Amber Home
Amberites
Campaign Logs
Amber Humour
Main Page Index
Sign Guestbook
View Guestbook
eMail me
Gerard: I broke the light bulb.
Random: F*ck that for a laugh. I’m off out.
King Random: This problem must be solved by the time the Ambassadors arrive.
Benedict: Yes, I am aware that I am the tallest, but I am not moving and that’s final. You kids screwed it up, you can fix it.
Or: Hmm, interesting. Give me a couple of years to think about it.
Julian: No. You can not stand on Morgenstern’s back.
Or: Corwin. Care to stand on Morgenstern’s back?
Or: Corwin, do as I say and don’t change the light bulb. Heh heh! I forgot, you can’t see anyhow...
Caine: The light bulb has been, shall we say, removed?
Flora: You can’t have a plain light bulb. And rose is just so passé.
Llewella: I’ll go get a candle, shall I?
Dalt: Confounded bastards! I’ll have you and your light bulbs, too! Just don’t let Benedict kill me again…
Borel: See Dalt.
Corwin: Well, after I’d duelled Benedict, blindfold, and won, wrestled Gerard with both hands tied behind my back, and got the girl, I saved the place. Then, I ran the length of Shadow, re-wrote the Pattern twice because Brand drooled on the first one, found you, my son, and told you the story of Eric the Usurper-Bastard, which I told without bias. Lost my memory at least once, got stabbed, murdered three or four servants, and ended up here. Then, as I collapsed in exhaustion, preparing to
sleep for a week, the king said to me, "Corwin, do this thing." And I said, "Give me ten minutes."
Delwin: How come I never get a plot-line? It’s Sand, Sand, Sand!
Sand: Ahahahaha!
Oberon: I leave you alone for just ten aeons, and look at yourselves! Disgraceful!
Bleys: I’ll do it in style. Just hand me a crossbow, three yards of silk, a lemon, and enough Juniper. What? You don’t need a G&T? Someone tell me in detail what you need. Hey, you can trust me this time round!
Eric: Just change the Damned lightbulb!
Fiona: You boys have got it wrong again, haven’t you. I suppose I’m going to have to repair the damage.
Brand: It’s not good enough! We’ll have to destroy the Palace and start again.
Dworkin: Let there be light.
My campaign
Crowley: That's a Barriman Family lightbulb. It gets buried without last rights and is forgotten.
Osric: I'm going to finish this lightbulb problem for once and for all. Fetch a hammer.
Finndo: Ossie's made a mess, dad. Can I borrow your dustpan of judgement so I can prove myself your true heir?
Hazard: So, I put Dirithas into the socket to short the damned thing out, pick the lock by its light, break out, snog a guard on the way out just for the look of things, and teleport home in time for supper.
Enoch: Why’s it dark, dad? Da-ad?
William: I guess I have to go on another pointless thankless quest to get a fabled light bulb. Right?
GM: Yu-huh!
Jessica: Benedict, it’s dark in here... Simper
Bronwyn: "What's a lightbulb?"
Aneirin: Baa
Zenith: I go get pissed. Then I poison Benedict’s tortoises. But I give him a penguin.
Eagle: I kill it with a machine gun.
GM: a) it’s dead already. b) the Machine-gun fails to work.
Eagle: I go get a revolver.
Repeat ad nauseam.
Chance: If I do it, do I get a bacon sandwich?
Slaine: I get a new light bulb and change it for the old one.
Or: Gerard, Benedict's orders, you've got to change the lightbulb.
Josi: Typical. The only time I meet up with relatives, they need a lightbulb changed.
Kendal: Memo. Kill lightbulb, take samples, draw lightbulb.
Jamie D.: I HATE lightbulbs.
Llewellyn: A lightbulb? Oh, sorry, I thought you said a sordid and immoral sexual act with a gerbil. My mistake.
Moradin: I'm with Llewellyn on this. But I thought it involved sheep and a drill. Oh. ...So not even the clingfilm, then? Toothpaste?
More Generic stuff
How many Evil Games Masters does it take to change a lightbulb?
One:
"But it WAS a lightbulb."
"Yep. And now it's not. It's a machine gun. And it's moving towards you. You going to get philosophical, or duck?"
How many REALLY Evil Games Masters does it take to change a lightbulb?
None. They get their players to do it by abusing their position of power.
How many PCs does it take to change a lightbulb?
My campaign's been going on for over seven years, and nobody can answer that question to any NPC's satisfaction.
How many daughters of Benedict does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
Daughters of Benedict don't screw in lightbulbs, they screw in Lorraine.
All of this stuff except the last joke (Meera Barry as GM, unknown player) is my original work, except for Corwin's story which quite obviously isn't. Oh yeah, and the one about the REALLY evil GM was a PC's. Which means that I, as Evil Games Master, am abusing my power and claiming it as my own.