EXT. CRYSTAL BROOK TO PT PIRIE RD DAY.

FADE IN:

South Australia. Australia

Brown rolling hills, unfolding like a map. A

line through the hills.

A road. On it a dot.

A car. HJ's car. A late model sedan.

HJ's car sweeps down out of the hills onto the

flat heading towards Pt Pirie. It is the only

car on a deserted country road.

A car approaches from the direction of Pt Pirie.

They pass.

Another car is not that far behind it.

And another and another.

The road is chocka with cars all heading away

from Pt Pirie. The line of traffic extends as

far as the eye can see. Only HJ's car is going

in the other direction.

INT. CRYSTAL BROOK TO PT PIRIE RD DAY.

In H.J's car. HJ is driving. The other cars are

whizzing past.

HJ

What's going on.

DARJEELING is in the front passenger seat. She

has a walkman, earphones, chews gum. She is

nineteen, beautiful, self absorbed. She shrugs.

A car approaching them is trying to overtake. It

pulls back into the stream of on coming traffic.

H.J. has to swerve to miss it.

HJ

Bloody hell.

The cars pass horns blaring.

The stream of on coming cars begin to thin out.

A final clapped out VW beetles passes belching

smoke. It recedes in the rear window.

The road ahead is deserted.

HJ'S car is alone on the road.

EXT. HIGHWAY OUTSIDE PT PIRIE DAY.

HJ'S car drifts to a stop.

The starter motor whirs. Nothing.

The car has gone to meet it's manufacturer.

HJ gets out lifts bonnet. Tinkers.

TITLE:

DARJEELING gets out.

She gives the motor a disinterested look.

Walks past the rear of the car looking at the

conspicuously absent scenery. Bored.

HJ gets in. Starter motor whirs. Nothing.

HJ

That bloody caps it.

Bangs the steering wheel in frustration.

A FARMER pulls up.

DARJEELING has flagged him down.

FARMER

(Obviously impressed by DARJEELING)

Can I give you a lift?

HJ gets out of the car.

HJ

Thanks mate.

INT. FARMER'S CAR. DAY.

The car starts. DARJEELING is sitting in the

middle between the Farmer and HJ.

HJ'S car is left deserted beside the road.

Pause

FARMER

Nice day.

HJ

Yea.

Pause

A ute goes past. It dwindles in the rear window.

Pause

HJ

Names HJ

Reaches across DARJEELING and offers hand.

FARMER

Ian.

(pause)

I'm a farmer.

HJ

Is that right?

They shake. Car swerves.

Pause

Farmer glances at DARJEELING. She has her

walkman on and is absorbed in the music.

HJ

Oh. Darjeeling.

Pause

FARMER

(Holds out hand.)

How do you do.

DARJEELING notices the hand stuck under her

nose. Takes it. Smiles a smile that would melt

concrete. Shakes it. The car swerves.

The farmer smiles for the first time. At peace

with the world. Darjeeling's smile can do that.

EXT ROAD-HOUSE DAY.

HJ & DARJEELING get out of FARMER's car and walk

across the road towards the road-house.

The farmer drives off.

INT. ROAD-HOUSE WORKSHOP DAY.

The MECHANIC is under a car as HJ walks up.

HJ

Gooday.

MECHANIC

Gooday.

HJ

Broke down about ten K out of town.

MECHANIC

Ah.

HJ

Can I get a tow?

MECHANIC

It'll cost ya.

(MECHANIC comes out from under car.

Sees DARJEELING. She smiles)

But not too much. We got a

special rate.

EXT. CRYSTAL BROOK TO PT PIRIE RD DAY.

Tow truck heads up highway.

The ute introduced earlier comes towards them

and passes them. In the back of the ute are car

parts.

EXT. CRYSTAL BROOK TO PT PIRIE RD DAY.

The tow truck does a U-turn and backs up.

(This scene is played from the POV of HJ'S car.)

HJ & the MECHANIC get out and walk up to the

camera

HJ

(Horrified)

My god.

MECHANIC

Can't say I'm surprised.

HJ

Oh my god.

MECHANIC

It happens a lot round here.

DARJEELING gets out of tow truck and approaches

wide eyed.

MECHANIC

Someone shoulda stayed with the car.

EXT. CRYSTAL BROOK TO PT PIRIE RD DAY.

The winch lifts the front of HJ's car.

We see it for the first time.

The car has been stripped.

The wheels are gone. The bonnet's gone.

The headlights, tail lights. The seats.

The car, or what's left of it is pulled onto the

back of the tow truck.

INT. ROAD-HOUSE WORKSHOP DAY.

The MECHANIC slowly walks around the car

assessing the damage.

MECHANIC

(Looks at car)

Wheels...

(Opens boot. The spare is missing.)

Five...

(Looks inside car)

Seats...

(Bonnet up examining engine)

Carby...

Starter motor...

HJ

What's the damage.

MECHANIC

(Emerging from under car.)

I can get the parts alright. That's no

problem.

HJ

But how long?

MECHANIC

Couple of hours...maybe tomorrow.

HJ

What are we supposed to do?

MECHANIC

We've got a courtesy car.

EXT. ROAD-HOUSE DAY.

HJ starts the courtesy car. It starts

reluctantly and moves away in a cloud of smoke.

As the car recedes in the distance the ute

introduced earlier pulls away from the kerb some

distance down the road and into the road-house.

EXT. PT PIRIE OUTSKIRTS DAY.

The courtesy car drives past the "Welcome to Pt

Pirie" sign.

INT. HJ'S COURTESY CAR. DAY.

POV from the car.

Port Pirie is quite a big country town for

Australia.

But there’s no traffic anywhere.

INT. HJ'S COURTESY CAR. LATER. DAY.

They drive down the main street.

The shopping centre is deserted.

HJ

It's not Sunday, is it?

DARJEELING looks out the window.

This has definitely got her attention.

All the shops are shut. There are no cars in the

street.

She looks at HJ.

EXT. PT PIRIE MAIN STREET DAY.

They park. Get out.

HJ tries a shop. The door's locked.

DARJEELING walks along the footpath trying

doors. Everything's shut.

HJ walks into the middle of the road.

No inspiration hits him.

HJ

(To himself)

Where is everybody?

DARJEELING is some distance away down the row of

shops systematically trying doors.

HJ walks back to the car.

He digs his filofax out.

Checks it.

HJ

It's not a public holiday.

(Watches DARJEELING.)

Keeerist!

HJ leaps into car. Bangs on horn.

DARJEELING comes running.

HJ starts the car. Backs up and drives down

towards DARJEELING.

She jumps in.

She shoots him an enquiring look

HJ

I just thought of something.

The car tears away tires squealing.

EXT. ANOTHER PART OF PORT PIRIE. DAY.

The car screeches to a stop. HJ leaps out and

races up to the door of a pub.

It's shut.

HJ sinks down against the wall. Defeated.

DARJEELING gets out of the car.

HJ

Euchred. Even the pubs are shut.

DARJEELING sinks down beside him.

Pause

A semi-trailer comes towards them.

Past them.

They watch it pass.

It goes about 2 hundred yards further down the

road and turns into the gates of the Broken Hill

Associated Smelters.

HJ

They're open.

(DARJEELING stands up. Looks down

the road. Looks at HJ.)

Lets find out what's happening.

DARJEELING starts off towards the B.H.A.S.

gates.

HJ gets up and follows

EXT. B.H.A.S. GATES DAY.

HJ & DARJEELING walk up to the gates.

The semi-trailer is at the gate having the

paperwork checked by the guard.

Just outside the main gate is a building

labelled "Tours"

Someone can be seen inside through the windows.

HJ & DARJEELING go in.

INT. INSIDE TOUR BUILDING DAY.

The semi-trailer is visible through the windows.

HJ

Gooday.

MORT

Eh? Oh.

HJ

Where is everybody?

MORT

What?

HJ

Town. The place is deserted.

MORT

Oh. Yes. It would be.

(DARJEELING comes into the room and

smiles.)

(To DARJEELING)

Hello.

Takes off his hard hat.

HJ

HJ

Extends his hand.

MORT

Eh? Mort.

They shake hands

HJ indicates DARJEELING

HJ

Darjeeling.

MORT

How do you do.

Takes her hand, smitten. She smiles.

Outside the window the semi-trailer starts up

and drives into the works.

HJ

So. Where is everybody.

MORT

Eh? Oh. The picnic. The works picnic.

The whole town goes. Practically.

HJ

Picnic?

MORT

I used to go meself. Except...

Smiles ruefully.

HJ

Except?

MORT

I was younger then.

HJ

Oh.

(nods sagely not understanding)

What is there to do in this

town?

MORT

In Port Pirie?

(Looks at DARJEELING)

Not much really.

(HJ is disgusted. Trapped in hell

and nothing to do.)

I can take you on a tour.

DARJEELING smiles.

EXT. INSIDE BHAS MAIN GATE DAY.

MORT, HJ & DARJEELING walk into the works. They

are all wearing hard hats.

MORT

The Broken Hill Associated

Smelters is a major lead

producer. We produce around a

quarter of a million tonnes of

high grade lead per annum.

EXT. BLAST FURNACES DAY.

MORT(VO)

The bullion is separated from

the slag here.

And cast into billets. Don't

touch those. They're still

molten inside.

Saw a bloke once accidently

brush one of those billets. His

flesh stuck to the metal.

Couldn't pull away. Roasted him

right before out eyes.

INT. INSIDE ZINC PLANT DAY.

The group walk past the zinc vats.

MORT

The zinc room. These vats hold

91 thousand litres of zinc.

99.99 percent pure zinc.

DARJEELING is interested in the tour. HJ is just

plain bored.

EXT. WHARF. DAY.

Mort, Darjeeling and a trailing HJ walk out of

the packaging shed onto the wharf.

Pallets of lead are stacked everywhere.

MORT

Lead from here goes all over the

world.

(They walk out onto wharf)

Each bale has 42 twenty five

kilogram bars. That's over a

ton.

INT. BULLION ROOM FOYER DAY.

The group enter the foyer.

MORT

Here the precious metals are

separated out and cast into

bars.

(suddenly HJ is all attention.

Closing off the foyer from the rest

of the room is a metal grill. Beyond

the metal grill is the silver room.

HJ is drawn to the metal grill.)

The silver bars are 23

kilograms. That's about $5000 a

bar.

(silver and gold bars are stacked on

two pallets.

One for silver. One for gold.)

The gold bars are 4 point 5

kilograms. They're about $74,000

dollars worth each.

HJ presses up against the metal grill. As close

as he can get to the gold.

The gold begins to glow.

A choir begins.

HJ is entranced. In heaven.

HJ devours the gold and silver with his eyes.

MORT (CONT UNDER CHOIR)

You're looking at around 5

million dollars of bullion right

there.

(DARJEELING is watching HJ. The

choir cuts as she suddenly turns her

smile on MORT. MORT talks to her

ignoring HJ.)

If only we could get through the

bars, eh? Everybody's the same

'course.

Takes 'em all by surprise. Even

when you know about it. Amid all

the base metal that little bit

of perfection. That little bit

of gold.

It shakes you.

HJ

Who woulda thought...

INT. ROAD-HOUSE WORKSHOP DAY.

The MECHANIC shows them the car.

MECHANIC

There you are. Good as new.

HJ

Yea.

MECHANIC

'Course up here. Long way from

the city. Parts are expensive.

You understand

HJ

Yes.

MECHANIC

You don't know what it's like

trying to make a living out

here. Mile's from civilization.

It's not just parts either.

Freight's a killer. And

everybody is in a stinking rush.

HJ

That's the city for you. What's

the damage.

MECHANIC

(Sneaks a glance at DARJEELING)

Yea well. We got lucky. We

managed to get most of the parts

locally.

I can give you a discount.

(DARJEELING turns her smile on for

the MECHANIC)

A substantial discount.

HJ

That's good.

MECHANIC

Yea.

Smiles back at DARJEELING.

EXT. OUTSIDE ROADHOUSE DAY.

HJ's car pulls away.

EXT. TURN OFF TO HILL. DAY.

Just across the inlet from the BHAS is a round

hill rising out of the coastal plain. HJ's car

turns off the main road and drives towards the

hill.

EXT. ATOP HILL DAY.

HJ's car pulls up atop the hill.

HJ(VO)

Look at that. Just look at that.

INT. IN HJ'S CAR DAY.

DARJEELING looks at HJ

HJ is looking at the BHAS through binoculars.

HJ

A daggy little town around a

daggy little plant. And in the

middle of the plant. In the

daggiest building in the

daggiest room. A piece of

perfection.

Isn't that what he said?

(pause)

I want it.

(DARJEELING watches him)

I know you think I'm wacko.

But.

I'm gunna take it.

EXT. ATOP HILL. DAY.

DARJEELING gets out of car.

She walks down the hill towards the BHAS.

HJ gets out of car.

About 20 paces away DARJEELING stops, looking at

the BHAS.

HJ walks up to her.

HJ

I've worked all my life.

To get money.

I wanted to be...

Not rich.

I want to be obscenely rich.

Is there anything you've ever

wanted so palpably you could

taste it.

(DARJEELING doesn't look at him. He

turns away. Looks at the BHAS)

I've struggled. I've schemed.

I'm thirty five.

I'm never going to get there.

I'm never going to be obscenely

rich...

Unless.. .

(Pleads to DARJEELING)

I am going to be obscenely rich.

I'm going to reach out for that

perfection and take it.

(Grabs DARJEELING)

It's what you want, isn't it.

You want it too.

Holds her. They don't kiss.

EXT. HONESTLY JOHN'S CAR YARD. DAY.

HJ's car yard is the usual thing. Signs

everywhere: "Honestly John's used cars", "Trade

in Specials", "Sale" and so on, and, of course,

lots and lots of cars.

The yard has a low link chain fence that is

easily stepped over if you want to inspect the

cars.

A customer is looking under the bonnet of a late

model sedan. HJ is nervous.

CUSTOMER

Have you wound the speedo back?

HJ

That's against the law.

CUSTOMER

I know that.

HJ

I have a business appointment.

CUSTOMER

Don't rush me. I'm the customer.

(Moves on to another car. Puts the

bonnet up.)

I'm always bloody right.

HJ sees BRUISER approaching.

HJ

Excuse me.

Goes to office and locks the office door.

Shakes hands with Bruiser as he comes up.

Locks the gate to the yard and walks back past

the Customer towards his car which is parked on

the street in front of HJ's yard.

CUSTOMER

Hey. What about me.

HJ

Look around. You might see

something you like.

HJ opens his car door.

Bruiser gets in the other side.

CUSTOMER

When will you be back?

HJ

Tomorrow.

HJ gets in and drives off.

The customer is left stunned.

INT. HJ'S CAR DAY.

HJ is driving. Bruiser next to him.

HJ

I got this idea.

BRUISER

Gotta stop off at Marden.

INT HJ'S CAR. DAY.

The car is parked at the Marden shopping centre.

HJ is sitting in the car waiting for Bruiser.

The back door slams. It's Bruiser getting in the

back seat.

He's wearing a stocking over his head and

carrying a plastic shopping bag.

BRUISER

Don't just sit there.

A police siren approaches. A police car shoots

past the rear of HJ's car and pulls up at the

bank futher down the mall.

HJ

(HJ is frozen to the spot. Staring

at Bruiser.)

Oh my God.

BRUISER

Well?

Frantic HJ tries to start the car.

EXT. MARDEN SHOPPING CENTRE CAR-PARK DAY.

HJ's car reverses out of it's parking space

tyres screaming and almost collides with the

police car.

HJ throws the car into forward and roars away

towards the car-park exit.

The cops jump into their car.

The exit to the car-park is blocked by another

police car entering. HJ swerves around them and

heads off down another path.

The police car comes to a halt nose to nose with

the first police car, now giving chase.

HJ's car finds another exit from the car park

and is away.

EXT. SUBURBAN STREET ST PETERS. DAY.

HJ's car speeds along a suburban street.

A police car turns into the street ahead.

HJ's car spins end for end and slides into the

police car, the boot wrecking the police car's

radiator.

HJ's car roars away, boot lid flapping.

The muffler falls off.

Another police car appears some distance in

front of HJ's car.

INT. HJ'S CAR. DAY.

BRUISER

Left.

HJ wrenches the wheel to the left.

EXT. A LANE. ST PETERS. DAY.

The car rockets down one of the narrow night

cart lanes that infest St Peters.

The car rockets across a street and into the

lane opposite.

INT. HJ'S CAR DAY.

BRUISER

Tell me your plan.

HJ

Now?

BRUISER

Now.

HJ

Well, we were up at Port

Pirie...

A police car appears at the end of the lane,

blocking it.

BRUISER

Left.

EXT. A LANE. ST PETERS. DAY.

HJ's car crashes through a fence, across a

backyard and down the drive at the side of the

house.

The car emerges on a street, goes straight

across the street and up another drive, across a

back yard, through another fence, across a lane,

through another fence.

Sitting on their back lawn are an elderly

couple.

They watch as HJ's car erupts through their back

fence and slides into their Hill's Hoist, then

roars away down their drive.

The couple look at each other.

A police car comes through the same hole in the

back fence and collides heavily with the Hill's

Hoist.

The police car expires in a cloud of steam.

The policeman gets out.

The couple slowly put their hands up.

EXT. PORTRUSH RD DAY.

HJ's battered car speeds away. They've escaped.

INT. HJ'S CAR. DAY.

HJ's car rolls to a stop on a dirt track.

BRUISER

Stop here.

HJ

What for?

BRUISER

Get out.

EXT. DIRT ROAD. DAY.

HJ & Bruiser get out of the car.

HJ's door comes off in his hand. Bruiser takes

the door and puts it into the car.

He picks up his plastic shopping bag.

HJ

God. What a mess.

BRUISER

Bout your plan.

Bruiser puts his plastic bag down carefully and

walks to the edge of the cliff.

HJ

What?

BRUISER

It stinks.

Looks over the edge.

HJ

What do you mean. It's a great

plan.

Bruiser walks back to the car. He winds down all

the windows.

BRUISER

It stinks. Believe me.

Takes off the hand brake. The car rolls forward.

HJ

Hey. My car.

EXT. A QUARRY. DAY.

HJ's car rolls over the lip of the quarry and

takes a long slow swan dive into the

water-filled quarry.

EXT. DIRT ROAD. DAY.

Bruiser picks up his plastic shopping bag.

BRUISER

Get a new one.

Bruiser starts to walk away back up the dirt

road.

EXT. A QUARRY. DAY.

The water closes over the car, and it's gone.

EXT. HJ'S POOL. DAY.

HJ's House is not insubstantial. Neither is the

pool. HJ is floating on an inflatable mattress

in his pool, beer in hand. Darjeeling is doing

laps.

HJ

I know what you're thinking.

Look at all I've got. A

successful business. The house.

The pool.

EXT. HJ'S SPA. DAY.

HJ's in the spa.

HJ

The spa.

EXT. HJ'S SAUNA. DAY.

HJ's in the sauna.

HJ

The sauna.

EXT. HJ'S POOL. DAY.

HJ is in the pool on the inflatable mattress as

for SCENE 43A

HJ

With all this why go haring off

after some silly dream.

(Rolls into water. Surfaces near

Darjeeling who stops.)

Because it's there. That's why.

Come here.

INT. HJ'S STUDY. DAY.

The walls are covered with maps and blown up

photos of Port Pirie. Darjeeling follows HJ in

to the room drying herself. HJ is content to

drip everywhere.

HJ takes in the room in one sweeping gesture.

HJ

The problem is the getaway.

It's a small town. Sneeze and

everybody in town knows it.

I gotta plan this thing. I need

a plan.

HJ stares at the maps and plans and photos

resolutely. Darjeeling continues to dry herself.

There is a pause.

Inspiration refuses to strike.

Pause.

Still no inspiration.

EXT. CRYSTAL BROOK TO PT PIRIE RD DAY.

The camera floats over the hills exactly as for

SCENE 1 and closes on HJ's car coming down out

of the hills onto the flat towards Pt Pirie.

HJ(V.O.)

Bruiser's right, of course.

But I didn't see it.

INT. HJ'S CAR. CYSTAL BROOK TO PT PIRIE RD. DAY.

HJ's driving. Darjeeling is listening to her

walkman.

HJ

It's not like a bank you can

just walk in with a gun. You

gotta think laterally. Think

around the problem.

Darjeeling looks at a car on the side of the

road that they are approaching. The wheels are

gone. In front of the car is the ute from SCENE

3 the MECHANIC from SCENE 5 is putting the

wheels in the back of the ute.

HJ doesn't notice. Darjeeling does.

HJ (cont)

Bruiser's right there. I gotta

geta plan.

Darjeeling smiles.

INT. HJ'S CAR ATOP HILL. DAY.

As for SCENE 25. HJ is looking at the B.H.A.S.

through binoculars.

HJ

I gotta geta plan.

INT. THE FRONT BAR OF A PUB. DAY.

The bar is fairly full and merry.

HJ is chatting to a worker.

WORKER

(disgust)

A car salesman.

HJ

Used cars. Yea.

WORKER

Have you considered a step up.

Say politics?

HJ

Ho Ho. Still I'd swap you jobs.

WORKER

Me?

HJ

Working with all that gold and

silver.

WORKER

Lead mate. I work with lead.

HJ

You can keep your job then.

WORKER

Only crawlers work in the

bullion room. See that bloke

over there.

The Worker points out ARTHUR, a little mouse of

a man sitting by himself away from the crowd at

the bar.

HJ

Yea.

WORKER

That's a crawler.

HJ looks at Arthur, memorizing him. Then turns

back to the bar.

HJ

What'll it be?

INT. THE FRONT BAR OF A PUB. DAY.

It's some time later. The bar is a bit noisier.

A bit more crowded. HJ carries a couple of

drinks over the Arthur's table.

HJ

Gooday, mate. Have a drink.

ARTHUR

I'm sorry. I don't.

HJ sits and pushes the glass towards Arthur.

HJ

Course you do. I hate to see a

man drink alone.

ARTHUR

No. I don't drink.

HJ

At all?

ARTHUR

No.

(Indicates drink)

Orange juice.

HJ

You're ill, right?

ARTHUR

No.

HJ

You've got an ulcer.

ARTHUR

No.

HJ

The old ticker's playing up.

ARTHUR

I just don't drink.

HJ

Then why do you come here?

ARTHUR

My wife.

HJ

Your wife?

ARTHUR

Yes. She's a...large woman.

HJ

Large.

ARTHUR

Very... large.

HJ

Oh. What have I got in common

with a bloke with a large wife,

who doesn't drink.

ARTHUR

I dream.

HJ

That figures.

ARTHUR

I dream about me job.

HJ

Ah yes. The bullion room.

Aren't you ever tempted to...

HJ reaches out as if to take a bar of gold.

ARTHUR

There are guards.

HJ

Yes, of course.

ARTHUR

I'd never actually...

HJ

No. Of course not..

ARTHUR

But I dream.

HJ

What do you dream?

ARTHUR

I plan the perfect robbery.

In my dreams.

I'd never do it, of course.

HJ

Course.

ARTHUR

It's a sort of game I play.

HJ

In your dreams.

ARTHUR

Yes.

HJ

So, tell me about your dream.

ARTHUR

I couldn't. Never. That would

be wrong, wouldn't it.

HJ

Course it would.

(Darjeeling threads her way through

the crowd. HJ spots her.)

Darj!

(to Arthur)

Arthur, this is Darjeeling.

Arthur.

Darjeeling unleashes a killer smile.

ARTHUR

(Totally smitten)

Hello.

Won't you...

Arthur offers her a seat.

Darjeeling sits next to Arthur.

HJ

Look mate, you gotta get some

decent fluids into ya.

Pushes a beer towards Arthur.

ARTHUR

But I don't...

HJ

No buts. It'll do you good.

ARTHUR

Well...

(Looks at Darjeeling. She smiles.)

Alright.

HJ

I'll get you another couple.

HJ gets up and goes to the bar.

ARTHUR

I'd never actually...

(Darjeeling listens.)

Still it's fun to talk about.

Plan a dream.

I'm a bit of a dreamer.

A girl like you...

When I was at school I was

always the victim.

I was born a victim.

It was as if carried a sign

saying "hit me".

I always promised myself...

(Looks at Darjeeling. Darjeeling is

listening intently.)

You're a strange girl.

HJ returns with drinks.

HJ

There you go.

You know I'm a bit of a dreamer.

Like yourself.

You know what I do?

ARTHUR

No.

HJ

Doodle.

ARTHUR

What?

HJ

You know. Scribble. I'll be

walking to a customer and my

fingers are a world away drawing

some island.

Waves and islands.

Did it once right on a contract.

Lost the sale.

ARTHUR

What do you do?

HJ

Car salesman. I know what you're

thinking. Don't say it.

ARTHUR

I won't.

HJ

Don't. I've been in business 20

years. You don't stay in

business that long unless you're

basically trustworthy. People

trust me.

ARTHUR

That's right.

HJ

Like you.

ARTHUR

Me.

HJ

People trust you.

ARTHUR

They do.

HJ

Working with all that bullion.

They'd have to.

ARTHUR

Yes. Who told you about the

bullion.

HJ

You did mate.

ARTHUR

Oh.

HJ

You can trust me.

ARTHUR

Can I trust you?

HJ

'Course you can. Look.

(Looks Arthur in the eye)

Let me buy you anothery.

HJ gets up and goes to the bar.

Arthur looks at Darjeeling.

ARTHUR

You're a strange girl.

(Pause.)

You just sit there and look at

me and it's as if a door to my

soul has been unlocked and all

sorts of dark things are

crawling out.

(pause)

I could tell you all my dreams,

all the dark thoughts that come

to me in the twilight before

waking. Would you like that?

Darjeeling says nothing. She just continues to

observe him. Her eyes deep dark pools. Arthur is

drowning in them.

HJ returns.

HJ

There you go Arthur mate.

We're making a man of you.

(Arthur continues to stare at

Darjeeling.)

Now tell me about your dream.

HJ pokes Arthur to get his attention.

ARTHUR

I was talking to Darjeeling.

HJ

You were talking at Darjeeling.

Darjeeling gets up and leaves.

ARTHUR

She just smiles.

HJ

The perfect woman. She never

talks back.

ARTHUR

She can talk?

HJ

Of course.

ARTHUR

Well...

HJ

Forget her. Tell me your dream.

ARTHUR

It's just a dream.

HJ

Meaning it wouldn't work.

ARTHUR

It would work alright.

HJ

Then tell me.

ARTHUR

I'll tell you this.

HJ

What?

ARTHUR

It involves a boat. A

semi-trailer, and a pair of

prescription glasses.

HJ

Glasses.

ARTHUR

Spectacles.

HJ

What else.

ARTHUR

Shhhh. It's secret.

HJ

Arthur mate.

ARTHUR

But. I'll tell Darjeeling. The

dark things are out and loose.

Drive me home and I'll bare my

soul to you,

(beat)

to Darjeeling.

(to HJ)

You can listen but.

EXT. A PT. PIRIE SUBURBAN ST. DAY.

HJ's car stops.

HJ

Sure this is alright.

ARTHUR

(drunk)

'S fine.

(Arthur, HJ and Darjeeling get out

of the car.)

Shhhh.

They begin to walk quietly up the street. Arthur

staggers. He's quite drunk. Darjeeling holds his

arm.

ARTHUR (cont)

Thank you.

You know...shhhh.

They come to Arthur's house. Arthur attempts to

open the gate quietly. It squeaks.

ARTHUR (cont)

Shhhh.

They pass quietly down the side of the house.

All is in darkness.

In the back yard a large mass blocks out the

sky.

ARTHUR (cont)

Shhhh. Here.

(HJ hands him the torch)

Shhhh.

Arthur switches on the torch and swings it

around rather erratically.

ARTHUR (cont)

(shining the torch on HJ)

There it is.

HJ takes the torch. The object in the yard is an

ocean going yacht. Ferro-cement some 40 foot in

length. Fixed keel. The boat isn't complete, but

by torch light it's impossible to tell this.

ARTHUR (cont)

That's it.

(Darjeeling runs her hands over the

keel.)

HJ

It's great.

ARTHUR

Yea. Shhhh.

They walk back down the side of the house to the

road. The gate creaks again.

ARTHUR

Shhhh. There is one thing.

HJ

What's that.

ARTHUR

The boat. Shhhh.

They open the front gate and go out onto the

footpath.

HJ

What about the boat.

ARTHUR

It's not finished.

HJ

Not finished. When you gunna get

it finished.

ARTHUR

I don't know. Been working on it

for twenty years.

HJ

Twenty... Arthur. Mate. You've

got to finish the boat.

ARTHUR

Oh I'll finish it.

They start walking towards HJ's courtesy car.

HJ

You've got to finish it now.

Arthur. Finish the boat.

ARTHUR

Yea. I'll finish the boat.

HJ

Do you want a hand, mate. I'm

handy with a hammer.

ARTHUR.

No. No. I'll finish the boat.

HJ

That's right. Finish the boat.

ARTHUR

I'll finish the boat. But it'll

take a while.

HJ

A while! How long.

ARTHUR

Let's see. It should be done by

the works picnic.

HJ

Arthur. The works picnic is

nearly nine months away.

ARTHUR

That's right. The boat should be

ready. You see it's part of the

plan.

HJ

What is.

ARTHUR

The works picnic. The boat. The

semi-trailer. The spectacles and

the works picnic.

Didn't I mention the works

picnic?

HJ

No you did not.

ARTHUR

Oh. Sorry. It's crucial.

The works picnic.

HJ. Buddy.

HJ

Yes.

ARTHUR

There's one thing.

You've got to promise me.

HJ

Anything mate.

ARTHUR

Whatever happens.

HJ

Yea.

ARTHUR

Whatever happens.

(pause)

Whatever happens. You'll rescue

me from my wife.

HJ

No worries.

ARTHUR

You don't know my wife.

(He looks at Darjeeling. She meets

his gaze serenely.)

She's not like you.

Not at all.

HJ

Hey. Arthur. No worries. It's

all set. Alright? Nine months.

The works picnic. We'll be here.

Alright.

ARTHUR

Alright. Shhhh.

She'll hear...

HJ and Darjeeling walk away down the road.

Arthur watches until they get into their car and

drive away. Arthur straightens up, and walks

home, sober as a judge.

INT. UNLEY SHOPPING CENTRE MALL. DAY.

HJ is standing in the mall. Bruiser walks up to

him.

BRUISER

Where's your car?

HJ

I came on the bus.

BRUISER

Come on.

Bruiser starts to walk down the mall. HJ hurries

to keep up.

TWO GIRLS come out of a dress shop. Bruiser

grabs the girls by the arm. He pushes one at

HJ.

BRUISER

Bring her.

GIRL 1

What the...

Bruiser pulls out a gun and threatens her.

The girls are shocked into silence.

Bruiser leads the group towards an emergency

exit at the rear of the mall.

EXT. LANE BEHIND UNLEY SHOPPING CENTRE MALL. DAY.

Bruiser and HJ bring the girls into the alley.

BRUISER

Take off your pantihose.

The girls look at each other.

GIRL 1

What?

Bruiser raises the gun.

BRUISER

Take off the pantihose.

GIRL 2

Oh my god.

Slowly the girls remove their pantihose.

Bruiser takes them.

The first girl pulls off her dress.

Bruiser and HJ go back into the mall.

The girls are left in the alley.

GIRL 1

Hey. Is that all?

EXT. UNLEY SHOPPING CENTRE CAR-PARK. DAY.

Bruiser and HJ get on a motorbike.

The motorbike leaves the car-park and cuts into

the traffic on Unley Rd.

HJ (V.O.)

Where'd you get the bike?

BRUISER (V.O.)

Stole it.

EXT. CITY STREET. DAY.

Bruiser's bike has stopped.

Bruiser hands HJ a pair of pantihose.

HJ

Well, is it a good plan or is it

a good plan.

BRUISER

Put these on.

HJ

Hang on a sec Bruiser. What

about me plan.

Bruiser pulls his pair of pantihose over his

head then guns the bike away.

HJ hangs on for dear life, struggling with the

pantihose.

INT. A BANK. DAY.

Bruiser's bike crashes through the plate glass

doors of the bank in a shower of glass.

The bike roars down the centre of the bank

scattering customers.

The bike slides and accelerates through a door

at the end of a row of teller windows and comes

to a stop next to a teller.

The security windows all slam into place. The

door at the end of the row of tellers locks

shut and a security screen covers that too. But

it's too late. Bruiser, HJ and the bike are

behind the counter.

Bruiser Drives along the row of tellers handing

out plastic shopping bags.

The Tellers, stunned, starts to fill them.

A security guard comes into the bank.

He levels his gun at Bruiser, but the security

screen is between them. Bruiser just gives him

the finger.

Bruiser drives along the row of tellers again.

They each hand HJ a bag of money.

Bruiser accelerates the bike through the row of

desks, down a passage, and out the back door of

the bank.

EXT. UNLEY RD. DAY.

Bruiser and HJ accelerate away on the motorbike.

HJ (V.O.)

Bruiser. What about me plan.

Bruiser (V.O.)

It'll have to be during the

works picnic.

HJ (V.O.)

‘Course. So what do you think?

The bike is lost in the traffic.

EXT. CRYSTAL BROOK TO PT PIRIE RD DAY.

FADE IN:

The camera floats over the hills exactly as for

SCENE 1 & 44 and closes on HJ's car coming down

out of the hills onto the flat towards Pt Pirie.

INT. HJ'S CAR. CYSTAL BROOK TO PT PIRIE RD. DAY.

HJ's driving. Bruiser is next to HJ. Darjeeling

is in the back listening to her walkman.

EXT. CRYSTAL BROOK TO PT PIRIE RD DAY.

The car drives over a strip of wood studded with

nails. All four tires are punctured.

The car drifts to a halt on the shoulder.

HJ incensed gets out. kicks tyre.

HJ

Damn it. I'll kill 'em.

Bruiser gets out.

BRUISER

Who?

HJ

Whoever. There oughta be a law.

Darjeeling gets out and walks to the back of the

car and looks down the road. There's a car

coming in the distance.

She sticks her chewing gum in one of the grooves

of a hub cap.

HJ

What are you doing?

(HJ turns his attention to the approaching car.

He waves his hands flagging it down.)

Hey!

Darjeeling waves and smiles. It's the farmer

from SCENE 3 The farmer's car carefully skirts

the plank of wood with the nails. The farmer

pulls up beside them.

FARMER

Hello again.

INT. FARMER'S CAR. DAY.

The Farmer, HJ, Darjeeling and

Bruiser are all in the car.

FARMER

See you hit that plank.

HJ

You knew it was there?

FARMER

Been there for days.

HJ

Why don't you move it.

FARMER

None of my business.

(HJ reacts with disgust.)

Notice you didn't move it.

HJ glares at the Farmer. He doesn't like him.

Too smart by half.

EXT ROAD-HOUSE DAY.

The farmer's car pulls up. HJ Darjeeling and

Bruiser get out.

FARMER

'Course if you want my advice...

HJ

(It's the last thing he wants.)

Yes.

FARMER

I would have left someone with

the car.

HJ winces. Another blow.

INT. ROAD-HOUSE WORKSHOP. DAY.

The MECHANIC leisurely wipes his hands on a rag.

MECHANIC

I woulda left someone with the

car. Yea. I woulda done that.

There are too many light

fingered types around here.

EXT. CRYSTAL BROOK TO PT PIRIE RD DAY.

The Mechanic winches HJ's wrecked car onto the

tray of the towtruck. The wheels are gone. The

seats have been removed.

MECHANIC

No respecter of peoples property

some people. Makes you wonder,

don't it.

INT. ROAD-HOUSE WORKSHOP. DAY.

HJ's car is up on the hoist.

MECHANIC

I can fix it, of course. But

it's gunna take a while to get

the parts.

'Course we do have a courtesy

car.

EXT ROAD-HOUSE. DAY.

HJ starts the courtesy car. Bruiser in the front

passenger seat. Darjeeling in the back. The car

starts reluctantly and moves away in a cloud of

smoke.

As the car recedes in the distance the ute from

SCENE 3 pulls away from the kerb and drives into

the road-house.

EXT. OUTSIDE B.H.A.S. GATES. DAY.

It's knock off time. The workers are emerging

from the works in droves. One of the workers is

Arthur. He walks down the street, turns a corner

into a quiet side street.

HJ, Darjeeling with Bruiser in the back, follow

in a car some distance behind.

When the road is deserted the car pulls up

beside Arthur.

HJ

Hello Arthur. Remember me?

ARTHUR doesn't recognize them.

ARTHUR

No.

Bruiser reaches out, grabs Arthur and drags him

into the car.

HJ

Course you remember. Last year.

The pub.

ARTHUR

No.

HJ

We talked. You drank too much.

ARTHUR

I don't drink. Oh.

HJ

You had a dream.

Darjeeling turns and smiles at Arthur.

For an instant he returns the smile.

ARTHUR

Now wait a minute.

EXT. A SALT-PAN. DAY.

HJ's car is parked on the edge of the salt.

The boot is up. Darjeeling is sitting on the

bonnet with the binoculars.

HJ, Bruiser and Arthur walk out across the salt.

Bruiser is carrying a shovel.

Bruiser finds a spot that is satisfactory and

stops.

ARTHUR

What's going on?

Bruiser takes out a tape measure and measures

Arthur across the shoulders.

HJ

Arthur, old mate.

Bruiser makes two spade marks in the salt a

shoulder width apart.

HJ

We're gunna jog your memory.

ARTHUR

There's nothing wrong with my

memory.

(Bruiser measures Arthur's height.)

I never said...

It was just a dream. I'm not

a...

Bruiser makes two shovel marks in the salt then

sets about marking the shape of a coffin in the

salt with all the concentration of a master

artist.

HJ

Arthur. Dig.

Bruiser hands the shovel to Arthur.

ARTHUR

Look. Can't we talk...

Bruiser looms over Arthur.

HJ

Dig.

Arthur digs into the black earth immediately

below the white salt crust.

EXT. A SALT-PAN. DAY.

The same. Later.

Arthur now has a coffin shaped hole about 2 foot

deep. Beside it a pile of black earth.

Darjeeling is watching through the binoculars.

HJ

Arthur.

ARTHUR

Yes.

HJ

We don't want to coerce you.

Threaten you. We're your mates.

Why don't you lay down. Try it

on for size.

(Arthur lays down in the hole.)

Comfy, isn't it?

ARTHUR

What do you want?

HJ

I want you to think about

spending a long time here.

Sunshine. Fresh air. Perhaps a

little moisture when it rains.

On the other hand...

ARTHUR

I'll take the other hand.

HJ

I knew you would.

(HJ and Bruiser hold out their

hands. Arthur takes them and they

haul him out of the hole.)

Just remember...

HJ indicates the hole.

ARTHUR

I won't forget.

INT. HJ'S CAR. DAY.

HJ's car pulls up outside Arthur's house.

ARTHUR

There is a problem.

HJ

Arthur. There are no problems.

ARTHUR

There is a problem. Really.

My wife.

HJ

Not a problem.

HJ get's out of the car.

EXT. OUTSIDE ARTHUR'S HOUSE. DAY.

HJ, Darjeeling, Bruiser and Arthur get out of

the car.

ARTHUR

No really. I did mention...

HJ

Don't worry about your wife. I

don't.

HJ marches up to front door. Knocks loudly.

BRUISER

(picks up Arthur)

Just think of me.

ARTHUR

You don't understand.

HILDA (OFF)

Arthur! You get in here.

The door explodes open. HILDA fills the doorway.

She is a big lady. She has a face that looks

like the bottom of an old shoe.

HILDA

Who the hell are you.

Bruiser drops Arthur, stunned.

ARTHUR

Hilda. Dear.

HILDA

Who are these... things.

ARTHUR

They're a management team,

Hilda, dearest. From Sydney.

They asked if I could put them

up for a few days.

HILDA

(looks HJ over closely and breathes

a foul corrosive stench over him.)

Piss off.

BRUISER

We're B.H.A.S. executives.

HILDA looks at him. Incredulous.

HILDA

Pull the other one.

ARTHUR

Hilda, please. He's my boss.

HILDA

Are you his boss?

BRUISER

(indicates HJ)

He is.

HILDA

I've been wanting a word with

you.

Grabs HJ by the lapels and picks him up.

HILDA

Arthur's worth a hundred of you.

HJ

I won't argue with that.

HILDA

Pay him what he's worth.

HJ

We do.

HILDA

Balls. Arthur deserves a rise.

Doesn't he.

Hilda shakes HJ.

HJ

Yes.

ARTHUR

Hilda. They're our guests.

HILDA

They're not staying here.

ARTHUR

It's only for a couple of days,

dear.

HILDA

Does Arthur get his raise.

HJ

Yes.

HILDA

That's better you spineless heap

of putrid dung.

ARTHUR

Can they stay dearest?

HILDA

(considers)

They can stay in the boat.

(They go to enter the house.)

(yells)

Go around.

(mumbles)

Won't have animals in the house.

They piss on the furniture.

Hilda slams the door.

HJ

Why didn't you do something.

BRUISER

What.

HJ

Anything.

EXT. ARTHUR'S BACK YARD. DAY.

HJ, Darjeeling, Bruiser and Arthur come around

the side of the house. They see the yacht.

Darjeeling stops and looks at the yacht

awestruck.

Arthur looks at her and smiles.

ARTHUR

I call her "Princess".

Hilda looms evilly in a window.

HILDA (OFF)

Arthur. Get in here.

ARTHUR

There's a rope ladder.

Everything you want...

HILDA (OFF)

Arthur!

He scuttles inside. He pauses at the door and

gives Darjeeling a fleeting smile.

She returns the smile.

EXT. ARTHUR'S BACK YARD. DAY.

Bruiser throws up a suitcase. HJ, on the deck of

the "Princess", catches it and staggers.

Darjeeling is taking another case down the

companionway.

INT. THE "PRINCESS". DAY.

Darjeeling comes down the companionway. She puts

the case on a bunk and looks in the cupboards in

the galley.

The stove lights. Water comes from the tap to

fill a kettle. She puts the kettle on. There's

tea and coffee and milk in the fridge.

Darjeeling is very impressed. Arthur was clearly

expecting them and she's aware of it.

She goes up the companionway.

EXT. ARTHUR'S BACK YARD. DAY.

Darjeeling emerges in the cockpit of the

"Princess". HJ goes past her down the

companionway with a couple of cases.

Darjeeling examines the instrument cluster.

There's a key in the ignition near a state of

the art navigation system. She turns the

ignition on.

The fuel tank shows full.

Darjeeling notes it and turns the ignition off.

She stops. Thinking.

She puts on her biggest smile and goes down the

companionway.

HJ

Everything's perfect.

The kettle boils.

BRUISER

Just who's conning who.

HJ

Make us a cuppa love.

Darjeeling switches off the smile and puts on

the "no one at home" look. But she makes coffee.

There's scrambling on the ladder outside.

BRUISER

Hang on.

Arthur comes down the companionway.

HJ

Arthur. It's great, mate.

ARTHUR

Hilda says you can come inside.

I told her you were giving me a

rise.

HJ

She's an amazing woman. Hilda.

How long you been married.

ARTHUR

Twenty five years...

HJ

That's...

(beat)

...amazing.

ARTHUR

Twenty five years, three months

and fourteen days. And I've

hated every minute of it.

HJ

Yea. Well.

ARTHUR

Come inside.

INT. ARTHUR'S HOUSE. LOUNGE. DAY.

Hilda Stands, dominating the lounge. Darjeeling,

HJ, Bruiser and Arthur sit, cowed.

HILDA

Arthur says you've promised him

a raise.

HJ

That's right.

HILDA

I'll look for that in next weeks

pay packet.

HJ

I'm a man of me word.

HILDA

You look like a used car

salesman.

(HJ is tempted to retort, but thinks

better of it.)

And who's she?

Your secretary, is she?

Think you're getting a dirty weekend, do you.

A dirty weekend at my expense.

ARTHUR

Hilda, they're married.

HILDA

Easy to say. Let me see the license.

HJ

Who carries their license?

HILDA

Ha!

(Darjeeling shows ring.)

And anybody can slip a ring on.

Let me make it plain. I'll have

no funny business. And I'll be

checking the sheets to make

sure.

EXT. ARTHUR'S BACKYARD. SUNSET.

Darjeeling is about to climb the rope ladder.

ARTHUR

Here, let me.

(He holds down the bottom of the

ladder it makes it easier to climb.

Darjeeling smiles her thanks.)

I've always wanted a boat.

Haven't you ever wanted to sail

away from it all. Over the

horizon and on forever. I've

been planning it for twenty

years. All it needs to make it

perfect is someone...

(beat)

Someone like you.

You're what I've worked for all

these years.

(Darjeeling lets her smile grow

slowly like a half promise. She

climbs the ladder. At the top she

pauses for a moment, then goes

aboard. Arthur is left alone

holding the ladder.)

...someone like you.

The camera pulls up the rope ladder and closes

on the porthole. Is it Arthur's POV looking in?

Inside the boat Darjeeling comes down the

companionway. HJ is rummaging in the luggage.

She stops, looking at HJ thoughtfully.

And Bruiser watches Darjeeling.

INT. THE "PRINCESS". EVENING.

HJ is rummaging in the luggage.

HJ

Where's a towel?

(Darjeeling goes to a drawer and gets a towel.)

Ta. I'm gunna have a shower.

HJ goes out.

There's a double bunk bed and a double bed.

Bruiser and Darjeeling look at each other,

uneasy about undressing and getting into bed in

front of each other.

Darjeeling takes off her shoes.

Bruiser takes off his shoes.

They pause unsure how to proceed.

Darjeeling gets into the double bed and under

the bedclothes sheds her shirt. She drops it

coyly on the floor.

Bruiser gets into the bunk - he barely fits -

and sheds his shirt under the bedclothes. He

drops it coyly on the floor.

Darjeeling sheds her jeans.

The item is dropped coyly.

Bruiser shed his trousers.

The item is dropped coyly.

Darjeeling sheds her panties.

Bruiser sheds his y fronts.

Darjeeling sheds her bra.

Bruiser sheds him revolver and holster.

Darjeeling turns her face to the hull.

Bruiser recovers the gun and puts it under his

pillow.

INT. ARTHUR'S HOUSE. HALL. DAY.

HJ comes out of the bathroom, a towel around his

waist, carrying a pile of clothes.

HILDA

Alright you.

(She grabs him and throws him up against the

wall.)

What are you doing here.

HJ

Like Arthur said, we're...

HILDA

Balls. You're nothing. You're

out to screw us.

HJ

No.

HILDA

Do you think you can screw me.

HJ

No. I wouldn't dream of it.

HILDA

You're not Arthur's boss.

(Slams him against the wall.)

Are you?

HJ

No.

HILDA

What do you really want.

HJ

What do we really want?

Slams him against the wall.

HILDA

Tell me.

HJ

Ah...

HILDA

I'll rip your nuts off if I have

to.

HJ

Ah. The boat.

HILDA

The boat.

HJ

Yes.. the firms looking to move

into boat building. Diversity.

Boat design.

HILDA

You're gunna steal the design?

HJ

No. We will buy it. There's a

lot of money in it for you...and

Arthur.

HILDA

How much?

HJ

Millions.

HILDA

When.

HJ

We've got to trial the boat.

Hilda considers.

HILDA

Let me see the colour of your

money.

HJ picks up his trousers and takes some notes

out of his wallet. He hands over some notes.

Then a few more. Hilda is tentatively satisfied.

HILDA

I'll be watching you.

She lumbers off down the passage.

HJ tries to gather his wits, and puts his wallet

away.

EXT. ARTHUR'S BACKYARD. MORNING.

The first rays of the morning fall across the

bows of the "Princess".

INT. THE "PRINCESS". EVENING.

HJ and Darjeeling are asleep in the double bed.

Parts of Bruiser overflow the bunk bed.

OFF we hear the sound of a car engine turning

over.

The engine doesn't catch.

The starter motor turns over again and both men

are out of their bunks in a flash and heading up

the companion way. Both in their birthday suits,

but Bruiser with a gun in his hand.

EXT. ARTHUR'S BACKYARD. MORNING.

Bruiser is down the ladder in a single motion,

and off across the yard. HJ at his heels.

INT. ARTHUR'S CAR. MORNING.

The car is in Arthur's drive. Arthur goes to try

the ignition again. Bruiser's gun appears

against Arthur's temple. Bruiser cocks the gun.

BRUISER

Going somewhere?

HJ runs up.

ARTHUR

To work.

BRUISER

You're not.

ARTHUR

It'll look suspicious if I

don't.

HJ Nods agreement. Bruiser considers.

BRUISER

Alright.

ARTHUR

Can I go?

Bruiser grabs Arthur's cheeks and turns his head

to face the gun.

BRUISER

Just remember the salt pan.

Arthur starts the car and backs out of the

drive.

Naked, HJ and Bruiser watch him go.

EXT. ARTHUR'S BACKYARD. MORNING.

HJ & Bruiser walk about towards the boat.

Through the flywire of a window Hilda watches

them.

HJ & Bruiser climb the rope ladder onto the

boat.

EXT. OUTSIDE B.H.A.S. MAIN GATE. DAY.

HJ, Bruiser and Darjeeling walk from their car

across the road towards the gates of the

B.H.A.S.

HJ

We're tourists, right?

They walk to the main gate. Bruiser and

Darjeeling walk towards the Tour Centre. HJ

walks into the guard room.

INT. GUARD ROOM. DAY.

HJ comes in looking around. He notes the bank of

security monitors.

HJ

Gooday.

GUARD gets up.

GUARD

How can I help you sir.

HJ switches a knob on one of the security

monitors.

HJ

Can you get the news on this?

GUARD

Don't play with the equipment,

sir.

HJ

Sorry. Is this where the tours

go from?

A guard shows HJ to the door.

GUARD

Over there. Where it says

"tours".

HJ

Oh. Thanks.

INT. TOUR BUILDING. DAY.

HJ comes in and joins Bruiser and Darjeeling.

Mort comes in from the back of the building.

MORT

Are you people waiting for a

tour?

(Notices Darjeeling)

Oh hello again. I remember you

from last year.

HJ

Yea. We bought a friend.

MORT

Hello.

BRUISER

Yea.

MORT (to Darjeeling)

It's great to see people come

back again.

Unfortunately It won't be as

cosy as last year.

They start towards the door.

HJ

Oh?

MORT

No. (continues in next scene)

They exit the building.

EXT. TOUR BUILDING. DAY.

There's a bus discharging a torrent of school

children into the harrassed charge of a teacher

MS PERKLE.

MORT(continues)

There's a school tour.

A particularly obnoxious BRAT walks up to

Bruiser.

The BRAT looks up at Bruiser. Bruiser looks down

at the Brat. The Brat pokes out his tongue.

BRAT

Tttttthhhht!

INT. ARTHUR'S HOUSE. BEDROOM. DAY.

Hilda dresses.

She settles enormous breasts into a bra that

would serve admirably as a two ring circus tent.

She wedges, with some difficulty, her hams into

bicycle shorts of a dimension that would clothe

a third world country.

Pulls on a loose track jacket....

And Air Nike joggers... ...Designer shades.

...Cycling helmet. ...Designer water bottle.

Grabs her bike.

And steps out the back door of the house ready

to go riding.

She puts on her helmet and hoists her leg over

the bike and is just about to start when her

attention is caught by the boat.

She gets off the bike and leans it against the

wall of the house. She goes to the boat and,

testing the rope ladder, begins to climb,

swaying perilously.

On the boat Hilda explores the cockpit. She

turns the wheel. It seems to work. She turns on

the engine.

The engine springs to life. She puts the engine

into gear and looks over the stern.

The propeller is turning.

Thoughtfully she switches off the engine.

She tries to go down the companionway. It's a

squeeze. Hilda is a big woman, but with a bit of

effort she makes it.

INT. THE "PRINCESS". DAY.

Hilda emerges into the cabin. She looks around.

It's her first time in this, or any boat.

Everything's wrong. It's clear no account has

been taken of her proportions.

She tries the bed. It's too short. Moving around

in a boat is clearly not practical for someone

her size.

She looks in the cupboards. Each cupboard is

packed. Plenty of all sorts of supplies for a

long long sea voyage. Everything. Including in

one cupboard countless rolls of toilet paper.

Hilda notices the floor is not solid. She pulls

back the carpet and finds a hatch giving access

to the keel. She lifts the hatch and looks in.

She reaches down and pulls out bars of gold,

then bars of silver. She takes out several

bars. There’s another layer of gold and silver

bars underneath. The keel is full of bars of

gold and silver.

Hilda starts to get angry. It's clear to her

that Arthur is about to sail away and leave her.

She charges up the companionway and gets stuck

in the hatch.

Solid.

She struggles frantically, but it's no good.

Finally she starts to calm down.

She's stuck. What's she going to do?

EXT. THE B.H.S.A. PLANT. DAY.

The tour group walk into the plant.

MORT (to Darjeeling)

I come here every day, of

course, but I'm always struck by

the scale of things.

"Who is man who does these

mighty works" you know what I

mean, don't you.

Darjeeling smiles.

Ms Perkle trying to herd the children.

Mort stops the group and launches into his

patter.

MORT (V.O.)

Welcome to the Broken Hill

Associated Smelters.

EXT. BLAST FURNACES. DAY.

The BRAT fires a shanghai at Bruiser. Stung on

the back of the neck Bruiser swings around.

Bruiser glares at the Brat. The Brat looks

innocent and walks on.

MORT (V.O.)

the B.H.A.S. produces about a

quarter of a million tonnes of

lead per annum.

The Bruiser clips the Brat in the back of the

head. Hard. The Brat staggers, his cap over his

eyes. The Brat glares at Bruiser. Bruiser looks

innocent and walks away.

EXT. NEAR COOLING TOWERS DAY.

Ms Perkle is struggling with her group of

children.

Bruiser is stung on the neck again. He looks

around, but the Brat is no where in sight.

MORT (V.O.)

The exhaust gasses are scrubbed

and any pollution removed. The

company is very sensitive

about...

Bruiser is stung on the neck again. He looks

around, getting angry now, but no Brat.

INT. INSIDE ZINC PLANT DAY.

The tour group is leaving the zinc room. There

is no Bruiser or Brat in sight.

MORT (V.O.)

Next we visit the packing area. Just follow me

please.

The group leave.

The Brat appears, sneaking after the tour group.

Suddenly Bruiser looms up in front of him.

The Brat smiles nervously. He swallows, very

aware of the molten zinc.

INT. INSIDE ZINC PLANT. LATER. DAY.

Bruiser pauses at the exit and looks back at the

giant vats of molten zinc.

On the surface of the zinc floats a boys cap. it

steams and bursts into flames. Bruiser exits.

EXT. WHARF. DAY.

The tour group is on the wharf. Ms Perkle

struggling with her charges.

Bruiser slips back into the group unnoticed.

MORT (V.O.)

Lead from here goes all over the

world.

EXT. B.H.A.S. GATES DAY.

Ms Perkle is trying to count her charges who are

milling about.

MORT (To Darjeeling)

There's always something new,

something different to see. Do

come back soon.

HJ Darjeeling and Bruiser walk away towards

their car.

The kids are still milling about.

MS PERKLE

Please stand still. Please.

INT. ROAD-HOUSE WORKSHOP. DAY.

The mechanic comes out of the workshop wiping

his hands on a rag. He walks with HJ and Bruiser

towards the courtesy car.

MECHANIC

Can't get the parts, can I.

They gotta come up from

Adelaide.

Probably another 48 hours at

least.

Still you've got the courtesy

car, ay?

(HJ is not happy)

Look on the bright side. There

a lot worse places to be stuck

than Port Pirie.

HJ

Name one.

MECHANIC

You got me there.

The Mechanic walks back towards the workshop.

INT. ROAD-HOUSE WORKSHOP. DAY.

Darjeeling walks around HJ's car. It's up on the

hoist. She examines the wheels. On one she finds

the chewing gum. She removes it.

EXT. ROAD-HOUSE. DAY.

Darjeeling emerges from the workshop. She passes

the mechanic and smiles at the same time

carefully palming the wad of chewing gum.

She walks towards the courtesy car.

HJ

Where have you been.

Darjeeling shows him the chewing gum.

HJ (cont)

What's that?

You mean...

those crooks stripped my car and

sold the parts back to me?

That's dishonest.

BRUISER

Wait.

HJ

He's a crook.

BRUISER

Wait.

HJ

I'm gunna teach him a little

honesty.

BRUISER

(Bruiser picks up HJ by the collar.)

You are a crook.

HJ

Me.

BRUISER

You. Do you want to call a cop?

HJ

No. I wanta beat his brains in.

(Bruiser shakes his head in disgust

and throws HJ into the car.)

Hey.

EXT. ROAD-HOUSE. DAY.

The courtesy car pulls away with a backfire -

the Mechanic, at the door of the roadhouse,

winces. Then waves - and amid a cloud of smoke

the courtesy car departs.

EXT. ARTHUR'S DRIVE. DAY.

Arthur's car pulls into the drive. Just ahead of

Arthur's courtesy car. They all get out and

move around the back of the house.

HJ

Gooday Arthur.

EXT. THE DECK OF THE "PRINCESS". DAY.

HJ & Bruiser climb on deck. Darjeeling follows.

They find the companionway hatch shattered. The

door frame damaged. Arthur follows them on

deck.

HJ

What happened?

Darjeeling goes down the companionway.

ARTHUR

Oh no. Hilda.

INT. THE "PRINCESS". DAY.

Darjeeling comes down the companionway.

Everything in the cabin seems alright. She

checks in the cupboards.

Darjeeling looks out a porthole towards the

house.

Behind a window she can see Hilda moving and

looking back.

EXT. ARTHUR'S BACKYARD. DECK OF THE "PRINCESS" DAY.

HJ is on the deck of the "Princess".

ARTHUR

It's Hilda. She's been on the

boat.

HJ

Forget Hilda.

(to Bruiser)

What are we going to do about

the Mechanic?

HILDA (OFF)

Arthur!

He hesitates. Terrified.

ARTHUR

It's her. She knows.

HJ

We can't let that mechanic get

away with robbing us.

Do you think I really should call the cops.

BRUISER & ARTHUR (together)

No!

HJ

I want to do something.

HILDA (OFF)

Arthur!!! Get in here!!!

ARTHUR

I've got to go.

He scuttles over the side of the boat and down the ladder.

HJ

We've got to do something. There's a principle here.

Let's stitch up their little racket.

Bruiser shrugs. The screen door slams as Arthur goes inside.

INT. ARTHUR'S HOUSE. BEDROOM. DAY.

Hilda's fist pulls back and delivers a mighty blow. Arthur cringes, grovels on his knees..

ARTHUR

Hilda. Darling.

(Hilda hits him again.)

HILDA

Tell me what's going on.

HJ

Nothing sweetest.

Hilda hits him again. She drags Arthur to his feet, holds him up by one hand and with his other grabs Arthur's crotch.

HILDA

Do you want me to turn you into a castrati.

ARTHUR

No dearest.

HILDA

I was on your boat.

ARTHUR

Yes dearest.

HILDA

It's crammed with food.

(hits him)

It's ready to sail.

ARTHUR

It was a surprise.

HILDA

It was a surprise alright. I saw the bars of gold and silver.

ARTHUR

Gold and silver?

(Hilda squeezes.)

It's fake. It's fake. It's lead painted to look like the real thing.

HILDA

You're going to rob the B.H.A.S.

She releases his genitals and rubs them soothingly.

ARTHUR

Well...yes.

HILDA

(rubbing more sensuously.)

Arthur. I misjudged you.

(Then the penny drops and she grabs his genitals again.)

How come I can't fit on the boat?

ARTHUR

Aaaah... Aaaah....

INT. ARTHUR'S HOUSE. LOUNGE. DAY.

Hilda has the whole gang arrayed on the lounge in front of her.

HILDA

I was in the boat this morning.

HJ

That explains the broken hatch.

Hilda looms over HJ, grabs his tie and half throttles him.

HILDA

Be quiet or I'll smother you with these.

(HJ subsides.)

The fact is, you're a bunch of crooked, vicious, lying criminals. And if you don't do exactly what I say I'll turn you over to the police.

HJ

You're not serious.

HILDA

Yes. You're working for me now.

EXT. THE DECK OF THE "PRINCESS". DAY.

HJ has just climbed on deck. Arthur follows him.

ARTHUR

HJ, you've got to stop her.

HJ

Relax.

ARTHUR

I'm not going on with it if...

HJ

Don't worry.

ARTHUR

Why do you think I'm doing this? The whole point is to get away. Get away from her: from that gigantic heaving, quivering mass of flesh.

She makes me ill. You've got to promise me.

HJ

Arthur, everything's going to be alright.

ARTHUR

Leave her behind. Promise me you'll leave her behind.

HJ

I promise. Alright? I promise.

ARTHUR

That's not enough.

HJ

Arthur. My word is my bond. I'm a car salesman.

ARTHUR

Can't you take her to the... salt-pan.

HJ

You want us to take your wife to the salt-pan.

ARTHUR

Yes. I'm desperate.

(Goes to ladder.)

You'll do it?

HJ

If that's what you want.

Arthur climbs down the ladder.

EXT. ARTHUR'S BACKYARD. DAY.

Arthur climbs down the ladder.

At the bottom Darjeeling is waiting to climb up.

ARTHUR

Hello.

(Darjeeling smiles)

I'm sorry about Hilda.

You can see why...

It's not the gold. It's the sailing away. The freedom. From her.

(Darjeeling smiles)

Anyway tomorrow's the day it all happens. The works picnic. The whole of Port Pirie will be in Crystal Brook. We'll have the town to ourselves.

We'll leave Hilda behind.

You don't know what she's like.

I live in fear. Terror.

If you're a man you're supposed to...

(beat)

My dreams are all I have.

Most people don't understand that. But I know you understand.

I trust you Darjeeling. Of all the people in the world...

(Darjeeling takes his hand.)

You don't know what this means to me. Sailing away. With you.

Darjeeling bites her lip thoughtfully.

EXT. THE SALT-PAN. DAY.

HJ & Buiser march out onto the salt-pan with Hilda between them. Arthur trails disconsolately in the rear.

Darjeeling is sitting on the bonnet of the car watching through binoculars as before.

They arrive at the hole.

HJ lets it's significance sink in. Hilda is not impressed.

HJ points down into the hole.

HJ

You could wind up down there.

HILDA

It's too small.

HJ

We could enlarge it.

BRUISER

A lot.

HILDA

Who do you think you are. Al Capone?

HJ

We're desperate men.

HILDA

That explains the car.

HJ

Look.

(gestures to Bruiser to draw his gun. He does so.)

We've got a gun. We could blow a hole in you.

HILDA

You couldn't blow your nose.

Take me home.

Hilda stalks off back towards the car.

ARTHUR

(Whispering so Hilda won't hear.)

HJ. She's getting away.

(HJ doesn't know what to do.)

You promised.

HJ (to Bruiser)

Well go on. Shoot her.

BRUISER

(Looks at gun.)

I can't.

ARTHUR

Why not.

BRUISER

I don't have any bullets.

ARTHUR

Why not?

BRUISER

I've never needed them.

HJ is shocked. Arthur disgusted.

INT. HJ's COURTESY CAR. DAY.

Bruiser gets into the back next to Hilda on one side. HJ on the other is squeezed up against a door. None of the men are sure what to do.

HILDA

Well go.

Darjeeling starts the car and drives off.

Arthur cringes in the front passenger seat.

Hilda digs Arthur in the back.

HILDA

I'll speak to you when we get home.

INT. THE "PRINCESS". DAY.

The three men are arguing over the debacle at the salt-pan. Darjeeling is watching avidly.

BRUISER

People just react. You point a gun at them they crawl around on the ground. No one ever says

"Gee. I wonder if it's loaded."

It's a psychological thing.

HJ

You could have at least had some in your pocket.

BRUISER

(Shakes his head)

No. Knives are for killing. Guns are no good. They leave evidence everywhere.

HJ

Well go and do it.

BRUISER

Is that what you want?

HJ

It's what Arthur wants.

ARTHUR

You have to. You promised you'd protect me.

HILDA (OFF)

Arthur!!

ARTHUR

You promised you'd protect me.

HILDA (OFF)

Arthur! You get in here.

HJ

Have you got a knife?

(Bruiser finds a suitable kitchen knife.)

Well go and do it then.

BRUISER

Alright.

Darjeeling watches.

HILDA (OFF)

Arthur you scum.

Bruiser goes towards the companionway. The other two men follow.

INT. ARTHUR'S HOUSE KITCHEN. DAY.

Bruiser enters the kitchen. followed by HJ & Arthur. Darjeeling enters behind the men and watches the proceedings. Hilda is cooking, wearing a quilted pink house coat. Around the waist is a dark blue sash. She resembles nothing so much as an over weight sumo wrestler.

HJ

Hilda.

HILDA

Well?

HJ

How about a compromise. We're loosing sight of the main game here.

HILDA

What are you suggesting.

HJ

Well you have no objection to the idea of theft, per se. I mean you're not objecting on moral grounds, are you?

HILDA

No.

HJ

Well then why can't we work together.

HILDA

Of course. With me in control.

HJ

Now why should we agree to that. It's my drive that's brought this all together. Arthur's planning. Bruisers tactical nouse. What have you to contribute.

HILDA

Silence. I can call the police.

HJ

You can call the police. Is that grounds for assuming a leadership role?

HILDA

Take it. Or leave it.

HJ

Hilda. Why insist on leadership when you must be well aware that's not an issue here. I mean not once among us has there been an "I'm the boss" argument. Has there?

(The other two men shake their heads.)

This is an association of equals.

Now we admire the force of your character. We're happy to share the rewards of our enterprise.

BRUISER

Sure.

Arthur nods agreement, but is clearly less enthusiastic.

HJ

But that's it.

HILDA

I'm making myself queen pin of this enterprise because that worm

(Turns angrily on Arthur)

tried to cut me out altogether.

Well I'm taking the lioness's share.

(Get's right in HJ's face)

And if you don't like it I'll willingly emasculate you.

HJ

Bruiser. Kill her.

(Hilda grabs HJ and begins to throttle him.)

Now would be a good time.

Bruiser steps forward.

Hilda throws HJ across the room and into the wall where he crumples in a heap. Arthur cowers in a corner. Hilda turns on Bruiser.

Bruiser & Hilda confront each other like two sumo wrestlers.

BRUISER

Sorry about this.

(pulls out his knife.)

Nothing personal.

HILDA

Alright.

Bruiser lunges, a professional up and under blow that would have gutted most people. Hilda knocks the blow aside with a saucepan lid then hits him in the face with a frying pan. The knife goes flying.

Hilda charges, squashing Bruiser against the wall with her bulk.

Bruiser's face is smothered in the bulk of Hilda.

A single hand, emerging from behind the mass of protoplasm that is Hilda waves in the air unable to get a purchase on anything.

Hilda leans against Bruiser harder.

The hand waves more feebly, more slowly, and gradually falls... Onto a cupboard. The hand explores, desperately, finds a draw. pulls it open, and inside finds a fork. The hand drives the fork into Hilda. There is no reaction.

The hand finds a second fork in the drawer and plunges that into Hilda.

Hilda grunts and presses harder.

The hand plunges a third fork. A forth.

Hilda stirs.

A fifth fork. A sixth.

Hilda lurches away.

Bruiser slips to the floor.

Hilda gets a chair and places it by the kitchen counter.

Bruiser rolls flat on his back gasping for air.

Hilda climbs onto the kitchen counter, the forks dangling from her side like harpoons in Moby Dick. Hilda stands on the kitchen counter, takes a step forward and launches herself into the air.

Bruiser screams.

Hilda lands on Bruiser like a leaden matress.

Hilda gets up and drags Bruiser across the kitchen by the foot. She picks him up and deposits him on the kitchen counter. The stove is on and on one of the hot plates is a saucepan of white sauce bubbling away. She takes the white sauce off the element and puts it aside. She grabs Bruiser's head and drags it over the hot plate.

Bruiser screams.

HJ is still on the floor in a heap recovering from Hilda's treatment of him.

HJ

Keep it down. We don't want to bring in the neighbours.

Bruiser's face is sizzling on the hot plate. Hilda pours the white sauce over his head.

Bruiser screams.

Arthur goes to the cupboard and gets a carving fork from the drawer and sticks that into Hilda near the other forks. Hilda roars in pain. Arthur retreats back into a corner.

Hilda turns assumes it was HJ who stuck her and charges.

HJ

Oh God! No!

HJ scuttles away. Hilda collides with the corner of the room at full speed. There is a dull boom as the building shakes.

On the wall a picture slides off square.

Canisters fall to the floor.

EXT. ARTHUR'S HOUSE. DAY.

A tile is jarred loose and slides down the roof, flips over the gutter and falls to the drive with a crash.

INT. ARTHUR'S HOUSE. KITCHEN. DAY.

Hilda turns on the group. She towers. She looms over them. HJ looks up at the bulk of Hilda, the forks hanging from her side, and quails.

Bruiser staggers to his feet, his face a mask of black burns and white sauce.

Hilda turns towards him.

BRUISER

Come on.

Hilda charges towards him.

Bruiser side steps and Hilda slams into the sink.

The water in the sink quivers and a cannister falls to the floor. Bruiser grabs Hilda's hair and pushes her head into the sink. He switches on the toaster. The element begins to glow. Bruiser drops the toaster into the sink and leaps away.

Hilda's body quivers with the electric shock.

She falls to her knees. This removes her from the electricity. She surges to her feet and confronts Bruiser, her hair sticking out in pointy clumps.

Bruiser throws a canister at her. Flour goes everywhere, and all over Hilda's face.

Bruiser and Hilda, now looking like two monstrous alien titans confront each other. Hilda picks up an electric knife and advances on Bruiser. She swings at him slicing sections off his coat and shirt.

Bruiser backs away.

She lashes again. The knife reaches the end of it's cord and unplugs.

Bruiser lunges. The two bodies crash into a window.

Plaster falls from the ceiling.

EXT. ARTHUR'S HOUSE. DAY.

The window shatters. Hilda goes part of the way out the window then falls back into the kitchen out of sight.

In the house opposite the neighbour MRS MURPHET looks out of the window through the fly wire.

The house shakes again. Another tile falls off the roof. Mrs Murphet looks out anxiously.

INT. ARTHUR'S HOUSE. KITCHEN. DAY.

Hilda picks Bruiser up and slams him into the cupboard. It falls over on top of him. HJ now on his feet picks up two forks from the wreckage of the cupboard and plunges them into Hilda.

Hilda wheels around and hits HJ solidly. He slams into the sink.

Bruiser is up and hits Hilda. Hilda hits back. They stand toe to toe trading blows.

There is a knock at the back door.

MRS MURPHET (OFF)

Hello? Hello?

EXT. ARTHUR'S HOUSE. DAY.

Arthur puts his head out the back door.

ARTHUR

Hello Emma.

MRS MURPHET

Is everything alright?

ARTHUR

Yes. Fine.

MRS MURPHET

Hilda?

ARTHUR

She's just cooking tea.

MRS MURPHET

Oh. I heard a noise. The window breaking. And then a tile fell off the roof. Two tiles. What happened.

ARTHUR

Nothing.

(Inside the house there’s a major crash. A cloud of plaster wafts out past Arthur.)

Television.

MRS MURPHET

Oh.

ARTHUR

New. Wide screen. Surround sound. It's really realistic.

Mrs Murphet backs away.

MRS MURPHET

I can't call anybody for you? The police. An ambulance? A television repair man?

ARTHUR

No. Thanks for the thought though Emma.

Mrs Murphet leaves looking back anxiously.

INT. ARTHUR'S HOUSE. KITCHEN. DAY.

Bruiser charges and delivers a flying kick to Hilda. She slams back into the wall and the plasterboard shatters under her weight.

Hilda grabs Bruiser and throws him through the wall. The wall collapses in a shower of bricks and plaster.

EXT. ARTHUR'S HOUSE. DAY.

The roof of the house sags in the middle. Tiles slide down the roof and crash to the drive.

Next door Mrs Murphet looks out through the fly wire. She picks up a phone.

INT. ARTHUR'S HOUSE. KITCHEN. DAY.

Bruiser picks up two house bricks. Hilda gets up, a house brick in each hand.

Hilda hits Bruiser in the face with a house brick.

BRUISER

You know you have beautiful eyes.

Bruiser hits her in the face with a house brick

HILDA

I have?

Hilda hits him in the face with a house brick.

BRUISER

Jewels. Real jewels. If you don't mind my saying so.

Bruiser hits her in the face with a house brick.

HILDA

Well no.

Hilda hits him in the face with a house brick.

BRUISER

Most men don't appreciate the larger woman.

Bruiser hits her in the face with a house brick.

HILDA

Their loss.

Hilda hits him in the face with a house brick.

BRUISER

They don't appreciate what a woman like you has got to give.

Bruiser hits her in the face with a house brick.

HILDA

I've got a lot to give.

Hilda hits him in the face with a house brick.

BRUISER

You're all woman.

They've come to a stop. exhausted. facing each other. They sway towards each other. They kiss. At first tenderly. Then increasingly passionately. Hilda knees Bruiser in the groin. Then again. Bruiser falls to the ground in agony.

BRUISER

Magnificent.

Arthur picks up the drawer that has the forks in it. HJ takes a handfull. He drives a fork into Hilda's back. She turns towards him. Bruiser, on his knees grabs a fork from the floor and drives it into Hilda's back. She turns towards him presenting her back to HJ. He drives in another fork...

Bruiser staggers to his feet. He takes a handfull of forks from Arthur. Hilda is whirling around, tormented by her two of attackers.

Darjeeling steps forward, she takes up a carving fork from wreckage on the floor and delivers the coup de grace. Hilda roars in agony and sinks to the floor. Her back a mass of forks. They stand looking at Hilda's body.

HJ

Well that's it.

That's it. I think she's forked.

INT. ARTHUR'S HOUSE. MAIN BEDROOM DAY.

HJ comes in. Hilda is tied to the bed-head.

HILDA

Alright. Equal shares.

HJ

Don't you think it's a little late for that?

HILDA

You need this house. And my co-operation.

HJ

No. Tomorrow we'll be gone. And so will all the gold. Co-operate with the bed.

HILDA

I could help.

HJ

You are. You're motivating Arthur. Keep up the good work.

HJ Exits.

INT. ARTHUR'S HOUSE. MAIN BEDROOM DAY.

Hilda is tied to the bed. Bruiser enters.

BRUISER

You alright.

HILDA

I would have beaten you.

BRUISER

(Shakes his head)

You couldn't win. I had a fallback position.

(shows gun)

HILDA

Side with me.

BRUISER

Side with you?

HILDA

Those wimps would be nothing along side of us.

BRUISER

No.

HILDA

You're my kind of man. I'm your kind of woman.

BRUISER

I like 'em big.

HILDA

I'm the biggest.

BRUISER

Possibly.

HILDA

Together we'd be really something.

BRUISER

You should have listened to HJ.

HILDA

That pimple. Bruiser, think of it. You and me.

All this flesh. All yours.

BRUISER

I could never trust a woman I couldn't beat up.

Bruiser exits.

INT. ARTHUR'S HOUSE. MAIN BEDROOM DAY.

Arthur enters. Hilda is tied to the bed.

HILDA

Arthur. Untie me.

ARTHUR

I can't.

HILDA

You can. Here. We can get away.

ARTHUR

No. Hilda. I can't.

HILDA

Of course you can you gutless little worm.

ARTHUR

Hilda. Listen. Listen.

(She tries to interrupt, but Arthur pushes a towel into her mouth.)

Listen to me. I can't untie you. They'll kill us both if I do. Hilda, they're forcing me to help them. I don't want to, but I've got to. To protect you Hilda. Hilda, I love you. I won't let them hurt you. Just don't do anything to antagonize them. For both our sakes.

Arthur pulls the towel out of Hilda's mouth.

HILDA

Arthur, you obnoxious little ingrate...

ARTHUR

Someone's coming. I've got to go. You'd best not say anything.

Arthur stuffs part of the towel back into Hilda's mouth. Arthur exits.

INT. ARTHUR'S HOUSE. MAIN BEDROOM DAY.

Darjeeling enters with some food. Hilda is tied to the bed. A towel stuffed in her mouth.

Darjeeling pulls it out.

HILDA

Thank you.

(Darjeeling begins to feed her. Hilda talks between spoonfuls. )

You're leaving tomorrow.

(Darjeeling nods)

What about me?

(Darjeeling shrugs)

Are you going to just leave me here tied up.

Who will know? What if I die?

Do you want that on your conscience?

Or don't you care?

You don't say much.

In fact I haven't heard you say anything.

Why not?

Can't you speak?

Or is it just nothing to say?

Well.

(long pause)

(Darjeeling feeds Hilda.)

(The pause continues.)

People talk to you, don't they. They talk to fill the silence, and you don't help them. They spill their guts. And you soak it all up. I'll bet the mind behind your face is a cess pool. A sewer of peoples tortured lies and lives. Arthur poured out his rotten little heart to you didn't he. And you sucked it up

I wonder if HJ knows your filthy little mind. I wonder how he'd feel if I told him what was behind that sweet, sweet face.

Darjeeling takes a role of tape out of her pocket and applies it across Hilda's mouth. She goes to the door, smiles at Hilda, then exits.

EXT. STREET OUTSIDE ARTHUR'S HOUSE. DAY.

A police car cruises past. Looking at the house.

INT. ARTHUR'S HOUSE. LOUNGE DAY.

Bruiser is looking out the window carefully.

HJ

(Calming Arthur)

Shhhh. Don't worry. He'll go away. He'll go away.

INT. ARTHUR'S HOUSE. LOUNGE. DAY.

View out the window. The police car cruise past again.

ARTHUR

Oh my god. We're doomed.

Darjeeling goes out.

INT. ARTHUR'S HOUSE. LAUNDRY. DAY.

Darjeeling finds rubber gloves, a hat, a bucket.

EXT. ARTHUR'S HOUSE. FRONT YARD. DAY.

Darjeeling comes out of the front door and kneels in the garden. She begins weeding.

The police car cruiser past again.

Darjeeling weeds. Not looking up.

The police car turns the corner and is gone.

Darjeeling goes on weeding.

INT. THE "PRINCESS" NIGHT.

Darjeeling is asleep. HJ gets up. He's fully dressed. He shakes Bruiser.

HJ

Shhh!.

He goes up the companionway. Bruiser follows. He's fully dressed too.

EXT. ARTHUR'S DRIVE NIGHT.

Arthur's courtesy car pulls away relatively quietly. Drives off down the street.

EXT. ROADHOUSE NIGHT.

The courtesy car pulls up across the road from the roadhouse. Everything is in darkness except the big "Roadhouse" sign on the forecourt.

INT. HJ'S COURTESY CAR. OUTSIDE ROADHOUSE NIGHT.

HJ looks across the road at the Roadhouse.

HJ

There it is.

BRUISER

Well?

HJ

We've got to do something.

BRUISER

You really want to do something?

HJ

Yes I do.

Teach them to have a bit of respect for other people's property.

Bruiser considers.

BRUISER

Alright.

EXT. ROADHOUSE NIGHT.

Bruiser gets out of the courtesy car and walks across the road to the Roadhouse.

HJ scrambles out and follows.

On the forecourt Bruiser stops and looks around.

Next to the Roadhouse there is a Garden Centre. He walks towards the fence that divides the Roadhouse from the Garden Centre.

He walks along the fence towards the rear of the Roadhouse.

HJ

Bruiser. What you got in mind?

BRUISER

Stand back.

Bruiser kicks the fence and about 20 metres of fence collapse with a crash. Bruiser walks into the Garden Centre.

EXT. GROUNDS OF GARDEN CENTRE NIGHT.

Bruiser walks over to a pallet of superphosphate fertilizer. He picks up a bag effortlessly.

BRUISER

Get one.

Bruiser heads back towards the Roadhouse.

HJ grabs a bag of fertilizer and staggers under the weight. He follows Bruiser.

EXT. ROADHOUSE NIGHT.

Bruiser sets the bag of fertilizer down and removes the cap from an in-ground petrol tank. He slashes the bag with a knife and pours the fertilizer down the hole.

HJ

Bruiser, what are you doing?

Bruiser does the same with the second bag.

Bruiser gets up and goes to one of the petrol pumps. He removes the nozzle. The pump starts. He pulls the fertilizer bag through the pump handle jamming it in the "on" position. He drops the nozzle. A pool of petrol begins to spread across the forecourt.

BRUISER

Come on.

Bruiser walks back to the car. He gets in the driver's seat. HJ scuttles around to the passenger seat.

INT. HJ'S COURTESY CAR. OUTSIDE ROADHOUSE NIGHT.

Bruiser calmly lights a cigarette.

HJ

Is that it?

BRUISER

Yep.

Bruiser winds down the window and then starts the car. He drives off down the road. Takes one drag on the cigarette so the tip is glowing nicely. He flicks the cigarette out the window.

EXT. ROAD NEAR ROADHOUSE NIGHT.

The cigarette rolls into the gutter. The tip of the cigarette still glowing.

INT. HJ'S COURTESY CAR. NIGHT.

HJ is frustrated.

HJ

I was thinking of doing something a little more substantial than spilling a little petrol.

BRUISER(with venom)

Shut up.

(HJ looks at him in surprise. Bruiser concentrates on driving. Turns off down a side street.)

We've got to get off the streets. Now.

EXT. ROAD NEAR ROADHOUSE NIGHT.

A police car cruises along the street towards the roadhouse.

EXT. ROADHOUSE FORECOURT. NIGHT.

The pool of petrol spreads across the forecourt and begins to run into the gutter.

EXT. ARTHUR'S DRIVE. NIGHT.

HJ's courtesy car coasts into the drive with it's lights out.

BRUISER

Shh!

They get out and close the doors quietly.

INT. POLICE CAR NEAR ROADHOUSE NIGHT.

The police car is going past the road house. The officer in the passenger seat notices the pool of liquid on the forecourt of the roadhouse.

POLICE OFFICER 1

Hang on Joe.

The police car slows and turns towards the roadhouse.

EXT. ROAD NEAR ROADHOUSE NIGHT.

A stream of petrol flows along the gutter towards the cigarette.

The petrol reaches the cigarette and ignites. Flames race back up the stream of petrol towards the roadhouse.

INT. POLICE CAR NEAR ROADHOUSE NIGHT.

Police officer 1 sees the stream of flame advancing up the gutter.

POLICE OFFICER 1

What the...

Get out of here. Get out of here now.

EXT. ROAD NEAR ROADHOUSE NIGHT.

The police car accelerates away from the roadhouse. A fireball grows behind the policecar. And grows and grows threatening to engulf the police car.

EXT. DECK OF "THE PRINCESS" NIGHT.

HJ & Bruiser have climbed on deck and are about to go below when a flash of light illuminates them. They see a bright mushroom cloud on the horizon. About ten seconds later the sound wave reaches them.

HJ

What the hell...

Was that?

BRUISER

We've got no idea. Have we.

HJ

My god.

EXT. ROAD NEAR ARTHUR'S HOUSE NIGHT.

Up and down the road people are coming out of their homes to look up at the sky.

EXT. DECK OF "THE PRINCESS" NIGHT.

HJ & Bruiser watch the fading fireball.

FADE OUT:

EXT. PT PIRIE. MORNING.

FADE IN:

It's morning in Pt Pirie. The sun glints poetically on the ugliness of the industrial plant almost making it beautiful.

EXT. PT PIRIE - CRYSTAL BROOK RD. DAY.

Thousands of cars stream up the road to Crystal Brook.

EXT. PT PIRIE. MAIN STREET. DAY.

The main street is deserted.

The shops are shut.

EXT. PT PIRIE. DAY.

The pub from SCENE 15 is shut.

EXT. B.H.A.S. MAIN GATE. DAY.

Nothing is happening. The plant is quiet. Operating on a skeleton staff.

EXT. PT PIRIE. MAIN STREET. DAY.

HJ and Darjeeling are sitting in a panel van. HJ looks at his watch.

EXT. PT PIRIE. SUBURBAN STREET. DAY.

Bruiser is sitting in a Semi-trailer. He looks at his watch.

EXT. B.H.A.S. STAFF CARPARK. DAY.

Arthur is sitting in his car pretending to read the paper. He looks at his watch.

A few workers begin to straggle towards the main gate.

Arthur joins them.

EXT. PT PIRIE. SUBURBAN STREET. DAY.

Bruiser starts his semi.

EXT. PT PIRIE. MAIN STREET. DAY.

HJ starts his van. Darjeeling gets out. HJ drives off.

EXT. B.H.A.S. MAIN GATE. DAY.

Arthur and some other workers pass through the main gates.

Security GUARD watches the workers passing through the gate.

EXT. B.H.A.S. MAIN GATE. DAY.

HJ's van approaches the main gate and stops by the guard house.

The GUARD comes out of the building.

HJ

Gooday.

GUARD

Who are you?

HJ

Toilet paper.

HJ hands over the invoice. The guard checks his schedule.

GUARD

Haven't I seen you before?

HJ

Wouldn't be surprised.

The guard goes to the back of the van and checks the contents against the invoice.

He closes the back of the van and returns the invoice.

GUARD

There you go.

HJ

Thanks. See yer.

Gets into his van and drives through the gates.

EXT. B.H.A.S. YARD. DAY.

Near the wharf. Arthur boards a forklift and drives off.

EXT. NEAR BLAST FURNACES. DAY.

Arthur comes around the corner of the building just as HJ is pulling up.

HJ gets out and opens the back doors of the van.

Arthur picks up a pallet of toilet paper from the back of the van and drives off.

HJ gets back into the van and switches off the engine. He looks at his watch.

EXT. PT PIRIE. SUBURBAN STREET. DAY.

Bruiser puts the semi into gear and starts to move.

INT. GUARD ROOM. DAY.

The guard looks at the security screen of the bullion room. Nothing's moving.

EXT. OUTSIDE BULLION BUILDING. DAY.

Arthur drives the forklift into the bullion building.

INT. BULLION BUILDING. DAY.

Arthur drives the forklift truck into a lift.

He puts a key in the lock and presses 1. The lift starts up.

EXT. NEAR BLAST FURNACES. DAY.

HJ checks his watch.

EXT. PT PIRIE. MAIN STREET. DAY.

Bruiser in the Semitrailer checks his watch. He pulls over and stops.

INT. BULLION ROOM FOYER. DAY.

The lift door opens and the forklift half emerges,

stopping the lift door from closing.

Arthur gets off the forklift and looks up at the security camera.

The camera is actually in the bullion room on the other side of the metal bars. It does not (quite) include the lift door in it's view.

INT. GUARD ROOM. DAY.

The security screen of the bullion room. Nothing's moving.

EXT. NEAR BLAST FURNACES. DAY.

HJ looks at his watch. He starts his van and drives off.

INT. BULLION ROOM FOYER. DAY.

Arthur opens the box on the forklift. Inside, on top is a polariod camera on a stick.

He carefully pushes the camera through the bars

and holds it up under the security camera. He adjusts the angle, and looks at his watch.

EXT. B.H.A.S. MAIN GATE. DAY.

HJ's van pulls up at the gate. He sounds the horn.

INT. GUARD ROOM. DAY.

The guard is looking at the monitor of the bullion room. He hears the horn sound and goes out.

INT. BULLION ROOM FOYER. DAY.

Arthur presses the shutter. There's a flash from the flashbulb.

INT. GUARD ROOM. DAY.

The monitor goes black as the flash is fired then gradually the picture returns as the shutter adjusts.

INT. BULLION ROOM FOYER. DAY.

Arthur quickly pulls camera back, takes out the picture and sets it developing. He pushes the camera back in, positions it and takes a second shot.

INT. GUARD ROOM. DAY.

The monitor goes black again and the picture gradually returns.

EXT. PT. PIRIE. MAIN STREET. DAY.

Bruiser puts the semi-trailer into gear and starts to pick up speed.

EXT. B.H.A.S. MAIN GATE. DAY.

The guard closes the back doors of the van.

GUARD

O.K. You're clear.

HJ

Ta mate. Say where is everybody today? The towns deserted.

GUARD

Works picnic. It's a quiet day.

The guard is walking back to his office.

HJ

Well take it easy.

HJ puts the van in gear and drives away.

INT. BULLION ROOM FOYER. DAY.

Arthur looks at the photos. Selects the best one.

He takes an appartus out of the box, fits the photo into it, takes out his key and looks at his watch again.

EXT. PT. PIRIE. MAIN STREET. DAY.

Darjeeling is standing beside the road opposite a stobie pole with a transformer atop. HJ pulls up. Darjeeling gets in. HJ leaves the motor running.

INT. BRUISER'S SEMI-TRAILER CAB. DAY.

Bruiser tightens his seatbelt, lines up a stobie pole with a power transformer atop and puts his foot to the floor.

EXT. PT. PIRIE. MAIN STREET. DAY.

Bruiser's semi-trailer collides with the stobie pole in a shower of sparks as the wires are ripped away from the power transformer.

INT. GUARD ROOM. DAY.

The monitor goes dead.

INT. BULLION ROOM FOYER. DAY.

The lights go out.

Arthur quickly unlocks the security gate, goes to the security panel and presses the necessary buttons.

Sweating and anxious he quickly drags a table under the security camera and climbs on the table.

INT. GUARD ROOM. DAY.

The guard is looking at the monitors.

A light "standby power" comes on on the panel.

The overhead lights come on and the power light on the monitor comes on.

INT. BULLION ROOM. DAY.

The lights come on.

Arthur fumbles then recovers and fits a device over the front of the camera. The device is a frame for holding the polaroid photo. He slips the polaroid photo into the frame. He twists the frame till it's square.

INT. GUARD ROOM. DAY.

The picture on the monitor slowly fades in. But the picture is blurred, out of focus.

INT. BULLION ROOM. DAY.

Arthur takes a pair of spectacles from his pocket. He pops out one of the lenses and drops it into the frame in front of the polaroid photo.

INT. GUARD ROOM. DAY.

The picture on the monitor snaps into focus as the lens falls into place. It shows the bullion room. Deserted. Nothing moving.

INT. BULLION ROOM. DAY.

Arthur stands in the middle of the bullion room looking at the security camera. Tense. Gradually

he relaxes. He's there. No-one can see him. He's getting away with it.

He sets to work.

EXT. PT. PIRIE MAIN STREET. DAY.

Bruiser staggers out of the semi-trailer and walks across the road to HJ's van.

HJ

You alright?

BRUISER

No worries.

Darjeeling smiles. Bruiser gets in and HJ drives away.

INT. BULLION ROOM. DAY.

Arthur turns on heat under the gold and silver cauldrons and starts putting the bars from the pallets into them.

Then he drives the forklift into the bullion room and closes the security door.

He starts stacking the fake bars onto their pallets from the boxes on the forklift.

INT. HJ'S VAN. DAY.

HJ, Darjeeling and Bruiser are in the cab. HJ is driving.

HJ

We've done it. Arthur's in the vault. We're gunna be rich. We're gunna be rich.

I mean it's perfect. What could go wrong?

INT. BULLION ROOM. DAY.

Arthur, working, shoos away a fly.

The fly settle on the polaroid picture in the frame in front of the security camera.

INT. GUARD ROOM. DAY.

On the monitor there a giant fly walking across the screen. The guard is outside talking to Mort so he doesn't see it. The guard comes inside towards the monitor but the fly takes off and the guard sees nothing amiss.

INT. ARTHUR'S HOUSE. MAIN BEDROOM DAY.

Hilda is tied to the bed. She is still in the pink quilted house coat with forks sticking into various parts of her back and sides. She begins bouncing up and down. With a supreme effort she bounces herself and the bed into the air and manages to turn the bed over. She is now on the floor under the bed.

With a roar she surges to her feet. The bed head still tied to her back. The rest of the bed in shambles at her feet.

She heads for the door. She can't get out because of the bed-head on her back. She turns sideways and exits.

EXT. STREET OUTSIDE ARTHUR'S HOUSE. DAY.

Hilda comes out her gate and heads off down the street. The bed head still tied to her back.

She goes around the corner out of sight as a large low loader and a heavy duty mobile crane drive down the street followed by the van with HJ and Bruiser.

The convoy pulls up in front of Arthur's house.

EXT. ARTHUR'S HOUSE. DRIVE. DAY.

A CONTRACTOR has been surveying the problem with HJ & Bruiser. Darjeeling observes.

CONTRACTOR

Sorry. Can't do it.

HJ

What?

CONTRACTOR

It can't be done. I see it all the time. People build these fantastic boats in their back yard. Then they can't get 'em out. The drives not wide enough to get the low loader in.

HJ

Tear down the fence.

CONTRACTOR

Could do that. The low loader would almost fit... But not quite.

(Shakes his head)

There's still the house in the way.

HJ

Move the house.

CONTRACTOR

Move the house?

HJ

Demolish it.

CONTRACTOR

Demolish it?

BRUISER

Do it.

INT. BULLION ROOM. DAY.

Arthur begins to tap the gold, pouring it into molds. Then he does the same for the silver.

EXT. ARTHUR'S HOUSE. DAY.

A large tractor begins to demolish Arthur's house.

INT. GUARD ROOM. DAY.

The monitor shows there is no activity in the bullion room. The Guard comes in followed by Hilda, still wearing the bed head tied to her back.

GUARD

You husband's not here. And nothing's happened in the bullion room all day. See for yourself. The gold's all there.

INT. BULLION ROOM. DAY.

Arthur turns on a hose and directs a fine spray onto the gold in the molds. A cloud of steam rises.

INT. GUARD ROOM. DAY.

Hilda and the Guard look at the monitor.

GUARD

As peaceful as a picture. And don't worry. Arthur's probably somewhere just letting off steam. Now you go home. Try to relax. Arthur'll turn up.

Domestic squabbles can be a bit difficult. But they generally work themselves out. Would you like me to pull some of those forks out of you?

INT. BULLION ROOM. DAY.

Arthur is spraying water on the gold and silver in the molds, cooling them down. Clouds of steam billow up from the gold.

The steam advances on the security camera.

Moisture is condensing on the photograph,

and worse, the corner of the photograph is beginning to curl...

INT. GUARD ROOM. DAY.

On the monitor a bead of moisture runs down the photograph of the bullion room.

EXT. ARTHUR'S HOUSE. DAY.

The low loader backs into position.

The mobile crane is already in position and begins to lift. The "Princess" swings into the air.

EXT. STREET OUTSIDE ARTHUR'S HOUSE. DAY.

The low loader with the "Princess" safely strapped onboard pulls out of the drive and heads off down the street.

The Contractor heads for his mobile crane. HJ, Darjeeling and Bruiser head for their van.

Down the street the mast of the "Princess" snags, and breaks an overhead power line.

As the convoy of vehicles recede from view Hilda rounds the corner returning from the B.H.A.S. The bed head is still tied to her back.

She comes to a halt in front of the rubble that was once her house and stops, stunned.

She goes in the gate (with difficulty) and goes up to the rubble.

INT. BULLION ROOM. DAY.

Arthur knocks a gold bar out of it's mold. The bar is the size and shape of a lead bar. He quickly paints it with lead paint and places it on the pallet. It looks exactly like a bar of lead. He moves onto the next mold, knocks out that bar. This time it's silver. He paints it and places it on the pallet.

EXT. ROAD BLOCK. DAY.

HJ's courtesy car pulls up at a police roadblock. The low loader with the "Princess" aboard comes to a halt behind them.

INT. HJ'S COURTESY CAR AT ROAD BLOCK. DAY.

HJ

What's going on.

He gets out of the car.

EXT. ROAD BLOCK. DAY.

HJ gets out of his car followed by Bruiser and Darjeeling as Police Officer 1 comes up. The Contractor joins them.

POLICE OFFICER 1

Sorry sir. The road is closed.

HJ

Why. What happened.

POLICE OFFICER 1

If you'll just detour down there.

(indicates a side street)

It will take you right around the obstruction.

CONTRACTOR

Sorry. The low loader won't fit.

POLICE OFFICER 1

Too bad. I'm afraid you'll have to wait.

HJ

We've got to get through. We've got to launch the boat.

POLICE OFFICER 1

Sorry sir.

HJ

What's the holdup. Why the roadblock?

POLICE OFFICER 1

There was an explosion. At the roadhouse.

BRUISER

We don't know anything about it.

HJ

No.

POLICE OFFICER 2 arrives.

POLICE OFFICER 2 (Arriving.)

Look. They can't say there. They're blocking traffic. Let 'em through. Just be carefull driving past the hole.

HJ

Hole?

POLICE OFFICER 1

Where the roadhouse was.

HJ

Oh.

EXT. BOMB SITE. DAY.

A small convoy, a police car, HJ's courtesy car, the low loader and the mobile crane drive past the hole in the ground that was the roadhouse.

INT. HJ'S COURTESY CAR. DAY.

HJ, Bruiser and Darjeeling look at the hole that was the roadhouse.

HJ

Holy rolly polly molie. The explosion did that?

INT. HJ'S COURTESY CAR AT 2ND ROAD BLOCK. DAY.

The police Officer 1 walks up to HJ's courtesy car.

POLICE OFFICER 1

There you go.

HJ

Thanks for that.

POLICE OFFICER 1

You're welcome.

EXT. 2ND ROADBLOCK DAY.

The Mechanic is talking to two detectives.

MECHANIC

Hey...that's my car.

INT HJ'S COURTESY CAR DAY

HJ sees the mechanic coming towards the car.

HJ

Oh no.

HJ tries to look inconspicuous.

MECHANIC(OFF)

That's my car. Hey! Hey!

The Mechanic approaches

POLICE OFFICER 1

Is this your car, sir?

MECHANIC

Yea. It's one of my cars.

(The mechanic puts his head in the window. HJ Cringes)

Gooday.

HJ

Hello.

MECHANIC

This is my car.

HJ

Yes.

MECHANIC

S'pose you heard about the roadhouse.

HJ

No...was that your roadhouse?

MECHANIC

Nothing left but a hole.

HJ

Oh. That's...tough.

MECHANIC

Yea.

HJ

Yea.

MECHANIC

You'd better hang onto this car for the time being.

HJ

Thanks...Why?

MECHANIC

When the garage exploded. Your car was inside.

HJ

Doh!

EXT. HARBOUR. DAY.

The "Princess" is lowered into the water.

EXT. HARBOUR. DAY.

The "Princess" is tied up at the wharf. The motor is running. Darjeeling is at the wheel.

HJ hands a check over to the Contractor.

HJ

Thanks. Thanks a million.

They shake hands. Bruiser has cast off forward.

The bow drifts slowly away from the wharf.

CONTRACTOR

Do you know how to sail that thing.

HJ

You bet.

CONTRACTOR

Well good luck.

Bruiser casts off aft. Darjeeling puts the motor into gear. The Princess pulls out into the harbour.

INT. BULLION ROOM. DAY.

Arthur bands the pallet of "lead" bars. It now looks just like any other pallet of lead bars produced by the B.H.A.S.

He puts the box on top of the pallet and puts into it the molds and paint. He has a look around. He checks everything against the photo. Everything is exactly as it should be. He's ready to go.

MORT (OFF FADING IN)

This is the silver room where the gold and silver are separated from the ore.

Gooday Arthur.

Mort has arrived with a group of tourists on the other side of the security grill.

Arthur slides the photo into his pocket and turns to face Mort. He forces a smile.

ARTHUR

Hello Mort.

MORT

Didn't know you were working today.

ARTHUR

Someone's got to.

MORT

I guess so. Could you show my customers one of the gold bars.

ARTHUR

I guess so.

Reluctantly he goes and picks up one of the fake gold bars and brings it slowly towards the group behind the grill.

MORT

That one bar at todays market rate is around 74,000 dollars worth right there.

TOURIST

Can I hold it.

ARTHUR

No. It's more than my job's worth.

MORT

It's funny what being so close to so much gold does to some people. In fact the value of the lead that leaves this plant is ten times the value of the gold. But it's the gold that fascinates. Isn't that right Arthur.

ARTHUR

Yes.

MORT

Hence all this security.

Arthur glances up at the security camera with it's photo-frame and lens attachment. Fortunately it's behind Mort.

MORT

Thanks Arthur.

Now the next thing we're going to look at folks is right through here.

Mort leads the people out. Arthur is felt standing holding the fake bar of gold and sweating profusely.

MORT (off)

(Mort comes back into the bullion room lobby.)

Hey Arthur.

ARTHUR

(startled)

Yes.

MORT

Wouldn't like to slip me a gold bar, would you.

ARTHUR

(Arthur fears he's been caught)

What do you mean.

MORT

A little something for me retirement. Come on.

ARTHUR

No.

Mort laughs.

MORT

Got you going then, didn't I.

Arthur smiles weakly.

MORT

Gotta catch up with me charges. See you later.

Mort goes out. Arthur puts the bar back in its place on the pallet and leans on the fake gold bars shaking.

EXT. B.H.A.S. WHARF. DAY.

The "Princess" sails up to the wharf and ties up.

INT. BULLION ROOM. DAY.

Arthur closes the door of the bullion room and drives the forklift truck into the elevator.

EXT. OUTSIDE BULLION BUILDING. DAY.

As for SCENE 138. Arthur drives the forklift truck out of the building.

EXT. B.H.A.S. YARD. DAY.

Arthur stops by a rubbish skip and pushes the box off the forklift into the skip. He drives away with just the "lead" on the forks of his forklift truck and the evidence effectively disposed of.

INT. GUARDROOM. DAY.

A fuming Hilda appears at the door of the guardroom.

She struggles through the door with her bed-head and storms over to the monitor, pushing the guard aside.

On the monitor the photograph has begun to curl up at the corner. It's now obviously a photograph.

She roars in anger.

EXT. WHARF. DAY.

HJ climbs the ladder onto the wharf. A SUPERVISOR walks across the wharf towards the "Princess"

SUPERVISOR

Gooday. What can we do for you.

HJ

We're picking up some ballast for the boat.

SUPERVISOR

Got an invoice.

HJ

No. Arthur has. It's his boat. We just sailed it around here for him.

SUPERVISOR

Who's this Arthur.

HJ

He works here.

SUPERVISOR

Oh that Arthur.

Arthur driver up on the forklift truck.

ARTHUR

Hello George.

SUPERVISOR

You. On a boat. I can't imagine it.

ARTHUR

I've always wanted to...

SUPERVISOR

Where's your paperwork.

(Arthur produces it. The Supervisor examines the papers minutely and then checks the pallet)

It's alright I guess.

ARTHUR

Thanks George.

SUPERVISOR

Well get it off my wharf.

The Supervisor turns and stalks away.

EXT. WHARF. DAY.

The pallet is slung under the forks of the forklift truck. Arthur carefully picks it up and drives to the edge of the wharf. He lowers the pallet down towards the deck of the "Princess".

Arthur climbs down to the deck of the boat. The hatch is open. The pallet is suspended several feet above the deck of the "Princess"

HJ

Here we go.

Bruiser on deck passes bars down to HJ in the cabin.

ARTHUR

Wait. It's got to be packed in properly.

He goes down the companionway.

INT. THE "PRINCESS" CABIN. DAY.

The floor hatch giving access to the keel is open. Darjeeling is kneeling beside it.

HJ

Hurry it up.

Arthur starts packing the bars in the keel.

ARTHUR

It's important. It's got to be packed right.

INT. BULLION ROOM. DAY.

The Guard and Hilda enter the foyer side of the room. They look through the bars. The gold and silver seem to be there. Everything seems to be fine.

GUARD

Everything's fine.

Hilda sees the lens/photo frame contraption attached to the security camera.

HILDA

Aaaa!

GUARD

Oh my god.

He goes to the alarm panel and sets off the alarm.

EXT. DECK OF THE "PRINCESS". DAY.

The sound of the alarm is heard. Bruiser is on deck. HJ comes out of the companionway.

HJ

That tears it. We've got to get out of here. Move that forklift will you Bruiser.

Bruiser goes up the ladder. HJ casts off forward. The forklift raises the pallet over the level of the wharf and pulls back out of sight. HJ walks aft, starts the engine. He looks up at the wharf. Bruiser's still not in sight. He taps his fingers on the wheel nervously, eager to be off.

Suddenly he makes a decision. He unties the stern line and puts the engine into gear.

The stern line pulls through the iron ring on the wharf and the end drops into the water, trailing behind the "Princess". The "Princess" pulls away from the wharf.

Bruiser appears at the edge of the wharf.

BRUISER

Hey.

HJ

Sorry mate. Can't wait. See yer.

EXT. WHARF. DAY.

Bruiser looks at the departing "Princess". The range isn't too great. He pulls out his gun.

HILDA (OFF)

Bruiser!

BRUISER

(Puts away his gun and turns around smiling. Hilda and the guard are coming towards him.)

Hilda...

(beat)

...Darling.

INT. THE "PRINCESS". CABIN. DAY.

The engine is running. HJ looks down the companionway into the cabin. In the cabin the access hatch to the keel is still open. Arthur is scraping the lead paint off a bar of gold with a knife. Darjeeling is holding two bars and beaming.

ARTHUR

HJ we did it. We did it. We're millionaires.

(Takes a bar up to HJ)

Look at this HJ. It's not just gold. It's not just money. It's the end of dreaming. The end of years and years of wanting. It's freedon for us all..

(He stops when he sees HJ isn't smiling.)

Where's Bruiser?

HJ

He missed the boat.

This sinks in.

ARTHUR

You mean you left him behind.

Darjeeling puts the bars down. The three look at each other. The implications begin to hit them all.

HJ

Do you want to steer this thing.

Arthur goes up the companionway.

Darjeeling pushes the bars away. Then takes one back. Turns it over in her hands. She goes on stacking the gold into the keel.

EXT. THE "PRINCESS". AT SEA. DAY.

The sail is up. The engine is off. The "Princess" is sailing in a light breeze over a glassy sea.

HJ, Arthur and Darjeeling are in the cockpit. Arthur at the wheel.

ARTHUR

You may think we're home free, but we're at the top of the gulf. a good 24 hours away from the open sea. There will be planes, out looking for us. Boats. I expected that, of course, and made my plans accordingly.

(He looks at HJ and Darjeeling with a furtive smile. Now out from under Hilda's thumb there's a more confident Arthur beginning to emerge.)

HJ

So what is your plan.

ARTHUR

One. It'll be dark soon. They won't have time to organize a search for us tonight.

HJ

That's a plan.

ARTHUR

It's the first step. The second is sixty miles away.

EXT. THE "PRINCESS". AT SEA. MORNING.

It's first light. Still quite dark. The "Princess" turns into the wind. The sail flaps and Arthur lets it down. He makes his way forward and drops the anchor.

The "Princess has anchored near a reef.

HJ comes on deck.

HJ

What's happening.

ARTHUR

Part two of the plan. I'll need your help.

(Throws him a screwdriver.)

And you'll need this.

They go to the stern.

ARTHUR

This just lifts off.

They lift away a section of the stern and drop it over the side.

They unscrew a section of the cabin roof and drop it over the side. The whole look of the cabin is changed.

ARTHUR

(To Darjeeling)

In the forward locker there's a box of junk. Could you bring that up please.

Darjeeling gets the box and throws the flotsam overboard.

HJ & Arthur unscrew a batten around the edge of the deck. The whole deck tears away. It's nothing more than a heavy plastic that had been painted white.

HJ and Arthur tear it up to reveal a richly stained timber deck.

Plastic is removed from the cabin roof and the floor of the cockpit.

The name plate "Princess" is unscrewed from the stern. Under it is the boat's real name:-

"Darjeeling"

The boat has been totally transformed.

ARTHUR

Do you mind?

Darjeeling kisses him lightly. Quickly.

Arthur goes forward and pulls in the anchor.

ARTHUR

The "Princess" came here. Ran on the reef and sank.

Arthur hoists the jib. The "Darjeeling" gets under way. Arthur goes back to the wheel and sets his course.

ARTHUR

We, of course, know nothing about it.

EXT. THE "DARJEELING". AT SEA. MORNING.

It is a little lighter. The ocean is a sheet of glass. The "Darjeeling" is under sail making about as much speed as an average swimmer. HJ, Darjeeling and Arthur are in the cockpit. Arthur at the wheel.

ARTHUR

There is another issue. The gold. No doubt, HJ, you're thinking of ways you can put me over the side. Keep all the gold for yourself. It's a temptation in a situation like this, isn't it.

HJ

Arthur, baby. As if I'd think about it.

ARTHUR

You'll admit there's a temptation..

HJ

Well... to be perfectly honest.

ARTHUR

That's right. Slip me over the side. Who'd know?

HJ

Who'd know.

ARTHUR

But fortunately for me you can't do it.

HJ

Why not?

ARTHUR

Because I'm the only experienced seaman on board.

HJ

Arthur, you've never been to sea before in your life.

ARTHUR

But I've studied the sea. I know sailing inside out.

HJ

In theory.

ARTHUR

And I'm the only one of us who has. Ergo I'm indispensable. But you're not.

HJ

Eh?

ARTHUR

Who'd miss you HJ.

HJ

Darjeeling for a start.

ARTHUR

Would she?

HJ

Listen mate. If you're starting to get any funny ideas remember all this was my idea. My plan. You'd still be married to Hilda if it wasn't for me.

ARTHUR

Your plan. I sat in that pub for twenty years. Twenty years waiting for a mug like you to come along. And when you turned up HJ I knew. I knew I'd found the perfect partner.

HJ

You didn't even remember me.

ARTHUR

I remembered you alright. I knew you'd come back. I knew you'd "persuade" me to help you. And I know you'll toss me over the side the minute my back's turned.

HJ

I wouldn't do that Arthur.

ARTHUR

Did I tell you there's a third part to my plan.

HJ

What?

Arthur shifts the wheel a bit. Slowly the boat begins to come about.

ARTHUR

Putting the wreckage in to the water to make it look like we sank. That was OK. It may fool the police. It may. But really it lacked that one final touch that would make it truly convincing.

HJ

What?

The boom begins to swing across and catches HJ and carries him over the side of the boat.

ARTHUR

A body. Your body, HJ.

HJ is dangling from the boom. His feet dragging in the water.

HJ

Darjeeling. Do something.

ARTHUR

You see the inevitably of what I'm doing, don't you, Darjeeling.

(Darjeeling looks undecided.)

Let go HJ

HJ

Darj.

ARTHUR

Darjeeling is her own woman HJ. She's not a toy for you to boss around. You've taken her for granted for too long.

HJ

Darj.

ARTHUR

But I'll cherish her. I've always dreamed of someone like Darjeeling. A dream girl....

Darjeeling hits Arthur. HJ scrambles along the boom back towards the boat.

HJ

Hold him Darj.

(HJ scrambles into the boat. He grabs Arthur by the scruff of the neck and the seat of the pants and throws him over the side.)

Sorry mate.

EXT. IN THE WATER. MORNING.

Arthur surfaces. The "Darjeeling" is slipping past an arms length away. Arthur begins to swim after the boat.

HJ

Isn't it strange the twists fate takes. There you are. Swimming for your life. What, it would be 30 miles to shore wouldn't it?

(Arthur ploughs along swimming doggedly. He can keep pace with the boat, but he can't get closer than an arms length. )

This boat is your only hope Arthur.

I'll tell you what. If you make it to the boat I won't throw you back in again. How's that. Alright?

All you've got to do is swim that little bit harder. That little bit faster. That's not much to ask for a chance at life is it. Do you really want to live Arthur. Can you taste it.

(pause while Arthur swims)

Come on Arthur. You can do it.

Dig deep. Dig deep Arthur mate.

(Arthur's fingers touch the stern of the boat. Once, twice. Then he starts to fall back.)

Don't give up Arthur. Your life's slipping away here mate. Keep going.

(Arthur stops swimming, exhausted)

Sorry Arthur. Looks like you've had it. Watch out for sharks.

The boat gets further and further away.

EXT. ON THE "DARJEELING". MORNING.

The "Darjeeling" is slipping along over a glass like sea. A ghost ship with a crew of two.

HJ and Darjeeling sit on opposite sides of the cockpit.

HJ

You saved me. I owe you my life.

It was Arthur or me and you chose me.

I'll never forget that Darjeeling. I owe you my life.

It could have been me. Back there. Floating. Drowning. Waiting for a shark. Poor Arthur

If he's not dead yet he soon will be.

(pause)

We killed him. We've got to face it. It's something that is going to be there between us always.

(HJ gets up and moves towards Darjeeling.)

An unspoken tangible thing.

Arthur's dead.

(HJ sits beside Darjeeling and begins to stroke her cheek gently, but remorselessly.)

We have to trust each other.

Forever.

The thing is can we trust each other that long?

Can you trust me Darjeeling.

Can I trust you.

Look at it logically. I’d be so much safer with you dead.

(Darjeeling is increasingly terrified)

Can I trust you never to tell anyone. Never to speak. Not to say anything ever.

DARJEELING

I won't say anything.

HJ releases Darjeeling and backs away. Darjeeling cringes back in horror. She has said something. She has spoken the one time she should have kept silent.

HJ and Darjeeling watch each other from opposite sides of the cockpit. HJ realizing he has to kill Darjeeling. Darjeeling realizing she's doomed. The hunter and the prey.

HJ lunges at Darjeeling.

Darjeeling dodges aside, fleeing to the opposite side of the cockpit.

HJ pauses and lunges at Darjeeling.

HJ sails gracefully through the air and over the side of the boat just like Willie over the breakwater.

HJ

Hey.

EXT. IN THE WATER. MORNING.

HJ has gone off the opposite side of the boat to Arthur. When he surfaces it's to find a rope slipping along through the water inches from his nose. He grabs it and hauls himself hand over hand back towards the "Darjeeling".

EXT. ON THE "DARJEELING". MORNING.

Darjeeling is at the wheel. A hand appears over the side of the boat. An arm. Darjeeling sees HJ and kicks his hand. He falls back into the water with a splash.

Darjeeling runs forward and tries to undo the rope from the cleat.

EXT. IN THE WATER. MORNING.

HJ hauls himself back along side the "Darjeeling". He tries to get a grip. Suddenly the rope goes slack and he starts to fall astern.

EXT. ON THE "DARJEELING". MORNING.

The rope slowly uncoils and goes over the side.

HJ

(from the water)

Oh Darjeeling.

The rope catches around Darjeeling's ankle. She tries to free it. Suddenly the slack is used up. The rope goes taunt with HJ's weight on the end of it, and Darjeeling is dragged over the side.

EXT. IN THE WATER. MORNING.

Darjeeling surfaces near HJ.

HJ

That was clever.

(Darjeeling clears the water out of her eyes.)

Grab the rope. The end might be tied off.

Darjeeling grabs the rope.

HJ and Darjeeling watch the rope uncoil lazily over the side of the boat as the boat sails slowly onwards.

The end of the rope flips over the side.

The "Darjeeling" sails on.

Hold on HJ and Darjeeling treading water while...

THE TITLES ROLL

... the "Darjeeling" gets further and further away.

AFTER THE LAST TITLE.

HJ

Which way is the shore?

FADE OUT