Get your own Free Home PageYou are probably wondering what happened to Prince Pompadore after he fell into the hole near Itchville. Well, even if you are not, I shall tell you what happened to the Prince. The hole into which he had fallen was approximately ninety feet deep. Pompa expected severe pain upon reaching the bottom, but instead experienced a soft landing, due to the fact that he landed in an expansive lake of mud.
After spitting mud out of his mouth, the Prince took a look around. The muddy lake spread for miles in all directions but one. To the northeast was a sandy shore and beyond that was a dusty road, along the side of which stretched a dirty rock wall that appeared to have doors and windows carved into it. Prince Pompadore swam toward the northeastern shore, but was stopped halfway by a purple arm that seemed like a tentacle of an octopus. Actually, it was a tentacle of a Septadecapus, which is similar to an octopus, but has seventeen arms and a purple color, and is found only in Gillikin mud lakes. A Septadecapus's favorite food is human flesh, and Pompa was the first human to enter the lake in a century. The Pumperdinkian Prince struggled to get away, but the Septadecapus's strength surpassed his own.
"Now I finally get to taste a human! I hope they're as good as Inkster told me they were," said the creature in an unpleasant voice. "I wish this human would quit struggling."
Pompa did quit struggling and decided that, since there was nothing that he could do, he would bravely face his utter destruction. However, the Prince was not utterly destroyed, but was saved by Good Luck. A hard oar hit the Septadecapus on the head, causing him to drop Pompadore. The Prince noticed that the oar was being used to paddle a boat, so he climbed up into the boat, hoping that the rower would give him a ride to shore. You can imagine that the Pumperdinkian was astonished when he saw that the boat had no rower! The oars were moving by themselves! Looking at the side of the boat, he saw that he or she (I don't know the difference between a male and a female vessel) was called the Good Luck.
The boat rowed toward the shore, where it stopped and allowed Pompa to get off. As soon as Pompa had left the vessel, the Good Luck vanished completely. The puzzled Prince approached the wall and examined it. Next to one of the carved doors was a purple button, which Pompadore pressed. The door was soon opened by an extremely dirty man dressed in torn, shabby brown clothes.
"Why are you here?" inquired the man in a raspy voice. "Do you want to buy something?"
"Is this a store?" asked Pompadore.
"No, it's not a store," answered the man. "The store's six houses to your left."
The man began to shut the door, but Pompa yelled, "Wait! I don't want to go to the store!"
"Then what do you want?" questioned the man.
"Some information," replied the Prince, "and maybe something to eat."
"Come on in, then."
Pompa did just that. After entering the house, he examined it. The first thing he noticed was that it had no roof. In fact, it was a ninety-foot-deep ditch with smooth rock sides. The ditch contained a stone rocking chair, a large rock with a flat top, a fireplace containing a burning flame, and two stone cupboards. The owner of the ditch brought a muddy fish out of one of these cupboards, scrubbed it with a brush from the same cupboard, and threw it onto a rack in the fireplace, which also served as a stove. He then set a plate from the other cupboard on top of the flat rock and asked Pompa, "What kind of information do you want?"
"Well, to begin with, who are you?"
"My name is Mureft," answered the man, "and I am a fisherman. Who are you and where are you from?"
"I am Prince Pompadore of Pumperdink," was the reply.
"I don't believe you," said Mureft. "I've never heard of Pumperdink, and a Prince wouldn't be hanging around in a place like this. Besides, you look too rich to be a Prince."
"I'm from farther up than this," explained the Prince. "I'm from the surface of the Earth, and where I come from, Princes are usually richer than the common people. As for my being here, I fell down a hole."
"Well, if what you say is true, you must be from a backwards place," returned Mureft. "Here in Ditchville, members of the Royal Family are poorer than anyone else. The common folks have to work hard to become poor."
"Where I come from, people work to make money."
"Well, here, people work to lose money. I, myself, am a fisherman, and I pay people to take my fish. Some other Ditch-Dwellers pay their employers. The less money we have, the deeper our ditches are allowed to be. The Royal Ditch is nearly a mile deep."
"Why don't you just give your money away?"
"That's illegal!" replied the shocked fisherman.
"Well, I would like to get back to the surface of the Earth," Pompadore told Mureft.
"After lunch, go to the box in the back and request an audience with the King," suggested Mureft. "He may be able to help you."
The fish was soon cooked. The fisherman brought it out of the fireplace and dropped it on Prince Pompadore's plate. Pompa was glad to eat the fish, even though it had a strange flavor, because he had not eaten since the first day of his journey. Mureft gave the Prince three dirty copper coins and a crumpled paper bill for the lunch.
Prince Pompadore left the room through the back door and searched for the box that Mureft had mentioned. Sure enough, there was a box lying on the floor of the cave in back of Mureft's ditch. On the box was a message that read, "Send a message to the Royal Palace through the slot. Only seven grufts per message." By the side of the box lay a pencil and some paper.
The Prince wrote on one of the sheets of paper, "I am Pompadore, Prince of Pumperdink. I would like an audience with the King." He then folded the paper and dropped it into the slot in the top of the box. Seven copper coins slid through a slot in the box's side. Pompadore pocketed the coins and waited for a reply.
Suddenly, the ground below the Prince of Pumperdink opened and Pompa fell through a hole. He fell for over five thousand feet, landing in another lake of mud. Strangely enough, he was not hurt in the least. Nearby was a stone wall with a door carved into it. Above the door were carved the words "Royal Ditch". The door flew open, allowing Pompa to enter a ditch that was completely empty except for some solid rock thrones containing King Lowdown, Queen Durtee, the three Princes, and the two Princesses, and an empty purplewood chair. These people were much dirtier than Mureft, and their clothes were much shabbier. It seemed that none of them had had a bath or a hair-cut in years.
"Well," demanded the King in a voice even raspier than Mureft's, "what do you want?"
"I come from the Kingdom of Pumperdink, on the Earth's surface," replied Pompa, "and I'd like to get back there."
"I don't see why you'd want to," said King Lowdown. "The economy on the surface is backwards and people get hurt if they fall great distances. But, if you insist on going to the surface, use the High Chair." He pointed to the purplewood chair. "Just sit in it and you'll be on your way."
The Prince sat in the purplewood chair, which suddenly began to rise into the air. When it reached the clouds, it dropped Pompa on a solid one and returned to King Lowdown's Throne Room.
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