From Part One: ‘Why does he hate me?’ ‘Who?’ ‘Onorato.’ ‘He doesn’t hate you Sam. He just tried to use you to get what he wants. Well, what his boss wants.’ ‘Does Toby hate me?’ ‘No Sammy, Toby doesn’t hate you.’ Sam looks devastated. Hair all mussed, beer drips on his white shirt, his tie coming undone. And hurt in his eyes. Blue eyes. I never noticed Sam’s eyes before. Note to self: Josh is a colleague, nothing more. Seeing me naked in the shower is not going to make him jump me in the men’s room. I mean, he’s dated plenty of women. He just happens to have a nice smile. From Part Two: ‘Sam, what the Hell is this about?’ ‘You always do this!’ ‘Do what?’ Sam’s as angry as I’ve ever seen him. ‘Take over. I do all the work, then you take all the credit. Or avoid any of the blame.’ ‘When did that ever happen?’ ‘Onorato? It was your thing, and he used me. And he insulted me. And you knew that he was gonna use Laurie, but did you tell me? No! You let me set myself up, then you and Toby laughed at me.’ From Part Three: ‘I stopped seeing Mallory because she couldn’t cope with the idea that I was attracted to other people.’ ‘You’re…’ Sam smiles sadly. ‘I’m not sure what I am Josh. I mean, the girls in the coffee shop do it for me, but so does the guy in the UPS ad.’ ‘You’re bisexual.’ ‘I guess that’s as good as any other word.’ ‘Josh, have you really never, ever, seen a man and not even wondered what it would be like..?’ ‘Maybe.’ ‘Any time you wanna find out, just let me know.’ ‘We work together.’ ‘We’re not the first gays in the White House.’ ‘I’m not gay.’ ‘Neither am I.’ From Part Four: ‘Josh!’ ‘Yeah?’ ‘Your cell’s ringing.’ ‘Tell whoever it is I’ll call ‘em back. I gotta fix this tap.’ ‘Josh Lyman’s phone.’ ‘Who the Hell is this?’ ‘Leo?’ ‘Sam, what the Hell are you doing with Josh’s cell?’ ‘He’s fixing a tap and I’m using his power.’ ‘You two made up then, huh?’ ‘Leo?’ ‘You and Sam. He was round at your place.’ ‘Yeah. He had no power and I had…’ ‘A dripping tap. Yeah, I heard. Now, did you read the report?’ ’Josh, nothing is going to happen between us unless we both want it, okay. You’re safe in my apartment.’ ‘What?!’ ‘Forget it. D’you wanna leave your stuff here or not?’ ‘I’m not gay.’ ‘I know, Josh. You told me.’ ‘So why do you assume I’d wanna sleep with you?’ ‘I don’t.’ Sexual Politics: Part Five – Actions speak louder than words? ‘Okay, thanks…No, just call me when it’s back?..Thanks.’ ‘Sam?’ I look up as Josh walks into my office. ‘Yeah?’ ‘They’re not doing my pipes until late this afternoon. Can I stay over?’ ‘Sure. If you’re sure you want to?’ He smiles. ‘Hey, can we just forget that?’ ‘Your behaviour or your assumptions?’ ‘Both?’ ‘Okay.’ **************** ‘You remember you said that nothing was gonna happen unless we both wanted it?’ I vaguely recall reassuring Josh the day before. ‘Yeah.’ ‘Well I do.’ ‘And?’ ‘You do too.’ ‘What makes you say that?’ ‘Cos all evening you’ve been seducing me.’ ‘I got you a beer from the fridge, and you somehow get that I’m seducing you from that?’ Josh nods. ‘Yeah.’ ‘Okay.’ ‘Okay what?’ ‘Okay, let’s do it.’ Josh is suddenly panicking. ‘Er, I’m…’ I have to laugh. He looks so terrified. ‘Josh, go to bed.’ ‘But…’ ‘Josh, I’m not gonna sleep with you tonight.’ ‘Why not?’ ‘Because I’m too tired.’ ‘Is that the only reason?’ ‘No.’ ‘So?’ ‘Josh, there are a hundred reasons why not.’ He seems a little surprised at the number. ‘A hundred?’ ‘Well, maybe not a hundred. But a number. And we’re not discussing this now. I really am tired. Go to bed.’ ‘No, I wanna know. One, you’re tired. Okay. Two?’ ‘Two, Josh…you don’t really want to.’ ‘Okay.’ As Josh gets up and walks into the bathroom, I don’t know whether to feel relief or anger. I do want to. Actually, I’m not sure if I want to or not. But I want to find out. And the only way of finding out is to actually do it. And I’m not sure I want to. Yeah, that made perfect sense. Perhaps they’ll name it after me. Lyman’s circular argument. I try to picture Sam with someone as I’m lying, wide-awake, staring at his ceiling. But I can’t. Well, except Mallory. And Laurie. But not me. ‘Josh, wake up! Josh, come on. Josh!’ Someone’s shaking me awake. Sam is shaking me awake. What the… I half-open my eyes, and try to sit up. ‘Josh, you were having a nightmare.’ ‘What..?’ I’m tangled in the bedclothes, and as I try to move, I end up falling off the edge of the bed. ‘Sorry.’ Sam smiles, his tired face looking down at me as he moves back to allow me some room. ‘It’s okay..’ Between us we free my upper body from the sheet and blanket which have got tightly wrapped around me, trapping my arms. ‘There. Go back to sleep now.’ ‘Okay.’ Sam pushes my hair off my forehead where it’s become stuck with sweat. ‘Night.’ I had to touch him. I couldn’t have just woken him then walked away. Oh no. I had to unwrap him from the bedclothes. Then tidy his hair. Sam Seaborn aka Mother Hen. Great move Sam. Now he’s gonna be really comfortable being around you. At five am if I were alone, I would just get up and leave for the office. But with Josh still sleeping, I have to lay here for at least another hour. Maybe if I’m really quiet I could get a book, come back to bed, and read until he wakes up. Josh leans up on his elbows. ‘What you doing?’ ‘Just getting something.’ ‘What?’ ‘A book.’ ‘Why?’ Obviously Josh is working his way through the five questions. ‘I was gonna read until you woke up.’ ‘I’m awake.’ ‘Yeah. And it’s five in the morning. Go back to sleep.’ He lays back down, and the pillows muffle his voice. ‘Okay.’ I almost get to my bedroom door, then: ‘What did you pick?’ The question is a little surreal, considering the circumstances, but I answer anyway. ‘Tom Clancy.’ ‘Okay.’ **************** ‘Which one?’ The voice from the doorway startles me. ‘What?’ ‘Which book?’ I turn the book over. I hadn’t bothered looking at the title. I like anything by him. ‘Without Remorse.’ ‘What’s it about?’ ‘Josh…’ ‘Sorry.’ Chastised, he turns away. ‘It’s about a guy who is a Navy SEAL who served in Vietnam.’ ‘Leo was in Vietnam.’ ‘I know.’ ‘What’s his name?’ ‘John Kelly.’ ‘Okay. What happens?’ ‘Here. I’ll sleep, you can read.’ I hold the book out and Josh looks suddenly upset. ‘Sorry. I’ll go back to bed.’ I put the book down as he walks back into the sitting room. ‘Josh, come back here.’ ‘Really?’ He’s smiling as he walks back towards me. ‘Yeah. You read, I’ll listen and if I fall asleep, you can read on.’ ‘You think my voice will send you to sleep?’ ‘Josh, it’s five am.’ ‘Actually, it’s almost five fifteen. We can get up in an hour.’ ‘Josh, we are up. Well, you’re up and I’m awake.’ ‘Oh yeah.’ He picks the book up and opens it. ‘Where d’you get to?’ ‘First page.’ ‘Okay.’ ‘Do you understand any of this?’ ‘Yeah.’ ‘Okay.’ I’m only a few paragraphs in and already I don’t understand ‘UDT’, ‘SA-2’ and ‘F-105G’. But apparently Sam does, and I continue reading, settling onto the other side of the bed against a heap of pillows. The alarm clock is a shock for both of us. But more so for me. It’s the first time I’ve woken up in bed with a man lying next to me. Sam yawns, stretching as he moves to sit up. ‘Morning. Again.’ I decide to stay under the covers. After the thin mattress on the pull-out bed, it’s nice to have a full-depth mattress under me. Even if I am awake, and have only a couple of minutes before I have to follow Sam into the kitchen. Sam is wearing boxers. Pale blue boxers. Note to self: Think about something other than what Sam is wearing. Further note to self: FYI I was. Additional note to self: Stop using internet abbreviations in notes to self. Final note to self: Stop making notes to self. Sam thinks you’re staring at him. You are. For your information. Josh is wearing pyjama bottoms. Just the bottoms btw. Note to self: Stop using internet abbreviations in notes to self. And stop staring at Josh. Which you are. By the way. As we eat toast and drink coffee, I fill the silence. ‘Hey, sorry I woke you up.’ Sam is engrossed in the early edition of the Post. ‘It happens.’ I have the Times, but Sam and Toby will start work on a digest of both papers almost as soon as we arrive in the office, so I don’t read it too carefully. ‘Yeah.’ ******************** ‘It is? Okay. Great. Thanks.’ ‘Hey, Sam? The pipes are fixed in my apartment.’ He looks up, smiling. ‘So no more dripping taps?’ ‘Er, I don’t think they did the taps. Just the pipes.’ ‘So you’ll be moving out?’ I hadn’t realised I had ‘moved in’. ‘Er, yeah. Thanks.’ ‘Any time.’ Click here to go to Part Six Home Send me feedback on this fic Return to the X-Files Fic Index Return to the West Wing Fic Index