Dear Agent Bahn:
Sending super-secret spy messages via microdots posted on USENET is in clear violation of Company policy, see Directive CSIS/33/1967/Aa.
It is obvious a refresher course on methods is in order.
Please re-read the Handbook ("Espionage for the Under-Fives") and note Chapters 5 and 7 re: Codes and Cyphers - How They Work.
A repetition of this conduct will NOT be Tolerated. Steps WILL Be Taken.
You have been WARNED.
Sincerely,
Agent X
PS: Here is your microdot (.), be more careful next time.
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Dear Agent Bahn:
Re: My previous note to you dated this inst.
It is possible there was a minor clerical error in the return of your microdot. My usual secretary is on annual leave and I have had to work with a temp. She callously disregarded Directive CSIS/132/aA: Re: Consuming Foodstuffs While Working At A Terminal (Forbidden), and may have inadvertently sent you a morsel of ground pepper from her turkey sandwich. Should this be the case would you kindly return same by first available messenger and I will attempt to immediately forward the proper microdot to you.
Seasonally,
Agent X
PS: My previous chastisement of your methods still applies.
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Dear Agent Bahn:
Re: My other note to you dated this inst.
Further cross-examination of my temp. secretary has brought the following scenario to light. She claims that she was eating a "ham on rye with mayo, hold the pepper", so it was probably not a pepper morsel that was forwarded to you in error. She did, however, question some of the food-handling practices at the "deli" where the sandwich was purchased, and promulgated the thesis that what may have been forwarded to you in error was what is known in the local vernacular as a "flyspeck", which you may know more familiarly as a "fly faex".
Please examine your "microdot" closely, and, should this prove to be the case, please notify me immediately.
Urgently,
Agent X
PS: If it is a "fly faex", do not return it to this office, contact the appropriate local officials who are trained to deal with this sort of thing.
PPS: I have reduced your chastisement from "overt threat" to "mild rebuke".
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Dear Agent Otto:
Re: My previous contacts dated this inst.
My secretary (temp.) and I visited the "deli" where the putative "ham on rye with mayo, hold the pepper" was prepared. Contrary to her report I found the establishment to be well within the guidelines of the local authority as to Food Preparation and Handling Methods. Therefore I am required to discount her claim that inappropriate animal material may have been forwarded to you in error.
I therefore had her cross-check the files for a possible misfiling of your material and a folder containing the "NORAD ICBM Launch Codes for the North West Sector" appeared to have no content.
Should this material have been erroneously forwarded to you would you please return it to this office UNREAD as soon as possible.
Fraternally,
Agent X
PS: I am recommending you for a citation for your "Creative Communication Initiative Using A USENET Posting".
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My Dear Otto:
Re: Previous contacts.
Compliments of the Season to you and yours.
My ex-secretary(temp.) has been escorted off the premises by our well-trained Security Staff after a round of stiff interrogation by same. She is apparently NOT a trained agent sent by The Enemy to dupe the Forces of Good which you and I represent, but merely totally incompetent. I hope this relieves you to some extent, as it does me.
Since you are not answering your telephone I sent a couple of agents to your house to help locate some possibly sensitive data which may or may not have accidently fallen into your possession. They report to me that there was no answer to your doorbell and the lights were off. Perhaps you were having a short nap? As trained agents they read the friendly note to the milkman about you having "Gone to Argentina, back whenever." They said the signature was scrawled and possibly they interpreted it incorrectly as "So long, suckers!"
Anyway I hope you have a nice Christmas Vacation and will contact me immediately on your return so we can resolve this minor difficulty.
Yours,
X
PS: The Congressional Medal for the microdot. How's THAT for a deal?
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Otto, Old Chap:
Perhaps you could forward me your temporary address in Argentina. I know some people who are vacationing there and they would love to visit with a fellow-countryman, thousands of miles from home, alone. They also have certain "matters" they would like to "discuss" with you, "personally".
Your old pal,
X
PS: What kind of car do you drive?
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Dear Agent Bahn:
Re: Previous file.
My predecessor ex-Agent X having retired due to rapidly failing health, has passed your file on to me and marked it "For Immediate XPD".
Do you have any idea what is being referred to here? I just got moved up in the Company, which was a big surprise to me as I was previously just a secretary(temp.) with the organization. Any help you could give me with the files would be most appreciated.
Sincerely,
Agent Y (temp.)
PS: Here is the microdot that belongs to you. (.) It was misfiled under "Lunch Vouchers".
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To: Agent Y (temp.)
From: Agent Bahn
Any compromised contacts have been dealt with. Files destroyed. Am using public transportation only. Argentinia is not safe. Repeat NOT SAFE.
Communications no longer secure. Recommend deep cover. Have not heard from the blue dolphin since the operat
[NO CARRIER]
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