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1 Life - Nobody can kill you unless you break into their house. Then they can chop your head off. Ex: I can't disembowel anybody unless they go in my house without asking. 2 Liberty - A bunch of different freedoms. Here they are: Personal - People can do or think whatever they want without the government stopping them. Ex: I can dress up like a ninja and declare that I am the queen of Spain and the government can't come in and beat me unconscious Political - Individuals can participate in the government and assemble. Ex: I can vote and then go to my Alcoholics Anonymous meeting. Economic - People can buy, sell, and destroy and private property and work anywhere they want. Ex: I can sell my cat to the homeless man who sleeps in cardboard boxes downtown and then work at Chippendales where I strip for middle-aged housewives who hate their husbands. 3 Pursuit of Happiness - Do what you want to be happy as long as nobody else's rights are not violated. Ex: If screaming at trees makes me happy then I can do it all day as long as the tress don't complain to anybody, but they can't talk. And they're not recognized as Americans. It must suck to be a tree. 4 Common Good - People have to work together to support the community. Ex: Spiderman has to defeat the Hobgoblin if he's trying to destroy an orphanage. The Hobgoblin, I mean. Spiderman wouldn't destroy an orphanage...unless it was an evil orphanage. You never can tell with those wacky orphans. 5 Justice - People have to be treated justly and given fair treatment. Ex: If a guy kicks my dog he has to be punished. What kind of jerk kicks a dog, anyway? The nerve of some people… 6 Equality - Citizens considered equal before the law. There's no class hierarchy and everyone has economic equality. Ex: I have the same rights as any other American citizen regardless of their race, political beliefs, or their clothing choices. That means I have the same rights as those girls who wear shirts that say "Flirt." I personally believe that girls like that don't deserve any rights. Just several blows to the head from the Fashion Police. 7 Diversity - We need a bunch of people from different backgrounds or America will suck. Ex: We need a mix of people in America or it'll be like a salad with only croutons. Nothing but croutons. No tasty lettuce or zesty tomatoes. Just croutons. And that, my friend, is not America. America is the land of more than croutons. 8 Truth - Citizens can demand that their political leaders tell them the truth. Yeah, like that'll ever happen. Ex: If I asked a congressman if he was wearing women's underwear and he really was then he'd have to admit to it. And come on, name a congressman who doesn't wear women's underwear. Except the women. They probably wear girl underwear. Wow, I just said "underwear" three times. Wait, no. Four times. I said underwear four times. No, Five. Five times that I've said "underwear." Crap! Six. Six times. 9 Popular Sovereignty - According to this worksheet, the citizens control the state and have authority over the big important old white guys. What a load of rotten Spam. Ex: If a bunch of citizens told Al Gore to eat dog poo, he'd have to. 10 Patriotism - People in America have to say that they give a crap about it. Ex: Everyone has to buy a stupid American flag and put it on their rusty pickup truck or junky station wagon. I personally think the best way to say you love America is to live in it. I don't need a retarded sticker that says "United we stand" to tell people that I like living in my country. To hell with that pseudo-patriotism. I didn't see any flags on cars before we got blindsided by a bunch of bearded morons and I don't see why they should be there now. People are stupid. 
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