blakxxjack@aol.com said: I just spent a good amount of time pulling very, very tiny ticks off of my feet and cursing each one as I tossed it into a small bottle of alcohol for being so small that it's not even visible to the casual glance.
David Pacheco replied: This is why I never glance at anything casually. Each glance of mine is deadly serious. Don't mess with my glances: they'll kick your ass so hard, the pain will be built right into your DNA and even your great-grandchildren will still have problems sitting down.
BJ: Someday, I will no longer be in college and will have a slim chance of picking where I live. I do not want to live in Antarctica.
-dp: Who does? A 1997 survey proved that out of the 20 people who claim Antartica as their current residence, 15 of them are there on a dare. The other five are dentists: four of them are beating up the fifth for refusing to admit that sugar-free Dentyne is better for your teeth than regular gum, especially when chewed between meals.
BJ: What other places are free from parasites such as ticks, fleas, mosquitoes, vampires, and other nasty things, that I could live and be happy in?
-dp:Dunno what you'd classify it as, but last night I was walking through my neighborhood and encountered a tarantula strolling down the middle of the road. This thing was huge, a good five or six inches across, and as ugly as the mental image of Sen. Trent Lott naked (which is far worse than the reality, I can assure you).
A couple of minutes later one of those new Ford F-150 pickup trucks that are so popular these days drove up the street, and would have missed the tarantula completely had I not jumped in front of the car at the last second to make it swerve. The front right wheel went over the giant spider, and then the pickup flipped over and exploded in a ball of flame. As I ran from the glowing fireball towards my home, the last I heard was an evil laugh and the sound of a human skull being crunched into bone powder by tiny spider teeth.
This morning the street looks quiet. A little too quiet. Didn't there use to be a little dog over in that garden?
But hey, no ticks in this area! The ten-inch scorpions ate all of those after they finished off the coyotes.
- david pacheco
*********************************************