Sunday

It’s amazing how you can forget how much useless crap you own until the day you’re forced to pack it again.

Tossing some more random plastic bottles containing half-used shampoos and bath gels into a large trash bag, I sigh and sit down on the edge of my small bathtub to rest, staring mindlessly at the mildew covered tiles. I wonder how hard that’s gonna be to clean..cause I sure as hell want my deposit back.

My gaze drifts upward to watch as another stupid moth flutters madly around the single amber light bulb that illuminates my pitiful bathroom, making a soft clinking noise as it collides with the hot glass. Eventually it’ll burn to death - I don‘t give a shit. If that’s what it wants to do, I’m not going to stop it. He’s the same as me. I couldn’t keep myself away from Ken, I couldn’t help falling for him, and I got burned for it.

And here I am heading back to get burned again.

I don’t care. I’ve come to a decision. Yeah, I know, I’ve never decided anything in my life. I usually just put off something until it blows up in my face, and then I’ll think about handling it. But I’ve never felt this way before so I’ve decided. Even if he doesn’t care, even if he doesn’t love me back, even if he hates me, I won’t go away. As pathetic as it sounds, I don’t think I can live without the baka. I’m just a stupid little bug that can’t resist that strange light he emits.

No matter how many times I’m burned. It doesn‘t even matter if I died, I would be dead without him anyway. Look at me now, I am dead.

Ken... I will find you. And I’m never going to let you out of my sight. I may not have you to call my own, but you will always be stuck with me.

I’m broken from my reverie as I see a roach skitter by near my boot. Letting out a girlish shriek, I stomp my feet wildly in random directions . I don’t mind bugs, but roaches....I can’t stand those things. So of course, this apartment is crawling with them.

Yeah God. Laugh it up. Here I am dancing for your fucking entertainment once again. I’ll never understand what I did to make you hate me. Even before I killed you treated me this way. I can name at least a hundred bastards who have done worse than me and are living it up in some mansion surrounded by beautiful women, men, whatever. It isn’t fair. But you never made life to be fair, and that is why I hate you so much.

And it kills me how there’s not a fucking thing I can do about it.

Well, it’s better not to dwell on things ne? I’ve done enough of that. That’s about all I’ve been doing since I ran away.

Sighing, I pick up the remains of mr.roach with a giant wad of pale blue tissue (that thing is not coming near my hands) and toss it into the toilet, quickly flushing it down. Twice. Hey, I’m not having that little shit swimming back up, if roaches know how to swim...

I close the lid just in case.

I carelessly toss more bottles and containers from the medicine cabinet into a cardboard box, not giving a goddamn fuck if they break or not when I move, just wanting to get out of this hole. Sloppily putting clear packaging tape on the top, I curse as some gets painfully stuck to my fingers. Nothing seems to want to work for me today. Do you think maybe it’s a sign? That I should stay here?

I watch another bug run across the floor.

Fuck the sign. I’m going.

Grunting, I pick up the box and plod into the living room, dropping it on top of my quickly growing stack of crap to move. I jump when the phone rings, being as it’s only rung twice the entire time I lived here, once a person wanting me to switch long distance companies and the other time a wrong number. Trotting towards the phone I recall giving it to Omi during our chat last night.

“Omi?” I say as I bring the small phone to my ear.

“No.” the voice on the other line is barley above a whisper.

“Omi this isn’t funny. I need to finish packing you know,” I say as I glance around my apartment that seems to look worse than when I started, now that everything has been pulled out from their hiding places.

“Yoh...ji...” I listen with curiosity as I hear the voice shake slightly on the last syllable of my name.

“Who is th-” A loud click interrupts me and I am left only with the dull sound of the dial tone. I slowly pull the phone away from my ear and stare down at it with narrowed eyes.

Whatever.

I yank the phone cord from the wall and throw it in another box. Glancing down at my watch I see that I’ve been packing for four hours straight. I groan and pop my back loudly, staring at my jacket draped over the broken lamp near the doorway. I think I’m deserving of a walk before I finish up and head back to my old home. One last walk around the place I hope to never return to. The place where I realized what a dumb shit I truly am.

I shrug on my jacket, my fingers running over the soft, smooth material. Ah leather, what would I do without you...

I search a moment for my keys, locating them in between the stained cushoins of the sofa, pulling up my missing remote along with them.

So that’s where the little fucker went!

I almost automatically toss it into an open box but remember the TV, along with the oh-so-gorgeous furniture, came along with the apartment. Oh, what a great deal I snagged I’ll tell ya...

I have to push a few boxes out of the way to squeeze myself through the front door, the bottom of my jacket momentarily catching on the scratched brass knob. I almost feel as if this place is trying to make me stay...

Well tough shit, you nasty little apartment.

I slam the door shut and lock it quickly. Well, as quickly as possible considering the lock hardly works and I have to pull the knob with all my strength while turning the key as hard as I possibly can without snapping it in half, forcing the broken lock into place. If anything in that place worked correctly I think I’d pass out from shock. I remember when I used to bitch about my old place, but right now it seems like a fucking five star resort. I smile, knowing it’s sitting there, awaiting my return.

I remember on nights when I didn’t have a date, Ken would come over and we’d talk for hours, not really about anything important, just random things that popped into out heads. I can still picture how he would lay on my bed, hands behind his head, his legs dangling off the edge as he was swung them back and forth. Dirty tennis shoes bounced against my black bedspread, making a quiet rhythm as we talked long into the night. What I remember the most was his eyes. Yes, they’re just brown, not a brilliant amethyst like Aya’s ,or a crystal blue like Omi’s, but for some reason, those chocolate eyes have some glow behind them that made me feel so safe and important every time they turned my way. Unlike the rest of us, you could read every emotion out of Ken’s expressive eyes, they were so different than our dead ones. You just knew that he was totally focusing on you when you talked, something you rarely got from most people, who are too concerned with themselves to even spare you some of their attention for more than a few short moments. He looked at me so closely, sometimes I worried that he knew how I felt for him. Sometimes I wished he knew how I felt for him. Then, maybe, I wouldn’t be where I am right now.

I trot down the stairs loudly, not caring if it irritates my neighbors or not. Hey, if I have to put up with their screaming children and those little fucking dogs with their obnoxious high pitched yelps, they can handle me clunking my way down to the entrance.

Swinging the front door open, my flushed cheeks are met with a strong blast of autumn air, immediately putting me in a better mood. I inhale deeply, taking in the thick aroma that can never be completely described. My view of the quiet street is obscured as the wind blows my hair into my face. Sometimes I think about cutting it all off, but then I remember how Ken would tell me how much he liked it...How he would run his hands through it, saying he’d trade his ‘boring brown’ hair for mine any day as he looked up at his own mane and blew his thick bangs out of his eyes with a soft huff. He looked so cute when he did that.

Ken...I want to see you now.

“Gonna stand there all day?”

I jump at the deep voice and whip behind me to see one of the many college students who resides in these ‘budget’ (budget, my ass. More like ’biological disaster’) apartments, gray eyes flashing in amusement at my surprised expression .

“You looked so happy I didn’t want to bother you...” he says , lips sliding into a small smile. “..but if I stand here any longer it’ll be dark before I can get a few blocks down.”

I observe his wrinkled blue track pants and white tank along with a small pouch containing a walkman strapped to his side. My eyes follow the thin black wire to the obviously expensive silver headphones resting around his neck, music pouring softly out of them into the quiet lobby. His bleached platinum hair glows slightly in the fading light of Sunday as he stares expectantly at me. Oh, I haven’t moved.

“Gomen...” I say as I grin sheepishly, quickly stepping out of the way. He nods at me and walks toward the doorway. I wonder how much gel it takes for him to spike his hair like that....makes me think of Zell or something...Christ, Omi played that game non-stop, ranting about how Squall looked just like his koi, and acted about the same way too. Why someone be proud of having a cold bastard as their boyfriend is beyond me...

“Oi...” the sinuous voice pulls me from my memories once again. I find the unusual gray eyes set on me once again.

“Why were you in the entranceway like that?” he inquires, tilting his head slightly.

I stare at him a moment, wondering why a complete stranger would give a fuck. It’s quite rare to find someone that does in this shitty world we live in today. I feel lucky.

“I just wanted to take one last look around before I get outta this place.” I say, motioning towards the door.

“You’re moving?” Dark blonde eyebrows arch in surprise. He pouts and slouches slightly. “I’ve been trying to bump into you for weeks!”

“Nani?”

He smiles mysteriously at me. “Wanna take a walk with me?”

“It looks like you were planning on running...” I say as I gesture at his outfit.

“And it looks like you were planning on walking,” he replies simply. “Come on, it’s no fun to walk alone.”

Well, you can’t argue with logic.

I smile at him. My first real smile in a long time. His bluntness reminds me of Ken...

Okay I need to shut up, I’m so infatuated with the guy, a fucking tree could probably remind me of him.

...both so full of life..

shutupshutupshutp

Damn, this is worse than cigarettes.

“Ah, so the mysterious loner does smile eh?” he says grinning widely. “Come on. It’ll get dark soon.”

I nod and quickly follow him through the door, slamming it loudly behind us. I watch silently as the boy fiddles with his walkman, turning it off and causing the flow of music to abruptly stop, leaving us with the quiet sound of cars passing by.

“So your name’s Kudou right?” he says casually as he pulls his headphones off of his neck.

“Eh?” How did the hell did he know? It’s not like I talk to anyone around here. Well, unless I have to or something.

“I saw you walking to the laundry room once and you dropped your basket.” he says as we head down the sidewalk, towards the park.

“You figured my name out from that?” I ask stupidly.

“You said something like ‘Smooth move Kudou’ . So I just assumed that was your name.” he replies, staring up at me, his eyes seeming to glow in the darkening light. “Is it?”

“Yeah, my last name, but I’d rather you just call me Yohji.” I smile at him. No use using the fake one anymore if he already knew that much.

“Yooohji..” he tries the name out on his tongue. It sounds nice from his mouth. For the past months, I haven’t heard very many people say it.

“I’m Cole.” he says, pointing at himself. I nod and shake his hand as we walk. Now that the introductions are over...

“Any reason you’ve been wanting to meet me?” I ask, the curiosity finally getting to me.

“Because you’re the hottest guy my age in the whole building,” he says quietly, a small blush quickly staining his tanned cheeks as I stumble forward, my jaw dropping.

“Okay..I’m gonna go ahead and assume..you’re gay...” I say as I attempt to keep myself from gawking.

“Close.” he says winking at me. I find myself snickering.

“You are about the bluntest person I’ve ever met.” I say to him grinning and tucking some of my hair, made unruly by the crisp breeze, behind my ears.

“What’s the point of dancing around things?” he says shrugging. “I hate head games. I think if you respect someone, you should at least tell them how you feel.”

“Respect?” I say, lifting an eyebrow. That gets a blush out of him.

“Respect..think is hot..same difference....” he turns redder as I continue to give him a skeptical look. “Oh! You know what I mean!” I laugh as he groans and places his red face in his hands.

“Anyway!” he cries, straightening. “Why are you moving Yohji?” he frowns. “I haven’t seen you around for very long at all,” I watch his face slowly return to its normal color as we round a corner.

“Moving here was a mistake,” I say as I watch in admiration as a nice car zooms past, causing several autumn leaves to spiral in the cool air. “Now I’m going back to fix it.” I watch from the corner of my eye as he stares thoughtfully at me, obviously attempting to contain the urge to ask what the fuck I’m talking about. I don’t really feel like explaining.

“Look!” I glance up from the sidewalk and follow Cole’s pointing finger to see we’ve finally reached the entrance to the park. His eyes are twinkling, a goofy grin plastered on his face.

“Uh...what’s so exciting about the park, Cole?” I say as I shift my eyes between him and the entranceway.

His grin grows wider and he grabs my arm, dragging me inside.

“Look! Look!” he points again, this time directly underneath a large tree.

Leaves. A bunch of leaves.

Amazing...Oh yeah...Let me contain my excitement here...

“It’s leaves,” I say flatly, wondering if this guy is just easily amused or something, like one of those people who can stare at a wall and be totally entertained for hours.

“No it’s not,” he says, huffing and putting his hands on his hips.

“Then what is it?”

“A pile of leaves,”

“Yes, good observation there...Hey! Why are you laughing at me?!”

“Damn! What the hell did you do when you were a kid? Hide under a fucking rock?” he asks me between gasps for air.

“Nani?!” I say, becoming frustrated as Cole doubles over from laughing. “What does my childhood have to do with a bunch of dead leaves?!”

“This!” Cole runs forward towards the trees hollering like a maniac and I watch with raised eyebrows as he cannonballs into the huge pile of leaves, scattering them in all directions. I observe in amusement as he emerges from the pile, leaves and twigs clinging to random parts of his body.

“Come on Yohji!” he hollers, his feet making a loud sloshing sound as he shuffles around the deep pile. My eyes follow a small yellow leaf that flutters off his shoulder and returns to its place on the dead grass.

“I think I’ll just watch you. Really. It’s quite interesting from here.” I call to him, unable to stop grinning. His eyes radiate with pure joy as he throws leaves in the air, watching them cascade back down to the earth like a waterfall of orange and gold. It truly is beautiful, the leaves against the darkening sky, the soft breeze, Cole’s laughter echoing throughout the quiet air. I guess it is true when they say it’s the small things that really count, cause this guy probably wouldn’t be this happy if he won the damn lottery.

“Yooooohji!” he whines. “How many times are you gonna be able to do this?” He winces as he pulls a large brown leaf out of his pants. “If you‘re moving anyway, who cares what these people think about you?”

Good point.

Oh, what the hell.

I make a mad dash towards the leaves and crouch to prepare for a jump. Cole gapes at me as I fly through the air. I can jump pretty damn high I’ll admit. All that running across rooftops during my days of Weiß can be useful sometimes, I guess. It’s an amazing feeling, like you can fly, and for a split moment, everything else just doesn’t matter....well until you crash to the ground, which I just did.

My vision is blinded by a wall of leaves. The sound of them crackling underneath my body fills my ears and the world seems to dissapear. Strange memories flash through my mind...my mother holding a rake with one her hands on her hip, making a futile attempt to look stern...my mother laughing and throwing leaves at me...my mother smiling....It’s been so long since I thought about her, I had almost forgotten what she looked like. She was so beautiful, but I guess through the eyes of any little kid, their mothers are always beautiful. I miss her...

“Yoooooohji!” A hand waves in front of my face. I turn to see Cole leaning over me, an amused look in his eyes.

“Where’d you go off to?” he asks, outstretching a hand for me to grab.

“I was thinking about my mom...” I say to him, the image of her face still clear in my mind.

“Your ma, eh?” he asks as he plops down next to me, sending a few leaves up as he falls. “What about her?”

“I just remembered,” I say, fiddling with a leaf in my fingers, “When I was little I would hide and watch her rake the leaves in front of our house, and the second she had her back turned I’d run and jump in them.”

Cole snickers. “Did’ja piss her off good?”

“Nah,” I answer as I shake my head. “She’d try and act mad for a minute, but I’d pout at her and she’d just laugh and end up joining me.” I turn and softly smile at him. He grins back at me.

“Sounds like a nice lady...” he says as he brushes another leaf off of his bleached hair.

“Yeah, she was cool.” God, I miss her.

“Was?”

Oops, I didn’t mean to let that one slip.

“I don’t want to talk about it.” I say quietly. She probably still is cool, but I wouldn’t know. Fucking Weiß...

“You’re a mysterious guy, Kudou.”

“You think so?”

“Yeah...I do..” his eyes darken as he leans closer to me.

Aw, shit. What the fuck is he doing...

~*~*TBC*~*~

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