I grew up in a christian home with wonderful Christian parents. My daddy loved me unconditionally and I knew it. I loved to sit on his lap, talk with him sit in his workshop just watching him work. My daddy and I had a dream of a father - daughter relationship. He was a perfect example of how God loves us as daughters and sons. As I got into my teen years I became a real heartache and challenge to my parents. They loved me through it, and I turned back to my family. I married just four months after I graduated, and had a good marriage. But trials and hardships caused us to drift apart. And finally I reached the stage of giving up. Looking back I know that when we stopped sharing our faith and love for Jesus we lost our foundation, thus our marriage crumpled.
I became successful in real estate, and felt I really could support our four children alone. The month before our divorce was final My wonderful father died of cancer. Then my business partner tried to control all ownership of our company. In three short months I lost my Father, Husband and Business. The depression was so great that I locked myself away from the world. My oldest son lived with my mother, My two younger sons stayed with their father, and my eight year old daughter stayed with me. I tried to find myself through new age books, horoscopes, and fortune tellers. Whenever I cried out to God he seemed to be a million miles away. This continued until summer. My ex-husband got a job in a state far away and wanted to take our two younger sons with him. I could not bear to not see my sons, so I agreed to believe that he had changed and we packed up all our clothes and united our family and moved. This was a real hard decession to make, so I decided to ask God what I should do. I will never forget what He told me. "You must choose which road you will take, but I will be there with you". I wanted God to make it simple for me by telling me which road to take, but the assurance of His love and being there has always comforted me through the bad and unbearable times. We spent the summer trying to put the love back into a shipwreaked marriage. But we never tried to put Jesus back into our foundation, so neither of us had changed and the four kids and I packed and moved back home to my mother. No job, No money, No home and being deveated once again was the reality. Mom took us in to help me get my feet back on the ground. I enrolling the kids in school, even the youngest qualified for Pre-Kindergarten program, and started looking for a job. Then I realized that I was pregnant. There was no way that I could afford another child on my own. I could not handle this, and I saw no alternative but to do what I morally disagreed with. Just before I made the terrifing appointment I miscarried. My body did all the things it does after terminating a pregnancy, so I kept the whole thing as a secret. A month later I had a slight period, but decided that was normal. I found a job selling advertisements and my life started looking up, I knew that the kids and I would be able to get our own home soon. They were adjusting well to school and living at grandma's, all five of us in one bedroom. It was just tempory, or so I thought. The day finally came that I had to go to a doctor to prove that I was five months pregnant. This was totally devostating, it could not be, made no sense, too late to change it. My mind was a wreck. Nothing ever seemed to go right anymore. I saw no hope. How could we live at my mother's one more month much less 6-7-8 or more months. How could I pay for the hospital, and another baby to feed. How could I work. There was no one I could turn to for financial help. Mother was doing all she could just to open her home to us.
The only solution was to learn about our great social welfare system. It was the most humiliating event in my life. I had to wait for hours in a little room to be seen by uncaring people. I could not believe that I had to go through this, had I not worked hard to provide a decent living for myself and children. I had proved to myself that I could be successful in business, and did not need to depend on anyone else, and now this. It was the period of my life that I was in the dirt face down.. Poverty strips away all of your self esteem. I could not understand why God allowed me to make such a terrible mistake.
Our little church had a wonderful humorous minister during this time of my painful life. I spent days in my room crying. The only time I smiled was when I listened to his wonderful sermons. Pastor Ron Carroll helped me hang on with hope of a brighter tomorrow. He encouraged me more than he could ever realize. God knew that I needed those little rays of hope.
When the nurse took an unltrasound of the baby to determine the due date,I saw her little hands touching as if she was praying. It was at that moment that my heart soften, and I knew this special baby was spared by God, because He loved her and had a plan for her life. God lets me make choices in my life, but it so reassuring to know that when something really matters to God, He knows that He has the authority to take control.
Jennifer Azalea was born, and everyone was excited to have a beautiful little sister. I made it through the storm and I saw peace and joy streaming into my life again.
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