| PART 18 I glance at the clock wondering where Liz is. She said she was coming after school, but it’s already ten o’clock and there’s no sign of her. Not even a phone call. I finally decide to call her again for the twentieth time. I pick up the phone hoping somebody will answer this time. I’m starting to worry something might have happened to her. The phone rings several times before someone finally picks up. “Hello,” the person whispers. “Hi. May I speak with Liz, please?” I say. “Michael, is that you? This is Alex,” he says quietly. “Alex? Hey, how’s it going?” “Not to good. Listen, Liz wasn’t feeling good. She’s sleeping right now. That’s why I’m whispering,” he says “Is she okay? Should I come over?” I ask with concern. “No. This is not a good time.” There’s a pause and he continues to say, “You should have taken Isabel’s advice. I’m hoping it’s a misunderstanding on Liz’s part, but if it’s not...” Another pause. “You better clear it up as soon as possible,” he says with a sternness I’ve never heard from him before. I can’t believe what I’m hearing. He can’t be talking about Tess, please God, don’t let it be about Tess. “What are you talking about?” I ask trying not to sound worried. Alex sighs and says, “You know damn well what I’m talking about. Isabel told me about most of it.” No wonder Liz isn’t here. What happened? Did Tess say something to her? My heart drops. I can’t lose her. I should have told Liz about Tess when she first arrived. I should have told her Tess came by my house that first day she arrived in town. “Tell her to call me tomorrow. That’s it’s urgent that I speak with her,” I say desperate now. “I’ll try, but …” I hear him sigh and whisper something to someone. Then there’s a new voice on the phone. “Just leave me alone, Michael. I don’t want to have anything to do with you. You’ve made your choice,” Liz yells over the phone. “No, Liz, listen to me. It’s not what you think. I don’t know what she told you, but can’t you just let me explain?” I plead to her. “It’s too late. You had all the time to explain, but you chose to push me away.” I hear the sadness in her voice. “I’m coming over,” I say with force. Before she can object, I hang up the phone. I knock on Isabel's door and ask to borrow her car. She gives me the keys and I leave out my side door. I arrive at Liz’s in record time. I knock on her door and her father answers it. He gives me the once over before he asks, “Can I help you?” I smile and say, “I’m sorry to come at such a late hour, but it’s urgent that I speak with Alex. Would that be alright with you?” He moves aside and makes a gesture for me to come in. He says, “He upstairs in his room.” I thank him and rush up the stairs. I open the door to Liz’s room and the first thing I notice is the broken mirror. I look to Alex first and he says, “She’s okay. I mean from the effects of the mirror.” He gives Liz a sideway glance before he leaves and closes the door behind him. I see Liz lying on the bed facing away from me. I lie next to her and spoon her. She stays in that position for a couple of seconds before she jumps off the bed. “You shouldn’t have come. I don’t want to talk to you. There's nothing to say.” My heart slowly rips apart with each rejection. I sigh and say, “I just need you to trust me, Liz. I'm begging you just to trust me. I would never do anything to …..” She interrupts me to say, “Trust you. How am I supposed to trust you? Please explain that to me.” I run my fingers through my hair and say, “Haven’t you trusted me?” She chuckles softly and say, “I did even when you dodged all my question, pushed me away and separated me from everything in your life. Now it’s different because there’s someone else in the picture. Someone who is making it a point of getting you into their life. Someone who arrives around the same time you start pulling away from me. What am I supposed to think? That your nightmares won’t let you sleep, so you tend to be grouchy.” “Why didn’t you come and talk to me first?” I ask. She rushes at me and says, “Why? So you can tell me it’s nothing? That it’s not what it seems? That you care about me? What are the other lines you use to avoid a question of mine?” I bow my head. She’s right I’ve been hiding from her and now everything is backfiring on me. I scratch my eyebrow and say, “What do you want to know?” She looks at me and sits next to me on her bed. I continue to keep my head down. “I’ll start with an easy question. What does the G stand for in your initials?” she asks quietly. “Guerin,” I reply. I look up at her and she looks expectantly for more. I continue to say, “It’s my mother’s maiden name. My father named me after her." Now she looks confused. “I’m only a half sibling to Isabel and Max. I guess that’s the main reason why I’m the outcast of the family.” “Why haven’t you told me this before?” she asks with concern. “Why? So you can feel sorry for me?” I stand up. “Alex is only my half brother,” she says. I turn around and look at her. I squint my eyes at her and say, “Don’t lie to me.” She gives me a half smile and says, “I’m not. The man downstairs was in an accident where he wasn’t able to produce children anymore. My mom desperately wanted a daughter, but she wanted her with the same genes as her husband. So she slept with her husband’s brother. That’s how I was conceived. My real dad died in a car accident with my grandmother, which was the same day I found all this out.” I don’t have a response to that. I wouldn’t have thought Liz’s family was as dysfunctional as mine. I stare out her window and say, “My dad had an affair with his intern who in turn became pregnant with me. He almost lost his family, but he blames me for it. My mom died giving birth to me. So my stepmom took me in after she and my dad made amends.” “What are your nightmares about?” she asks me next. I sigh and say, “My best friend died three months before we moved here. Ever since that night, I’ve been having dreams where he haunts me saying it was my fault. That I should have been the one killed not him.” I take a deep breath and continue, “They stopped when I got here, but they started up again recently. I don’t know if it’s because it almost been a year since it happened or if it’s from seeing Tess again.” I stop, realizing I mentioned Tess's name. I continue to say, “I also think it might have something to do with guilt. When I’m with you I’m happy. My friend can never be happy like that again.” “You shouldn’t think of it that way. I blamed myself for my grandmother’s death even though I knew it wasn’t my fault, but I know she's happy wherever she is. It’s just your guilt talking through your dreams. If you meant anything to your friend, he’d be happy for you,” she tells me “Maybe, but he was happy before he died,” I say sadly. “He had a girlfriend who he fell in love with. This was when I didn’t believe in love. I would always tell him he’s foolish.” I brace myself against the window, all my memories flashing before me. “He told me I just hadn’t found the right one yet. He was about to tell me how Ava made him feel, but he never had the chance." “Where does Tess fit into all this?” she asks. I chuckle and say, “You want me to share everything with you tonight don’t you?” She huffs and says, “If you want me to trust you, then yeah.” I walk over to her bed and sit next to her. I turn her towards me so we are facing each other. I reach my head up to remove a stray piece of hair from her face, but she stops me. “Don’t,” she says. I place my hands in my lap and say, “Tess was my ex-girlfriend, my first girlfriend. I was overjoyed when she wanted to go out with me. Nobody ever wanted me, so I tried to do everything in my power to make her happy and for her to stay with me. She was expensive and since I don’t have an in with the old man, I had to make my own money. I was fourteen at the time and my father wasn’t about to let his son work in a fast food restaurant. So I had to find ways to make money.” I pause. I don’t want to tell her how I made money. “She always had this strange pull over me. I could never say no to her. I'm not sure if it's only because she was the first person to pay attention to me.” “Do you still feel that same pull to her?” she asks me quietly, not looking at me. I rub my face and say, “A little, but ….” “So you’ve seen her alone after she arrived here?” she says cutting me off. “Yeah, but ……” “Were you ever going to tell me?” she says as her voice starts to rise. “I was going to tell you tonight,” I say trying to keep my voice steady. I don’t like the way this is turning out. She shakes her head and says, “You weren’t going to tell me. Maybe you thought about it, but you weren’t going to. How do I know your not hiding anything else from me?” I reach for her hand and she moves out of range. I close my eyes and say, “Liz, I’m telling you everything.” She gets up and distances herself from me. She stares at me and says, “This pull thing, how do you know you’re still experiencing it?” I run my fingers through my hair and before I can say anything Liz states, “Because you kissed her. If it weren’t true, you would have objected already. Get out, Michael. I don’t want you anywhere near me.” I stand up and approach her, but she backs away. “Liz, I don’t want her. I want you.” I keep walking forward until there’s nowhere else for her to back up to. “I want you,” I repeat getting closer. She starts pushing me on my chest. The pushing turns to pounding. I wrap my arms around her until she calms down. We slide to the floor where we cry. I don’t want to lose her. I whisper to her, “Tess is my past, you’re my future. I wouldn’t know what I would do with myself if you weren’t in my life. That’s what scares me the most. You not being in my life.” She sits up and wipes her eyes. She looks me in my eyes and says, “I can’t do this, Michael. If you meant that, you wouldn’t have kissed her. There’s a reason why she has this pull over you and until you figure that out I can’t be with you.” “Don’t say that. I can control it. I know what I want,” I respond. “Then why did you kiss her?” she asks. “I.. I don’t know,” I stutter. “Because you don’t have it under control. I’m not going to let you walk all over my heart while you try to find out who or what you want. So until that day comes, it’s over.” She gets up and opens her door. “Can you please leave now?” She doesn’t even look at me. I walk slowly over to the door and gaze at her. I open my mouth to say something, but she says, “Leave.” I walk out of her room and out of her house. I speed home feeling lost in my heart. When I get home, Isabel is waiting in my room. She looks at me with a concern. I’m glad she doesn’t say anything. I tell her to leave me alone and she hesitantly does. I stand in the middle of my room breathing heavy. Angry at me, angry at Tess, angry at the world. I observe myself in the mirror, hating the person looking back at me. That’s when I crack. I shove everything off my dresser to the floor. I throw my books at the mirror. Once my room is demolished, all my energy is drained. I collapse on my bed and cry myself to sleep. |
| Part 17 Part 19 |