This is where all the fun begins. Make sure you are strong at heart before you start reading these jokes, because I can guarantee you that even tomorrow you will be laughing after remembering these jokes.
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Four guys were telling stories in a bar.
One guy leaves to go to the restroom.
Three guys are left... The first guy says, "I
was worried that my son was going to be a loser because he started out
washing cars for a local dealership."
"Turns out that he got a break, they made him
a salesman, and he sold so many cars that he bought the dealership. In
fact, he's so successful that he just gave his best friend a new Mercedes
for his birthday."
The second guy says, "I was worried about my
son too because he started out raking leaves for a realtor. Turns out he
got a break, they made him a commissioned salesman, and he eventually bought
the real estate firm.
In fact he's so successful that he just gave
his best friend a new house for his birthday."
The third guy says, "Yeah, I hear you. MY son
started out sweeping floors in a brokerage firm. Well, HE got a break,
they made HIM a broker, and now he owns the brokerage firm. In fact, he's
so rich that he just gave HIS best friend $1 million in stock for his birthday."
The fourth guy comes back from the restroom.
The first 3 explain that they are telling stories
about their kids so he says, "Well, I'm embarrassed to admit that my son
is a major disappointment. He started out as a hairdresser and is STILL
a hairdresser after 15 years. In fact I just found out that he's gay and
has SEVERAL boyfriends. But I try to look at the bright side, his boyfriends
just bought him a new Mercedes, a new house, and $1 million in stock for
his birthday!"
Financial Troubles
One day little Johnny went to his father, and
asked him if he could buy him a $200 bicycle for his birthday. Johnny's
father said, "Johnny, we have an $80,000 mortgage on the house, and you
want me to buy you a bicycle? Wait until Christmas." Christmas came around,
and Johnny asked again. The father said, "Well, the mortgage is still extremely
high, sorry about that. Ask me again some other time." Well, about 2 days
later, the boy was seen walking out of the house with all his belongings
in a suitcase. The father felt sorry for him, and asked him why he was
leaving. The boy said, "Yesterday I was walking past your room, and I heard
you say that you were pulling out, and mommy said that you should wait
because she was coming too, "And I'll be DAMNED if I get stuck with a $80,000
mortgage!"
Little Johnny
Little Johnny walks into his mothers room and
catches her topless. "Mommy, Mommy, what are those?" He says, pointing
to her breasts. "Well, son, these are balloons, and when you die, they
inflate and float you up to heaven." Incredibly, he appears to believe
this explanation and goes off quite satisfied. Two days later, while his
mother is making tea, he rushes into the kitchen. "Mommy, Mommy, Aunt Eliza
is dying!" "What do you mean?" Says his mother. "Well, she's out in the
garden shed, lying on the floor with both of her balloons out. Daddy is
trying to blow them up for her and she keeps Yelling, 'God, I'm coming!
God, I'm Coming!'"
Subject: Big Guy
A little guy goes into an elevator, looks up
and sees this HUGE guy standing next to him. The big guy sees the little
guy staring at him, looks down and says,"7 feet tall, 350 pounds, 20 inch
penis, 3 pound left testicle, 3 pound right testicle, Turner Brown." The
small guy faints dead away and falls to the floor. The big dude kneels
down and brings him to, slapping his face and shaking him, "What’s wrong
with you?"
In a very weak voice the little guy says," Excuse
me, but what EXACTLY did you say to me?" the big dude said, "I saw the
curious look on your face and figured I’d just give you the answers to
the question everyone always asks me. I’m 7 feet tall, 350 pounds, 20 inch
penis, 3 pounds left testicle, 3 pound right testicle, and my name is Turner
Brown." The small guy says, "Thank God!" "I thought you said turn around."
ONE RUBBER
A dude went into the drug store and asked to buy a rubber. The clerk told him he doesn't sell rubbers one at a time, he only sells packages of 6, 8 or 12. The dude asks why. The clerk said, "Well I don't make any money off these things but I carry them for my regular customers any way and that's how they buy them." The dude asks, "But why 6, 8 or 12?" The clerk said, "Well, those packs of six are for my Mexican customers. You know they do it six days a week and rest on the Sabbath." He asked, "What about the pack of eight?" The clerk said, "For my Black customers. You know they do it seven days a week and twice on Sunday." He asked, "And the packs of twelve?" The clerk said, "That's for my white customers. You know, January, February, March, ..................
Who wants to be a millionaire
After watching the hit show "Who Wants to be a
Millionaire" a man reaches to his wife, in bed for a intimate moment.
"Not tonight, I have a headache", she said He
responds "are you sure?" "yes !" she replies
He asks "Is that your final answer?"
"Yes ! Yes ! Yes!" she says " that is my final
answer ! "
After that , he clamly says " Ok, then I'd like
to phone a friend
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