"If I had a penis I'd wear it outside /
in cafes and car-lots with pomp and
with pride /
if I had a penis I'd pamper it proper /
I'd stay in the tub and
use me as the stop-per /
if I had a penis I'd take it to parties /
stretch
it and stroke it and shove it at smarties /
I'd take it to pet shows and
teach it to staaaaay ... I'd stuff it in turkeys on Thanks-gi-ving day!"
Dave "Uncle Bonsai / Penis Envy" DeLaney
PS: "Zu...cchinis and zebras, tomaytoes tomahtoes and pineapples pumpkins and grouches and grottoes and melons and marshmallows ... gloves and go-rillas! Slurpees and slippers ... chi-nooks and chin-chil-las!"
"A penis to plunder, a penis to push, 'cuz one in the hand is worth one
in the bush! A penis to love me, a penis to shaaaaare ... to pick up and play
with when no-bo-dy's there!"
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By: I forget, (sorry)
Title: General purpose apology letter.
To whom it may concern,
On ______, ______, I made a post to this newsgroup that mentioned someone shooting ______ _______. Although I intended the post to be a joke, it was in very poor taste. I do not advocate shooting ________ or anyone else and I did not intend to threaten him/her/them/it in any way. The institution of the ______ is an important part of our nation's ______, and ________ deserves all the respect due his/her/their/its _______. Shooting people is not something to joke about. Law enforcement officials are required to take such "jokes" at face value. I apologize for the misunderstanding, and will not post threatening statements of any kind from this account again.
Yours,
_______ ________
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I, for one, have always said that life needs rim shots. I've found that I sometimes dead-pan my ironic comments so completely that people can't tell when I'm joking. I've actually made a verbal rim shot sound effect before to help them out. Maybe I should consider buying one of those pocket-sized memo recorders just so I can play a rim shot whenever I need it.
--
Andy Z.
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What we have is a COOL continuum. COOL and PATHETIC are actually linked in a grand "Circle of Coolness." You can become so pathetic that you actually become cool again (William Shatner), or you can become so cool that you actually become pathetic (Jim Carey.)
-Jaffo-
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