This is a column by the world’s biggest James fan, Dave Brown, in which he tells you how to make friends with the band, and also become revered by all their fans.  Who knows what joys lurk in the hearts of James?  Brown knows.

Today's lesson:  HOW TO OBTAIN PROMOS 

Hello folks, and good morning.  Now what I have to tell you, you can’t tell anybody else because it’s my special information.  Now if you want a promo, you either phone the record label and pretend to work for the press, or, if need be, for Change of Scenery. Anyway, if you can’t get a promo that way, then it’s best to start phoning record shops.  Usually you can get a list of just about every record shop in Britain in Record Collector magazine.  Just phone them all up until someone is willing to sell you a promo.  And don’t let price bother you, it’s James after all.  Sometimes you won’t be able to find a promo.  If that’s the case, it’s best if you then start phoning recording studios to find out if James are booked in.  If you find them in a studio, then go down to the studio immediately and wait til you see one of them, and ask for a promo.  If you’re as big a fan as me they’ll recognize you and be happy you came to find them.  If you don’t find them, don’t panic, they may be recording at Saul’s in Scotland or at Dave’s in Wales.  If that happens, your best bet is to go find a voting registry and look up Tim’s address on that.  Then, just wait outside his house til he comes home.  He’s bound to be willing to give you a demo of the new album if he knows you’re a fan.  If he isn’t, tell him you know me.  He’ll give you one.  He’s the greatest human being alive, after all.  Now if none of these methods work, well, email me and I’ll make you a copy.  But you have to promise not to pass it on to anyone else.  Because I’m the Demo Master and only I can say who’s allowed to hear it and who isn’t.

 Coming Next Week: HOW TO IMPROVE YOUR BOOTLEG COLLECTION