ZEN SAYINGS

• Do not walk behind me, for I may not lead. Do not walk ahead of me, for I may not follow. Do not walk beside me either. Just pretty much leave me the hell alone.
  
• The journey of a thousand miles begins with a broken fan belt and a leaky tire.
  
• It's always darkest before dawn. So if you're going to steal your neighbour's newspaper, that's the time to do it.
  
• Don't be irreplacable. If you can't be replaced, you can't be promoted.
  
• Always remember you're unique. Just like everyone else.
  
• Never test the depth of the water with both feet.
  
• If you think nobody cares if you're alive, try missing a couple of car payments.
  
• Before you criticize someone, you should walk a mile in their shoes. That way, when you criticize them you're a mile away andyou have their shoes.
  
• If at first you don't succeed, skydiving is not for you.
  
• Give a man a fish and he will eat for a day. Teach him how to fish and he will sit in a boat and drink beer all day.
  
• If you lend someone $20 and never see that person again, it was probably worth it.
  
• If you tell the truth, you don't have to remember anything.
  
• Some days you are the bug; some days you are the windshield.
  
• A closed mouth gathers no foot.
  
• Duct tape is like the Force. It has a light side and a dark side and it holds the universe together.
  
• There are two theories to arguing with women. Neither one works.
  
• Experience is something you don't get until just after you need it.
  
• Nevermiss a good chance to shut up.
  
• We are born naked, wet, hungry, and get slapped in the ass...then things get worse.
  
• Never, under any circumstances, take a sleeping pill and a laxative on the same night.
  
• There is a fine line between "hobby" and "mental illness."
  
• No matter what happens, somebody will take it too seriously.
  
• There comes a time when you should stop expecting other people to make a big deal about your birthday...around age 11.
  
• Everyone seems normal until you get to know them.
  
• Any woman who wants equality withman, lacks ambition.
  
• It is better to get laugh wrinkles than to get worry warts.
  
  
  
  
  
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