Feb. 7, 2003

DOM-LAND, Middle-earth—The Caribou ground out their first win of the season in possibly the longest game in MEHA history.

"I've never seen 157 delay of game penalties in one game in my life," said Caribou defenceman Legolas. "Well, three of them were sort of my fault," he added. The Caribou bench was assessed three delay of game penalties for Legolas groupie stampedes.

"Most of the fans are quite rational most of the time," Legolas said. "But they do get a little, um, over-enthusiastic sometimes." The groupies were herded off by rink security after Legolas pointed at them and said, "Groupies!"in an alarmed tone of voice.

The Caribou were penalized further when Gandalf, or his beard actually, consumed four pucks throughout the game. None were seen again.

"Sometimes they fall out in the shower," Gandalf said. "It's killing my toes."

The third period saw the most penalties when the Wraith goalie, The Witch King of Angmar, deliberately picked up his net and threw it at Frodo. The Wraiths were charged with multiple penalties and The Witch King was ejected from the game. The Wraiths were assesed another delay of game penalty when The Witch King refused to leave and had to be escorted off by security.

The groupies took that opportunity to charge the ice again.

The delay lasted so long, the four hobbits snuck off to the concession stand for hot dogs and soda. They were each given a delay of game penalty when they didn't hurry back fast enough for the face off.

The entire match lasted 7 hours and 37 minutes including one hour spent hammering out the dents in the Witch King's goal.

Tension will be high when the Caribou play the Wraiths at their Mordor arena The One Rink** later this season.

"I'll take his knees out, I will," said a very disgruntled Sam about the Witch King.

Frodo scored twice for the 'Bou and Aragorn and Gimi each had one goal. Ringwraiths number five and seven scored for the Ringwraiths. Gandalf made 37 saves in the win.

**"The One Rink" name courtesy of Jenn and Michaela. Thank you!!

Notes: The MEHA will meet to discuss MEHA Regulation 45-A,"all players are required to wear a regulation helmet." Nearly every team has at least one player who refuses—for whatever reason—to wear the regulation helmet.

"No one takes a dwarf's helmet!" declared Gimli. "I'll beat you with my stick! Just you wait! Grrrr!"

A representative from the Ringwraiths has assured the MEHA that every member of the team wears a regulation helmet under their...cowl...things. The MEHA has yet to confirm this as everyone is too chicken to check.

The MEHA is looking into eliminating the "regulation" part of the rule.

"As long as they're wearing some kind of protective head gear, I guess it's okay," said MEHA comissioner Bubbles.

Wraiths on the power play.

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