By EMBELE AWIPI

With Rush Limbaugh joining the ESPN gameday staff, it seems the floodgates are opening for talks show hosts to make the foray into sports television. Not one to let common sense and a weak stomach stand in the way of some good ratings I’ve taken the liberty at proposing what motor mouth would best fit where.

Al Franken-The comedy writer and sometimes liberal activist was the ying to Limbaugh’s yang once upon a time with his ‘seller “Rush Limbaugh is a big fat idiot” . So he seems a natural for an NFL pregame show spinoff with Rush. His only drawback: former Saturday Night Live cast members seem as cursed on covering NFL games as Acteon on the first day of hunting season.

Jerry Springer-what a better way to start his candidacy for Senate. With His ability to put some fight in all around him, perhaps the Cincinati Bengals can use him as sideline reporter. Otherwise he can be the paternity interviewer for NBA broadcasts. However, with his undeniable appeal to the younger freaks, Jerry would probably be at his best in college basketball. Halftime interviews would range from sorority-sister-stripper-sociology students, my coach can out drink your coach, and coach-I have a secret-I didn’t pass junior college, I have a welding certificate!. Riveting stuff.

Howard Stern-Pretty tall guy, so he could also do the NBA. Get the inside scoop during pregame on what players going for Wilt Chamberlain’s record, or during breaks, and slow points in the game, he can coax the cheerleaders into taking off their tops. Heck, the WNBA can use his King of all media charm.

Dr. Laura-As a Co-WNBA color analyst, the good doctor seems a slam dunk. Also, she would definitely provide some colorful commentary at women’s soccer games, up until someone knocks an errant clearing attempt off her noggin. Better get her a helmet for sideline interviews.

Michael Savage- since he’s got lots of free time now, he would be a nice fit for just about anything. A good spot for him would be the NFL-His high brow appeal would make people watch him match wits with ivy-leaguers Marcellus Wiley and Jay Fieldler

Of course, the UC-Berkeley graduate simply must be a roving reporter for every 49er home game.

Tom Green- The artist(?) formerly known as Drew Barrymore’s beau, since he’s Canadian, would be at his best in the NHL. His compulsive need to annoy might even triple the NHL ratings if he plays goalie with no pads. Or goes undercover in Det-riot as Wildwing. Or use a sled to joust with a zamboni. Oh wait, that sounds more like a job for…

Johnny Knoxville- the real Man without fear®, Johnny K could be an all purpose guy in the MTV/ViaCom/CBS family: Extreme sports here, boxing there, scattered spit showers after tough playoff losses, he is the man to send in the most dangerous situations. And the name just screams SEC football. That might be his most dangerous foolhardy stunt ever: locker room interviews in Gainesville and Baton Rouge.

EMBELE AWIPI is a radio host on KSRK 540 and KNRY 1240. He can be reached at embo1240@yahoo.com.