myself beautiful," said his mother, who then
>> > began
>> > removing the cream with a tissue.
>> >
>> > "What's the matter?" asked Little Johnny. "Giving up?"
>> >
>> > _______________________________________________________
>> >
>> >
>> > > Things You Should Know About Women:
>> > >
>> > > Women love to talk on the phone. A woman can
>> > > visit her girlfriend for two weeks, and upon
>> > > returning home, she will call the same friend and
>> > > they will talk for three hours.
>> > >
>> > > A woman will dress up to go shopping, water
>> > > the plants, empty the garbage, answer the phone,
>> > > read a book, or get the mail.
>> > >
>> > > Women will drive miles out of their way to
>> > > avoid the possibility of getting lost using a
>> > > shortcut.
>> > >
>> > > Women do NOT want an honest answer to the
>> > > question, 'How do I look?'
>> > >
>> > > PMS stands for: Permissible Man-Slaughter
>> > > (or at least men think it means that). PMS also
>> > > stands for Preposterous Mood Swings and Punish My
>> > > Spouse.
>> > >
>> > > The first naked man a woman sees is 'Ken'.
>> > >
>> > > Women will make three right-hand turns to
>> > > avoid making one left-hand turn.
>> > >
>> > > 'Oh, nothing,' has an entirely different
>> > > meaning in woman-language than it does in man-
>> > > language.
>> > >
>> > > Lewis Carroll's Caterpillar had nothing on
>> > > women.
>> > >
>> > > Women cannot use a map without turning the map
>> > > to correspond to the direction that they are
>> > > heading.
>> > >
>> > > All women are overweight by definition; don't
>> > > agree with them about it. Women always have 5
>> > > pounds to lose, but don't bring this up unless
>> > > they really have 5 pounds to gain.
>> > >
>> > > If it is not Valentine's Day and you see a man
>> > > in a flower shop, you can probably start up a
>> > > conversation by asking, 'What did you do?'
>> > >
>> > > Only women understand the reason for 'guest
>> > > towels' and the 'good china'.
>> > >
>> > > Women want equal rights, but you rarely hear
>> > > them clamoring to be let into the draft to cover
>> > > the responsibilities that go with those rights.
>> > > All women seek equality with men until it comes to
>> > > sharing the closet, taking out the trash, and
>> > > picking up the check.
>> > >
>> > > If a man ticks off a woman she will often
>> > > respond by getting a fuzzy toilet cover which
>> > > warms their rear, but makes it impossible for the
>> > > lid to stay up thus it constantly gets peed on by
>> > > the guys (which gets them in More trouble).
>> > >
>> > > Women never check to see if the lid is up.
>> > > They seem to prefer taking a flying butt leap
>> > > towards the bowl and then chewing men out because
>> > > they 'left the seat up' instead of taking two
>> > > seconds and lowering it themselves.
>> > >
>> > > Women can get out of speeding tickets by
>> > > pouting. This will get men arrested.
>> > >
>> > > Women don't really care about a sense of humor
>> > > in a guy despite claims to the contrary. You don't
>> > > see women trampling over Tom Cruise to get to
>> > > Gilbert Gottfried, do you?
>> > >
>> > > It's okay for women to dance with each other, but
>> > > you don't see men dancing together.
>> > >
>> > > Women will spend hours dressing up to go out,
>> > > and then they'll go out and spend more time
>> > > checking out other women. Men can never catch
>> > > women checking out other men; women will always
>> > > catch men checking out other women.
>> > >
>> > > The most embarrassing thing for women is to
>> > > find another woman wearing the same dress at a
>> > > formal party. You don't hear men say, 'Oh-my GOD,
>> > > there's
>> > > another man wearing a black tux, get me outta here!'
>> >
>> >
>> >
>> >
>> > =====
>> > "Ham and eggs. A day's work for a chicken; A lifetime commitment for a
>>pig." - Anon.