The crowd had gathered for the most anticipated event of the season. As the marquee put it, not since Stacey Q had there been such a talent! As the standing room only crowd gathered into the auditorium two ushers conspired by the snack bar.

"Can't I have a canape?"

"No, you've eaten enough for twenty humans. Now shut up and remember to offer the canape to Kelly."

"No problem."

Meanwhile Burt and Claude found Bele backstage.

"Well?" asked Bele.

"It was a terrifying teparde of turpitude!" said Burt and Claudius in unison.

"No, don't, but what did you find out?"

"Burt can bench press 550!"

"Oh, Claude stop …"

"Shut up fairy-cakes tell me what we need to do."

"Well apparently," began the all knowing Burt, "Aurora told us that one canape is laced with the spell, and at the reception a man similar to Jim will make a bee line for Kelly. Hysteria also said that Tatty will be in her usual shape and we can't miss her."

"Good, I've my dagger poised, and my breasts pert."

"I love your Bert Preasts."

"Oh Claude …"

"Are you sure there aren't any romantic entanglements I can give my sage counsel on?" asked the benevolent Mr. Grillin.

"No my thoughts are on the power of the sound of music, for I'll sing once more."

"Excellent lets go."

What happened next has cowwed many a great singer, the accompanist sucked. After the boos Burt silenced the audience, and began to play along with Marrie's vocal pyrotechnics. After the third encor of "Regina Coeli," the audience let her go back stage.

"O Marrie if I had known this bright spark of divinity was in you … never mind," said Burt.

"Tell me what's in your heart, Burt."

"I had a homo sexual dalliance with Jacques!" shouted Burt on the precipice of desperation.

"Burt we all experiment, I myself have wondered what it would be like to have Soarin' betwixt my thighs," said a beaming Marrie.

"Marrie, you mean I'm normal?"

"Quite … How did this come to be?"

"He was an unwed tycoon, me an accordian player with mediocre refferances. He came over to my pad. One look at my bod and he turned to butter."

"Who could blame him?" interjected a tender Marrie.

This would've been a great moment for a Kiss, but there was a rucus in the House.

"Play shitty for my friend will you, take that!" shouted Kelly. She then shoved a sax up Grillin's ass.

"That's my job," said the pussillanimous pop-n-jay that was Jared de la Croix.

Everyone applauded Kelly. Even a cocktail waitress who looked strangely like Jessica Rabbit offered her a canape.

"I'm fucking starving! Whooping ass takes it out of you." With one bite the deed was done.

"No!" screamed our gallant friends.

"I'm afraid so." With this phrase the sweet turned into the not-so-sweet.

"Tatty Trenchmouth only you would be so bold," said Burt.

"Fuckin A," was her "clever" retort. "Why look who's here, but Kandy," she continued. Jim was watching from on high.

"Kand meet Kelly, Kelly—Kandy."

"Hi Kandy—I love you, I want to marry you," said a zombiefied Kelly.

"Awesome," said the greek geek.

"Not so fast Tubbirata," said Bele with the dagger brandishing it in Tatty's face.

"Where did you get that?"

"From the Atlantis," said Keggin with her boyfriend Gianni and Gaul, with his new woman Dana Plato.

Tatty knocked it out of her hand. A cat fight ensued.

"I must do something!"

"Sing," said a celestial voice.

"Why it's Kelly's aviary friend! My God I'm so glad to see you."

"Cut the pleasentries and sing the call of the Valkerie."

Marrie ran to centerstage. She [unintelligible] her [unintelligible] even more and began the famous incantation. With every b-flat Kelly awoke from her spell with a gron and at the final d-flat awoke.

Marrie fainted but our aviary friend roused her with these words: "Thy reward is comming."

Bele and Tatty still were locked in battle, as all the men writhed in glee.

"Enogh!" said Kelly, gesticulating triumphantly. She then did a triple [unintelligible] in the air, grabbed the dagger, and stabbed Tatty in her most vulnerable spot, her stomach. With a holler she died, her blood covering the floor.

"Not on my watch!" said Jim. He lept down, grabbed Tatty, still bleeding like the Hog princess that she was. He dissappered in a black smoke. "We'll be back, the world hasn't heard the last of me!" said the voice comming from behind the smoke.

"Only cause we'll gossip about you and your kind!" said Burt. Everyone laughed except Burt who turned to Marrie and said, "Marrie, Fr. Boy-can-he-hail-thee is already here. Why not."

"Burt my dream of dreams."

They kissed.

"Hey do I still get some?" asked Kelly indignantly.

"Why of course," said Marrie. "This will be the most open marrige ever! Hey Bele, why not marry Claudius."

"Yeah, why not!" agreed Claud.

"Oh alright," said Bele, rubbing the spot between his nose and lips.

As we leave these [unintelligible] amigoes on the shores of Matrimony, we bid a fond farewell to these chums of yore and beyond, because: