Title: Learned behaviour – Part Three – Darkness falls Night terrors. Not something I’d heard of a couple of weeks ago. Nightmares, yeah. Night terrors, no. Now I’m something of an expert. It’s a good thing we’re not living in the apartment any more. At least in the house it’s less likely the neighbors are being disturbed by Fox’s screams. Which sound like he’s being disembowelled with a blunt instrument. Only worse. They started the night after I bought him home. The night I bought him home he was too scared to sleep, but the next night it started. Fox has nightmares. It’s like saying the sun will rise. It’s something you get used to. Come to expect. But these were different. He was more terrified, they lasted longer, and he found it almost impossible to settle afterwards. My doctor suggested taking something to help him sleep. Not only did they not work, but it was ten times harder to wake Fox when he screamed. So it’s just after two, and Fox is lying in my arms, his body shaking so hard the whole bed’s moving. And he’s crying. After the screaming stops, the crying starts. He’s not yet fully awake, and I have no idea why he’s crying. If he doesn’t cry himself to sleep, he’ll wake up in a couple of minutes and make something up. Because I know it’s not a case he’s working on. Or thinking about Samantha. Or Scully. Or his Dad. I think I know what this is about. But the other thing Doctor Dixon said was that Fox had to work this out for himself. So I let him get away with the lie, if he comes out with one. Or I just hold him until he sleeps again. We’re both feeling the effects of the broken nights. A couple of days back, Kim asked me if I was feeling okay, and I know Scully’s concerned about Fox, Concerned enough to overcome her awkwardness and ask me if I knew what was wrong. I didn’t tell Kim. And I didn’t tell Scully. Right now, part of me is wishing I’d told both of them. Kim would be able to re-arrange my day so I have most of my meetings in the morning when I’m less tired, and Scully could maybe talk Fox into getting some help. Cos if he doesn’t, I’m gonna have to do something. I’m not twenty-one anymore, and I need my sleep. **************** ‘Fox come in here.’ Still holding a plate and the dishcloth in his hands, Fox walks into the living room. ‘Walter?’ ‘I know you haven’t been sleeping well. Do you wanna talk about anything?’ ‘No.’ ‘Fox.’ ‘I’m fine.’ ‘No, Fox, you’re not.’ ‘I’m just…’ ‘What?’ ‘Nothing, okay? Nothing.’ ‘Leave the dishes. You shouldn’t be doing that until your arm’s better.’ ‘Its fine!’ He’s allowed a little leeway. After all, he’s been through a lot recently. But that’s about it. ‘Fox, put the plate in the kitchen then come on back in here.’ A couple of minutes later, he’s back. ‘Siddown here.’ Barely concealing his unease, Fox drops on the couch next to me. ‘Fox, I’m gonna find someone to help you over what happened.’ ‘No!’ Although he’s angry, he’s also scared. ‘Fox you can’t go on like this. Tomorrow night, I’ve got someone coming over to talk to you.’ Panicking, he threatens: ‘I won’t come home.’ ‘Yeah Fox, you will.’ Bravado turns to tears in a matter of seconds. ‘Please, don’t make me…Walter…please.’ He’s hyperventilating, and I’m almost sorry I didn’t just let him find out tomorrow. ‘Fox, breathe. Come on!’ After a couple of minutes he’s calmer. But still worried. ‘Walter, please don’t let someone come here.’ Gently, not wanting to make him feel guilty, I have to let him know I’m not blaming him. ‘Fox, we need to get a good night’s sleep. And we haven’t for the last couple of weeks. I’m just trying to help you. I want you to at least try to talk to Jack, okay?’ Even when he’s not trying, a distraught Fox Mulder is a sorry sight. Tear-soaked long lashes, big wide puppy-dog eyes, and a trembling lower lip. Sniffling loudly, he manages: ‘Okay.’ *************** ‘Kim, would you arrange a meeting with all the agents involved in the slave trade investigation. Today. I have some information. And I’d like to speak to Agent Mulder before the meeting. Ask him to come see me as soon as he’s free please.’ ‘Yes sir.’ ‘Kim?’ ‘I organised the meeting for three, sir. Agent Mulder’s out on a field visit. Do you want me to try to get him back, sir?’ ‘Thanks Kim.’ ************* Mulder’s the last to arrive, only a couple of minutes late. He looks around the conference room, trying to work out why we’re all assembled here. I’m tempted to take him out of the room and talk to him, but it’d look weird, and I don’t wanna make him feel awkward. ‘Right, let’s get started. I had a call from the Milwaukee office earlier today. They’ve traced a couple of the people involved in the slave thing and they’re picking them up as we speak. We’ll start building our case straightaway. I’ll need everyone’s files and notes today. I’m assigning Agent Doggett SAC on this one. Drop your stuff by his office, and any other information goes by him. Any questions?’ Aside from Mulder, who is clearly about to let loose with some barely-concealed anger, everyone else shakes their heads. For them, it was just another case which they investigated and which is now nearing a conclusion. ‘Anything else?’ Again, a round of negatives. ‘Okay. Thanks everyone.’ I’m not surprised when Doggett and Mulder are the only two left in the room. ‘Agent Doggett?’ ‘Sir, I don’t wanna speak out of turn…’ He looks uneasily at Mulder. ‘Agent Mulder and I were the lead investigators on this John. But now, for reasons you don’t need to know about, you’re taking over. Okay?’ Reluctantly, Doggett nods. ‘Yes sir.’ As soon as Doggett’s left the room, Mulder’s inevitable anger pours out. ‘What the Hell was that about? You couldn’t have called me? I had to find out in a room full of people!’ At home, I’m prepared to let Fox get away with a little disrespect after what he’s been through. But as AD, I can’t let Agent Mulder speak to me that way in the office. ‘Shut up Agent Mulder.’ ‘John Doggett? Why not me?’ ‘Think about it Mulder.’ ‘D’you think I’ve done anything else since it happened?’ Sighing, I’m forced to correct him. ‘You know what I meant Mulder. Now if you’re done…’ ‘Done? You can’t do this!’ ‘I can. And I have. Now you should go back to your desk and collect any and all relevant documents and give them to Agent Doggett!’ Finally realising he’s not going to change my mind, Fox snaps: ‘Fine.’ ‘Agent Mulder.’ I think the deliberately calm tone in my voice is the reason he stops walking and turns round. ‘Yeah?’ ‘Go give Agent Doggett the paperwork, then come back here.’ ‘Okay.’ *************** By the time Kim announces Mulder, I’ve completely calmed down. Just as well. Mulder’s anything but calm. ‘I don’t want to be disturbed Kim.’ ‘Yes sir.’ ‘Come in Agent Mulder.’ ‘Sir…Walter…’ ‘Quiet!’ Mulder drops into the chair on the other side of my desk. I decide to stay standing. ‘I thought you’d understand by now that our private and professional lives are wholly separate. Clearly you have some trouble with the concept.’ ‘I’m sorry sir.’ ‘What are you sorry for Mulder?’ ‘I don’t know.’ Like I didn’t know that was coming. ‘Agent Mulder, you were disrespectful.’ ‘Yes sir.’ ‘And insubordinate.’ ‘Yes.’ ‘And rude.’ ‘Yes sir.’ I’m out of synonyms. And patience. I jerk my head towards the conference room. ‘Get in there.’ ‘Take off your belt Fox.’ As slowly as he dares, Mulder complies, handing it to me. ‘Well?’ What happens next horrifies me. While I’m rolling up my sleeves, Fox crawls under the table and sits, hugging his knees to his chest. I can’t hear clearly what he’s saying – his chin is touching his chest and his voice is muffled – but I get the idea. Something about deserving punishment, being worthless, a waste of space in the world. This isn’t what I expect. Usually he’s the total opposite, bravado and fear mixing to the point where he’s pleading with me not to hit him before he’s even stripped. This is different. Laying the belt on the table, I have little choice but to crawl under the table with him. ‘Fox, stop this.’ Now I can see what he’s doing, I’m really worried. He’s rocking, mumbling, oblivious to me or the fact that he’s under the conference table in my office. It doesn’t look me like he’s going anywhere, so I take a chance and leave him there. ‘Kim, find Agent Scully and Agent Doggett now.’ Too used to my odd instructions, Kim simply nods. ‘Sir.’ ‘Sir?’ Doggett’s first to arrive, and I jerk my head into my office, not wanting anyone walking past to have the slightest idea of what’s going on. ‘I need some help to get him out. I don’t want him to panic and hurt himself.’ ‘What happened sir?’ ‘I have no idea Agent Doggett.’ Shrugging – he’s seen Mulder’s belt on the table – he crawls under the table. ‘Hey there Mulder. Come on Buddy, let’s get y’up, okay?’ I almost jump out of my skin at the touch on my arm. ‘Sir?’ ‘Agent Scully. There’s something wrong with Agent Mulder.’ She stoops down and can see Doggett and Mulder under the table. And we can both hear him now. The incoherent rambling’s stopped. Now there’s just a low sound, like he’s in pain. ‘John, come out of there.’ ‘I can’t get him moving Dana.’ ‘Okay.’ She walks to the far end of the room, and, wondering what the Hell she’s doing, I snap: ‘Who are you calling, Agent Scully?’ Calmly, she says: ‘Friend of mine. She’s an expert in PTSD.’   ************* ‘Just drop me at my apartment, Agent Doggett.’ ‘No sir, I’m not gonna leave you on your own right now. Out ya get.’ ‘Where the Hell are we?’ ‘Trust me, you’ll thank me later.’ The bar’s crowded, the music loud, and we elicit little interest as we make our way to the bar. ‘Hi Cindy.’ ‘John Doggett. I swear you get handsomer every time I see you. It’s been a while honey.’ Hoping the low lighting hides my embarrassment, I manage: ‘Yeah. Let me have a bottle and two glasses.’ ‘Sure.’ Sitting in the corner, we have a good view of the door and are close enough to the back exit that we can leave quickly if there’s any trouble. ‘Here you go sir.’ Skinner looks at the whiskey. ‘Agent Doggett, I can’t…’ Pushing the small glass across the table, I nod. ‘Yes, sir, you can.’ **************** ‘Dana. Is that him?’ Sarah Hillier frowned as she looked into the back seat of the car. ‘How long has he been like this?’ Dana checked her watch. ‘Three hours.’ ‘Let’s get him out.’ ************** ‘Classic trauma. What happened?’ ‘He crawled under a table.’ Sarah tutted. ‘Before that.’ ‘He was kidnapped.’ Sarah sighed. ‘Okay. No visiting him for a week. You living together?’ ‘No!’ ‘Dana, I’m doing you a favour, okay?’ ‘Sorry. Look, I’m not s’posed to know this, but he’s living with someone.’ ‘Who?’ ‘Our boss.’ ‘What’s she like?’ ‘He.’ Sarah forced a smile ‘O-kay. I’ll need to talk to him.’ ************** Scully stared at Doggett. He looked like he’d spent the night on the street. And he smelt strongly. Sweat, alcohol, something she didn’t want to think about. ‘Good morning John.’ ‘Er…um…Scully.’ Shaking her head, Scully walked to the window and opened the curtains and the window itself, letting in a blast of cold fresh air. Doggett groaned and dropped onto the couch. ‘What…um…Mulder…’ Scully tutted and walked across to the bedroom, pulling the door open. The same smell she’d been hit with as the front door had opened hit her. Only ten times worse. She pulled the curtains and the window open, ignoring the incoherent mumbling from the bed as Skinner woke slowly. ‘Good morning sir. If you want me to drive you to the clinic, you should get dressed. And showered.' ‘Scully…what…um…’ Skinner sat up, instantly regretting the sudden movement, eyes screwed closed against the sudden daylight. ‘How much did you two have to drink?’ Skinner groaned. ‘Doggett’s idea…’ Scully pulled a disapproving face. ‘I’m leaving in fifteen minutes sir. With or without you.’ ************** ‘Dana, you’re a well-educated woman. Did you not understand when I said ‘no visitors for a week’?’ Dana coloured. ‘This is FBI Assistant Director Walter Skinner. Mulder crawled under his desk.’ Sarah looked at the man standing awkwardly a few feet away. ‘Go and get a cup of coffee Dana dear.’ ************* ‘I’m not easily shocked. Or judgmental. Or anything else you’re imagining right now. Sit down.’ Skinner sat in an armchair and looked around the room. He was startled by the sharp question: ‘Rough night?’ Embarrassed, he managed: ‘Um…Yuh.’ ‘Tea?’ ‘D’ya have coffee?’ ‘No. The tea is caffeine-free. Strawberry or orange?’ Skinner shrugged. ‘Er, orange, I guess.’ Handing him the mug, Sarah got her first opportunity to have a good look at the man she guessed lived with Fox Mulder. Realising she was probably staring, she said quickly: ‘Tell me about Fox.’ ‘Mulder.’ ‘Yes.’ ‘No, I meant he prefers to be called Mulder, not Fox.’ ‘That’s the kind of thing I need to know. Anything else?’ ‘He hates any food that’s good for him.’ Sarah smiled. ‘Anything else?’ ‘He’s a hypochondriac.’ Sarah raised her eyebrows. ‘Well, he’s got something to complain about for real now.’ Skinner’s guilty frown made Sarah regret her words. ‘You didn’t do this. You’re not responsible…’ Skinner interrupted sharply: ‘Yeah, I am.’ ‘No, you’re not. Not for what happened yesterday.’ Tense, anger barely contained, Skinner stared at his coffee. ‘He couldn’t sleep. He went out. They snatched him off the street.’ ‘You blame yourself.’ Quietly, Skinner said: ‘I shouldn’t have let him go.’ ‘Could you have stopped him?’ Skinner nodded. ‘Yeah.’ Sarah wasn’t sure her surprise didn’t show. ‘You can’t blame yourself. Things happen.’ ‘I’m responsible for him.’ ‘And I understand you take your responsibility very seriously. But you couldn’t have known what was going to happen.’ As she spoke, Sarah realised she was wasting her breath. She got to her feet. ‘I have a lot to do. I’ll find Dana.’ ‘You have to help him.’ Putting a hand on Skinner’s shoulder, Sarah waited until he looked up before she smiled. ‘I will.’ ‘Can I see him?’ ‘No.’ ‘Please…’ ‘He’s resting.’ ‘Whatever you’ve given him, I won’t disturb him.’ ‘I haven’t given him anything. I don’t believe in suppressing emotions with chemical substances. But he is very tired. He didn’t sleep at all last night.’ Sarah looked at Skinner’s worried face and relented. ‘A couple of minutes. Don’t expect too much, okay?’ ‘Thank you.’ Sarah smiled slightly. ‘Don’t thank me too soon. He’s got a long way to go yet. Follow me.’ They passed a young man in jeans and a sweatshirt. ‘Andy, please find Dana and ask her to wait in my office.’ The man smiled. ‘Sure.’ ************* ‘Wait here.’ Sarah left Skinner standing in the doorway and crossed the room until she reached a chair with its back to Skinner, turned to face the partially-open French windows. ‘Mulder, there’s someone here to see you.’ Sarah knelt in front of Mulder who was sitting in an armchair, a blanket covering his knees. There was little reaction, and Skinner steeled himself as he covered the distance between the door and the chair. He just managed to restrain his reaction to the sight of an exhausted Fox, skin grey and eyes red-rimmed and damp, hands trembling as they rested on the blanket covering his legs. He stared unblinkingly through the open doors. ‘Fox?’ Skinner stretched out a tentative hand and gently stroked Mulder’s damp cheek. He snatched his hand back as Mulder flinched at the contact. Apart from an instant increase in Mulder’s breathing, there was no other reaction to his presence. No recognition, nothing. Skinner looked round and saw Sarah standing a few feet away. ‘What have you done to him?’ His angry voice was loud in the otherwise silent room. Immediately, Mulder moved, dislodging the blanket, hunching until he was curled tightly into a foetal position, his whole body rocking, his incoherent mumbling the only sound to break the sudden tense silence. Sarah’s voice was calm and soft. ‘Out. Now.’ In her office, Sarah finally unleashed her anger. ‘Leave. Now. Do not come back. Understand?’ ‘I’m taking him home.’ ‘You are bloody not! He’s ill!’ Skinner fought for calm. ‘He wasn’t any way near that bad yesterday.’ ‘Just exactly how the Hell do you know that?’ This time he just let rip. ‘Look at him!’ ‘I’ve done little else in the last eighteen hours Mr Skinner.’ Deciding there was nothing she could usefully contribute, Scully sat on the edge of the desk and stared out the window. Skinner made a sudden decision. ‘I’ll take care of him.’ ‘What experience do you have of treating trauma victims?’ Skinner snapped: ‘You first!’ Sarah took a deep breath. ‘1981 I was working with the Ministry of Defence. It started with the Falklands, then the Gulf. Then I moved here and started treating US army personnel while doing research. I got offered this job and here I am. And you?’ Skinner had calmed listening to Sarah’s response, and stared at the floor. ‘I’m sorry.’ Sarah smiled. ‘I’ll help Mulder. But it won’t be overnight. Come back in a week. I promise you’ll see some difference in him. He’ll have had some sleep, for a start.’ ‘Thank you.’ ‘Yeah. We’ll see you next Saturday, okay?’ Skinner nodded. ‘Yeah.’ Sarah and Dana hugged. As she held Dana, Sarah whispered: ‘Take care of him, okay?’ Scully pulled from Sarah’s grip, her face unreadable. Continued in Part Four Home Send me feedback on this fic Return to the X-Files Fic Index Return to the West Wing Fic Index