(The rating was accidentally left off of Part 1, so...here's the basic idea: Overall, this fic probably is on the border of PG and PG-13 for its swearing and sexual humor.  A few innuendoes, that's for sure!)

(Fade in to the SOL bridge.  Mike is leaning on the counter, Carmen is to his right
using a laptop and has headphones on.  Enter Tom and Crow with a guitar
and drum set respectively.)

Tom: Mike, we have come up with an idea to vent our frustration with this fic.

Crow: We wrote a song. Well...we didn't EXACTLY write it....

Tom: We more, sort of, well took a page from Carmen's book and...

Crow: We stole it, Mike.

Tom: Well...

Crow: I mean, the words are ours, it's the music part we stole.

Mike: Meaning....?

Tom: Well, we took a page from Weird Al Yankovic's book and...

Crow: It's a parody, Mike.

Mike: I see. Well, what is it a parody of?

Crow: There's this simple song called "You're a God" by a band called Vertical Horizon. So we made some lyric changes and came up with our own song entitled, "This Fic Sucks."

Tom: Carmen, you've heard of the song we're doing the parody of, right?

Carmen: (noticing Tom looking towards her and looks up.  Responds quickly)  Oh...yeah, right. It's good.

Tom: What about you Nelson?

Mike: Uh.. sure..I think...

Crow: He's never heard it.

Tom: Well, whatever Nelson. You'll catch on. And you'll love this!

Crow: Shall we hit it?

Tom: Hey, Carmen, you ready?

Carmen: (half listening) Yeah, sure Tom.

(Tom begins to "strum" his guitar, Crow plays backup on drums.)

Tom: (singing)
I'm gonna be honest
And as you know
This crap I despise
It sucks okay?
This nothing to this
NO
It's such grand torture I say

Will it just end?
Oh
Oh, will it just end?

Tom and Crow (in harmony):
Cuz this fic sucks
Yes it does
And it's a fact that you do know
This fic sucks
Yes it does
And I say in fact it does blow

(brief musical interlude)

(spoken)

Mike: That's great guys...

Tom: But wait, there's verse 2!

Mike: Oh...Okaaay...

Tom: (singing)
Hey there Globie, we put you down
We hope that you have learned something by now
Like plot and grammar
YO
There's some more you gotta show somehow

Will it just end?
Oh
Oh, will it just end?

Tom and Crow (in harmony):
Cuz this fic sucks
Yes it does
And it's a fact that you do know
This fic sucks
Yes it does
And I say in fact it does blow

(20 second musical interlude)

(spoken)

Mike: I see...and is there another verse?

Crow:  Not a unique one.  Verse one repeats and then we sing the refrain 'til the end with grand finale style.

Mike:  Then you can just stop right here.

Tom:  No way Nelson!  We're finishing, right Carmen?

Carmen: (not paying attention) Yeah...have fun.

Crow:  All right!

Mike:  Oh enough, already!!!  I get the point!

Tom (singing):
I'm gonna be honest
And as you know                                                                     Mike: (growls)  TOM....
This crap I despise
It sucks okay?                                                                          Mike:  (more angered growl) TOM..... *huffs*
This nothing to this
NO
It's such grand torture I say ay ay ay                                         Mike: (exclaims) TOM!!!

Will it just end?
Oh
Oh, will it just end?

Tom and Crow:
Cuz this fic sucks                                                                    Mike:  Crow...TOM...knock it off!!
Yes it does
And it's a fact that you do know                                              Mike:  I MEAN IT!  NOW!!!!
This fic sucks
Yes it does
And I say in fact it does blow                                                  Mike:  WILL YOU TWO JUST-

Tom and Crow:
This fic sucks

Tom: Oh it really does

Tom and Crow: And it's a fact that you do know

Tom: Oh I thought that you would know                                Mike:  I MEAN IT...

Tom and Crow: This fic sucks

Tom: Oh it really does                                                          Mike: FOR THE LAST TIME-

Tom and Crow: And I say in fact it does blow

(With a final couple of guitar twangs, the song is completed)

(spoken)

Crow:  We're done now.

Mike:  (huffing)  GOOD.

Tom:  Chill Nelson...Carmen liked it, right?

Carmen: (distracted) Huh? Oh...that was great guys.

Tom: Hey Mikey, she likes it!

Mike: (groans burying his head in his hands)

(Commercial lights flash)

Tom:  Um...We'll be right back....

Carmen: (looking at the CD in the player) This just might work...

(Fade out)

(Fade into the theater.  Riffers take their seats)

Maelstrom's Little Gig, Part 3
(The Many Deaths of Carmen, Part 5)

Tom: So which title is it? MAKE UP YOUR MIND!

Quick summary of part 2:
- Huge disagreement at ACME HQ between Laurie and Globie
- Both lands each other in hospital, Chief breaks out

Mike:  The Chief's got acne?

- Brief confrontation with Maelstrom in Irtusk, Russia
- 2nd confrontation with Maelstrom in Montreal
- 3rd confrontation with Maelstrom, But in Rio de Janeiro.
- Maelstrom plans to frame Carmen, and we begin where we
  left off last time!

Crow: In the inner circle of hell.

Twenty Three

Carmen: The Mark of the Illuminati!

Tom: I thought that was 42...

Location: Sometime between May and November of 1999
Time: I don't know! We're in a Chronoskimmer portal, silly!

All: (groan)

Laurie: Globie, how are we gonna catch Maelstrom?

Crow: I don't think we have enough peanut butter to lure him out...

Globie: Simple.

Zack: What?

Chief: Yeah, what?

Globie: We use the element of surprise.

Tom: You leave Leeloo out of this!

Mike: Still got a thing for her, eh?

Tom: Shut up Nelson! Just shut up!

Laurie: Are you sure he's coming this way?

Zack and Globie: Positive!

Crow: How can you be positive Zack? You didn't know what the hell you're doing!

Chief: This will be a total drain of juice if we're heading for the wrong place!

Globie: Really, Chief?

Zack: Never mind that.

Mike: Cuz it made no freakin' sense!

Laurie: Get ready to bail out!

All: We are!

Location: Television City, Hong Kong, China
Time: November 17, 1999 - 1:00 AM

Security Guard: Why do I always have to guard the Anniversary set?

Janitor: I dunno.

Crow: B-Movie cliché #124, the security guard and the janitor always get it first.

Maelstrom: Hyah!

*** Kayos both out cold ***

Maelstrom: The Anniversary is mine!

Carmen: My wife will kill me if I forget again!

Janitor: It's Carmen Sandiego! Get her!

*** Chronoskimmer portal opens ***

Zack: Oh, no! We're too late! Carmen...or is that Maelstrom in a really bad Carmen disguise?

Tom (Zack): Where's a red pump when you really need it?

Globie: It's Maelstrom!

Laurie: MAELSTROM! YOU'RE UNDER ARREST!

Maelstrom: NO WAY!

Mike: He's a DOCTOR for crying out loud! Shouldn't he be more articulate?

Carmen: Mike take it easy, he's been drained by the fic like everyone else...

*** Maelstrom's chopper fires shots at ACME agents ***

*** Fiery blasts of orange and red ***

Laurie: Watch out!

*** Zack hit by one of Maelstrom's bombs ***

Zack: Ooh...

Mike: Right in the head.. lookie! A butterfly!

Globie: Laurie! I'll go get Maelstrom, you'll get an ambulance!

Tom: Cuz you're just a woman and couldn't possibly do anything else!

Laurie: But I don't know how to speak Chinese!

Globie: They can also speak English, Laurie. Remember? Hong Kong was a British crown colony!

Laurie: Oops.

Tom: GOD, you really are a useless woman aren't you?

Twenty Four

Mike: ...Seven

*** Globie runs off ***

Zack: Must...get...Maelstrom...

Crow: (Freakazoid) Must...talk...like...this.

Laurie: No, Zack! Don't move. We don't know what it might be!

Zack: Got...to...help...

Mike: (Shatner) SPOCK!

*** Zack gets up, slowly trots away from Laurie ***

Tom: A head injury and he's showboating!

Crow: Maverick!

Laurie: I don't know what Ivy will say.

Carmen: Thank God I'm not in this scene?

Zack: Globie...

Globie: Zack! What are you doing?

*** Maelstrom attaches cables to Anniversary set ***

Zack: No!

Laurie: Oh, no!

Globie: Laurie! Get over here!

Tom:  Before I pistol whip you.

Maelstrom: You'll never catch me, ACME.

Zack: Oh, yeah? < Collapses >

Crow: Our hero, ladies and gentlemen..

Laurie: Zack!

Globie: Let's dance, Maelstrom!

Maelstrom: With pleasure, Globie!

Laurie: Globie, no!

Carmen: You never mastered the cha-cha!

*** Maelstrom fires ***

Crow (Maelstrom):  Sorry Jones, but I had to lay someone off..

Globie: Bullets, Maelstrom? Can you please do better than that?

Mike: Okay so we're to believe he's, what, Superman?

Tom: He's just got Storm troupers disease...

Maelstrom: I will, then!

*** Heavier volume of bullets ***

Crow: Which were apparently set to 'miss.'

*** Fiery blasts of red ***

All: (sing) ...And the rockets' red glare....

Globie: Hyah!

Laurie: AAAARRRRGGGGHHHH!

Mike: Laurie IS Charlie Brown.

Carmen: (whistles the Peanuts theme)

*** Maelstrom kayoed ***

Tom: And once again we ask..HOW?!

Globie: Victory!

Mike and Carmen: (make anime victory signs)

*** Cables snap ***

*** Loud thud ***

Laurie: All right! We did it!

Maelstrom: I'm not beaten yet!

*** Maelstrom flies off ***

Mike: Because Red Bull gives you WIIIINGS!

Globie: Let's get back to the past!

*** Chronoskimmer portal opens ***

Laurie: Pick up Zack!

Globie: OK!

Crow: (Globie) So handsome, come here often?

Twenty Five

Tom: (sings) In the year 2525....

Location: ACME HQ, Calgary, Alberta
Time: May 17, 1999 - 1:45 AM

Laurie: How's Zack?

Globie: He's stable.

Tom: He's being used to house livestock?

Laurie: Oh, boy. I don't know what Ivy will say.

Carmen: Something like, 'Globie, I'll kick your ass for this!'

Globie: I dunno.

Chief: Hot tip, mes numero uno agents!

Crow: Me no comprede this fic...

Globie: What is it, Chief?

Mike: It's a plot device that moves the story along, but that's not important right now.

Chief: Maelstrom has been arrested after an eastbound chase on the Trans Canada west of Fredericton, New
Brunswick!

Laurie: All right!

Globie: Oh, yeah!

Chief: Let's celebrate, shall we?

Laurie: Whoo-hoo!

All (sing) Celllllebrate good times...C'mon!

Globie: Hold it!

Chief: What, Globie?

Globie: We still have to rescue the others!

Mike, Carmen and Crow: DUH!

Tom: Can't we just let the helpless victims fend for themselves for once?

*** Screen fills with static ***

*** Jaci's image appears ***

Jaci: Laurie?

Laurie: Jaci!

Tom: Chief!

(Crow opens his beak)

Carmen: Sottering iron, Crow!

Crow: Shutting up.

Jaci: We've got Carmen here with us!

Laurie: We'll send a C-5 portal to you right away!

Jaci: Destination?

Crow: Unknown.

Laurie: The super security pen in Fort Saskatchewan, of course.

Tom: Bic goes high tech?

*** Carmen screams in background ***

Jaci: I guess someone's cranky!

Carmen: No...frazzled maybe, if anything.

Laurie: Here it is. The C-5 home, fellas!

Carmen: No!

Carmen: I'd rather take the train!

Twenty Six

Tom: Pick up sticks.

Location: USS Arizona Memorial, Honolulu, Hawaii
Time: May 16, 1999 - 10:55 PM

Maelstrom: I wonder if Globie will ever suspect that I'm here in Honolulu?

Crow: Again, Maelstrom, gloating to yourself is one of six signs you're a psychopath!

Globie: Yep.

Maelstrom: YOU!

Kim: And me!

Ann: And me!

Dee: Hyah!

Herman: Yah-hoo-hoo-hoo!

Mike: Do you...Yahoo?

Ivan: Get him!

Maelstrom: AAAARRRRGGGGHHHH!

Crow:  Yet more Peanuts-esque screaming...

*** Fighting ***

Globie: Look!

Carmen: Absolutely nothing!

*** Helicopters appear ***

Maelstrom: I'll take the Arizona, if you don't mind.

Kim: Over my dead body!

Tom:  Sure, I'd kill her off by this point.

*** More fighting ***

*** C-5 portal opens ***

Ivy: We're here!

Jaci: And we've got a new toy!

Mike: And it's a Buzz Lightyear!

*** Jaci fires rockets ***

*** Fiery blasts of orange and red over Honolulu ***

Maelstrom: NO!

Laurie: Game over, Maelstrom.

Tom:  Game over man.  Game over.

We're taking you in.

Maelstrom: No way!

*** Helicopter appears ***

*** Jaci lights fuse for last rocket ***

*** Fiery blast of orange ***

Laurie: You killed Maelstrom!

Crow:  (Kyle)  YOU BASTARD!

Jaci: So?

Kim: Let's go home and party!

Mike: Guys, when was the last time you've had a party when you've killed a man in cold blood?

'Bots and Carmen:  Um....

Herman: Good idea. We haven't had a party in ages!

Globie: Homeward bound we are!

All: HOOOOMEWARD BOUND!

*** Giant C-5 portal opens, sucks in everyone ***

Twenty Seven

Crow:  Off to heaven.

Location: ACME HQ, Calgary, Alberta
Time: May 17, 1999 - 11:30 AM

Laurie: Where's Zack?

Ivy: Still in bed.

Zack: Huh? Wh-what?

Tom (Zack): Oh Ivy.. Lower!

Carmen: (whaps Tom)

 Tom: OW!

Jaci: Never mind.

Globie: I'm back!

Crow:  He's baaaaaaaack....

Ivy: Did you get lunch?

Globie: Yep. And I got everything off!

Mike: Aaaah! Now Globie's Richard Hatch!!!

Laurie: Great! Now let's eat.

Jaci: You didn't get everything off. Look!

Tom: You left the jockstrap!

Globie: <Stares at leg> Oh. Oops.

Crow: I see London, I see France...I see Globie's...AAAAAAH!

 Tom: I'm BLIND! BLIIIIIND!

*** All walks up stairs ***

Carmen:  All WALK upstairs....

*** Ivan rushes down ***

Zack: Ivan! What's the hurry?

Ivan: National Science Awards at the Jubilee Auditorium tonight!

Jaci: And?

Ivan: I'll get an award!

Ivy: What?

Crow: The Manor's Detective's Decision award?

Ivan: I dunno yet.

Chief: Ivan!

Ivan: Chief! What is it?

Chief: We're handing out awards tomorrow night! Don't forget to be here!

Tom: Or be queer.

Carmen:  Wha...

Ivan: I won't, Chief!

Ivy: We'll let's get to work.

Jaci: I'm going out.

Zack: Where?

Jaci: I'm going shopping.

Globie: I'm coming too. All my clothes are all torn and ragged.

Carmen: And that grunge look is SOOOO over!

Zack: That'll be perfect.

Ivy: Like you know.

Carmen: (valley girl) Like OH MY GOD!

Tom: (looks at Carmen)

Carmen: Damn...I've cracked.

Globie: Zack's right, Ivy.

Mike: Does ANYone have any idea what the hell they're talking about?

Ivy: You two are like mirror images of each other, aren't you?

Zack: Why do you say that?

Crow: (Ivy) Got me.

Globie: Besides, I'm 15, Zack's only 14, for one thing.

Ivy: And?

Tom: And you're 18, the menage tois just would wor..

(Carmen hits Tom)

Tom: Ow!

Carmen: Keep saying such things, and I WILL hit you.

Globie: I'll tell you later!

Mike: Procrastinator!

Twenty Eight

Carmen: When I was 28...oh wait I am 28.

(The 'bots cough)

Tom: (cough) Plus 5 or so

Location: ACME Philharmonic Auditorium, New York, NY, USA
Time: May 18, 1999 - 7:30 PM

Zack: It's beginning!

Crow: (sings)  The beginning of our ceremony....

Chief: <Steps up to microphone> Good Evening, All ACME agents. It's that time again where we announce the best
among us. And now, we shall begin! And now, tonight's co-host, ACME's Time Net Commander, Kevin!

Kevin: Great to be here! Chief, what's our flight plan...um...the first thing?

Carmen: Oh, it's Commander Kevin THOMPSON!

Chief: The Detective of Most Captures Award is awarded to the agent who has captured the most crooks over the
last year.

Kevin: And the award goes to...Zack!

*** Zack receives his award ***

Zack: I don't know what to say...

Tom: (Zack) Cuz Globie didn't give me any lines here.

Chief: Just be glad, Zack. It was a pretty close race between you and your sister.

Zack: Oh.

Kevin: The next award, the Most Carmen Sandiego Captures award goes to the agent that has apprehended Carmen the most over a period of time.

Chief: And it isn't easy capturing Carmen! And the award goes to...Globie!

All: Shah, right....

Carmen: He couldn't catch a cold.

Globie: Whoo-hoo!

Chief: The Good Guide award is presented to the Good Guide that has accumulated the most votes from all agents.

Kevin: And the award goes to...Kim Yoonity!

Kim: I'm shocked right now!

Tom: Wait 'til you see the free electroshock therapy sessions!

Carmen: Hey!

*** Later ***

Chief: And here's the last award. Kevin, what IS it?

Kevin: The Detective of the Year award.

*** Curtain lifts, reveals tall gold and silver trophy ***

Audience: Ooh!

All: Pretttttty.

Chief: Without further ado, we shall answer the question; "Who is the detective or detectives of the year?"

All Characters: Me!

Kevin: I know everyone is holding his or her breaths,

('Bots hold their breath)

Chief: And holding tight...

Twenty Nine

Carmen: And in today's news, the stock market crashed.

*** Continuation of last act ***

*** Auditorium in an eerie silence ***

Mike: Rather than go on with this fic, the majority of the audiance hanged themselves.

Chief: The winner(s) are...

Kevin: Globie, Zack, Ivy, Laurie and Jaci!

*** Auditorium erupts in jubilation ***

(The 'bots are looking as if they are running out of air)

Kim: Congrats.

Herman: Good work!

Ivan: All right! Excellent!

Ann: Smooth moves!

Dee: Nice going!

*** All 5 heads onto stage ***

Mike: Would someone please get those heads off the stage?

Carmen: And into a duffle bag.

Mike:  Wouldn't they need three more?

*** Kevin hands over the trophy ***

*** All 5 hoist trophy above their heads ***

Chief: Congratulations!

All 5: Yeah!

(The 'bots are shaking violently trying not to exhale.)

Kevin: And that's not all! Besides the trophy, the all of you will get permanent places in the ACME Hall of Fame!

Mike: Right above the third stall!

Chief: Well done!

*** Sudden crash ***

(The 'bots are both on the floor.)

Mike and Carmen: Get up!

Tom and Crow: (panting)  But...he...didn't...say...exhale.

(The 'bots sit back up.)

Maelstrom: Sorry to crash your little party.

Globie: Maelstrom!

Jaci: Get him!

All Good Guides: Get him!

*** Good Guides swarm over Maelstrom ***

Tom: (hums Wicked witch of the West theme)

Chief: I'm outta here!

Crow: CHICKEN!

*** Heavy fighting on stage ***

*** Dust clears; Maelstrom tied up ***

Globie: We got him!

Chief: Is it safe to come out now, Globie?

Mike: No, the fic's still going Chief.

Laurie: Yep.

Jaci: Let's throw him back into the pen, then go and get some pizza from Broadway, shall we?

*** All characters head out of auditorium ***

Ivan: Let's go!

Tom: You know, for a Carmen fic, you don't do much in it, do you?

Carmen: Nope.  Not that I mind either.

Thirty

Location: Rick's Café Americain, Casablanca, Morocco

Mike: (Bogey) You know, the problems of a master thief in a crappy fic don't amount to a hill o' beans in this world...

Time: May 19, 1999 - 7:30 AM

Sara: Lift away, boys!

Maelstrom: Sara Bellum!

Sara: Maelstrom, you old bat, you...

Maelstrom: I'll take the café if you don't mind.

Sara: If we work together, your brains and my power can make us millions!

Crow: If they do put their brains together, it will only equal one brain.

Maelstrom: Uh huh, and what do I get?

Sara: 1/2 of all profits.

Maelstrom: Oh, really. You've got yourself a deal.

Ivy: Not with me around!

Carmen: (Ivy) I want a share too!

*** Ivy attacks Maelstrom ***

Sara: I'm outta here!

The 'bots: CHICKEN!!!

*** Zack arrives on scene ***

Ivy: You were saying, Sara?

*** Sara kayoed by Zack ***

Maelstrom: I've lost to you too many times, Ivy. This time, It ends!

All: Yippie!

Ivy: Oh yeah?

*** Maelstrom kayoed by Ivy ***

Sara: Hurry boys! Get the café out of here!

Crow: My espresso machine has broken down and I need another recharge of caffine!

Ivy: No!

*** Zack C-5's off to airship's bridge ***

Ivy: Zack!

Zack: Oh, boys...

*** Two blue henchmen turns around, then kayoed ***

Carmen: Globie...um...Zack's never k'oed anyone in his whole career....

Zack: Is this on autopilot?

Ivy: Get down, Zack!

Zack: Not until I've crashed this baby into the Sahara!

Tom: Seems like Zack has a death wish.

Ivy: You've still got Rick's Café Americain tied to it!

Mike: Bogey will never forgive you!

Zack: Oh <Unties Café>

Crow: Just like that?!

*** Zack bails out, airship crashes ***

Carmen: Along with the Cafe, thus incurring Bogey's wrath and he begins haunting Zack until he builds another.

Mike: (Bogey) You WILL rebuils short shtuff...

Zack: Well that's good and dandy. Let's continue our vacation, shall we, Ivy?

All: DANDY?!

Tom:  Um..since when was Zack British?

Ivy: Yep.

*** C-5 portal opens, sucks in Zack and Ivy ***

Thirty One

All: (sing) Bottles of beer on the wall...

Location: Alaska Railroad Terminal, Anchorage, Alaska
Time: May 18, 1999 - 10:35 PM

Jaci: The special train should be here any time now.

Crow: (Jaci) To take us to Toyland!

Laurie: Jaci! It's the railroad superintendent! A band of Carmen-less VILE henchmen has held up the train about 2
miles from the station!

Jaci: Then let's transport to the train!

Laurie: Oh, by the way, Jaci, what does the train contain that is so special?

Jaci: About 2 million dollars worth of Eskimo art!

Tom: It's husky dogs playing poker!

Laurie: That's a real treasure trove!

Carmen: (Ariel)  Look at this trove / Treasures untold....

Jaci: I hope the Chief will pay us a bonus for this case! We're supposed to be on a camping trip the Yukon River!

Laurie: We'll do that when we're finished this case!

Mike: ...of beer.

Jaci: I suppose.

*** Jaci and Laurie transports off to scene ***

Laurie: Look! It's Lars Vegas and Dr. Belljar!

Jaci: And a whole horde of blue clothed henchmen!

Crow: But they're dressed in purple!

Tom: No! Blue!

Crow: Purple!

Tom: Blue!

Laurie: Let's move!

*** Jaci and Laurie attacks ***

All VILE villains: AAAAA!

Tom: (Henchman)  Run! Two paper thin representations of Forum members! Run! Ruun!

*** Each villain and henchman kayoed one by one ***

Lars: Now you face me!

Dr. Belljar: And me!

Laurie: And what are you planning to do?

Dr. Belljar: Uh, I dunno.

Mike: Apparently Globie didn't give these two a brain cell even between them.

Jaci: Charge!

Crow: (in same 'Charging' tone) Do you take Discover?!

*** Lars and Belljar kayoed ***

Laurie: Now, let's arrest those two and pilot the train to Anchorage!

Jaci: Anchorage ho!

Mike: Oh c'mon she isn't that bad!

*** Train starts ***

< Later >

Tom: So when does the train start actually?

*** Train comes to a complete stop ***

Chief: Well done!

Jaci: Thanks, Chief. Now, can we get back to our camping trip on the Yukon River?

Chief: Your wish is my command!

Carmen: (muttering) Wish I were out of this fic... wish I were out of this fic...

*** Jaci and Laurie disappear into a C-5 portal ***

Crow: Where they will be sold as slaves because they're just women.

Thirty Two

Location: ACME HQ Cafeteria, Calgary, Alberta
Time: May 19, 1999 - 11:30 AM

Globie: So, Chief...

Chief: Yeah?

Globie: Now that Carmen seems to be safely behind bars at the Max-Security pen in Fort Saskatchewan, What
will we do?

Chief: I really don't know.

Mike: Go to Disneyland?

Tom: Nah, that would make sense..

Globie: Well, Chief, we can start by cleaning out all VILE Operations across the globe.

Chief: Good idea.

< Later >

Ann: So, I guess all VILE HQ's all across the world have been cleaned out.

Carmen: Just like that?!!!

Tom: Globie fic, remember?

Carmen: Oh, right.  Sorry, I must have forgotten.

Rock: I guess. INTERPOL caught Medeva at the Main HQ in Buenos Aires.

Kim: I guess our duty on this planet in now complete!

Tom: (Kim) Now we must lay our eggs in the computer before I envelop myself in a musuc coating before returning to the mother ship.

Crow: But they're not aliens....

Ivan: I guess. I can finally get back to my normal life in California, surfing and inventing, all day!

Mike: (surfer)  DUDE!

Dee: And I might even get an ambassadorial job with some nation!

Crow:  Like Guam!

Globie: I guess I can now return to my normal life.

Tom: Which he probably never had in the first place!!!

Ivy: Same with me.

Zack: That goes for me too, I guess.

Jaci: What'll happen to the Chief?

Laurie: I dunno.

Ivan: He'll be fine.

Mike: I'm selling him for parts.

Ann: I hope so, Ivan.

Chief: Now, who's up for some tasty snacks?

Tom: (Chief) Enough pondering my possible continued existance.. who wants snacks?

All: I do!

Chief: Last one to the line is a trainee who flunked the test!

Carmen: (mock whine) But the SATs were HARD!

All: We don't think so!

Ivan: Hah! I won!

Tom: Wouldn't that be taken as an insult?

Crow: Or are we just not getting it?

Chief: You know, I think the fact that me always being last seem a bit idiotic?

Mike: I be a college gradut-ate!

*** All laughs ***

Carmen: (growls) Grammar check, putz...

Thirty Three (Epilogue)

Mike and the 'bots: (chant) Almost over.. almost over...

Carmen: Don't bet on it.

Location: Mt. Macdonald Tunnel, Rogers Pass, BC
Time: May 19, 1999 - 11:00 PM

Crow:  (sings)  Mount Macdonald had a tunnel...

Rock:  I've been working on the railroad, all the livelong day...

Tom: He of all people should smell what the Rock is cooking! Heh heh...

Globie: Oh, cut it out, Rock!

All: Please!

Ann: We're here to investigate an eerie sound inside the tunnel, not here to give a concert!

Rock: Sorry!

*** Eerie sound ***

Mike: The X-Files!

Ann: There it is!

Globie: It's coming from the air intake!

Rock: Let's go!

*** Dr. Belljar appears ***

Ann: Dr. Belljar! Medeva! Lars Vegas! Sara Bellum! (Oh my!)

Crow: How'd you all fit in here? Did you use a crowbar?

Globie: What are they doing?

Carmen: You should know, you wrote this turkey!

Rock: Who cares? Let's just follow them!

*** Time machine appears ***

Ann: What are you idiots doing?

Mike: We're not idiots! Pearl made us watch this thing!

Lars: Now that Carmen is gone, we'll go back in time, and continue Carmen's work!

Globie: We'll see about that, Lars.

Medeva: We'll see you later!

Crow: Alligator.

Ann: I don't think so!

*** ACME Backup arrives ***

*** VILE Henchmen arrive ***

Globie: Rock, are you thinking what I'm thinking?

Mike: (Brain) Are you pondering what I'm pondering?

Rock: I think so, pal.

Ann: Oh, yes, boys!

Jaci: It'll be big!

Tom: Did they just say....

Carmen: Let it go Tom. For your own sanity, let it go!

Ivy: And it'll start right now!

Rock: A battle!

Dr. Belljar: That's right! All right, troops. FIRE!

Chief: I don't think so, Belljar!

Sara: Oh, yeah, Globie?

Globie: That's General Globie, Sara

Crow: Cuz I can promote myself AT WILL!

Mike: And I will RULE THE WORLD!

Rock: Prepare for battle, Generals!

All 5 main characters and Chief: Right!

--- End of "Maelstrom's Little Gig", Start
"Battlefield: Earth's History!" ---

Tom: Battlefield Earth?!  Oh CRAP! A bad movie in a bad fic....can this get WORSE?!

Carmen: Tom...I wouldn't be surprised.

Tom: Mommy!!!

Find Carmen Lost in Time! Part 1
(Many Deaths of Carmen, Part 6)

Mike: Title #15 in the Titles with Poor Grammar series! Collect 'em all!

Cast:

VILE:
- Carmen Sandiego, Master Thief
- Sara Bellum, Temporary VILE ringleader
- Medeva, Medieval Sorceress
- Dr. Belljar, VILE mad scientist in residence
- Fast Eddie B., Millionaire/Crook

Crow: Must be a politician.

- I.I. Captain, Pirate captain

Carmen: I have NO idea who that is...

ACME:
- The Chief
- Jaci, NBC ACME Correspondent/Silver Master Detective
- Laurie, CBC ACME Correspondent/Gold Master Detective
- Chase Devinaux, Silver Master Detective

Carmen: Actually, his last name is spelled D-e-v-i-n-e-a-u-x. And apparently, he's married to Jaci now.

Mike and the 'bots: WHAT?!

Carmen: Or so she claims.

- Globie, Gold Master Detective

Crow: Oh, of course, the Great Globie doesn't HAVE to pull double duty...

- Zack, ABC ACME Correspondent/Silver Master Detective
- Ann Tickwitee, ACME Empires Specialist/Empires Good Guide
- Polly Tix, CBS ACME Correspondent/Politics Good Guide

One

Location: Mt. Macdonald Tunnel, Rogers Pass, BC
Time: May 19, 1999 - 11:30 AM

Jaci: FIRE!

Sara: FIRE!

Mike: Fire!

The 'bots: Late last night/ When we were all in bed../ Old Lady Lerner lit a lantern in the shed...

*** Carmen suddenly appears ***

Tom: No she didn't she's RIGHT HERE!

All: Carmen!

Carmen: Yes? You called?

*** Chase appears on the scene ***

Chase: Carmen! You're under arrest!

Carmen: Not so fast, Chase. Remember the time you busted three crooks on a high wire and with your hands tied to
your back?

Chase: What? Are you jealous?

Carmen: No, because it was pathetic!

Tom: A voice of reason, ladies and gentlemen!

Chase: That does it!

Dr. Belljar: Carmen! Here's the new time ship! Take care!

Carmen: I will!

Tom: Hang on, wasn't Maelstrom here a few minutes ago?

*** Carmen's time ship takes off ***

*** Smoke starts to emit ***

*** Fiery blast of orange and red ***

Chief: No. NOOOOOO!

I.I. Captain: Let us fight on in Carmen's memory!

All VILE main characters: Charge!

Crow: What the hell just happened?

Tom: Yeah! Did she burn up or what?

*** ACME and VILE forces charge towards each other ***

*** Fighting ***

*** Sounds of pain, agony and arrests ***

Mike: Well, the first two sounds were probably just made by us...

Carmen: Well, two out of three ain't bad.

Mike and Crow: Yes it is.

Fast Eddie B.: Fools!

Medeva: Let's get outta here!

Sara: The train!

Tom: (Tatoo) The plane!

Crow: The drain!

Let's go! Belljar! I.I.! Let's split!

*** VILE main characters escape ***

*** ACME main characters rush to explosion site ***

Chief: Oh...no...not...again...< Bursts into tears >

Tom: I can't take yet another bogus Carmen death scene.

Carmen: Neither can the Chief... How many times have I died?

Two

Carmen:  No..more than that...

Location: ACME HQ, Calgary, Alberta
Time: May 19, 1999 - 12:30 PM

Jaci: Chief, please? Come on, you've gotta speak to us!

Chief: Go away, everyone!

Chase: OK, we're out!

Crow: Out where? Outside? Outback? Out of the closet?

Carmen: Crow...

Globie: I'll talk to the Chief. You guys go get some lunch.

Mike: Because OBVIOUSLY I'm the only one here who can do ANYTHING.

Jaci: We'll see you later.

Laurie: Good luck.

Zack: Lemme help.

Ann: You heard Globie.

Crow: (Zack)  Guess I forgot to put my "listening ears" on.

Polly: I'm outta here!

*** Polly closes door ***

Globie: I know Carmen had a special place in your heart...er...CPU, Chief. But...

Chief: She was more than a special place in my CPU, Globie.

Globie: You cannot let this go over your head!

Carmen:  Doesn't he mean "to your head?"

Chief: Globie, When I lost Chase Devinaux after Carmen, I was heartbroken. If I lose you, Zack or Ivy, I would
shut myself down!

Globie: But please, Chief. You have to get over it. Carmen's a thief now. She won't come back again. I'm sorry.

Tom: Yeah, just forget that you've known each other for decades, she's a thief and she's in little tiny pieces so she's no longer human...

Carmen: And could someone please explain to me what the comparison to Chase was for?  Besides, seeing I never really DIED ever in this fic, I'm sure will come back, don't you guys think?

Mike and 'bots: (mummer in agreement)

Chief: I suppose you're right. Carmen is a thief at heart. But now that she's gone, what'll we do?

Globie: Come on, we'll discuss that over lunch.

Crow: That's right. Shallowly console him over food he can't eat..

Chief: Great! I'm famished.

Globie: You're a computer, Chief.

Mike:  So?

Chief: Oh, rats.

Tom:  You called that one, Crow.

Globie: Come along anyway. The fresh air will do you good.

Chief: I suppose you're right. Let's go, and forget about Carmen!

Crow: (to Carmen) Boy for a surrogate father HE got over you quickly, huh?

Carmen:  (mock sob)

Globie: That's the spirit, Chief!

Chief: OK, Globie! Let's go and clean the world!

Mike: I've got a REALLY big sponge!

*** C-5 portal opens ***

Location: Ivan Idea's Workshop, San Luis Obispo, California
Time: May 19, 1999 - 11:37 AM

Globie: Chief! What are we doing in California?

Tom: Globie, you're fired. Clean out your desk and leave the official Acme underwear with the secretary.

Chief: To get the newer version of the ACME BabbleChronoCyberCom 3000 for you, Globie.

Globie: A new ACME BCCC 3000? Oh, wow! Thanks, Chief!

Chief: And that's not all! The batteries last longer, and you can travel back farther in time and maybe forward in
time into the future!

Globie: It looks no different.

Crow:  (Aladdin merchant)  Do not be fooled my appearances, my friend.

Chief: Try the C-5 first. Oh, and pick up the other one on the way out.

Mike: That's right, just tuck a riff in space and time under your arm as you leave..

*** C-5 portal opens ***

Three

Tom: 's Company. (starts singing the theme)

Location: VILE HQ, Buenos Aires, Argentina
Time: May 19, 1999 - 3:45 PM

Medeva: What will we do?

Dr. Belljar: I'm the new VILE ringleader!

I.I. Captain: No you're not, I'M the new VILE ringleader!

Tom: No I am!

Crow:  I am!

Carmen: Guys....

Mike: I am SPARTACUS!

Carmen: Don't encourage them, Mike.

Fast Eddie B.: QUIET!

Sara: I'M THE BOSS,

Crow:  She's Bruce Springsteen?

so no one better argue that. My first decree is simple. Rub out ACME for Carmen's death!

Tom: (Sara) So neener neener neener!

VILE Blue coat (Extra):

Mike:  Poor guy didn't even get a name.

Ms. Bellum! ACME is raiding the
base!

Sara: Let's get them! Let's go and get them!

Tom: Let's go out the door and get them. Let's go out the door, down the stairs and get them. Let's go out the door, go down the stairs, into the lobby...

Mike, Carmen and Crow: ENOUGH, TOM!

All 5: Yeah!

Laurie: Look! It's Sara Bellum and her 4 little friends! Arrest them!

Jaci: Charge!

Tom:  (bugle sound effect)

Polly: I've got Dr. Belljar!

Zack: Freeze, Sara!

Ann: I've got one too! It's Medeva!

Medeva: Long time no see, Ann.

*** Ann kayos Medeva ***

Mike: Let the bitch slapping begin!

Chase: Fast Eddie, I.I. Captain and Sara Bellum are getting away!

*** Chase leaps onto I.I. Captain ***

Chase: I've got one!

Tom: Eh, too small. Throw it back...

Ann: It's just Sara and Fast Eddie now!

Polly: Use the cuff cannon!

Crow:  So, Polly's into bondage now?

Jaci: Fire!

*** Ann fires ***

Mike:  (Ann) Sorry Globie, but the firm has grown away from you...

Laurie: You've got Fast Eddie, but not Sara!

Zack: Fire again!

*** Ann fires again ***

Crow: (Ann) We're going to have to let you go Chase.. off the roof..

Jaci: You've got them all!

Tom: Well, you gotta catch 'em all, right?

Zack: All right! Let's throw them into the hoosgow and go home!

Mike: That would be THE Hoosgow Cheese Factory in Minneapolis, right?

Four

Location: ACME HQ, Calgary, Alberta
Time: May 19, 1999 - 2:02 PM

Chase: You called, Chief?

Globie: About time.

Carmen: (prissy teen) Cuz you know, I've been waiting  foreva....

Tom: (looks at Carmen)

Carmen: Oh save me now....

Chief: Chase, Globie, I want you to go on a mission for me.

Chase: We're listening.

Globie: Does it involve time travel?

Tom: Is it bigger than a bread box?

Chief: Yes, Globie.

Chase: What is the secret mission you want us to go on, then?

Chief: I want you two to go find Carmen, wherever in time she is.

Globie: That's impossible! She was destroyed in the blast in Canadian Pacific's Mount Macdonald Tunnel!

Chief: Then listen to this message.

*** Playback begins ***

Carmen: Chief, I'll be under the sun, but still totally covered!

Carmen: In a place the sun don't shine? (buries her head) Oh I HAVE been here too long.

Tom: It's okay, honey, you'll get used to it after you lose the will to live.

Chase: She's talking about those sweat boxes in California back in the '30s!

Chief: I want you two to go to the 1930s and bring Carmen back to the present and then arrest her.

Globie: No way. I am NOT going.

Crow: If he doesn't, the fic's over, right?

Chase: Let's go.

Mike:  Don't go!

*** Chase activates Time Tunnel ***

Globie: I still say this is a bad idea!

Tom:  And writing this fic wasn't?

*** Chase pulls Globie in ***

Crow: (Chase) Get in here you wuss.

Globie: AHHHHHHH!

Chief: Godspeed, Chase and Globie.

Mike: (Globie) You want us to save Carmen and put on a funky christian musical?

Carmen: Either that or he wants them to open a Christian law firm.

Location: Central California
Year: Late 1930s

*** Time tunnel opens ***

*** Screams ***

All: (join the screaming)

Chase: Uh oh, sounds like trouble.

Tom: False alarm, that was just us.

Globie: I still say this was a bad idea!

Mike: If you're referring to writing this fic, yes it was.

Chase: No time for that discussion all over again. Let's go!

*** Chase and Globie runs ***

Carmen: Chase and Globie RUN. Oh, why do I bother with the grammar anymore?

Carmen: So good to see you, boys.

Both: CARMEN!

Carmen: (waving) Hi!

Five

Mike: (sings) ...months of bills!

*** Continuation of last act ***

Chase: What is it this time, Carmen?

Globie: Are you trying the "Labyrinth" thing again?

Tom: She's singing 'Dance Magic Dance?'

Carmen: No, I'm here to reconcile my mind and rejuvenate.

Crow: You know, like Doctor Who.

Tom: She has a Tardis? That might explain a few things...

Globie: Like we believe you.

*** Chase pulls out 'cuff cannon ***

*** Chase fires, misses ***

Mike:  (sarcastically) Nice shot.

Carmen: Nice try, Chase. But you have to do better than that.

Carmen: One thing myself and my thin facsimile agree on.

Globie: You are coming with me to the present, Carmen!

Carmen: I've had enough fun here, ACME. So good talking to you again.

*** Carmen C-5s out ***

Globie: Where will she strike next?

Chase: Look at the clue she left, Globie!

Globie: It's a box of popcorn from Yankee Stadium.

Chase: I get it! This box is from the 1940s, when Don Larsen threw a perfect game, which was just repeated
earlier this year by an another Yankee, David Wells!

Globie: OK, so let's set the ACME BCCC 3000s to New York, 1949!

Chase: Let's go! Take me out to the ball game...

Globie: CHASE!

Chase: Do I sound that bad?

All: YES!

*** Globie nods ***

Chase: Oh, never mind.

*** Time Tunnel appears, sucks both in ***

Location: Yankee Stadium, Bronx, New York
Year: 1949

Chase: Well, we're here, but no sign of Carmen.

Mike:  (dryly) Oh darn.

Globie: Look at that popcorn vendor over there. She's wearing a red hat!

Tom: And look at that lightpole over there! It's black!

Both: CARMEN!

Carmen: So, you figured my clue I left in 1930, boys. But you won't catch me again!

Carmen: You haven't even caught me ONCE.

Tom: No, but they have accidently killed you numerous times.. That's sort of like capturing you...

Crow: Nah, it's more like stuff around her spontaniously combusted.

*** Carmen runs ***

Globie: The game's about to end! One more pitch and Don Larsen makes it into the history books!

Chase: I'll watch over the game.

Mike: I've got box seats!

You go chase Carmen!

Six

Crow: Six...six.  (laughs evilly)

Mike: (whaps Crow)

*** Continuation of last act ***

Carmen: Come on, Globie! You can do better than that, can't you?

Carmen: I've actually been wondering that throughout this fic.

Globie: I'll hunt you down like a rabbit!

Carmen: Big talk, but not too much action, I'm afraid.

Crow: Sums up the whole fic, doesn't it?

*** Cheers from the stands ***

Carmen: Ciao.

Globie: Oh, no you don't!

*** Carmen Chronoskims out of 1949 ***

Globie: Barely missed her!

Carmen:  No, you completely missed me.

Chase: The game's over! Don Larsen has made it into the history books!

Tom: And he gave me his autograph!

Globie: Oh, goody.

Crow: (Scar)  Well forgive me for not LEAPING for joy...bad back, you know.

Now let's figure out this clue.

Chase: A statue of St. Francis?

Globie: I think she means Portugal.

Mike: And you guessed that...how?

Chase: But when? 1600s?

Globie: Look at the tag. It says, "Find me in the Orient."

Chase: Could she mean Calcutta?

Globie: Maybe. But it can also mean Nagasaki, Macao or Molucca. They're all Portuguese colonies, you know.

Chase: I put my money on...Nagasaki.

Tom: (a barker) Igot25onNagasaki25onNagasakigoingonce25onNagasaki25onNagasakisomebodyelsebidonNagaskai25onNagasaki

Globie: I'll go and check out Molucca.

Chase: Great. Sayonara.

*** Chase Chronoskims out ***

*** Globie Chronoskims out ***

Crow: What is this, a Chat room?

Location: ACME HQ, Calgary, Alberta
Year: May 19, 1999 - 3:45 PM

Jaci: Where's Globie and Chase, Chief?

Chief: They're off arresting Carmen.

Laurie: Carmen? I thought she's dead!

Chief: Not really. She really didn't die.

Crow: Cuz she will never really die.

Mike: She's immortal!

Carmen: Well, I'd like to think so....

Crow: I meant in the FIC!

Carmen: Oh right....

Laurie: I'm going to help.

Carmen: And strike a blow for women everywhere.

Chief: No, Laurie, wait!

Tom:  You're just a girl!

Jaci: No stopping her, Chief. I'll stay.

Chief: OK, Jaci. BE CAREFUL, LAURIE!

Crow: (Chief) You're in a Globie fic! I can only take you dying so many times!

Laurie: I will!

*** Laurie Chronoskims off ***

Seven

Carmen: I don't see Brad Pitt.

Crow: (whining) I don't see Morgan Freeman!

Mike, Carmen and Tom: (look at Crow)

Crow: What?

Location: Grand Central Station, New York
Year: 1922

Carmen: If ACME ever figure out the St. Francis clue, I'll jump onto one of the tracks.

Carmen: Ah! It's an Erin Mills fic now! Oh wait, Erin's usually have more plot than this.

Laurie: Maybe you should select a platform straight away!

Tom: Okay, where the hell did she get the clue from?  And how did she get there?

Carmen: (turns to him and is about to say something)

Tom:  Never mind, Globie fic, right...

Carmen: Laurie LeBlanc, the Gold Master Detective and CBC ACME Correspondent. So nice to see you!

Tom: Three time Olympic gymnast...

Mike: Veteran of two world wars...

Crow: Winner of SEVEN Indanapolis 500's

Carmen: And she makes a terrific bundt cake.

Laurie: Cut the sweet talk, Carmen. Where's Globie?

*** Globie appears ***

Globie: Laurie! What are you doing here?

Carmen: Hello! Good-bye!

Mike: (White Rabbit)  I'm late, I'm late, I'm late!

*** Carmen runs ***

*** Chase appears ***

Chase: Oh, no you don't, Carmen!

Globie: Let's get her!

*** All 3 chase after Carmen ***

Laurie: Oh, no! Not the NY Subway! It'll take days to figure what train she took! The routes are endless!

Globie: We'll have to guess. I guess that one!

Tom: The eenie meenine miney moe decision making proccess...

*** Carmen runs aboard ***

*** ACME agents run aboard ***

Carmen: This charade ends...now!

Tom: (Carmen) It's Professor Plum, in the drawing room with the Nuclear warhead!

Crow: Well...that's Clue...not Charades....

*** Carmen charges ***

Carmen: But usually I use Discover.

Globie: This is IT, Carmen.

Crow: What?

Chase: You're coming with us, NOW!

Laurie: Where'd she go?

Chase: There!

Laurie: Let's get her!

*** Carmen Chronoskims away, leaves clue ***

Globie: What is it?

Chase: A model of the Olympic?

All: (hum the Olympics theme)

Laurie: What does it mean?

Chase: To London!

Globie: You sure?

Carmen:  (Lucy Van Pelt) I'm always sure of everything I do.

*** Time Tunnel appears, sucks in agents ***

Crow: Again, "sucks," lets go with that word, fic.

Eight

Carmen: Eight, the burning Eight, Between Jaci and Laurie lies a fic so dark it will devestate.

Location: Southampton, England
Year: 1910s

Crow: Could you be a little more vague?

Globie: Look! The Olympic is pulling away from the docks!

Laurie: And Carmen is on the deck, looking towards the Atlantic!

Chase: Let's C-5 to the deck of the Olympic!

*** C-5 portal appears, sucks in ***

Tom: Sucks in what?

Carmen: All common sense?

*** C-5 portal reappears ***

Laurie: Freeze, Carmen! You're under arrest!

Carmen: Can't you please leave me in peace just for a little while?

Chase: Like we will.

Carmen: We can hope, can't we?

Globie: Carmen, why are you even here?

Mike: Ah...but why are any of us here?  That, my friend-

Tom: Stop the philosophy, Mike.

Chase: You're not intending to steal anything, so give up this charade and come back to the present with us!

Carmen: Never! I'm sick of the cat and mouse game in the present and I want to be left alone! So go away!

Tom: Now I'm off to write poetry on black paper with silver pens in lower case letters to my cat...

Carmen: Well...no...but I'm sure Carmine misses me....

Laurie: No!

Chase: Laurie!

Globie: Hyah!

Tom: Hikeeba!

Crow: Man it's been a while...

Carmen: I'm outta here.

All: (singin) I'm on my waayy...

*** Carmen escapes ***

Chase: NOOOOOO!

Mike: Does Globie just cut and paste that exclamation over and over?

Carmen and the 'bots: Yes.

Globie: Let's follow her.

Laurie: Let's try to contact the Chief.

*** Chief appears on Videophone screen ***

Mike: Globie listened to Laurie's idea...That's a first.

Chase: Chief! We've finally lost Carmen's trail!

Mike: Can we come home now?

Carmen: Mike, that would make sense..

Chief: I have a blip on the time tunnel map slightly sometime after 1808.

Laurie: What could be so important in 1808 that attracts Carmen's attention?

Chief: Beats me. Well, the blip has stopped on 1808, so better go there.

Crow: Chief, you just said it stopped after 1808.

Laurie: Then what are we waiting for?

Mike: CHRISTMAS?!

Chase: Setting ACME BCCC to 1808.

Globie: Powering up!

Tom: It takes a few minutes for it warm up...

Laurie: Let's GOOOOO!

Mike: (Soccer announcer guy) GOOOOOOOOOALLLLLLLLL!

Chase: I hope we're not following a cold trail!

Nine

Location: Vienna, Austria
Year: 1808

Laurie: We're at the Symphony Hall.

Chase: Isn't that Beethoven over there?

Globie: Yep. And looks like he's here to perform his 5th and 6th symphonies!

Carmen: So now Globie rips off a "Where In Time" CD-ROM case.

Laurie: And we can bet that Carmen will be in the audience.

Chase: So, let's get some tickets and get into the symphony hall, catch Carmen, and go back to the present!

Globie: History mysteries are not wrapped up so simply, Chase.

Laurie: Well, well, well. Look over there! It's Carmen!

Tom: (Globie) Ok, so I was wrong...

All 3: Get her!

Carmen: You three again?

Laurie: What did you expect? The Royal Canadian Mounted Police?

Carmen: I was thinking of the FBI.

Crow: Just what we need, to get Mulder and Scully involved in this...

*** Time Tunnel appears, figures appear ***

Laurie: Ann and Polly!

Ann: Carmen!

All agents: GET CARMEN!

Carmen: Get Shorty!

*** All rush toward Carmen ***

Carmen: Sorry to break up this little charade, but I got to go. Buenos Aires 1982!

*** Carmen disappears ***

Polly: Buenos Aires? Was she trying to say "good day" in Spanish or the city of Buenos Aires?

Chase: I guess.

Mike: Oh THANKS Chase, that's a BIG help.

Ann: I think she means the Battle of the River Plate.

Globie: The battle was in 1939, not 1982. Also, it happened in Montevideo, not Buenos Aires.

Laurie: The Falkland Crisis!

All: That's it!

Chase: Let's go to Buenos Aires!

Polly: Fire up the engines!

All except Polly: What?

Ann: Oh, yeah. We brought along the Chronoskimmer ship.

Polly: Let's go!

Ten

Tom: (sings) Little Indian boys.

Location: Buenos Aires, Argentina
Year: 1982

*** Time Tunnel opens ***

Ann: Well, no sign of Carmen or any VILE activity here, so let's go home!

Polly: Not so fast, Ann. I don't think that's true...

All: CARMEN! WHERE ARE YOU?

Carmen: I'm here! Here!

Chase: Like that would help.

Crow:  He realizes this after he joins in the pointless shouting.

Globie: There she is! On the balcony!

Laurie: Get her!

Carmen: Can't you please leave me alone?

Carmen: Pretty please?

Chase: Like I don't think so.

Tom: Break the news to Jaci- Chase IS gay.

Laurie: Let you,

Globie: Carmen Sandiego,

Polly: Escape?

Ann: Ha!

Tom: We took acting courses from William Shatner!

All: Get her!

*** All tackle Carmen ***

All: FUMBLE!!

Carmen: Sayonara, agents. I hope you simply get off my trail!

Tom:  Wow, she got out of that quick...

*** Time Tunnel opens ***

Ann: Well, she's left us nothing again.

Crow: (Ann) Damn trick didn't pay us...

Carmen: Crow!

Chase: Chief, is there a blip on the time tunnel screen?

Chief: Nope.

Polly: Great. What will we do now?

Globie: Well, I dunno. We could try looking into the time tunnels manually.

Laurie: Great idea! Let's go!

*** Time Tunnel opens ***

Globie: OK, I'll go into the future, and the rest of you split up.

Crow:  There's just infinite time to search, how hard could it be to find Carmen?

Laurie: I'm coming with you.

Chase: No, I'm going with him.

Globie: No. I will go myself. Good-bye.

*** Time Tunnel closes ***

Ann: NO!

Polly: Well, what are WE waiting for? Let's go!

Eleven

Location: St. Petersburg, Russia
Year: 2030

Carmen: Star light, star bright, first star I see tonight. Wish I may, and wish I might, make my dreams come true tonight!

Tom: (Jiminy Cricket singing) When you wish upon a star....

Globie: Your wishing will just take you straight to prison, Carmen!

Carmen: You again? I thought you would have given up when I left you no clues!

Carmen: I shot the witnesses I burned the body, what more did you want form me?

Globie: ACME agents don't give up that easily!

Carmen: You can't beat me that easily, agent.

Globie: Unfortunately, your little bag of tricks from 1999 won't work in 2030, Carmen. So give it up.

Carmen: Yeah, right.

Carmen: Give up?  To YOU?  (laughs hysterically)

Tom:  Calm down, honey.

Globie: OK, you asked for it, Carmen. Chief!

*** Gold coloured Chief appears ***

Carmen:  I see Globie prefers the British spelling of "colored."

Chief: Globie, what in the name of liverwurst are you...AAAAA! Carmen Sandiego!

Globie: Was I kidding?

Crow:  I think we missed the joke here...

Chief: BOYS!

*** St. Petersburg police arrives ***

All: (sing) Have you heard? / There's a police state in St. Petersburg...

Globie: Do you have the cuff cannon?

Chief: Right here!

*** Globie fires ***

Chief: You missed!

Carmen: (Morticia) One house, three children. So many windows..

Carmen: Adios, Chief.

Chief: Well, back to ACME HQ for us.

*** C-5 portal opens ***

Location: ACME HQ, Vancouver, BC
Time: 2030

Chief: What'll you do, Globie?

The 'bots: (sing) Whatcha gonna do when they come for you...

Globie: I dunno. I gotta go and track her again.

Chief: Well, no time to lose.

Globie: Gotta go, Chief.

Globie: Wait! One thing!

Chief: Your BCCC 3000. Can travel to the ISS, the Moon and Mars, and can break through all cloaking devices. Take care!

Carmen: Oh I see, Zack and Ivy had to bend over backwards to prove who they were but Globie was SUCH a brilliant
detective they kept him in the Chief's memory files.

Tom: Something tells me one night Globie sneaked into Acme and downloaded something into the mainframe...

Crow: An LSD tablet?

Globie: I will, Chief!

*** Time Tunnel opens, then closes ***

Chief: Godspeed, Globie.

Tom: Again with the musical theater!

--- To be continued ---

Carmen: Thank God...I think you two need a serious time out.  Let's go!

(Riffers exit the theater)

And yes folks, yet another "To be Continued" from the group of MSTies.
 

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