A little sailing humour

Why Sail Boats Are Better Than Men

The captain's red shirt

A sail boat can go for more than one sail in an hour.
Sail boats never develop spare tires.
Sail boats last longer.
Sail boats don`t get you pregnant.
A sail boat doesn`t care what time of month it is.
Sail boats don`t have parents.
Your sail boat will let you know if something is wrong.
You don`t have to kick your sail boat to get it going.
Your sail boat won`t judge your friends.
If your sail boat is boisterous, you can buy a muffler.
You won`t have to put your sail boat through grad school.
If your sail boat smokes you can do something about it.
Sail boats don`t care about how many other sail boats you have sailed.
When sailing, you and your sail boat both arrive at the same time.
Your sail boat won`t ogle other sail boats.
Your sail boat won`t care if you have a poster of your fantasy
sail boat.
If your sail boat has high mileage, you can just get a new one.
Sail boats don`t care about breast size.
If your sail boat is misaligned, you don`t have to discuss politics to
correct it.
You don`t have to drink beer before your sail boat looks appealing.
You can be proud of your sail boat regardless of the model.
You don`t have to go to Tiffany`s to register your sail boat.
You can sail a sail boat as long as you want and it won`t get limp.
Your parents won`t keep in touch with your old sail boat after you dump
it.
Sail boats always feel like going for a sail when you do.
Sail boats don`t insult you if you are a novice.
Your sail boat never wants a night out alone with the other sail boats.
You don`t have to primp before riding your sail boat.
Your sail boat won`t complain when you use protection.
If your sail boat doesn`t look good, you can paint it or get better
parts.
Your sail boat won`t care if you fake it.
Sail boats are always ready to stop when you are.
Your sail boat doesn`t have to show off in front of other sail boats.
Your sail boat won`t lie to you.
Your sail boat doesn`t care how heavy you are.
In the morning, your sail boat won`t poke you in the back when it wants
to go for a sail .
You can turn the seacock off.
Your sail boat won`t shrink when it`s cold.
If your sail boat motor can`t fire up, you can just replace the battery.
You don`t have to cook for your sail boat.
Your sail boat can`t sail around behind your back.
If your sail boat motor is cold you can choke it.
Your sail boat is always the right size because if it seems too small
you can just get a new one.
You can keep photos of your old sail boats.
Your sail boat would rather go for a sail than watch sports.
Your sail boat can go for multiple sails.
Sail boats don`t need pick-up lines.
You only have to sail your sail boat when you want to.
Your sail boat won`t go for sails by itself.
If baldness occurs, you can replace the paint.
Sail boats don`t snore.

Long ago there lived a brave seafarer named Captain Bravo. He was a
courageous man who showed no fear in facing his enemies.

One day, while sailing the seven seas, a look-out spotted a pirate
ship, and the crew became frantic. Captain Bravo bellowed, "Bring me my
red shirt."

The First Mate quickly retrieved the captain's red shirt, and, after
donning the shirt, the captain led his crew into battle and defeated
the pirates.

Later on, the look-out spotted not one, but two pirate ships. The
captain again howled for his red shirt and once again vanquished the
pirates.

That evening, all the men sat around on the deck recounting the day's
triumphs, and one of them asked the captain: "Sir, why did you call for
your red shirt before each battle?"

The captain replied: "If I am wounded in the attack, my crew won't
notice my bleeding and will continue to fight, unafraid."

All of the men sat in silence and marveled at the courage of their
captain. As dawn came the next morning, the look-out spotted not one,
not two, but TEN pirate ships approaching. The rank and file all stared
at the captain and waited for his usual request.

Captain Bravo calmly shouted: "Bring me my brown pants!"

"Man invented the slowest form of transportation - the sailboat - then decided to race them."
- philosopher unknown

"For the truth is that I already know as much about my fate as I need to know.
The day will come when I will die. So the only matter of consequence before me
is what I will do with my allotted time. I can remain on shore, paralyzed with fear,
or I can raise my sails and dip and soar in the breeze."

- Richard Bode, First you have to row a little boat

"...We were born before the wind
Also younger than the sun
Ere the bonnie boat was won
As we sailed into the mystic
Hark, now hear the sailors cry
Smell the sea and feel the sky
Let your soul and spirit fly, into the mystic..."
Van Morrison

This new ship here is fitted according to the reported increase of knowledge among mankind. Namely, she is cumbered end to end, with bells and trumpets and clock and wires, ... she can call voices out of the air of the waters to con the ship while her crew sleep. But sleep Thou lightly. It has not yet been told to me that the Sea has ceased to be the Sea.
-- Rudyard Kipling

Please do drop me a line if you know of any good sailing jokes, stories or poems, that can make our visitors chuckle and smile.

Thank you.