Friends Against Fungi - The Anthology

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AKH described her 'relief at knowing I’m not alone in a world of vegetarian mushroom-huggers,' and penned these mournful lines:

Alas! I break my heart in twain
When from my garret I view the rain,
For all of those who feel the pain
Know moisture is the mushroom’s gain;
The drops that spatter ’gainst the pane
Fall deep into the cellar’s drain
And feed the growing horror plain,
The good man’s curse, the noble’s bane.
Oh lordy, isn’t it a shame?
I would that bloodily were they slain.

BJW provides a refreshing utopian vision in the following verses:

Some love the sheen of the aubergine, some marvel at the leek,
Some think the carrot fit and lean, and spinach soft and meek;
While noble men adore courgettes, and rise above the rabble:
They will not sully their baguettes with any vegetable.

For all the world they would not put upon the bread they hold
That relative of athlete’s foot, of fungal growths and mold;
They will not touch that ugly beast, that scourge of fine legumes,
On which ignoble creatures feast: the devil-spawned mushroom.

Further words of wisdom from A Shy (And Nameless) Contributor:

You will not find them in the garden, amongst the lovely blooms,
You will not find them on the shelves of reputable storerooms;
They are lurking in the shadows of the crypt and catacomb,
They are skulking in the corners lending menace to the gloom.
No beauty do we there behold, nor find sweetness of perfume,
No painting would we make of them, nor would we they consume;
Rather shun them from our presence and let happiness resume;
Rather face a thousand torments than to swallow a mushroom.

And finally...

If you can bear it, click here to read a rather disturbing poem, epitomising the oppression that FAF members face on a day-to-day basis.

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