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UGLY
KID JOE
"We're just a bunch of stupid-ass, cheesy idiots from Santa Barbara," Whitfield Crane, Ugly Kid Joe’s hyper singer, proudly proclaims. If that's so, these T-shirt-clad beer guzzlin' Californians in shorts and sneakers are the luckiest bunch of dopes to ever become an overnight sensation. At last count, the hard-rockin' funsters' debut EP, As Ugly As They Wanna Be - a mad jaunt that runs the gamut from rap to metal - was already platinum and had entered the Billboard album chart's Top 10. As the icing on the cake, they scored the opening slot on their all-time hero Ozzy Osbourne's arena tour this summer. "I can't believe this is even happening to us," Crane, 24, hoarsely exclaims on the phone from Daytona Beach, Florida, where the band was captured live for MTV's Spring Break. Ugly Kid Joe's success has been fueled by the sarcastic paean to the pissed, "Everything About You," a catchy ditty with a happy vocal melody and the crankiest everything-sucks lyrics - just what the doctor ordered on those days when you're asking yourself, "What's the point of it all?" The song's been receiving heavy exposure on MTV and radio. So who's the miserable wretch who actually inspired this charmingly nasty anthem? "I've always kind of hated ballads, especially love ballads," explains guitarist Klaus Eichstadt as he lets out a humongous belch. "Especially with a metal band when the big hit that breaks them is a love ballad. I had written this song on piano with this happy melody and I go, 'God, if I wrote some love lyrics to this, I'd be a cheeseball.' So I said, 'No way! Gosh, just make this an anti-love song.' "So when we were writing the lyrics, I imagined this guy named Farrell T. Smith who lived near Whit and me. We all grew up together. He'd totally rag on everybody, but in a really funny way. I'd be like, 'Farrell, check out this guitar riff.' And Farrell would say, 'You suck! Gimme that! I'll show you how to play!' "I'd ask him if he wanted to go skiing. He'd be like, 'Ahh dude, I hate skiing. You get all cold and wet. And it's all uncomfortable.' Then he'd go to the beach and be all, 'I hate the beach. I've got all this sand in my shoe. I get all itchy.' He'd be all complainin'. That's how I came up with the first line 'I hate the rain and sunny weather"' Other songs on the six-song EP include "Whiplash Liquor," a party anthem detailing the drinking habits of middle-class white teenagers (a subject the band is well acquainted with), "Too Bad," a true account of manic depression (the EP's only serious song) and "Madman," a sick frolic which ponders the possibilities of a psycho killer on the loose in Disney-land. Musically, the band whips up a tight mesh of big crunchy riffs and infectious funk grooves, all with the Kids' unique sense of irreverent fun-sort of like Faith No More meets The Three Stooges. That spirit is embodied in lyrics like "suburban white alcoholic trash, we ain't glam and we ain't thrash," in the group's name-a parody of L.A. glam-band Pretty Boy Floyd, in the scrappy kid flashing his middle finger on the EP's cover, and in the album's title, a takeoff of rappers 2 Live Crew's As Nasty As They Wanna Be. "[Rap] lyrics are totally hilarious says 24-year-old Eichstadt. "That's been a lot of my inspiration in terms of lyrics, writing stuff that tells little stories and has a lot of humor. I've kinda looked up to 2 Live Crew because they totally caused so much shit." Whit and Klaus grew up in Palo Alto, California, which Klaus describes as "middle-to-upper-middle-class white suburbia where everybody complains about a little bit of noise." According to Whit, they met when Whit's father mulched the Eichstadt cat with the lawn mower. Mulched cat notwithstanding, the two Ozzy-and-Judas Priest diehards became close buds in junior high school. "He's my best friend," Whit says. "Basically, I wish I was a guitar player. We both started guitar lessons at the same time with the same teacher, but I'm real kinda lazy and I only made it a week." After high school, Whit moved to Santa Barbara-" I was living with my mom and that wasn't a good thing, cause we were clashing." In Santa Barbara, he says, "I just ended up in a hand. I kinda end up places. We did a demo. It sounded pretty damn fantastic and I said to Klaus, 'Look dude, I'm actually in a band that doesn't sound stupid.' And he figured, if I; the biggest laggard in the world could pull that off, obviously he could. So he asked me to sing on his demo. I said, 'If I do, could you please come to Santa Barbara and be in my hand. I think that would be a very beautiful thing.' He lived in Palo Alto in his parent's house, in the back room situated away from the house, food in the refrigerator. He had his girlfriend. He was pretty set. So to get him away from there would be pretty hard to do." Klaus left the comfort of his parent's home for an old Victorian house in Santa Barbara, which Whit terms "this giant Addams Family house-just a messed-up, lived-in, partied-in, really mean house with a view of the ocean. And we lived there with a hunch of slouches from Santa Barbara." Initially the hand was called SWAT (Suburban White Alcoholic Trash). Along the way they considered such monikers as The Sperm-Ripping Gutter Sluts and The Regurgitated Anal Vapors. "We wanted somethin' stupid, cause we're stupid," Whit says. According to Whit, the band's present configuration was solidified; fittingly enough, on April 1st (April Fool's day) 1990 with the addition of bassist Cordell Crockett. Guitarist Roger Lahr and drummer Mark Davis complete the lineup. Through the efforts of a local DJ, the band, despite its lack of ambition, was signed to Polygram. Whit relates, "He was like, [in a mock pompous voice] 'You guys could really be a big band someday.' And we were all, 'Yeah, right, whatever! And we're crackin' a beer. Sure we could.' With us it was never that vibe. It was more like, 'Music's a beautiful thing and let's have fun playing it.'" Success does have its benefits, though. For Whit the best thing is neither fame, fortune nor glamour. "I'm happy," he says, 'just because my mom can finally he proud of something I've done. I was kind of a dick when I was growing up." Ugly Kid Joe are currently working on their first full-length album with producer Mark Dodson (Anthrax, Judas Priest, Prong, Suicidal Tendencies). Whit says you can expect "thundering drums, real beefy guitar tones" and, get this, a cover of Harry Chapin's folk-rock classic, "Cat's In The Cradle." Go figure.
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